Planet-Eater 82 (Patreon)

“Urghh… We free yet…?” came Ruckle’s deep voice from behind her, groaning as he pulled himself back to his feet. A few heavy steps brought him next to her. With his large size, both length-wise and breadth-wise, there was no mistaking him. To allow for his advance, she stepped a little to the side, letting him join her at the window. He peered out at the darkness with a deep frown marring his square face. “Looks like that creature’s still got us. All good, Rea?”

“I think my mind is going to explode,” she replied, absently squeezing her own arm. 

“No great loss,” Yoric said, sidling up to her. With the three of them all trying to look out the window, it suddenly got a whole lot more cramped. 

“Now, sweetie, that’s not a kind thing to say to your friend,” xMA-5 said in a faked upset voice. Thankfully, she decided not to join them at the window, but instead snaked her arm around Ruckle, who stiffened in her grip.

Though, frankly, Byrea couldn’t have found it in her to care even if it was the last thing she did. “We might be screwed,” she muttered. “Whatever that thing is, I can’t control it. But it seems too wimpy to kill us, so we might be okay for the moment.” 

“Unless… you get hit… by an asteroid,” came a whispering voice from the vents. 

She nodded. That was another possibility. “Sath is right. Ruckle, what’s the status on the shield?”

Yoric bristled. “You think you can order us around just ‘cuz Garney got nabbed? Fat chance!”

“Shields’re down,” Ruckle said, rubbing his double chin. “The big slimer’s got us motionless, dead in the water. Frankly, it’s only a matter of time before—”

BANG!

The light fixtures flickered and Byrea clicked her tongue. “Poodoo,” she muttered. Had she been a better jedi—a better jedi by far—she might have been able to do something heroic by now, like make a shield around the shuttle, or guide the asteroids around them, or foresee the future to tell if they’d survive. Unfortunately, she sucked at the only thing she was good at. Even worse, with Garney gone, she was the only one with the guts to actually do something about their situation.

Throwing one look out the window at the massive web of tentacles outside the window, she made up her mind.

“Yoric, what’s the status on the fuel?”

“Um, I literally told you five minutes ago that there’s nothing left?”

“Not even fumes?”

His brows knit themselves. “Maybe? I don’t know! I’m literally an academy drop-out?”

Ignoring his mindnumbing complaining, she turned to xMR-5. “Missus, assuming the tank is fully filled with fumes, would it be possible to jumpstart the shuttle into the shadow of the tentacle freak?”

“I’m sorry,” she replied insincerely. “I am not authorized to—” 

Byrea gave Ruckle a look, who rolled his eyes and smacked xMR-5 over her copper dome. The lights of her eyes flickered, and once she righted herself, she said, very smoothly, “I would be happy to help! According to my calculations…”

They put the plan into work.

“Yoric, status on the engine?”

“Bantha-sucker rejected my access code so I’m smuggler-wiring it,” Yoric said, the only part of him still visible being the legs poking out from beneath the main console. “Should be ready in,” an astroid struck the starboard side of the hull with a great bang! making his legs jostle, “about two minutes, give or take.”

“Hopefully we’ll be alive by then,” Byrea rumbled. “Ruckle, how’s the overcharge of the fuel intake going?”

“All ready,” Ruckle said, having decided to start rewiring xMR-5 again while he waited for everyone else to finish up. 

“Very good. In that case,” another massive bang! shook the hull, briefly bringing her off balance. “Yoric, ready the engine!”

“I’m going as fast as I can!”

“Ruckle, prepare the fuel!”

“Aye-aye, cap’n. In three, two, one…”

The thrusters jerked into motion, pulling Byrea off her feet, leaving both Yoric and Ruckle to grip the console with all their might. The engine sputtered and puttered, making the ship hop forward violently, resistant to start, unwilling to go ahead, but at least moving somewhat. 

Gritting her teeth, Byrea pulled herself to her trembling feet, gripping the railing as hard as she could, hoping desperately that this wouldn’t be the end. Outside, the world was moving, the starts jittering back and forth, the gap in the tentacles they’d been aiming for growing closer and closer, until, finally…

BANG!!

A massive hit rocked the whole shuttle, the only proof of what happened being one of the shuttle’s wings spinning off into the void, the ship careening off-course, spinning through space like a misthrown harrie-ball, and despite the unfathomable pressure trying to push her down, she was able to keep her grip on the railing, holding it so tightly her nails were digging into her palms. Unfortunately, this only allowed her to see, with wonderful clarity, how their escape had not only been greatly accelerated, but also entirely brought off course.

They were now whirling through space, headed squarely for the mouth of the creature.

Her heart dropped. 

By the Force, she thought. This is it. This is how I’ll die. Not some glorious battle against evil or in a bed surrounded by loved ones. Eaten by a nitwit. This is the worst, this is absolutely the worst.

Massive yellow teeth soon took up the majority of the window. Then, an abyss. The teeth became mere stalactites and stalagmites, simple ornaments hanging or standing, with their true destination being obvious: nothingness. Darkness filled the cockpit, save for the intermittent blinking of the consoles. Ahead, she saw their torn-off wing going further and further in, before suddenly blinking out of existence. This was it. She was twenty-three years old, had never kissed a boy, and was about to die a total loser.

This is the worst, she thought.

Unfortunately, the universe heard her challenge, and decided to grant her wish, by giving her something even worse.

‘Okay okay I’m back!! Sorry about that he was helping me get dressed for a big party and now I’ve got a few more minutes to… Um… Hello? Are you still there? Where did you…?’

‘IN HERE’ she sent out, quicker than she could remember to be ashamed of it. ‘BIG MOUTH’

‘In where? In…?’

A massive tentacle dotted with eyes leaned surreptitiously into their vision. The eyes blinked at them where they stood, each in their place, all of them equally dishevelled.

‘...WHY ARE YOU IN MY MOUTH??’