Growing Pains - Chapter 74 (Patreon)

Once I’d gotten over my brief embarrassment of getting caught with my head in the clouds – in the metaphorical sense, since we were currently above most actual clouds at the moment – I did my best to stand confidently on the left side of the chamber and act as if the previous five minutes simply hadn’t happened.

Thankfully, everyone else was more interested in getting started then calling me out for my blunder.

“Now that we are all prepared, let’s begin the Arbitration for Dianna of Thymescira.” Zeus began. “Who stands as her accuser?”

“I do, my Lord.” The head Amazon from earlier stepped forward. “Aikaterine of Thebes.”

Ah, so that was her name.

And the fact that could name her origin as something other than the island meant she was one of the original Amazons before they all moved to Thymescira. I wasn’t sure if that information would be useful, but it was good to know.

…I was just going to call her Karen.

“And in her defence?” Zeus continued.

“I do.” I said, standing as straight as I could and stepping forward to give the traditional answer. “Califa of Vegeta.”

“Do both of you agree to submit to my judgment, no matter the result of my decision?”

Both of us didn’t hesitate to agree. It wasn’t like there was a point having second thoughts this far into things.

“And her crime?”

“She is accused of bringing outsiders to Thymescira without authorisation.” Karen replied. “Violating one of our most sacred laws set down by you, yourself.”

“Then we will begin. Aikaterine, present your case.”

“Our case is simple and undeniable, Diana brought outsiders to the island and the proof is that they not only admitted to it, they are standing right there. Any one of our sisters could tell you they were on the island.” Karen pointed at the male members of the Justice League. “The facts do not lie.”

“They do if you ignore all context!” I growled back.

There was a rumble of thunder as Zeus raised his hand. “The accuser is still presenting her argument. Wait your turn, girl.”

I crossed my arms and grumbled under my breath while trying not to get too annoyed.

It was theatre.

As the Arbiter Zeus needed to establish his authority over the two of us. Karen by telling her when to begin and me by telling me to shut up.

I’d learned the proper steps from my tutors on Thymescira, but it still felt like stupid posturing and a waste of time. Something I normally wouldn’t bother with if this was any less important.

“I do not deny that Princess Diana acted heroically or that the outsiders provided aid.” Karen continued. “But the law is clear, and heroics do not erase the punishment for when they are broken.”

Well that was just a straight up lie, I couldn’t help but think.

Victory excused a lot of things, and a lot of them were more important than a dumb rule that said ‘don’t bring outsiders to our island without asking’.

But pointing that out to the guy that made the rule in the first place was a good way to get me placed on his bad side.

So instead I was going to take a page out of modern politics – deny clear facts while trying to deflect the point.

“Has anyone actually proved Wonder Woman brought the Justice League to Thymescira?” I asked. “Because I never saw her bring them in and I’m pretty sure everyone else was too busy being a statue at the time.”

That had Karen bristling along with a decent chunk of the other Amazons that had come with us.

“Are you calling us liars?” She demanded but I just waved her off.

“No, but it seems kinda convenient to blame Wonder Woman for breaking a law without any proof she did it.”

“Diana herself admitted to doing it!”

I shrugged. “She also got punched in the head by Hades. I’m not entirely sure she’s thinking straight right now.”

“Her involvement was confirmed by the rest of the outsiders and the Queen herself! YOU were there!”

“Most of them also got hit in the head and the queen was turned into a statue at least twice. That’s not exactly proof.” I said stubbornly.

“The island is warded against intrusion unless one of our sisters opens the way, how else would they have gotten in?” My opponent countered.

“The same way Faust did?” I offered. “I’m pretty sure no one let him in, but it’s not my job to provide evidence for you.”

Karen’s eye twitched at my comment before she turned to look at Zeus. “My Lord, Princess Diana’s actions are not in question. The woman herself has already admitted so. Only the punishment decreed demanded arbitration.”

The god just looked amused and turned to look at the spectators. “In that case shall we confirm the fact? That Diana of Themyscira admits to breaking the law?”

