LOVE YOU MADLY - Congratulations On Your Successful Application (Patreon)

Dear Applicant,

Congratulations on your successful application to join the distinguished ranks of Dr. Wayward’s Care Home for Overly Affectionate Young Ladies! Your enthusiasm, though perhaps mildly concerning, is exactly the tonic we need in our current... unique environment.

In light of recent, shall we say, personnel transitions—a few staff members have, quite inexplicably, become unaccountably unavailable—we are thrilled to inform you of your immediate promotion to the role of Supervising Doctor. While your formal qualifications may be somewhat, ahem, lacking, it was abundantly clear during your interview that you possess a certain je ne sais quoi that our Affectionately Persistent patients will undoubtedly connect with.

Please do not interpret this promotion as a sign of desperation on our part; rather, it is a testament to your exceptional potential and the fact that you were, by an astonishing stroke of luck, the only applicant still standing.

We look forward to seeing you thrive in your new position—do remember to keep the door locked when you’re on the night shift. We wouldn’t want any more, er, mysterious disappearances, would we?

Yours in hopeful optimism,

Dr. Wayward

P.S. Please ensure your insurance is up to date. Just a precaution, of course.