A Gamer's Guide 419 (Patreon)

He smiled back at her. “Thanks. In that case, I’ll…” He motioned at the air, only for the smile to slip off his face. “Oh, yeah, I can’t…”

“Can’t use the forums?” she finished for him. He nodded sheepishly. Grinning, she pulled up her screen. “Well, what are apostles for?”

He met her grin evenly. “This partnership has already begun paying its dues, huh? Well, in that case, would you mind…”

Normally, she wouldn’t. However, at this moment, with the forums open before her, her attention had sort of gotten stuck on something mildly important.

<Status—Community—Top>

<Discussion Boards>

<HeavyStepper[F54]: <PINNED> HOPELESS WAR MEGA-THREAD FAQ[1775]>

<LibbaLubb[F37] ANNOUNCEMENT: The Tutorial has been beaten!!! 

SuperMoleman EU Server E diff with the help of… [968]>

<FindersKeepers[F16]: could someone tell me please

what is going on on earth [0]>

<JustAnHour[F50] GUIDE how to handle heralds [14]>

<MildlyAquatic[F44]: Help Request: 5k yill for anyone 

who’ll smuggle me out of Gratt[5]>

<NexusFraxal[F38]: how to refuse a judge asking you to 

join the war?[3]>

<GluckACluck[F48]: status on Af hell diff players?

can they help the EU diff players through f4 or nah?[13]>

Her eyes darted across the forums, reading everything in a split-second, then rereading it in another, before finally turning to look at Kitty. 

…This wasn’t the time. He had enough on his mind with everything else. 

Pretending not to have seen anything, she swiped over to the personal messages section. “What’s her username?”

“Rice.”

“...Rice?”

He nodded. “Yeah, Rice.”

She drew her lips tight. “I need a full username to properly contact her.”

“Oh. Oh, yeah, um…” He rubbed his chin. “Rice… Rice… Um…” He hummed deeply. “I think people used to call her angel, for some reason… But that’s not where the Rice came from… Dang, that’s a tough one…”

While he muttered about such things, Rafiloe silently pulled up the forum page for the kitty-court, and then the personal relationships section.

<Status—Community—Top>

<:3 In the Court of the Kitty Princess :3>

< <3 Persomeowl Relationships <3 >

<Pre-tutorial:

Papa ████████ (family)

Mama ████████ (family)

Sister ████████ (family)

LetsFraternizeTogether (enemy/victim)

(ADD MORE PLEASE //LA)

(bruhh he ws a friendless loser

u want us 2 add his GP lmao?? //SMJ)

Tutorial:

<SuperMoleman[N/A] (friend/victim)

Simel the Survivor (friend/enemy/victim)

AngelBeatrice[F66] (friend)

Garath the Pesticide (friend) (YES he counts as a relationship

he is an individual NOT a mindless steed //LA)

GeckomancerOfYore[F50] (friend, ig??)

(guys, am I his friend?? hes literally

chillin in the other room //MMS)>

Ignoring the most recent additions and the only slightly worrying fact that his last name seemed to have been censored, Rafiloe concentrated her mind on the most likely candidate for Kitty’s friendship. “Are you thinking of AngelBeatrice?”

“AngelBeatrice?” he repeated. “Um… I guess so? Beatrice… Beat-rice… That makes sense, I suppose.” He nodded to himself. “Yeah, that should be her.”

“Right, I’ll send her a message, then.”

“Thanks. I really appreciate it. Honestly, I don’t know how I would’ve handled this morning if you hadn’t been here. I mean… It’d be awful. Would they even have figured out that it’s me in here?” He wiped at his nose. “People would’ve died. That’s for sure.”

Rafiloe pulled up her PMs, typing in AngelBeatrice as the recipient, and then… “Hey, what should I tell her? You don’t have to dictate the whole thing, but I should probably say something that proves I’m actually here with you.”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, that’s true. Hmm… Well, we don’t want to worry her too much. If she’s got important things going on, then I think she should wrap that up before heading over here. No need to hurry too much. I’ll survive.”

“Right,” Rafiloe said, only half-listening to what he was saying as she began writing her message.

