To Fuck the Phobia out of the Homo • Chapter 5 • 4.6K (Patreon)

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It’s been evening for a whole hour or so. The exact same time as the night before. He’s ready for that call, phone clutched in his hands, body buried deep under the covers. 

He plays a mindless phone game, yet his eyes drag to the numbers at the top left of his screen each minute that passes by. 

Jimin doesn’t call.

Even though this was Jimin’s idea in the first place. 

Phone sex, every night. 

So why isn’t he calling?

Jeongguk bites the inside of his cheek, goes to his contacts, hovers his thumb above Jimin’s number. 

If he calls, that would just be admitting defeat.

He called yesterday, he called the time before that too, it should be Jimin who calls him first this time around. 

Except, minutes pass by slowly, turn into hours, and by the time it’s midnight he just gives up.

Fuck Park Jimin anyway.

————————

Forced blind dates are his worst nightmare, honestly.

Though he gets why Taehyung and Hoseok made him go. Apparently he drunk confessed he was fooling around with a straight guy after the house party, and they’re trying to save him from that fate.

It’s really kind, but god, he wishes he was calling Jeongguk instead of having dinner with this guy. 

Though it might be better this way. Not calling Jeongguk is probably better for his sanity. Besides, he’s not even sure if Jeongguk would pick up.

Focusing on the guy in front of him who’s actually gay and could potentially be a good partner, that’s all he should be doing.

Si-hun is kind, polite, pretty, sure, all of that. The kind of guy you’d see on the front of some fashion magazine. He works as a fitness instructor, has a cute cat at home, yeah, he’s got to give it to Hoseok and Taehyung, they did their absolute best.

It’s just that every time he makes a slightly suggestive comment, Si-hun is completely oblivious. When he says something just a little on the edge, the conversation shuts down. He doesn’t think Si-hun has even laughed once or attempted to make a joke. 

And it’s fine, they don’t have to joke around but god, he might as well be sitting here with a colleague. 

When he tilts his head, darts his eyes down to Si-hun’s lips for a split second, and back up, he doesn’t even notice. 

And fine, maybe he’s shallow? maybe sexual attraction is overrated. He can just be normal, have a conversation about school, about sports, about the weather. 

“You play baseball, right?”

“Mmh.” He nods, a flash of intense dark brown eyes in his mind. “After class, usually.”

“What do you like about it the most?”

Ah.

“That would be.. the rush..”

Tiles under his knees, legs spread on a bench, hand in his hair.

“The teamwork..”

Intense dark brown eyes, rough hands, a finger rubbing down on his tongue.

“The feeling of hitting a homerun.”

Their bodies pressed together in the showers, strong muscles under his fingers.

“All of that.”

He clears his throat, looks down at the table.

He’s so fucking doomed.

————————

He’s not unfamiliar with Jeongguk’s cold shoulder, had it a few times before, but damn, he missed one evening call and Jeongguk doesn’t even look at him the next day.

Which is fine. He already agreed to another date with Si-hun, only because Taehyung and Hoseok kept saying he should. 

It’s a good thing.

Jeongguk was never going to be anything but a fuck buddy anyway. The guy is still under the assumption he’s straight, of all things. It’s better this way.

And yet.

Each time he catches Jeongguk’s gaze for a second during baseball he feels guilty. 

It’s stupid, he knows, Jeongguk hates talking in public, but after practice, when he’s sitting on the bench, looking at Jeongguk’s back, he just feels that tug in his chest.

Ah, he shouldn’t do this.

But he’s already there, nudging Jeongguk’s shoulder.

“Hey.”

Jeongguk gives him a quick glance, ends of his jet black hair wet with sweat, hanging over his dark brown eyes, jaw tight.

“What?”

God, he’s hot.

That familiar thrill courses through his veins, Jeongguk just has that effect on him. 

“Yesterday—“

“I don’t care.”Jeongguk cuts him off, zips up his vest. “I was out.”

Oh.

Well, guess that settles it.

“Me too.”

He says, doesn’t even get a second glance from Jeongguk, who just grabs his bag and pushes past him, bumping against his shoulder quite harshly.

“Don’t call.”

