WW Chapter 59: Internal Understanding (Patreon)

“Why are you focusing on the wind that’s near your feet?” Chloe asked as Ezra ran. Her steps were steady, following the same loping pattern that her rush through Villy’s street had.

“I was attempting to do what you’re doing,” Ezra said as he fought to keep his legs underneath him instead of shooting forward with each additional gust of wind. “I’ve done plenty of experiments with regards to how to push my entire body with the wind aura around me, but I figured seeing how somebody also do something similar with a different affinity than I have would be a good exploration of what limitations I can overcome.”

“Why are you trying that? You’ve already found a way that works better.”

“Yes, this probably won’t be something that I do much, if ever, in the future,” he admitted, his eyes flicking up the dry mountainsides that surrounded them. “But I think it would be stupid of me not to learn what you’re capable of doing and see how that can be adjusted to fit into my own style.”

Chloe nodded as she looked at him, her eyebrows cocked and face unconcerned. “What have you learned so far?”

“Other than the obvious differences, that—”

“What’re the obvious differences?” Chloe repeated, unwilling to let him leave off with that.

“That stone is firmer and less mobile than air?” Ezra frowned, unable to hide his irritation in the tone of his voice. “That your affinity is significantly less focused on mobility than mine, and that it requires much more creativity to be used while traveling like this instead of how easy it is for me to use air to move faster.”

“All right. So what are the less obvious things that you’ve learned?”

“That the aura from your inner world doesn’t make whatever the affinity you have is,” Ezra answered confidently. “I’m not making the air that I create winds with. I’m moving it. You’re not making stone or earth when you’re running, but you’re pulling it from underfoot.”

“Wrong,” Chloe cut him off from continuing to speak. “It’s easier to use what’s found around you, but you’ve probably heard of less commonly found affinities, right? Does somebody who has a poison affinity find themselves worthless outside of a pool of poison? No, they make poison. And you’ve seen somebody with a flame affinity. She didn’t have to carry a torch with her, nor did her sister have to carry a bucket of water.”

Ezra scowled, about to argue, but he instead shook his head and stopped himself from arguing when he was obviously wrong. Instead, he took a breath and nodded. “Your inner world doesn’t always try to make whatever your affinity is,” he corrected. “It’s easier for you to move yourself using what’s already in the world around you.”

“That’s true,” Chloe nodded. “Do you think that focusing on the naturally occurring air around your legs like you are is reducing the difficulty of moving at this speed?”

“Making it less difficult? No. It’s taking a lot more for me to think about it, and while I’m not moving as much of the air around me, I’m having to move it faster and more… I don’t know, carefully, I guess. That isn’t as much of a draw on my inner world’s reserves, but it sure is a lot of mental effort, and I’ve stumbled a few times already. I wouldn’t be able to use this in any sort of battle or even a dangerous situation. Maybe with more practice, though, it’ll be worth it.”

“Good, good.: Chloe went quiet for a while after that before finally she said, “I’ll be honest. You’re way better at fine, detailed use of mana than somebody with your level of experience should be. Being able to control the air to just move your legs like this without wasting the vast majority of your aura or breaking one of your legs is, frankly, a testament to your natural skill. I’m not gonna take away from that, and I’m not gonna pretend like you’re not talented in terms of pure aura control.

“You’re also surprisingly good at moving and meditating at the same time, and though your experience with duels is lacking and you aren’t a one in a thousand genius with that, you’re good and talented enough to be called talented, if not exceptional. However, you might just be a one in a thousand genius when it comes to aura.”

Ezra’s frustrations bled away at that, and he allowed himself a broad smile. When she saw that he was paying attention, Chloe nodded.

“The reason why I bring this up is because I don’t want you to lose focus on what you’re good at. Yeah, there’s easier way to use aura, and they can be the best way to do something, but don’t stop experimenting like you are now. 

“Frankly, I’m not a particularly flexible user of aura. I’m a good Pseudo-Knight mostly because I’m pretty good at maintaining my shroud for very little cost, and I’m a really good warrior. I’m an even better fist fighter, and that’s why, even though most people think it’s stupid, I don’t carry a weapon into battle, and I’m still one of the most trusted Pseudo-Knights in Brayton.”

Ezra narrowed his eyes as she trailed off and, after a few seconds, asked, “What are you getting at? Just trying to praise both of us or something?”

Chloe shrugged. “I’m here to try to help you to make sure that you have as good of a start in your new environment as possible. I think that you’ll be able to do that by focusing really hard on strengthening your aura and being flexible with it. I wish I was a better example of that, but honestly, I’m not. Already, you’re taking some inspiration from me that, if I was in your position, I probably wouldn’t be focusing anywhere nearly so hard on. So, I just want you to maybe do as I say and not as I do. I’ll try to keep your mind open and help you with this, but there’s only so much I can do.”

He nodded slowly, taking a moment to spread his awareness and simply try to internalize what she’d said. Though her words that she wouldn’t really be of help weren’t particularly heartening, he took her encouragement as an opportunity to focus on how he could improve himself. The reason for the beginning of the conversation was the depletion of his inner world’s reserves, and he had plenty of time to think about what she’d said. Slowing down, they let Ezra focus on pulling more aura into himself and refining it for his inner world, and as they did so, a thought occurred to him.

“Are you all right with us stopping while I take a minute to check something out with my inner world?” he asked.

Chloe nodded, gesturing for him to take a seat wherever he wanted. Without delay, he fell into a sitting position on a nearby rock and closed his eyes as he pulled plenty of the ambient aura all around him into his body.

