Straight Until Proven Gay (kissing doesn’t count) • chapter 17 • 4.8K (Patreon)

< Chapter 16

———————

What the fuck is he supposed to do?

Hye-sung told him she was proud of him for finally taking a step forward, so why does it feel like he’s been punched in the gut?

He feels like he’s walking beside himself when he goes home, completely out of it.

Somehow, by admitting that he felt something real, his whole reality has shifted. It feels like the world has tilted just slightly, everything is out of place.

Because if that feeling was real, then what he thought was real before is now put into question.

When he called Jae beautiful, was that ever really real?

He’s barely even able to process these thoughts, when another, even more terrifying question comes to mind;

What does it imply?

Calling Jimin so fucking beautiful and really meaning it; what the fuck does that mean?

Jeongguk rubs over his forehead, feels pressure on his chest.

He can’t think about it right now, he just wants to shut his mind off.

———————

Ah, but he can’t.

When he closes his eyes; all he sees is Jimin’s face when he called him beautiful, and then after, the way tears welled up in his eyes when he told him it was a lie.

He’s never seen Jimin like that before. So real, so raw.

And he knows he should apologise but he can’t figure out how to say it without simultaneously saying that he actually thinks Jimin is beautiful.

He kind of wants to keep that last part to himself.

It’s impossible, because “sorry for saying that” is as good of an apology as nothing.

but saying “I actually do think you’re beautiful” will make Jimin so incredibly smug that he could never live it down.

However, not doing anything isn’t an option. Because this distance Jimin is putting between them is creating a hollow feeling in his stomach.

The way Jimin doesn’t even grant him a look, walks past him, doesn’t celebrate his scores at volley training. The way there’s no clever remarks or amused little smiles or any type of teasing anymore; it’s driving him insane.

Maybe even worse is when Jimin starts getting close to Yonghoon, one of their other teammates. They joke around, laugh together, talk secretly when Hoseok is trying to give the team a pep-talk. Sometimes they take the same bus, sit next to each other all shoulder to shoulder, giggling, and Jeongguk just watches from the outside, an ugly feeling gnawing at him.

He can’t stop eyeing them during practice, but Jimin doesn’t even notice, doesn’t even look to see if he’s watching.

So, instead of doing the normal thing of owning up to his mistake and apologising, he can’t help his sudden question when Jimin walks out of the building.

“Are you seeing Yonghoon?”

Jimin blinks once, then scoffs, and walks right past him.

Panic rushes through his body, and he quickly grabs Jimin’s wrist. Even just that slight touch makes him tingle.

“I- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so-“

Jimin frees his hand, but he waits for him to finish the sentence.

He can’t find the right word though.

Or maybe he can; just doesn’t want to say it.

“Sound so what, Jeon?”

He swallows his pride.

“Jealous.”

The word reluctantly leaves his lips, it’s embarrassing.

Jimin seems surprised, the annoyance on his face slowly fading.

“Then why do you ask?”

Well, he hadn’t really come that far with his thought process.

Now that he thinks about it; he is jealous. He doesn’t like that all of Jimin’s attention is on someone else.

Heat rushes up his neck.

“Uh.. I- I don’t know I.. just noticed you’re close and-“

“And why do you care?”

Jimin tilts his head; strand of bleach blonde hair falling over his forehead, that intense stare that has goosebumps appearing on his arms in an instant.

He swallows.

“I don’t, but I just.. want to know.”

“Why?” Jimin takes a step closer. “You wanna have another threesome?”

Jeongguk’s breath hitches, he shakes his head.

“No- no, absolutely not-“

“Why not? You seem to think I turned you gay last time, maybe two guys will turn you straight again?”

“No, Jimin, that’s not-“

Jimin steps even closer, and though Jeongguk knows he should take a step back, he just stands there, that fire spreading through his veins.

If anything; they’re at least good at fighting.

“What are you scared of? That you’ll actually like it? It’s not like you can’t lie to yourself afterwards, so, there’s really no losing here.”

Jimin’s words bite, and if he hadn’t come to the same realisation before at Hye-sung’s, he might have denied it all; might have yelled at Jimin.

But he’s pathetic now, just letting Jimin intimidate him, letting him push him.