Jimin blinks, stares at Jeongguk’s back until he disappears behind the door.

That was.. something.

“You two okay?”

Jimin whips his head to his side, finds Yeo-jeong right there on the bench, blinking up at him.

Oh shit.

“What, me and Jeongguk? We’re fine.”

“You sure? he seemed pissed.” 

Yeo-jeong muses, brushes his long hair behind his ear. He’s the youngest of the team, but surprisingly sociable. A blessing and a curse, really.

“He’s just like that.” 

Jimin waves a hand like it’s no big deal, but Yeo-jeong hums, unimpressed.

“What did he mean with “don’t call”? I thought you two weren’t close.”

That’s exactly why, Yeo-jeong always notices these things. 

A nervous chuckle escapes his lips, and he quickly grabs his bag, flings it over his shoulder.

“We aren’t. Just needed something.”

Ah, he should come up with something better.

He adjusts the buckle of his bag, doesn’t look Yeo-jeong in the eyes, then quickly grabs his phone.

“What did you—“

“Have an appointment now, see you next training.” 

He says quickly, waves Yeo-jeong goodbye, gets out of the room as fast as he can without looking suspicious.

Once he’s out of there though, he takes a deep breath, heart hammering against his chest.

No more talking to Jeongguk in the locker rooms.

———————

Jimin was out? 

Where? With who?

Jeongguk never sees him at any type of club, not that he frequently goes, but still. Apparently Jimin had so much fun he forgot all about their agreement. 

And now he completely fucked it up too, the comment got to him so bad he just called the whole calling deal off. 

Shouldn’t have done that. 

Now he’s back to square one again. On his back on his bed, staring at the ceiling, phone in his hand, hoping Jimin might still call.

God, it’s pathetic.

Before he ever struck the first deal with Jimin, he’d already been completely obsessed with his mouth for a while. He knew Jimin was gay too, though he can’t really remember how he found out. 

Point is, if he’d never asked Jimin to suck him off in the first place, he’d probably have been better off.

Sadly he knows now, how Jimin’s lips feel around his cock, against his own, around his fingers. If he never had struck that deal, he probably wouldn’t be feeling like this. 

Jimin must have given this to him.

Ah, fuck, if only he could turn back time. 

————————

Young-hee is back in town at a good time. He needs someone to distract him from it all, to not stare at his phone every night waiting for a message, a call.

“You haven’t been out at all?”

“Not for weeks.” He shrugs, gets off of her and looks for his shirt. “just trying to live healthy.”

He gets a push against his back, a soft chuckle.

“Yeah right. You’re oh so healthy.”

Jeongguk looks over his shoulder, Younghee brushes her silky hair out of her face and goes straight for her cigarettes on the nightstand, covers falling off of her frame.

“Smoke on the balcony.” 

“I know.” 

She mumbles around the bud, stands up, completely bare.

“And get dressed first.”

“Jeez, I know.” She takes her cigarette between her fingers, looks over her shoulder with that signature glare. “You act like you’re allergic to seeing me naked. You didn’t even want me to take my top off during sex.”

Well.

He bites on the inside of his cheek, looks at the covers and shrugs. 

“Just, since it’s cold—“

“It’s not cold. I got my boobs done, you didn’t even notice.”

Oh.

He looks up at her throwing on one of his shirts, it’s long, drapes just over her ass. That seems enough clothes for her, as she walks over to the balcony.

He sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose.

It’s not like they’re together, honestly. So he shouldn’t feel all that bad for not noticing. But it’s not really that— it’s the fact that he hasn’t really looked at her body in that way at all. 

Not like before, where he’d get excited to see her undressed again, after not seeing her for a year. But this time, all he’s been thinking is that it’s good for distraction. 

He shakes his head, just gets up and looks for his underwear. 

“We should go out. You barely talk when you’re sober.” 

Young-hee calls from the balcony. 

Jeongguk huffs out a breath.

“You just want to get laid with another guy.”

“Or girl.”

The words only register a little later, but when they do Jeongguk freezes. Hands around the waistband of his underwear, halfway up his legs, he looks over at her, taking another drag from her cigarette, looking over the railing at the city.

