Everyone Loves a Crush Confession (Until It’s Theirs) (Patreon)

Oh, sweet patrons… tell me, won’t you, when it comes to a crush confession, would you fall for the utterly smitten barista with too many freckles and not enough chill… or the jealous TV star who absolutely does not share the spotlight (or you)?

Option A: Barista Edition
You come in here every day, and I make your drinks wrong on purpose because I want your attention. I wrote “date me” in your foam today. Not sorry. Ask me out or I’ll start making decaf out of spite.

Option B: Flirty British TV Star
You’re going to ghost me? I’ve survived talk shows, PR disasters, and my own Wikipedia page. You think I can’t handle telling you I want to kiss you on national telly? Please. I’ve already written your name in my vows.