“I don’t want a threesome, I just wanted to know-“

“Yeah, why do you wanna know?”

Jimin looks at him, from one eye to the other, trying to figure him out.

And he just hides it all, puts up a front.

“Just- I was just curious.”

“No.” Jimin shakes his head. “I’ll tell you why you want to know; you’re jealous.”

Jeongguk holds his breath, clenches his jaw, as if that will help him put up a poker face, but it’s futile.

Jimin sees right through him.

“I know you are. You have absolutely no subtlety, you‘ve been staring at me for weeks now.”

“I don’t stare.”

“Oh please, I can see those big Bambi eyes all the way across the court boring holes into my skull.”

Bambi eyes?

Jeongguk has never heard that one before.

That’s not the point.

He honestly just wants to apologise but he doesn’t know how to get there when Jimin is looking at him like this; with those dark brown eyes speaking of an intense burning hatred, and those cheeks a little flushed from adrenaline.

“What are you gonna do about it if I said I was dating him? Hm?”

Jimin asks then.

It’s like a slap in the face. The inside of his mouth suddenly tastes bitter, and an uncomfortable nagging feeling starts to spread under his skin.

Is Jimin really dating Yonghoon? Or is this just a bluff?

Why does he care?

“Nothing- that’s not the point- I-“

“Nothing? What if I told you we fucked?”

Jimin pushes.

That feeling spreads even faster, makes his skin get hot. The image of Jimin beneath Yonghoon flashes in his mind and he grits his teeth; tries to find a glimpse of amusement in Jimin’s eyes, anything to indicate that he’s lying.

He can’t find it.

“Did you?”

A twinkle appears in Jimin’s eyes now, something akin to challenge.

“What if we did?”

The silence stretches between them, and Jeongguk can only feel his temperature rise. That anger under his skin, those flames that Jimin is just throwing oil on.

Words get stuck in his throat, because the image alone is repulsive, seeing Jimin getting fucked by a guy like Yonghoon.

But Jimin is relentless, takes another step, so fucking close to him.

“What if I told you he was the best I ever had?”

It should mean nothing to him, nothing at all, but his breathing picks up, he can’t control it; the adrenaline, that heat.

Jimin revels in it, there’s that look in his eyes, like he’s finally getting what he wants.

“I let him fuck me so hard, all night long.”

Fuck, he’s shaking, but he can’t muster any words. There is nothing between them that allows him to be this fucking jealous.

“You’re.. you’re lying.”

That’s all he can really say. It’s more of a hope than it is a comeback.

That infamous, mean smirk pulls on Jimin’s lips.

“He was so fucking good.”

Jeongguk shakes his head, brain going completely numb on jealousy. He’s short of breath as he grabs Jimin by the collar.

“You’re fucking lying.”

“Biggest dick I’ve ever had, nothing can top it.”

Jeongguk pants, hand trembling around Jimin’s shirt, doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing but he’s so angry he needs to just-

Jimin leans even closer, breath fanning against Jeongguk’s lips when he whispers:

“I’m gonna let him fuck me again tonight.”

It’s instant, a switch flips, and before he knows it he’s kissing Jimin.

When their lips touch electricity runs all the way through his body, heat spreading so fast that sweat breaks out on his skin.

He didn’t even realise he was this depraved of it; but as soon as he opens his lips to capture Jimin’s in between he’s moaning; eyes rolling back, body almost going limp.

Jimin isn’t even any better, gasps into his mouth, fists a hand in his hair and kisses him messily. Their teeth clink together once but they don’t even break apart. Not even for a breath, Jeongguk needs it all.

He grabs Jimin’s waist, walks him back until he’s pressed up against the wall.

Soft, warm lips, they taste like soju when he licks over them, they taste like more.

Jimin opens his mouth for him without hesitation, and as soon as his tongue finds Jimin’s he groans, closes his eyes tightly.

It’s impossible to not want this; to resist this is fucking insane. It’s only their third kiss and he’s running so hot he just wants to undress. So hot that he wants to- he wants to put his hands on Jimin’s body.

As if they’re in private, he touches over Jimin’s chest, feels how hot it is even through the fabric of his shirt. The outline of his pec under his palm is doing something to him he didn’t think was possible.