His pulse quickens a little, he doesn’t know what to say but he also can’t not say anything.

“Girl?”

“Mmh.” She nods, flicks the ash. “I like girls too.”

Fuck.

He pulls up his underwear quickly, searches for his pants next thing. 

They’ve never talked about this. 

It’s not like he doesn’t know some girls who take girls home but he always just thought that was— well, he doesn’t really know, maybe he’s never taken it that seriously.

And he’s seen Young-hee make out with other girls before but that always just struck him as.. a girly drunk thing. Not a real thing. 

“So I was thinking maybe we could go to a more alternative bar tonight, you know?” 

She puts her cigarette in the ash tray and walks back in, doesn’t seem phased at all, doesn’t even notice his demeanour.

“I saw one on the way here, so, I’m taking you with me.”

“I’m not going to a gay bar.” 

Young-hee raises a brow.

“It’s not a gay bar, it’s just a bar that’s considered a bit more open. They cover the cameras of your phone at the entrance so everyone feels saver and stuff.”

She looks around, finds her underwear among a pile of clothes. 

Jeongguk’s heart hammers against his chest just thinking of going to a bar like that. If anyone of his team would see him there he’d definitely be—

Jimin.

Oh, right. Jimin.

If Jimin says he’s been out with someone, then a place like this might be somewhere he’d go to. Since he isn’t openly gay.

It’s Friday night, chances are Jimin is going out too.

There is a chance he might be there.

“Why are your eyes all glittery?” 

Young-hee’s voice snaps him out of it, he quickly shakes his head.

“No, I mean, fine, we could go there.” He opens his wardrobe, looks at his collection. “As long as I get to drink.”

Yeah, the alcohol. That’s why he does it. That’s why he takes longer than usual dressing up, that’s why he feels a tingle run through his body whenever he imagines running into a certain blonde.

“You seem more excited than normal.”

Young-hee comments.

“Yeah?” His voice comes out a little higher than normal. “Just haven’t gone out in a while.”

When he’s all dressed, he looks over his shoulder, finds her giving him the up and down, then gets a shrug.

“Whatever you say.”

————————

He hates himself really, Si-hun is a perfectly fine guy, fantastic husband material. He’s never too much, he’s always kind, he listens well, he’s thoughtful. 

So why? 

Why is it that he finds himself looking at his watch, hoping for time to go faster? Why is all that he feels a dull grey?

They’ve been sitting at this restaurant for hours and the conversation is going on and on, it’s not like they can’t talk but it’s just so.. cordial? 

It’s so predictable. 

Which should be good. It’s good, Si-hun has a good bond with his family, he’s got a good job, a good house, a good income, good friends. 

But all he wants is to leave.

“I thought maybe we could go out, there is a bar not far from here, it should be to your taste.”

Oh god, no. 

He needs an excuse.

“I— I actually was planning to see Taehyung.”

“Taehyung and Hoseok also went there, I thought it would be more fun that way.”

Oh.

Right. Thats just how thoughtful this guy is.

He forces a smile, and nods.

“Let’s go then.”

————————

Sadly, Si-hun is not more interesting when he drinks. He takes slow sips of his beer, smiles at the conversation Taehyung and Hoseok are having.

Jimin bites the inside of his cheek as he orders another shot of vodka. 

Si-hun might not get drunk, but maybe if he does, it’ll magically work out, that spark. 

“We’re going to the dance floor, wanna join?”

Hoseok asks after a while, nodding over to the crowd. 

Jimin is dying to go, already one foot on the ground but Si-hun just shakes his head.

“I don’t really dance, but you should go, I’ll stay here.”

Fuck.

He sits back down on his bar stool, it’s bad manners to leave his date.

Taehyung gives him a glance, that slightly concerned look. He probably already knows that Si-hun is not gonna be around long. 

Shit, after they put so much effort to find a good guy for him.

Jimin bites on his tongue and just watches Hoseok and Taehyung disappear into the dancing crowd. 

He looks back at Si-hun, taps his fingers on the wooden bar. 

“No dancer, then?”

“No, I mean, when I was younger I’d go out and dance a bit with friends but, you know, that’s years ago.”

