A Gamer's Guide 446 (Patreon)

“Considering that five thousand of Leion’s men decided to remain in the city, putting our total number of inhabitants at around fifteen thousand, I think a total population registration is entirely possible,” Maggie said, eyes on her status screens. It was a wonder she didn’t walk into anything. 

“Has Prop’s projected influx of immigration happened yet?” Rafiloe asked, keeping her eyes on the corridor in front of them. If she didn’t, she felt pretty certain Maggie would walk into someone, or the reverse. 

“Not yet, at least, not in the numbers he’s predicting. In the past week, we’ve accepted, let’s see… One-hundred-and-fifty-two asylum seekers from nearby deicidist towns and cities, of which five were human.”

“Cactus and her party, you mean?”

“Yep. They’ve assimilated pretty well into the castle so far, especially Roulette, though, if I’m to be honest, I’m not sure they need to stay at the castle. I know you’re not out and about too often, but out on the streets, well… I’m not sure how to describe it, but it’s like, just because I’m human, they respect me?”

“Wait, really? They don’t…?”

“No heckling! Honestly, I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to it. Super weird. But, hey, if the god’s a human, why not, right?” Maggie shrugged. “If you ask me, future humans should be allocated to a normal house, like the rest of the immigrants.” A little frown marred her face. “Dang. Wish this is how it worked on Earth. If immigrating somewhere got you a free house and an instant job referral, I would’ve gone just about anywhere.”

“Well, for the time being, we’ve got thousands of empty houses and businesses that need labourers. Can’t collect tax if no one’s working. Maybe we’ll have to change things once that wave of displaced immigrants Prop predicts hits us, but until then, we can keep doing things this way. It’s what Kitty would’ve wanted.”

The mention of the name soured the look on Maggie’s face. She only meant well, of course, but it still hurt a bit to see. “That’s in ten minutes, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. It is.”

“He’s not going to accept it.”

“I know. But I have to try. Who knows? Maybe he’ll have as much faith in Goss as he does in Rice, and he just didn’t want to put any pressure on the poor kid to come visit.” A thought struck her. “He’s counted as Buccina’s council, right? Not mine? Because, frankly, if my council expands by even a single member, I’m going to scream.”

“I’ll put the mitosis plans on hold, then,” Maggie said with curt professionalism, making a show of typing something into her window. Rafiloe chuckled warmly. “To answer your question, yes, Goss will act as one of Buccina’s advisors—something he sorely needs. By the looks of things, he might even assign a few cardinals! Which means we can get bishops, which means we can get ordinary honest-to-God priests. Hooray! Gotta love the chain of command.”

“Puts less pressure on Kitty.”

“Oh, yes, how it crushes him,” Maggie said, eyes still on the window, clearly not noticing the look on her friend’s face until she glanced up. “Ah, um… Sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“He’s trying his best,” Rafiloe said. “We can’t judge him when we don’t know his pain.”

“I know, I know, it’s just…” She waved her hand, frowning mildly. “It’s almost been twenty days of this shit. Twenty days, stuck in his room? Of course he’s going crazy!” Walking side by side, Maggie gesturing widely, Rafiloe with her hands clasped behind her back, they passed by one of the many windows. Another gray day. Dull clouds as far as the eyes could see. Not bright, not dark. No rain. The same as it had been for at least a week, maybe more. “If he just came out of there, even if only for an hour or two…”

“He wants to,” Rafiloe said, “but he can’t. He literally can’t.”

“He literally could. He’s a god. If he just hoped for it, then—”

“I know! I know! But he—I wish he could, okay? Maggie, I have prayed for him. I have prayed to him. But that’s not how it works. I’m going to talk to him, I’m going to ask him, again, to maybe please try to just project a little, but the final choice is his. I can’t make it for him.”

“Could drag him outta there,” Maggie muttered. “Pull him by the legs. He wouldn’t be able to stop you.”

“It wouldn’t be right.”

“Wouldn’t it? You’re supposed to do the things he can’t, like carrying the whole city on your shoulders. Dragging a shut-in out of his cocoon will hardly be any more difficult.”

Rafiloe stopped, in the middle of the hallway, hands clenched at her sides. “Please, Maggie. Can we just… I’ve got enough on my mind as it is. I’m doing everything I can for him, alright? Please.”

A few steps ahead of her, Maggie came to a stop too, her back to Rafiloe, hands trembling, only slightly. She looked small. Normally, her shoulders were so broad, and her face was so open. Strong. But now, she was small. “Damn it, Gecko,” she said, glancing over her shoulder. Angry tears pooled in her big brown eyes. “I’m worried about you, too.”