A moan slips from his lips just touching Jimin. He’s never felt so hot and bothered just doing this, yet as he runs his hand further down, over Jimin’s stomach, his face gets so hot as if he’s the one being touched.

Jimin moans then, a little raspy and broken, and Jeongguk gasps softly, licks into his mouth in attempts to swallow those sounds.

He feels feverish when he runs his hand down lower, underneath Jimin’s navel, tips of his fingers touching the front of his skinny jeans.

“Mmh-“ Jimin nods frantically, breaks the kiss to look at him; doesn’t have to say anything for Jeongguk to understand.

He feels shivers run down his spine, heartbeat in his throat as he touches over the front of Jimin’s pants and feels it; the outline of his cock pressing against the fabric.

“A-ah, fuck, Jeon..”

Jimin pants, eyelids sinking.

Jeongguk swallows; so fucking nervous cause he’s got no clue how to do this, never done it before; but desire is driving him. He wants it so bad. He wants to touch Jimin so bad.

Jimin wraps his arms around his neck, pulls him back for another kiss. Their lips slot together automatically, like they’re made for each other. And Jeongguk moans softly as he explores more; ears burning as he traces Jimin’s length through his jeans, feels it twitch.

Fuck.

Never in his life did he ever think this would turn him on; but here he is, proven wrong.

“Ngh, fuck.. please..”

Jimin pants between kisses, rubs his crotch against his hand.

Jeongguk holds back a moan, but heat flares up his face as he looks down between their bodies, the sight of his hand on Jimin’s cock sends him to orbit.

they’re right outside the fucking gym.

“Here?”

He asks.

“Yeah- oh fuck, yes.”

Jimin nods, thrusting against his hand even more impatiently.

It’s so fucking hot; Jeongguk gives in immediately.

He holds his breath as he opens the button and zipper of Jimin’s pants, and slips his hand inside. It’s so damp, so hot down there as he caresses over Jimin’s underwear, cups his length with burning cheeks, rubs his thumb over the head through the fabric.

A hot, drawn-out moan falls from Jimin’s lips then, as he leans his head back against the wall.

Jeongguk’s eyes widen at the sight, his own cock twitches in his pants as he explores what it feels like to touch someone else like this. His thumb feels a little sticky the longer he rubs over the head; and he gasps

“You’re wet..”

He whispers.

Jimin pants as he tilts his head back down, his eyes glazed over as he grabs his collar to pull him closer.

“So fucking wet for you.”

The sentence sends a shock of arousal down his spine, and he moans against Jimin’s lips as he slips two fingers behind the waistband of his underwear, tugging on it.

“Yes- fuck.” Jimin grabs his hand, guides it into his underwear like he’s in a rush. “please.”

Jeongguk’s breath hitches as he wraps it around the length, no idea how to really hold it, what feels good for Jimin.

It’s odd; he’s never felt this turned on touching someone else. But just seeing Jimin like this, how his eyelids flutter shut, how his head falls back against the wall, bleach blonde hair all messy, a blush over his nose and cheeks, it makes him feel so fucking good.

He breathes out, exhilarated, squeezes Jimin’s cock in his hand, feeling it up from the base to the head of his cock. He tries to get used to it, how hot and heavy it feels, how it twitches in his palm.

Jimin moans, rocks his hips up a little, impatient. It’s smooth, the way he rolls his hips, Jeongguk can feel it in his hand, how controlled he is with it. Fuck, that’s hot.

He keeps watching, squeezing tightly like he does with his own cock when he jerks off, testing how Jimin likes it.

Jimin sucks in a sharp breath, eyebrows furrowing, so Jeongguk releases his grip slightly, sees that frown fade. He strokes Jimin slowly, twisting his wrist a little around the head, tries to find out what he likes.

“Mmh-“

Jimin moans, leaning his head back against the wall, exposing his neck.

chaos stares right at him, the words he inked into Jimin’s skin, and some force drives him closer. He caresses over the letters with his nose, breathes in his favourite scent; waterlilies, orange blossoms

“A-ah..”

Jimin has no idea how fucking beautiful he sounds.

Jeongguk gives into it, kisses over the tattoo a few times, then darts his tongue out to lick over the letters. He doesn’t know what hits him; possessiveness or jealousy, but the idea that Yonghoon might have done this makes him open his lips to suck a mark right over the tattoo.