I held back a sigh as Wonder Woman stepped forward because I already knew where this was going and that it was going to make my job harder.

“Yes, I was fully aware that what I did broke Themyscirain law.” Wonder Woman said clearly. “I will not hide my actions just because the situation was dire.”

“Courageous and honest even when it is unfavorable to her, a rare combination.” Zeus mused. “You’ve raised a wonderful daughter, Queen Hippolyta. You should be proud.”

“I’m proud of all my daughters.” The queen replied, which threw me for a second. I never heard about Wonder Woman having other siblings before, but maybe the Queen had adopted Donna at some point or was talking about someone I’d never met.

Whatever, didn’t matter. Because I just had a brainwave!

“OBJECTION!”

Karen glared at me. “What could you possibly object to? The accused herself admitted it!”

“She admitted to breaking Themyscirian law,” I pointed at her triumphantly. “But that doesn’t matter because Themyscira didn’t exist when she did it!”

“…what?”

It wasn’t just Karen that looked confused.

The Justice League, the Amazons, and even Zeus were giving me odd looks. Only Donna and Wonder Woman weren't, but that was more because they were looking upwards with a twin expression that I recognized as them asking some higher power for either patience or understanding for my particular brand of genius.

Although since we were currently on Olympus, shouldn’t they just be looking at Zeus right now or over–

“Explain yourself, girl.” Zeus demanded, interrupting my thoughts. And for the first time he sounded serious.

“It’s simple! The whole case rests on the fact that Wonder Woman brought in outsiders without authorisation. BUT! Faust turned every single Amazon on the island into stone before she ever got there the first time! As far as we knew at the time all of the Amazons were essentially dead unless he reversed the spell!”

“The spell only lasted as long as the Sorcerer Faust could maintain it. No one actually died to it.” Karen argued. “And that still doesn’t address what you meant by Themyscira not existing.”

“But no one knew that at the time, and just because the Amazons would change back eventually didn’t mean they technically weren’t alive when they were all stone.” I shot back. “Which means that the laws of Themyscira don’t apply because everyone else that considered themself part of the county was dead.”

“... hm, that is a fact I don’t think anyone has considered.” Zeus mused, rubbing his beard. “I can’t seem to recall another polity that was annihilated and restored so quickly and completely that the question of if it still existed needed to be asked.”

“That… is something we did not consider either, My Lord, and will likely be endlessly debated once the rest of our sisters hear of it.” Karen said carefully. “But even if we choose to interpret that situation in the defendant’s favor, that doesn’t change that the law she broke was set down by you, Lord Zeus, and not by the courts of Themyscira.”

“That is also true.” Zeus looked over to me. “So how will you defend against that statement? That even if Themyscira was destroyed, you ignored the will of a god?”

I had to be careful here.

I’d clearly won a few points with my earlier argument, but if I pissed off Zeus it wouldn’t matter how clever I’d been.

“Well, I guess that depends, how would someone normally get permission to enter the island?”

Zeus looked to Karen for her to explain.

“Normally, a plea could be submitted to the Queen for her to judge if an outsider was worthy of entering the island–”

“Which we couldn’t do because she was a statue at the time.” I pointed out.

“– or it would go to a Senior Council if she was not available–” She continued like I hadn’t said anything.

“Who were also statues.”

“– or would be put to a public vote if urgency was required and the other two options were unavailable!” Karen almost yelled by the end, turning to glare at me.

I just gave her a smile.

“Statues~!”

She almost growled at me and I think Zeus’s presence was the only reason she didn't try to punch me.

And while riling her up was fun, I think she just gave me what I needed to win.

“So anyway, according to the accuser herself,” I mimicked Karen’s tone, “Wonder Woman actually didn’t break the law in three ways.”

“Three ways, now? Diana insists that she has and yet you say you have reasons that say otherwise, and now more than when you started? Very well let’s hear them.” Zeus laughed.