Right, cause at age 26 the fun is over. The only thing that makes Si-hun happy is work-out equipment and paying mortgage for his ridiculously big apartment that is completely void of colour or personality. 

Jimin swallows the comment, just downs his vodka and orders a new one.

“You drink a lot.”

Si-hun comments then, accompanied by an awkward laugh.

Jimin blinks, when the shot gets served he drinks it immediately.

“We’re out, aren’t we?”

He orders another.

Needs it, really, to feel something. 

“Yeah, no, it’s just, last time you didn’t, so..”

Si-hun trails off, that smile still on his lips though it looks uncomfortable now, like he’s trying not to judge. 

Jimin feels the alcohol burn in his throat, the nice dulling effect of it.

“Sorry, I thought since we’re in a club..”

“Oh it’s okay, I’m not judging.” Si-hun holds his hands up. “Just saying.”

He’s so judging. 

Jimin orders another vodka, just to see the crease between Si-hun’s brows grow. Maybe an argument would spice things up a bit. 

“My granddad used to drink a lot.” Si-hun says then, looks at the bartender when she brings another vodka over. “We had an intervention.”

“Mm.” Jimin nods, grabs his shot glass, keeps eye contact with Si-hun when he brings it to his lips. “Did it work?”

Sadly, Si-hun doesn’t follow the glass the way Jimin wants him to. When he slowly presses his lower lip against the rim of the glass, it’s only worry in those brown eyes. 

Except, a static shock courses through him right after, and when he looks right past Si-hun, he finds the source. 

Jeongguk is standing just a couple of steps away, by the bar, his jet black hair falling over his dark eyes, though they can’t hide that intense gaze for one bit. 

What the fuck is he doing here?

————————

Of course Jimin is on a date. 

When he said he went out, Jeongguk already suspected this might be the case, but now that he sees it, it’s a lot worse.

First off, Jimin is all dolled up. Usually at school, at practice, he just looks normal, but now he’s got his hair done, blonde hair pushed back, one strand falling over his brow, his eyes look even more alluring than usual, his lips a little shiny with balm; pressing against the rim of his shot glass.

Fuck.

It’s been a while.

Too long.

When he looks up, Jimin isn’t looking at his date but straight at him.

It’s like static, electric, just their eye contact.

Young-hee is off somewhere on the dance floor, he hopes to god she can’t see him now.

“Whisky?” 

Jeongguk breaks eye contact first, nods at the bartender. He gets his glass pushed in his hand, already a little dizzy from pre-drinks. Young-hee insisted they raid his fraternity’s liquor cabinet before going.

Which is a good thing, he’s no use sober, especially not when it comes to Jimin.

though, he’s not entirely sure what he wants now.

Going here, finding Jimin, that’s kind of as far as his plan stretched.

As for talking to Jimin— well, he has no idea what to say.

All he knows is, it’s hard to keep his eyes off.

Jimin’s long legs crossed on the bar stool, his v-cut black shirt falling gracefully over his lithe frame, the slope of his pecs slightly visible, that silver moon pendant necklace dangling, the chain touching his elegant neck. 

—————————

This is not happening.

He’s not listening to Si-hun’s tearful alcoholic grandpa story while right behind him Jeongguk is eyeing him up. 

It’s just impossible.

All he can do is nod and “uhu” every other second, while at the same time those intense eyes burn a path along his skin. He isn’t even looking at Jeongguk but he feels the line they draw on his body, from his legs to his chest to his neck, to his lips.

They tingle when he takes another shot.

He can’t take it anymore.

“Excuse me for a second.”

He hopes Si-hun wasn’t at an extremely sad part of his story when he hops from his barstool. 

It’s bad but he forgets about it as soon as he finds Jeongguk’s eyes. 

His body buzzes with every step, heartbeat picking up steadily. Though he can’t let Si-hun know he knows Jeongguk, so he bites his tongue, eyes the bathroom just once before looking back at Jeongguk, as a signal.

Not that he wants anything with Jeongguk in the bathroom, there just isn’t any other place to meet quietly. Hoseok and Taehyung are somewhere on the floor, this is the only good option.