“I’m glad,” Rafiloe said, “but, right now…”

“I know, I know,” Maggie said, rubbing the tears from her eyes. “Fuck. You know, you can’t see it, because he got rid of all the mirrors in there, but the Gecko that goes in there and the Gecko that comes out is a totally different creature. You go in with a spring in your step and you come out dragging yourself along like a damn zombie. What does he even do in there? Suck your blood? Bleh?”

“No, no,” Rafiloe said, chuckling. “That’s not it. He’s just… Oh, shoot, it’s almost thirteen. Come on, we’ve gotta hurry.” Grabbing her friend by the arm, Rafiloe hurried down the hallway, the labyrinthine corridors of the castle now well known to her, to such a degree where she didn’t even need to think about where she was going. She already knew. And within only a few minutes, the hallway opened into the well-guarded sluice. “Thanks for the update, Maggie. I’ll be out in half an hour or so.”

“Aye, aye,” Maggie said. “But if he asks you to show him your neck for a quick second, don’t do it. He’s got nefarious motives.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Rafiloe said, waving goodbye as she went up to the sluice, greeting Alfont and letting him open and close the door for her. And just like that, it was only her, and the sluice. She knew from experience that if she stopped in there, she would remain there for too long. She had to keep moving. From the sluice entrance, through the sluice, and to the door, knocking thrice before opening it and stepping inside. 

The room was white now. The red carpet had turned white, the stone walls had faded into whiteness, even the paintings had turned into blank canvases, framed by white. The mural on the ceiling was gone. Nothing but white. White chairs, white cupboards, white tables. And, in the centre of it all, a white bed, draped with white cloth, with a lump on it. 

Napping again, Rafiloe thought, crossing the white floor. He did that often now. Always tired, never quite awake. She wasn’t sure if he slept at night, or if he just took naps every now and again. It was odd. 

By the time she’d reached his bed, he was awake, looking at her. He wasn’t wearing his glasses. 

She took a seat at the foot of his bed, and mustered a smile, trying to find the proper amount of excitement for the news. She wasn’t sure why, but whenever she visited, she seemed to forget how to express herself properly. How to be happy, how to be sad. Cottonwads silencing her heart. But she knew how to smile. Even when she didn’t feel like it. “Buccina and Garath came home a few hours ago,” she said, not quite as happily as she had hoped. “And they brought Goss with them! He’d been meaning to go on his maiden voyage, so this was the perfect time for him to spread his wings.”

“Oh,” Kitty said. “That’s nice. Shame about the raid.”

The smile stiffened on her face. “Yeah. But—but he didn’t blame you! Or us. He and the priest of dragons there both understood that we didn’t have anything to do with it.”

“Yeah. They’re nice like that.”

The words died on her lips. The room did that. It muted her. She couldn’t explain it. When she left, it was like she had a heart-attack, that’s how strongly she felt things. But not in there. It’s like the whole room was underwater, suffocating, a thousand pounds of pressure. But bright. Too bright. So much light white that it hurt. “We… We thought, since Goss misses you so much, that, maybe…”

“No.”

“He might—”

“He won’t.”

“But maybe he could, and you’d have someone else to talk to, and then, maybe—”

“No.”

She clenched her teeth. She wanted to feel angry. Angry to the point of trembling. But she didn’t. There was a big hole in her chest where that anger should have been. Smothering cotton. “We can’t…”

“He’d die.” And then, after a moment, his white eye piercing her, “You, too.”

“But… but you…” Her grief wasn’t anything, either. Grief was usually a hole. Something gouged out of you. A name for a pronounced emptiness. As necessary as the number zero. “You need to…” The hole of grief in her chest was filled with cotton. Thick, smothering cotton. “Okay,” she said, finally. “Okay. You don’t have to. It’s fine.”

“Thank you.”

Her eyes stung. It was too white. She turned to look at the window. Outside was gray. Only marginally better. Good enough. “You still haven’t asked for Simon back.”

“It’s fine.”

“Why?”

“I don’t really need him anymore. I get it.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I can do… things.” She could have sworn he wanted to give an example. Something he’d been up to. Something he’d been doing, that wasn’t sleeping, or sitting and looking, or whatever it was he did in there. But he couldn’t find it. She saw it slip his mind, and his dull eyes didn’t search for it anymore. “So, it’s fine. Keep him.”

{::w::`}

“...You’re sure? He seems a bit…”

“You’ll make better use of him. It’s fine.” His eyes slid to the window. He squinted. “Um… If it’s alright with you, do you mind if we run this one a bit short? I’m kind of tired.”

“Sure. That’s alright. Hope you sleep well. Do you want me to…?”

“It’s alright. You don’t need to come at sixteen either.”

“Okay. I’ll see you at twenty-two, then.”

“Yeah. Thanks. See you.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”