As he refined it, he changed the bulk of it into turbulent winds, just like he had always done ever since he ascended to become an Adept. However, with something like a fifth of the total aura he began to refine, he changed into the other aspects of aura that he’d experienced when he ascended—water, cold, and what he thought was an approximation of lightning.

His attempts to create lightning aura were entirely ineffective, nothing resulting from his efforts. With the water and cold, though, he had no difficulty. He integrated those into the swirling vortex that was the center of his inner world, and the winds grew thicker and heavier, their edges now sharper than before as flecks of ice and whipping clouds accompanied the tempest. With the addition to his inner world, it grew weightier inside of him, seeming to settle more firmly into what it was intended to be.

Ezra smiled, keeping his eyes closed as he pushed this new aura, less wind and more storm, into the edge of his hand. With his eyes still closed, he mentally fixated on the image of a cutting cloud on the edge of his hand and chopped down right as he opened his eyes.

After the darkness of his inner world, his eyes struggled to adjust from looking inward to looking at the bright outside, but Ezra could see as, instead of a nearly invisible wind, a mist chopped down with his hand. When he stopped the movement, the blade of aura continued to pass his hand and slammed into the ground. The tiny pebbles there were thrown in every direction as the aura cut about two centimeters into the earth.

“You’ve changed something in your inner world,” Chloe said, no small amount of envy in her tone. “I didn’t say enough when I said you’re a genius with aura. It might just be luck, but I can feel that you’ve taken a step towards better understanding what your inner world really is.”

“It isn’t that different,” Ezra disagreed. “I just added some slightly different aura to complement what’s already there.”

“Did anybody tell you to do it?” Chloe asked, her voice dry.

“No, of course not.”

“So this is an expression of your talent,” Chloe repeated. “I’ve been stuck in Pseudo-Knight largely because I don’t understand what kinds of things I might be able to add into my aura. I can feel that stone isn’t exactly what my aura truly wants to be, even if it’s most of the way there. Everything I’ve added doesn’t stick, even if some attributes and affinities can last for longer than others.”

“What have you tried?” Ezra asked.

“I’m not gonna tell you,” she laughed. “I know that Dominick knows what I need. I think a part of him desperately wants to tell me. But it’s better that I learn it myself, that I find out what qualities I’m lacking. But, since I’m trying to help you anyways, I can tell you that understanding why the different attributes can be added into your inner world is really important as well. You know, whatever it is that you added, understanding why you specifically have that affinity of aura.”

Ezra nodded as he continued his introspection. His inner world was a storm, not just wind. The air was one of the largest parts of a storm, right? That was why he’d just used wind for so long. However, more complicated and complex than that was the storm. That carried the cold, the wet, snow, and rain, and occasionally lightning. But why was his affinity storm? That didn’t make that much sense about who he was, did it?

Chloe wordlessly offered him a hand up, beginning their journey onward, now with aura speeding them along once again. This time, however, instead of trying new uses for his aura, Ezra focused instead on understanding the aura itself. What exactly made the storm inside of him? Did it feel like the storms he had experienced? Why not?

Those questions were much simpler, and much of his time was instead spent wondering why his body seemed to be a storm instead of anything else.

“What is a storm?” Ezra mumbled to himself as they ran along without talking.

Chloe didn’t answer him, for which he was grateful.

Verbalize what you think a storm is, Jormun’s voice cut in. Is what you’re saying is your inner world actually a storm, or is it something similar?

“The storm is wind, rain, clouds,” Ezra did as Jormun commanded. “It’s cold, it has lightning, it can snow. It kills people. It’s dark. They’re scary for people who have no protection. There’s something to be avoided.”

It’s a sunny day. You’ve been running for hours, and you’re hot and thirsty. Would a light rainstorm today be scary? You are exposed out here on the trail.

“No, it’s not just scary,” Ezra admitted. “It depends on where you are on if it’s scary. Rain isn’t always bad. It’s one of the main ways that people get water, and I’d guess that people who’re farming like rain, as long as there isn't too much of it.”

What else do you think a storm is? Do you think that what a storm is is what you’re seeing in your inner world?

Jormun’s voice was insistent, and Ezra stopped answering his questions as he thought about his second question. Was what he was seeing inside a storm? At first glance, it sure seemed like it. And at second glance too. After several minutes of thinking about it, about everything that Ezra could think of, he was more sure than before.

“Yes, my inner world is a storm. At least, for now it is. But what about me is so storm-like?”

At this question, no answer came his way, and so he was left to continue running along with only his thoughts to accompany him. All his progress had brought him were more questions, and, several hours later, he stumbled behind Chloe into another inn.

This one was busier than the last, just on the outskirts of a town he didn’t know the name of.

Inside, unlike at the inn from the night before, Chloe quickly gave her order to the keeper behind the bar, asking for four meals to be delivered to a room with two beds. As soon as she got the answer of which room to go into, she nodded and led Ezra up.

“There’s no baths here,” she said by way of explanation as soon as they got into the room. “Go get us a bucket of water and I’ll make sure that we are ready to accept the food. When you come in, you’ll be picking me up for escorting as a selected companion for a ball.”

Ezra’s face twisted at the reminder that the least pleasant aspects of his training wouldn’t be getting forgotten anytime soon. Regardless of his feelings, Chloe would continue to drill him, so he might as well take what time he could to get ready to not embarrass himself tonight.

Just the thought of her demands made his face fall even further, but he set his jaw. If she was trusting in him to help her, and she’d done right by him so far, then he wasn’t going to disappoint her now.