“Well the first one kinda depends on how you look at the whole Themyscira not existing part.” I admitted. “I still think if the whole society stopped existing, it doesn’t matter who put the laws in place, it’s still gone.”

“Many a god would say otherwise, though I can see the argument.” Zeus nodded. “But just the existence of an argument won’t be enough to convince me to rule in your favor. The other two?”

“That’s easy,” I smiled. “Wonder Woman followed the procedure to bring outsiders to the island perfectly.”

“I’m arguing with an insane person,” Karen muttered. “HOW did you possibly come up with that conclusion?”

“Well, the Queen was basically dead as a statue, so as the Princess – Wonder Woman was the new queen and had all the authority she needed to bring the Justice League to the island.”

“OR if you want to be technical that she couldn’t be queen without a ceremony or something, we did call a public vote to bring them in… it’s just that there were only three votes to count because everyone else was – and say it with me now – basically dead because they were a statue.”

“Makes sense to me.” I heard Flash comment off to the side followed by a yelp as I’m sure someone poked him to shut up.

I wasn’t paying much attention to him though, because this was probably my best chance to convince Zeus to overturn the Queen’s banishment. If this didn’t work… I don’t think I could turn it around.

Zeus leaned forward and was visibly deep in thought for a few moments before looking at me and Karen. “This is certainly a much more interesting debate than I’d expected. Do either of you have additional points to add before I cast my judgment?"

“Lord Zeus, as I said before, I have nothing against Princess Diana. But we must also look at the precedent this sets.” Karen said. “A single outsider breached our defences and almost brought absolute ruin with his actions. If we do not take a hard stance with the law against all that would enter our lands, our home will forever be under threat.”

“One outsider working with someone already inside Themyscira.” I pointed out. “And four others didn’t hesitate to help out and make sure Hades couldn’t escape. And as for the law, I know it was made to keep Themyscira safe when the Amazons were weak and trying to recover. But this whole incident just proved keeping everyone away unless they are specifically invited doesn’t keep you safe from the ones looking to hurt you… it just means you’re cut off from the ones that want to help.”

The smiles I got from the Justice League, Donna, and even several of the Amazons almost made me shrink in on myself from sudden embarrassment, but I toughed it out.

I had an image to uphold.

“I’ve made my judgment.” Zeus grandly announced.

“Not only have the new arguments put forward made the original sentence possibly too harsh, they raised the possibility that the law itself was invalid. Something I’m sure our philosophers will enjoy debating for several decades to come.

“And because that doubt exists at such a basic level for the accusation, it would not be justice if the punishment remained the same.

“I declare that the banishment of Diana of Themyscira is to be overturned!”

Hah, TAKE THAT!

I turned towards Karen fully ready to give her a smug statement on how I won – but then I saw that she actually looked fine with the decision.

Maybe it was only because one of her gods said it was okay or maybe she really invested in winning, either way I probably wasn’t going to get an answer because right around then was when a near hypersonic Donna slammed into my back and tried killing me in the vice grip she called a hug.

“You did it, you actually did it!”

“Was there ever any doubt?” I wheezed back.

“Yes! Everyone else thought this was a clear cut case, and somehow you managed to twist things around until even Zeus isn’t sure the law was actually broken!”

“She does frequently make decisions that make others question reality.” I managed to look over enough to recognize both Wonder Woman and the Queen a moment before they joined Donna’s attempt to powderize my ribs.

I was about to object to this when I felt the Queen tremble and something wet land on my neck.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “For keeping my family whole.”

…

Wonder Mom hadn’t been nearly as okay with the banishment thing as she had acted, had she?

With that in mind I swallowed my objection and resigned myself to being used as a hug toy for a few minutes because none of the three Amazons felt like they were going to let go any time soon.

Instead I just sighed and used my only free limb – my tail – to awkwardly pat the three Amazons on the back while trying to ignore the fact that I saw Batman passing what looked like a camera to the Flash. Which meant by the end of the day this moment would be shared blackmail for everyone in the Justice League.

Even in victory, I’m surrounded by traitors.