A Gamer's Guide 475 (Patreon)

It’s midnight. 

A warm breeze is flowing in through the barred window, bringing with it the scent of blooms and the city, accompanied only by the pale streams of moonlight. Aside from that, the room is dark. That’s the way Simel likes it. No candles, no nightlight. He likes to sit up praying for an hour or so before he goes to sleep, but he didn’t do that tonight. After we met with Hark, he seemed totally out of it, so we didn’t do much else all day. Nothing but me, picking weeds and pruning hedges, and him, sitting on the nearby bench. 

It’s been pleasant. Downright nice. 

I never thought I’d get to have Simel so close to me again. It’s been necessary, sure, but I’ve still… Is it a bad thing that I’ve enjoyed it? Holding his hand, sleeping in the same room, like a neverending slumber party. Of course, it’s not like it was back then in the desert. That was different. Back then, I was… Well, I can’t really remember what I was like and what I did, but I know it was bad. I hogged him, and I selfishly kept him all to myself. I know that. But what I’m doing now is for his own good. I only wish he’d understand it himself. 

But he doesn’t. Which, unfortunately, has left me with no other choice. It’s a shame, really. But it’ll be better this way. Maybe once I’m done, he’ll understand why I had to do this, and he’ll be my friend again? That’d be nice. I would enjoy that. This time around he hasn’t really gotten along with any of my friends, but I think, once he’s of sounder mind, he’ll really get along with Gecko, and Myrt, and even Buccina. They have a lot in common, after all. 

He’ll understand why I had to do this. Why wouldn’t he?

Silently, through the pale moonlight of the warm summer moons, I step across the room. Sharing a room is lovely. Never away from friendship. Always able to protect him from the world. 

I make my way over to his bed, where he lies, unmoving, barely even breathing. It’s silly. Sometimes, he’ll faint, and then he’ll snore loudly, but not when he falls asleep normally. Not like now. Now, he’s breathing without making a sound, like he’s afraid he might get found. Isn’t that silly? 

I move to put him in a coma, but then I remember how Gecko told me putting people in comas was actually not good for their brains in the long term. Hmm. 

…I guess it’ll be fine. Today will get wiped too, after all. He won’t have to remember what I’m about to do to him. Even if he wakes up, he won’t have to be pained by the memories. It’ll be okay. In that case…

I lean over him, shading his still body from the moonlight, placing both hands on either side of his body, rocking the bed only slightly.

His eyes flash open. They gleam terribly in the moonlight. 

“Don’t move,” I purr at him. “It’ll all be over soon.”

I clamber on top of him, trying not to think about the way his eyes stare up at me like I’m a tiger about to swallow him whole, and then, ignoring everything darting through his mind, I shove both hands into his temples. He gasps, his spine arching as his whole body jerks into movement, limbs seizing and jaw grinding mechanically. No no no no no no no goes his mind but it’s alright, it’ll all be over soon, it’s for the best. It has to be done.

He mewls incomprehensibly, pawing at me with bony arms, but I can’t do this half-heartedly. If I just rip out three years of his memories just like that it’ll ruin him. I have to do it properly. I have to go through it, bit by bit, ensuring that it’s fine to remove, that he won’t miss it, that he’ll be better off once it’s gone. 

I pull the mind out of his head. His eyes widen in terror and animalistic dread and even though he can’t touch it, can’t even understand it, he tries to reach for it, his hands passing uselessly through the mind, clawing in the air, again and again and again, all the while making noises I can’t even imagine ever meaning anything. “Aaughhh, aughrhghh,” he says, or something. I don’t know. 

Holding the mind in both hands, I turn it over, a little here, a little there… Yeah, no, there’s no easy way to do this. I’m going to have to just delve right in. I’m not sure how comfortable this will be for Simel, me rifling through his memories and all, but the good news is that he won’t remember any of this once I’m done. So, even as he grunts and gurgles and beats his fists uselessly against my chest, I simply bring the mind to my face, and take a little nibble.

—ut a dragon, here? That can’t be possible. We haven’t had a dragon in Acheron in years. But we can’t afford to take any chances. Whatever it is, it ate an entire village, leaving only the village head alive. An army of a few hundred is the least we can send and still sleep soundly at night. As the fourth son of the Berulet family, this will be my chance to prove my resilience. I have to do well. Otherwi

I blink. Hmm. That’s too early, I think. I spit the little mindpiece into my hand and graft it back onto the mind. Beneath me, Simel shakes wildly. Poor guy. 

