A Gamer's Guide 421 (Patreon)

There she goes.

The door slides closed with a click, and now I’m all alone. But I’m still smiling. Isn’t that strange? I smile as I walk over to the window, my steps lighter than before, not so heavy I need help just to move, just to stand. Hands on the windowsill, I take a look out at the city. It looks fine. Nothing’s on fire, nobody’s screaming, everyone’s alive and well… 

This isn’t how it usually goes. None of this is. 

But this is better, isn’t it? 

…Yes, it is. Because I’ve got Gecko. I have someone, and that changes everything. Not alone. Not anymore. 

So! Only one thing to do, huh? 

Turning my back on the window, I give the room a cursory glance. There’s a wardrobe, the little mini-room off to the side where Lett slept, a desk and chair, various cupboards and cabinets filled with God-knows-what, and a washbasin and mirror. Not to mention the fireplace, the altar of unknown devotion off to the side, and the numerous chairs everywhere. Oh, and, of course, the whole place is gaudy to the max. Every surface is either gilded or polished or varnished. It’s almost as bad as that greeting room I met Pain in last night. Every last thing is elaborate, whether it be in the carvings, the stonework, the artistry, the weaving, the embroidering… It’s too much. Everything is too much. Any single item in this room could easily be the centerpiece of an exhibition. 

But when it’s all here, all together… I just don’t know what to look at. 

Folding my hands across my back, I move silently through the room. If I wanted to, I could probably plant my ear against the door. Eavesdrop. On my friends. Yeah, right. 

In my wandering, I eventually reach the washbasin. I don’t need it. My skin is clean, my hair is clean. Can I even get dirty anymore? Somehow, I sort of doubt it. Still…

My eyes fall on the mirror. Since the washbasin is designed for goblins, the mirror is a bit low. But I can still see my face. Or, I guess, what should be my face.

I don’t recognize it. Not really. Running my hand along the side of my face, across my chin, I can tell that what I see in the mirror is what my body is. But it isn’t right. That’s not what I look like. That’s not my face. It’s close, but it’s more of an approximation than the genuine article. I look… wrong. 

I spin on my heel. Well, no use worrying about that! What I really look like isn’t important. See, all morning, I’ve been thinking. All I really need to do is to create a miracle that overrides the You Hope miracle. But that shouldn’t be too difficult. The god of multitudes… All his aspects have a miracle that does that. Instead of letting mortals see what they really look like, they simply project an image of how they would like to look. Easy-peasy! 

So, if I can just make a miracle like that, then I’ll be golden. Before that, though, I’m going to check what effect the boons I got sent off with had. 

I pause in the middle of the room. Is this a bed-task, or a desk-task…? I usually like doing my business at my desk—that’s where I have my computer—but I don’t have a computer anymore. There’s no reason to sit at the desk. Also, the desk chair looks uncomfortable, whereas the bed has been proven to be comfy.

…Bed it is! 

Swaggering over to my bed, I take a seat, throw up my legs, and only then do I remember that the whole bed is covered in flower petals. Dang it. Huffing to myself, I brush off the petals from the bed as best as I can. 

…Man, that did not feel good. Of course, it was way preferable to staying in Lett’s arms, but… Yeah. On the other hand, it’s kind of soothing not to be able to smell, taste, hear, or see anything. You stop thinking. Which is fun and nice, but then even if you can’t hear the thoughts, you get this creeping sense that you’ll never get unstuck, never get out of it, that you’re stuck this way forever, now… 

Gosh, I’m lucky Gecko’s been there for me both times this has happened. If she hadn’t been there to ground me, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to pull myself together. My memory’s kind of fuzzy, but I can remember feeling her, vividly, and knowing that she was safe. I guess that’s why.

I shift where I lie. Hmm. Too supine. 

Sitting up, I grab a few of the frankly egregious number of pillows near me, stuffing them and puffing them until they form a soft, plush backrest. Here we go. Now I can sit and work, all the while keeping my legs stretched out! Yay!

My excitement fades into the big, empty room.

…Right. Well! Simon, would you mind showing me my divine status thing? 

<God of Hope

(formerly Lo Jan-Erik Fennrick)

Ruling: Hope

Influence: Hope, faith, love

Miracles: All Our Tongues [L], 

Evil Emotion Editor X3,000 [L],

Bang! Rat [M], You Hope [G],

Hoping to Hope [G]

Sphere of Reign: 157m

Divinity: §0,0355>

Right. Over a hundred meters… That’s quite a lot, huh? Right. But it’s not a crazy amount. With this, only the people inside the castle should be under the effects of Evil Emotion Editor X3,000 and All-Tongue. Everyone else should be fine, probably. Though, that’s assuming the entire city being on top of my holy ground doesn’t have any effects. Which, um…

<Rulerships

Planet: N/A

Total ruled area: 505,33 square km

Holy city: N/A [Action requested]

Churches: 0 [Action requested]

Shrines: 0 

Temples: 0 

…Hm. Something seems off here. Wasn’t this city supposed to be my city? 

{::w::}/!

<Notice:

City [Hopal] consists of 100% followers.

Atmospheric divinity sufficient to choose city [Hopal]

as Holy City of Hope. 

Devotion within city sufficient for upkeep of holy area.

Would You like to choose city [Hopal] as Holy City of Hope?>

<Yes/No>

Oh. Um. I thought this had already happened? Well, alright.

I press the yes button. 

<Error! 

Clergy missing. 

Relic missing.

Ritual missing.>

Ah. Okay. This is starting to feel like a bother, but…

{::w::`}

{::w::}/!

Hm? What is it, Simon? You’ve got an idea? Sure, little guy. Go ahead.

<Registering officiation ritual…

Error! 

Ritual: [Hug] already in use by

Goddess of Friendship. Please try again.>

{::o::}

{::~::}>

Come on, Simon! I know you can do it! Even though I have no idea what this is for!

{::`w::}/!

<Registering officiation ritual…

Success!

[Hug real tight!] has been registered

as the Ritual of Hope.>

Yay! Great going, Simon! 

I do a thumbs up, giving me a very clear view of how a quartet of white spider legs sprout from the top of the bed, grabbing a hold of my thumb and twisting off my fingernail in a single smooth motion. The spider legs hold up the shimmering, pretty thing like a trophy. I look down at my thumb, now missing a fingernail.

…Hey! 

<2nd class true relic

[Fingernail of Hope] acquired.

Divinity sufficient.>

Hm? Oh, like that?

{::w::}/!

Well, I mean… Sure, it’s quick and good thinking, and I can’t disagree that it’s a very suitable relic, but, like… Couldn’t you have warned me beforehand?

{::m::`}

Aw, hey, I get it, no worries! Just try to think ahead next time, okay?

{::w::}/!

Good boy! Okay, now… All we lack is a priest? A priest. 

…How do I make a priest?