“Did you do this with him?”

He asks; cause he needs to know.

“What if I did?”

Jimin pants right against his ear.

Jeongguk hates the idea; the image of Yonghoon touching Jimin like this, kissing his neck just like this.

It’s wrong.

He looks at the mark he made, the dark red bruise right over his tattoo, but it’s not enough. Sheer possessiveness flows through his veins as he sucks another mark onto that pretty neck. He picks up the pace of his hand, tries to twist it a little more around the head of Jimin’s cock, rubs over the slit with his thumb; hopes he’s doing something right.

Jimin whimpers, and it’s the single, most pretty sound Jeongguk has heard come out of his mouth this far.

“What- what if I let him fuck me tonight? What are you gonna do about it?”

Jeongguk grunts, so pissed, bites down right at the part where Jimin’s neck meets his shoulder. And he doesn’t care what Jimin’s neck is gonna look like tomorrow; he just needs to cover it. He fists a hand in that bleach blonde hair, pulls on it to expose his neck, and then sucks marks all over his skin, doesn’t care if it’s too rough.

“Ah, fuck- nghh.”

Jimin wraps his arms around his neck, thrusts into his hand messily.

Jeongguk bites the last mark, then pulls back to look at it, sense of pride swelling in his chest when he sees how fucking obvious they are.

Jimin looks at him through his lashes, and Jeongguk only now notices how close they’re standing. Nose to nose. Heat rushes up to his face.

“Covered me all up?”

Jimin asks, breath fanning against his lips.

Jeongguk shudders, nods just once.

“Mmh..” a small smile pulls on Jimin’s lips, they’re spit-slick, swollen. “To show him I’m yours?”

Fuck.

Jeongguk’s eyes widen, sweat breaks out on his skin, because he can’t really call Jimin his in any type of way; yet the thought of it is sending a hot rush down his spine, his cock twitches in his pants.

Jimin chuckles breathily.

“I can’t have anyone even though you don’t want me, is that it?”

Jeongguk swallows, eyes over Jimin’s face; so close that their noses brush together, that he feels every exhale of breath against his lips, the warmth radiating off of his skin.

“Don’t be afraid, just say it as it is Jeon.” Jimin coaxes, tilts his head prettily. “You want to ruin me for anyone else.”

The sentence sends a shock of electricity through him, because it’s true. He wants to claim Jimin even though there’s nothing between them, to have him all for himself even though he’d never ask. Even if it’s just hatred and lust.

He picks the pace of his hand, doesn’t want to listen to Jimin talk like that, it’s too embarrassing.

Jimin laughs in between moans though, sucks in a sharp breath, but never breaks eye contact; that knowing glint in his eyes. Then he leans in, nudges his nose with his own.

“Wanna- ah, wanna know something funny?”

Jeongguk braces for impact, rubs his thumb in little circles around the head of Jimin’s cock in hopes he forgets. And though he gets another pretty moan in response, Jimin doesn’t hold it in.

“Yonghoon is just a friend.”

Jeongguk freezes in his tracks.

“What?”

Jimin groans softly, bucks his hips up into his hand like he can’t miss a second of friction.

“Have I ever told you.. ngh-“ Jimin grabs onto the back of his shirt, brings his face closer so their lips align perfectly. “You’re so fucking hot when you’re jealous.”

Jeongguk gasps, can’t muster a reply because Jimin kisses him. Even though he can barely kiss back, Jimin just takes whatever he wants, slides his tongue in his mouth as he fucks into his hand.

Fuck.

Shame licks at his face, runs through his veins as he realises he just got blinded by jealousy, never even thought Jimin was taunting him.

But he can’t dwell on it because Jimin’s thrusts are getting a little messy, he must be getting close.

Oh god, he’s gonna make Jimin come.

Somehow the thought never struck him back in the changing rooms when he sucked him off, but now he can feel Jimin’s cock throb in his hand, can hear the wet rhythmic sound it makes.

He tries to match the pace, breaks the kiss to look at Jimin’s face; for some reason he really wants to see the expression he makes when he comes.

Jimin looks right at him, breathless, moans spilling from his irresistible lips.