So the slight eyebrow lift he gets from Jeongguk makes his cheeks burn up, but he can’t say anything right now. 

He just walks past him to the bathroom, only takes a breath once he’s there, leaning against the wall. 

Of all people, Jeon Jeongguk shows up here. 

Why is he even here? This is not a place where his kind comes. 

A minute later, Jeongguk steps in as well, slow strides, that confidence he also wears on the baseball field.

He looks good, too. Jimin hasn’t seen him wear a leather jacket before, but it really suits him. And that belt, the baggy jeans, boots. He can’t believe he hasn’t seen him dress in anything but his school uniform and baseball jersey.

Besides the point.

“Why are you here?” He asks, forcing himself to look up. “This isn’t your type of club at all.”

Jeongguk looks around the room, then takes a step closer, slides his hands in his pockets.

“I’m on a date. With a girl.”

Oh. 

He squints.

“Here?”

“Yeah, here. She wanted to go here.” 

Sounds gay. Of her.

He doesn’t dwell on it.

Jeongguk doesn’t either, just nods into the general direction of the club.

“That guy at the bar your date?”

Sadly.

“Yeah.”

He doubts if he should elaborate, but doesn’t. They are nothing of each other, really. He doesn’t owe Jeongguk an explanation.

So, why is Jeongguk staring at him like this? 

That hard, intense stare, those dark brown eyes. 

“Are you gonna take him home?”

What kind of question is that?

Why does it light something within him?

He lifts an eyebrow.

“You want to know if I’m gonna fuck him?”

Jeongguk stiffens for a second, as if this isn’t exactly what he was asking. Or maybe the toilet stalls are too public of a place to talk about it.

Jimin tips his head back a bit, huffs out a breath.

“How’s that any of your business?”

“Well, you made me come here.” Jeongguk looks around the toilet stall, then back at him. “So, how much fun can he be?”

Shit. 

“I didn’t ask you to come here for anything, I just wanted to know why you’re here.”

“Yeah? You could have asked at the bar.” Jeongguk looks at him from one eye to the other. “But we’re here. Out of sight.”

“I didn’t want him to see you.” 

“Why not?”

“Because.” 

Si-hun can’t see Jeongguk because of this. Because he feels that heat under his skin, that rush through his veins when Jeongguk challenges him to finish the sentence with just one tilt of his head.

It’s unfair Jeongguk is so fucking hot. 

It’s unfair he’s had him on his back, heard him moan his name, fingered him until he came all over himself, and fucked him all through the night. 

“Because what?” Jeongguk’s eyes run down his body and back up. “You get hard when we talk?”

Almost.

He opens his mouth but Jeongguk takes another step closer, backs him against the wall.

“Want my dick in your mouth as soon as you see me?” Those dark brown eyes flicker to his lips. “Does your mouth water when you think about it, like Pavlov’s dog?”

Jesus Christ.

It’s not just alcohol making his body burn up. Not even a minute with Jeongguk in a bathroom is more exciting than two dates with Si-hun.

“Does your dick get hard as soon as you look at my mouth?” He counters, brings his hand to Jeongguk’s front, hooks two fingers into the waistband of his jeans and tugs him closer, just to hear his breath hitch. “I can check if you want.”

Yeah— this. 

If Si-hun would see this he’d have a fucking heart attack.

————————

Shit, how did he end up like this?

Just a minute ago he was having a whisky at the bar, waiting for Young-hee to find a girl, dreading even standing there. 

Now he’s in a bathroom, Jimin against the wall, two fingers hooked into the front of his jeans. 

And worse is, Jimin is right. The one split second he looked at his lips sent arousal licking down his spine, cock twitching in his underwear. That’s how fucking down bad he is. 

Even in a public place like this, tipsy, he can’t seem to help himself.

“You do look like you want to check.” 

He says, tilts Jimin’s head up by his chin, selfishly runs his thumb over that plush bottom lip. 

Soft, warm.

Jimin gasps softly, his eyelids sink immediately.

“That’s right.” He breathes out, a little shaky. “That’s it, you want this, hm?”

He rubs over Jimin’s bottom lip, traces it to his top lip, the soft pink becomes more vivid to the touch. 