Holding up the mind, I turn it over and take another bite, larger this time.

—urning fire choking suffocating fire running running running have to keep running have to reach uncle Parrus before the fires spread more before 

I stop chewing. Yeah, don’t need this one. I don’t really feel like experiencing exactly how Simel felt during the fires of Acheron, so instead of swallowing the piece, I just lean over and spit it onto the floor. I’ll clean it up later.

“Ahh, aaahhh, auggghhh,” Simel moans, tears streaming down his wildly moving eyes as he reaches desperately for the piece on the floor. Of course, I’m still sitting on top of his chest, so he can’t really escape. All he can do is squirm piteously beneath me. Which sucks for him, don’t get me wrong, but… I need to do this. This is for his best. If I don’t do this, he’ll die. That’s only obvious. 

I take another bite.

—nimal beast beast beast creature horrible wicked creature chain won’t hold it anymore can’t stop it nothing can need to d

I spit it onto the floor. Maybe I should’ve gotten a spitoon before I did this? Eh, it’s fine. 

Bit by bit, bite by bite, I chew through his memories, mouthful after mouthful, spitting out what I don’t need and putting back what came before. 

In the end, the mind I’m holding is only a bare half of its original size, and Simel has stopped trying to uselessly fight against me. 

“That’s good,” I tell him, wiping at my tongue, hoping I’ll be able to wash out the taste of his mind later. The emperor left me with a few bottles of fine liquor, so it shouldn’t be too difficult to replace the taste. “I hope you know I’m doing this for your sake, Simel. It’s not exactly easy, always trying to help you. You make it pretty hard when you pull stunts like this. But I still do it, because I care about you, okay? Even when it’s hard, and even when you fight back. Maybe one day you’ll appreciate everything I’ve done for you.”

He doesn’t answer. His eyes are empty. Not even the moonlight reflects in them anymore. All he does is stare off to the side, as though that might make me stop existing. But it doesn’t. I’m still here, and I’m still going through his mind. Even though it hurts.

Not a lot of bites left, though. Maybe I should leave a little bit, just so he’ll remember what I’ve done for him? Maybe. That might not be too bad. 

I take a bite, and this time, I really chew it, savouring the flavour.

Savouring the

It’s been several weeks since I was forced to become the captive of that creature. It has killed my cousin. It has killed my soldiers. It has killed my city. It placed a bloody crown upon my head, and now it parades next to me, walking me through these sweltering dunes. I believe with all of my heart that it will kill me one of these days. It speaks goblic words but it does not have the eyes of a sapient. It has the eyes of a beast, large and dark. I see them when I close my eyes. 

It has killed the only companion I had besides it. It tricked me. I know it did. It killed with glee and forced me to hide within its bowels, our bodies tightly wound together. It couldn’t stop smiling. It is the only beast I’ve seen that smiles. 

Every night I redo the bandages around my feet but it isn’t enough. Perhaps they will kill me. Will it let me die? It says it won’t. It says it would never hurt me, but every moment I spend in its presence is agony. I know it’s a beast because the words it says mean nothing. It acts regardless of them. One day it will kill me. I know it.

It cooks flesh upon the backs of the sacred who bowed to flames. It decides that I must eat it. It presses me down. I fight, I push back, but it presses me down. It says it is sorry. Foul warm flesh pushed into my mouth into my throat I choke on it I try to puke it up because it smells like the burning of the flesh of those I loved but it holds my mouth and nose shut and my mouth fills with burning acid and bile I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry its bony hands force my jaws to chew please swallow please Simel and I do because I can’t breathe my lungs are burning my mouth hurts and it

I jerk out of it. Haah, haah, haah, haah. I’m trembling. There’s something warm and wet running down my cheeks. Oh, my God. I can’t. I’m…

I lean over and puke onto the floor, but all that comes up is maggots and milk and the thing I was chewing on. Even though I try to right myself, I’m still swaying, and my stomach’s churning, and I can’t…

I fall over, only barely catching my fall before knocking my head against Simel’s. He isn’t looking at me. He isn’t looking at anything. His eyes are dead even though he’s alive. I lose my grip in his mind and it slowly slinks back into his brain, but it doesn’t matter. The damage is already done. 

I… I… 

I stand up, backing away from where he lies, one step at a time, all the way over to the door. He doesn’t see it. He doesn’t see anything. 

Not after what I’ve done to him.