God, he’s beautiful.

As if he knows what he’s thinking, Jimin tilts his head back just a bit, shows him all those pretty hickeys, bites his plush lower lip, that blonde hair falling over his eyes; gives him the best view.

He curses under his breath, cock pressing against the fabric of his jeans so hard it’s almost painful.

“Think I’m pretty?”

Jimin pants, not even in any state to talk but it’s like he can’t help but run his mouth. Even on the brink of his orgasm he has to have something to say, that smirk pulling on his lips.

For once, Jeongguk doesn’t tell him to shut up. He just feels his cheeks burn up as he gives the tiniest nod.

That’s enough apparently, because Jimin’s eyes roll back then, and a beautiful, drawn-out moan spills from his lips as he comes.

Jeongguk’s jaw drops a bit; feels Jimin’s cock twitch in his hand with every spurt of come, feels it trickle down his knuckles; sticky and warm. Jimin is gripping his shirt so hard it almost rips, thrusting into his hand, the cum making it even more slippery.

“A-ah fuck, Jeongguk..”

Jimin leans his forehead down on his shoulder.

He shivers, loves it when Jimin calls him by his first name. Even prettier accompanied by the way Jimin fucks into his hand, body shaking from his orgasm.

He didn’t think it would feel this good to make a guy come, but somehow he feels so fucking satisfied, doesn’t even care about his own pleasure. He only slips his hand out of Jimin’s pants when Jimin pats his arm and shakes his head like it’s too much.

And then he’s just standing there, looking at Jimin, mind completely blank.

Jimin looks up, signature lazy smile on his lips. His cheeks glow in the dim street light, bliss is written all over his face.

“Thanks.”

He gets a pat on the head, and then Jimin zips himself up, runs his hand through his blonde hair.

“Gonna take that as repayment for that time you left me hanging, so, good luck with this.”

Jimin runs his hand over his bulge, sends a shock of arousal through his body, and then just walks right past him.

Jeongguk catches his wrist.

“Don’t- don’t just leave-“

“Why? You’ve made up your mind, right? All you want from me is sex.”

Jimin asks, voice so light even though his words strike like lightning. That smile is still on his lips, but there is a sharp look in his eyes.

He doesn’t know what to say to that.

Jimin frees his wrist, and walks away without waiting for an answer this time.

Not that he could give it anyway.

———————

This is what he’s been saying to himself for quite a while, that it’s just sex. But somehow it doesn’t feel right.

“You’re out of it, go home.”

Jeongguk snaps out of it, looks at Yoongi who he’s practicing on.

Fuck.

He quickly wipes the ink, turns off the tattoo gun, and sighs.

“What’s up? Is it your mom?”

“Also. But it’s also Jimin.”

He doesn’t know if Yoongi ever talks to Jimin about him, but sudden curiosity is taking the best of him.

“Has he.. talked about me?”

Yoongi stares at him, expression blank.

“Not much, but when he’s drunk sometimes. Why?”

Jeongguk bites the inside of his cheek, looks down.

“I don’t know.”

He’s been feeling restless, wishes he would know what Jimin is thinking. That comment about just wanting sex, and that look in his eyes, it haunts him.

Yoongi blinks.

“Are you in love with him?”

it’s like he gets punched in the gut, and all the other times that he got asked this exact same question regarding Taehyung come back to him.

He used to have this too, the jealousy whenever Taehyung had a new boyfriend, the annoyance when he didn’t get his attention, that weird tingling sensation whenever they were close.

It’s exactly like that with Jimin. He doesn’t want to share his attention, gets all tingly when he gets close, but it’s even worse with him.

An uncomfortable knot forms in his stomach, and he looks up, kind of scared to ask.

“What.. does that feel like?”

“Love?”

“Yeah.”

Yoongi shrugs.

“That’s different for everyone.”

Jeongguk sighs, doesn’t think he can do much with that answer. He’s not sure if he’s ever been in love. Can’t really recall feeling something like butterflies or whatever people describe it as.

“For me, it’s uncomfortable.” Yoongi says then. “Like an annoying, nagging feeling that gets under my skin, makes my stomach twist.”

Jeongguk’s eyes widen, stares at the tattoo gun on the table in front of him.