<GeckomancerOfYore[F50]:

hello this is gecko im a friend of kitty

and if youre wonderin why im messaging you its cuz

hes kind of in a pretty really bad spot rn?

not like super duper bad but he is absolutely not

doing good which is bad so i was wondering if you

could maybe come visit us here in kingsfist? 

its been renamed recently though to Hopal idk if thatll

help you find this place better but well see i guess. 

anyways yeah hes gone through a bit of stuff and now.

 well wait actually do you know hes like a god now?

im just gonna assume you do cuz its easier but so yeah

anyways hes fully ascended now which is causing some trouble

and i really think he needs another friend by his side

and if that could be you that would be super nice?

but he wants me to tell you that if youre super busy then

you should finish doing that first except ngl i honestly think

thats bulls**t like if you could be here as soon as possible

thatd be good but yeah so anyways uhh. 

hope to see you soon!

//gecko

PS: is it true you had a crush on him? like dont get

me wrong im not asking cuz hes repulsive or whatever i can

totally see how someone would be interested its just that ive never had

one (a crush) so im interested to know what it feels like

 if you dont mind telling me but i know that can be sensitive

so no need to say if you dont wanna>

As Kitty muttered about how he didn’t want to be a bother and how Rice didn’t need to visit unless she really wanted to and had time and wasn’t doing anything else and hadn’t randomly started hating him out of nowhere, Rafiloe let herself reread the message. Mhm. Mhm. Yeah, good enough. She pressed the send button, and off it went. “Done.”

“I mean, she’s an apostle, which means she obviously has a bunch of duties, and dropping all that to go visit a friend would be—wait, you did?”

“Yep.”

He glanced at the empty air in front of her. “Oh. Thanks? She should respond pretty soon. And—and you’re sure she’ll know you’re my friend? That you’re not pulling her leg, trying to trick her into something?”

“Absolutely,” she said with full confidence. If not even Maggie—the only person in the kitty-court who would have had an interest in Kitty’s romantic prospects—had any idea someone had confessed to him, there’s no way anyone else would either. Now that she thought about it, didn’t she have a moral obligation to tell Maggie about this? Maggie went crazy for that stuff. Considering all the times Maggie had filled in the gaps of Rafiloe’s kitty-knowledge, it was only obvious what she had to do. Especially since Maggie wouldn’t be able to ask him personally (at least, not until they’d found a solution for this whole deal, but by that point Rafiloe was certain to have forgotten all about it, lizard-brained as she was). Though, since romance tended to confuse rather than interest her, her tact was lacking.

“Why’d you reject her?”

“What, romantically?”

“Yeah. You like her, don’t you?”

“Well, sure, but…” He squirmed a little. Clearly, the memory wasn’t exactly the most positive for him. But he wasn’t dodging it either. Not positive, not negative… What else was there? “I’m just not into that sort of stuff.”

Oho? She scootched closer. “Girls, or…?”

“Romance,” he said, with the same enunciation as a physicist might say quantum mechanics. “Just, you know… In general.”

She blinked at him. “Wait, really?” He nodded, a little apprehensively. “And—and sexual stuff?”

He made a face of mild disgust. “I don’t really care for that stuff, and I frankly don’t get it.”

Holy shit. Holy shit. No fucking way. “It’s weird, right? How people will literally change the way they treat someone just because they think they’re hot? Isn’t that ridiculous? I mean, come on! We’re all people here, aren’t we?”

“Honestly, until I was, like, sixteen or something, I thought people were exaggerating about the whole thing,” Kitty said, frowning, frustrated, because he thought it was weird too, he didn’t get it either. “It’s just girls. Why are you making a huge deal about it? And even now, it’s like… I dunno, man. I’ve always felt kind of inhuman, so not being able to relate to the whole procreation thing made it even more.”

“Yeah. Especially when people can’t stop saying that the meaning of life is to procreate. If life only exists to make more life, what does that make us?” And unlike her stupid classmates who’d look at her weird or suggest that she adopt or whatever, he just nodded, all solemn, because he’d thought the same things. He’d been in the same place. Same eerie sort of inhumanness. 

Just like her.