should’ve kissed you anyway (Patreon)

previous scene

——————-

he shouldn’t have come here.

It’s not even Taehyung’s fault, he willingly gave in, put up a front of bravery since Jeongguk agreed too.

but now that he feels the sand under his feet, sees the familiar waves, the nostalgic scent of sea salt, the ghost of big starry brown eyes and faint touches dance over his skin.

He just sits down on his towel, pulls his legs up.

Avoiding eye contact in a big bus is not too hard, but now, he even recognises Jeongguk by his feet. Hears his voice above everyone else’s, his laugh especially.

Ah— this is fucking torture.. 

He lifts his gaze just a little bit; Jeongguk’s calves are big, his thighs look strong too, disappearing under his dark blue swimming trunks, he must be working out regularly, and god— his stomach, it’s toned, sunkissed, his pecs look incredible from the side too, not to mention the sleeve that emerges from his shoulder, down his arm to his hand.

And then, his jet black hair, a little bit of a mullet, it suits him. Way better than his bowl cut back in the day. Despite the sting, a corner of his mouth curls up. Jeongguk used to be so cute.

Look at him now, silver piercings in his lower lip, one in his eyebrow, seven in his ear.

If it was bad to come here because of nostalgia, it’s even worse to come here and lust after the very guy he cast aside. 

Big brown eyes meet his own.

Shit, he’s staring.

He averts his gaze quickly to his feet, wraps his arms around his legs. As long as Jeongguk is in the water he can relax, and as soon as Jeongguk comes back, he’ll go to the water. That’s the best way to get through this day.

A dull thud sounds next to him, something cold presses against his arm, and he jumps, whips his head to the side.

Oh fuck.

“Want a drink?”

Jeongguk just— holds up a can of beer, as if they’re close friends.

Jimin malfunctions, a solid second or so his entire system rewires, and he takes the can— an electric shock when their fingers touch.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Ah. 

Fuck.

What does he say?

What does he do?

Their last conversation wasn’t exactly smooth sailing. He almost cried and all.

“I didn’t think you’d come.” 

Jeongguk says, opens his own can next to him. 

It’s surreal to share a beer here, years and years after. Jimin takes a few big sips just to cope, barely dares to look in Jeongguk’s general direction.

“I didn’t think so either.”He admits, looks down at his feet. “I don’t know why I came.”

It’s so.. exposing, to sit here, pretending they didn’t have their first date just a few meters away, somewhere on the sand, a big towel, a picnic basket in the middle. 

His eyes move towards it, only a sandcastle right there.

“Was it there?” 

Jeongguk muses.

Fuck.

He’s not the only one reminiscing. 

When he locks eyes with Jeongguk this time around, it takes his breath away. 

God, he’s become so handsome. 

“Come on, it’s been years, we can talk about it, right?”

Jeongguk asks, takes a sip of beer like he’s unaffected. 

Even though at the bar that tell your girlfriend I said hi came out crude.

He’s never even said sorry, there’s no way Jeongguk is this forgiving.

“What did we do, picnic, swim, barely touch?”

Jeongguk continues, almost fondly.

Jimin swallows, throat tight.

“Yeah— I think.. watched the sunset.”

His chest feels hollow; the sight of the orange sun sinking into the sea, the touch of Jeongguk’s pinky against his own on the yellow picnic blanket. Not out yet, to the world, though they probably did a terrible job hiding it.

“I wanted to kiss you, back then, after the sun went down, did you know?”

Jeongguk asks as though he’s saying something insignificant, maybe that’s why it takes a few seconds before his eyes widen, breath hitches in his throat.

When he looks at Jeongguk it’s like they’re back in time, sitting on that stupid blanket. His cheeks burn up easily just like then.

“You— what?”

“I hyped myself up about it all night.” Jeongguk says, looks at the sea then. “That I’d kiss you at sunset, make the first move, ah, I even dreamed about it.”

Jeongguk used to never talk like this— didn’t ever out his feelings, didn’t initiate conversation. Hence why Jimin can barely find his voice, ears ringing with all the confessions.

“And then I kept looking at you, just for ages, I don’t know how long, so wired, trying to lean in but I just completely froze, and you didn’t notice.”

Jeongguk smiles, albeit a little sadly, takes a sip of his beer before he turns to look at him again.

His heart hammers against his chest, voice stuck in his throat. 

Those dark brown eyes flicker down to his lips; a fraction of a second, not longer.

“Should’ve kissed you anyway.”

The words linger.

Spin through his head until he’s dizzy.

Jeongguk gets up before he can say anything else, walks off to the other guys with his beer in his hand, leaves Jimin sitting there, in the past, on his yellow picnic blanket.

next scene