“And I get easily flustered when that guy is around. He gets on my nerves.”

Yoongi adds, stepping off the tattoo chair.

Oh god, that sounds familiar.

Sweat breaks out on his skin, and he just fidgets with his hands, heartbeat slowly picking up.

“What if- what if you like.. always get the worst out of each other?”

Because that’s what it is with Jimin and him. It’s always bad, they always need to drive each other to the point of no return.

“Isn’t that because you two like to piss each other off?”

“Why would I like it?”

“I don’t know.” Yoongi shrugs. “Why would you keep doing it if you don’t like it?”

He blinks, wants to counter argue but he can’t really come up with a good explanation. Because he’s right, he could just not engage, ignore Jimin, but he always indulges. He always needs that thrill.

“And, I don’t know, seeing the worst of each other and still wanting more is kind of a confession in itself, if you ask me.”

Jeongguk’s heart skips a beat, and heat rushes up to his face as he looks at Yoongi.

“You think- you think I’m in love with Jimin?”

“I don’t know, I’m just saying it’s quite romantic how you two put up with each other.”

Romantic.

Jimin and him arguing until one or the other can’t take it anymore, Yoongi is calling that romantic.

He feels like his entire face is glowing, an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach.

Fuck, is that..?

“Just go home, you should rest before you leave tomorrow.”

Yoongi says, patting him on the head.

Jeongguk frowns.

“Leave?”

“Beach volleyball camp? I heard you’re going for a week.”

Oh fuck. He completely forgot.

“Oh right..”

He rubs over his forehead, kind of vaguely remembers Hoseok telling everyone at training last week. But with his mom and Jimin and Hye-sung and everything in between he hasn’t been completely present.

“Don’t think about it too much.”

Yoongi says, voice a little softer. It’s almost uncharacteristically nice. When he looks up, Yoongi isn’t even looking at him though, just cleaning up the table as if he didn’t even say it.

Idiot.

Jeongguk scoffs, but stands up to grab his stuff.

“See you next week.”

He makes his way to the door.

“Jeongguk?”

“Yeah?”

He looks over his shoulder, Yoongi looks at him from across the parlour.

“Be gentle with Jimin.”

For some reason, he feels a little embarrassed just thinking about it.

But he nods regardless, quietly leaves the parlour.

———————

He should be looking forward to it.

It’s gonna be sunny, 30 degrees, playing beach right next to the sea, camping with the entire team.

But as he’s packing his stuff he just dreads it. That feeling of impending doom is even stronger than when he went to his last therapy session. His stomach is in a knot as he looks at the black folder still on his nightstand.

Taehyung told him to throw it out right away; he lied and said he did.

But it’s still there; just like the text his mother sent him about her contacting the Kim family, that he has to set up a date with their daughter some time next week. He hasn’t opened it yet.

He grabs the folder, his stomach turns as he puts it in his bag as well, knows that he should just throw it out and tell his mother he won’t do it; but he just doesn’t have the guts.

He quickly throws other clothes on top of it; hides the evidence for himself in hopes he’ll forget how much of a coward he is.

And then there’s Jimin.

Fuck.

He can’t avoid Jimin on this trip, whether he likes it or not.

And the uncomfortable knot in his stomach that he used to just be able to regard as discomfort, now has a whole other connotation that he doesn’t even want to spend a second thinking about.

Worse is, Yoongi asked him to be gentle. Like, what the fuck does that even mean?

If Jimin comes up to him and starts an argument should he just hold his hand and tell him to stop? He’s never gonna be able to pull that off. Jimin would laugh in his face.

He doesn’t even know if he can look him in the eyes after what happened. He’s been actively avoiding the memory of his hand around Jimin’s cock.

A shiver runs down his spine, and he bites his lower lip, tries to repress his thoughts as he packs his bag but suddenly he vividly feels those lips on his own, that messy, desperate kiss.

Fuck.

He pats his own cheek a few times, shakes his head.

Lucky enough his phone buzzes, and he grabs it eagerly to distract himself, but as soon as he reads the message he throws his phone to the other side of the room.

But it’s too late, he can still see it clearly on the inside of his eyelids.

Tent arrangement:

1st tent: Park Jimin - Jeon Jeongguk

—————————

Chapter 18 >