A soft moan falls from Jimin’s lips then, breathy and high, sends a shiver down his spine. 

“Wanna go back to your date?” He asks, leans in a little closer though alarms go off in his mind. His nose nudges Jimin’s, they haven’t been this close in ages— not like this. “Just say the word, I’ll let you go.”

————————

Jeongguk’s thumb keeps rubbing over his lips, tracing them, soft, almost like worship.

His nose brushes against his own, face so close— they haven’t been this close since the first time, the onlytime they kissed. 

He takes a deep breath, that familiar scent intrudes his nose, so clean, so good. He moves his hand from Jeongguk’s jeans to his waist, greedy, pulls him in closer.

This is what he wants. 

The heat under his skin, his lips tingling in anticipation of a kiss, his heart hammering against his chest just from the proximity. 

Fuck— he shouldn’t.

Si-hun is right outside, his date, he can’t fucking do this.

But his other hand comes up, tangles itself in Jeongguk’s hair, his head tilts without his consent.

A soft gasp between them, Jeongguk freezes for a second, like he only now catches on where this is going, as if he didn’t participate, didn’t lay the groundwork.

He doesn’t want to ask, but it leaves his lips quickly, as if in the hopes his mind doesn’t catch up.

“Kiss me.”

Jeongguk moans softly as an answer, sounds a little high, and then he leans in, closes the distance.

Just like the first time, Jimin’s eyes flutter shut, his heart bursts as soon as Jeongguk’s lips slot between his, so perfect, so wrong. 

“Mmh..”

It’s like lightning runs through his veins, kissing Jeongguk again, the heat of his mouth, his soft hair under his fingers. 

And though Jeongguk is always adamant on not kissing, he sure seems depraved. His hands tangle in his hair, pull his head back  just to open his mouth a little more. His tongue slips inside licks over his, hot and wet and—

Fuck. Si-hun.

He blinks his eyes open a bit, guilt tugs on him, but as soon as he sees Jeongguk’s eyes closed, blush on his cheeks, crease between his brows, that soft groan, he gives up.

Gives in. 

All he’s been craving is this, Jeongguk’s mouth on his own, tongue in his mouth, hands in his hair, taking everything. The bite on his bottom lip, the string of spit attached to both their lips when they catch their breaths. 

Those intense, dark brown eyes, half-lidded, pupils dilated. Those rough hands wandering through his hair, pulling on the strands. Their bodies pressed up against each other, Jeongguk’s thigh against his crotch.

Fuck.

“Wanna take you home.”

He pants, caresses down Jeongguk’s shoulder, over his chest. 

“Bet you do. Want to put me on my back again.”

Jeongguk pants.

“Mmh.” He nods, a little dizzy. “Finger you, blow you, fuck you. All of it.”

“Fuck.” Jeongguk curses, nudges his nose. “What if I want to fuck you?”

Oh.

He blinks, looks into those dark brown eyes. They look so fucking good begging for cock, he doesn’t know if he could give that up so easily. 

“You’d have to work for it.” He says, though he knows it’s a mistake. Nothing good can come from it. “Maybe we should bet on it.”

Jeongguk’s eyebrow quirks up.

“Like the first time?”

Shit, he shouldn’t do this. 

But he nods before he can think twice.

“Whoever wins the mock competition.” 

It’s so fucking stupid— not to mention terrible. Si-hun is outside, Jeongguk is on a date too. None of this should even be happening.

Jeongguk’s eyes flicker down to his mouth, and slowly back up until they reach his eyes.

“Whoever wins the mock competition gets whatever they want, deal?”

Oh, he’s upping the stakes. 

Clearly, like the second time, Jeongguk wants to have his mouth again at any given time. 

It’s dangerous. 

And thrilling.

“Deal.”

It’s probably not regular to kiss after a deal, but Jeongguk closes the distance so quickly he can’t really think, just finds himself tilting his head and opening his mouth eagerly, hands flying to Jeongguk’s hair.

They only stop when someone else enters the bathroom, wipe the back of their mouths and don’t even talk when they get back into the club.

By the time he’s back to Si-hun, his legs are jelly and his lips are swollen.

———————

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