Chapter 17: What’s A Goblin’s Favorite Bush? The Am Bush! (Patreon)

I'm not sorry and I'll do it again

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“Run!” Izzy hissed, and the goblins ran. Not the careful, stealthy scurry that they’d kept up so far, but a proper run, the kind intended to put real distance between you and a furious predator determined to crack your bones and slurp your marrow. They were pursued by excited yips and furious howls, and the distant crashing and cracking of bushes and young trees that the goblins had snuck under.

How’s your mana? Mash asked, more out of nerves — or whatever a disembodied spirit had — than to hear Izzy say the obvious.

“Gone!” Izzy replied, her voice sharp between breaths. “All out!”

No spells, then. What about innate Plant Magic?

“Maybe? Don’t use much.”

Let's call that a “maybe.” Um…

“Hey! You lot!” Izzy raised her voice, not enough to carry but enough so the goblins would hear. “Chased by gnolls! Ideas?”

“Got these!” Buttercup passed back an improvised package of stitched leaves, tossing it to Izzy on the run. “Made ‘em when bored.”

Izzy went to open it, but Mash didn't wait. She zoomed down, sticking her head through the leaves.

Foot biters! Caltrops!

Izzy cackled, an odd, bumpy sound as she ran. “Great! You all keep going! I’ll catch up!”

The scrum kept going, as did Caj, bravely abandoning Izzy for the safety of greater numbers.

Hide ‘em?

“Hide ‘em,” Izzy agreed. Wasting no time she tore the package open, scattering its contents over a large patch of ground. The caltrops were simple, just sharpened sticks tied together with tough grass, but they'd do. Izzy waved her staff, and with a quick application of Plant Magic she made the grasses and ferns grow just tall enough to cover the nasty things.

“Should slow some of the bastards,” she muttered, then took off after her scrum.

They hadn't gotten far when the sounds of their pursuers were drowned out by squealing howls of pain, to the nervous cackling of the goblins.

“Wish I could see!” Buttercup laughed. “See if the toad mucus makes ‘em dream!”

Izzy laughed with him, but the howls had been too close. Unless the gnolls all stopped to help their injured — and the way they’d seen the fuzzbutts treat each other so far, what were the odds of that? — they were getting closer.

Not going to outrun them! We need a new plan!

“All right,” Izzy panted, “damn, uh… Caj!”

Up ahead the fairy turned in the air, flying backward to face. “What?”

Good plan! This is nowhere close to the fastest he can go! He’s not even winded!

“Yeah. Caj, head back and see how many they are, and how close!”

“Still trying to kill me?”

“You’re faster than them! And sneakier! Get back there and take a look!”

“Lucky I owe ya,” the fairy grumbled, then reversed direction and zipped back the way they’d come. There was a sharp Smack as he did, and Izzy's hand went to her forehead, covering a tiny, bloodless handprint.

Constantly fleeing made it hard to keep track of time, but it didn't feel like nearly enough had passed when Caj returned. “Only two of the shites! One big, one bigger. Getting close, and plenty pissed!”

“Damn, damn, damn! Can't get away. Crack is barely on his feet. My mana’s gone. Okay, uh…”

There was an edge to Izzy's voice that Mash didn't like. It was the edge that had always crept in whenever she herself was in over her head, not sure what to do and terrified of the consequences of doing the wrong thing. The next step would be useless babbling, followed by crumbling completely, giving up, and hiding somewhere. That had worked with a tribe and an understanding teacher. Here? Not so much. And it would be real bad for the scrum to see their boss fall to pieces.

Time for the Advisor to do her job.

Listen, she said, making her tone as firm as she could and trying to project confidence through Soul Bond. She was leaning heavily on Intuitive Advice, too, more focused on making sure she said what Izzy needed to hear to take charge than on the absolute best course of action. They needed to be decisive, not perfect.

Listen! Here’s what we’ll do. Tell the scrum exactly this—

  *

Squirrel screamed as she tripped and fell. Holding her apparently twisted ankle, she rolled on the ground, cursing and moaning and lamenting her fate.

Mash thought she was overdoing it a little, but the gal was a Huntress, not a storyteller. And against two pissed off gnolls, it should do.

The two gnolls arrived moments later, slowing enough to cackle cruelly as the smaller one prepared a net. “Quick, now!” the bigger one said. “Net the little shit. Cut its tendons, too, when you're done. Hands and feet.”

The male — Mash was convinced now that the females were always bigger than the males — yipped an affirmative and started closing in on Squirrel.

Unseen by the gnolls, Mash watched the whole thing, hanging in the air above where Izzy hid, waiting for the fuzzbutts to get in position.

The male got close enough to Squirrel to wind up for his throw. The female was a few lengths behind him.

Now! Get the big one! Level 7! Other one’s Level 3!

At the same time as she gave the signal to Izzy, she also used Poltergeist to rattle an upright pole with their tooth-and-bone necklace on it.

Goblins were natural sneaks. Gang-uppers, trapmakers, backstabbers and ambushers. As soon as the signal came Squirrel scrambled to her feet, running not away but right for the gnoll with the net. In her hands was one of the iron knives they’d taken from the dead gnolls. At the same time the rest of the scrum, Izzy included, leaped out of the bushes and ferns, wielding spears, axes, and daggers. They’d led the gnolls into a little gully, and while the gnolls were much bigger than any goblin they weren’t so much taller that the goblins didn’t have a height advantage on them.

Well, except for Squirrel, but she was a scrappy little gal. She didn’t seem to mind.

“Get the big ‘un!” Izzy screeched, and the fight was on.

With Izzy’s Scrum Fighting driving them the goblins fell on the gnolls with a fury. Squirrel launched herself at the male, latching on to his legs and forcing him to struggle against her for control of her knife. The rest went for the female, and though she was strong and had a big, nasty looking axe, she was surrounded and functionally alone. She swung at Twitch, and Howl stabbed her in the back of the shoulder. She tried to grab Buttercup, and Izzy whacked her in the head with a wild swing of her staff.

She snarled and stumbled, slapped at Caj who flitted in to throw sand in her eyes, and Crack hacked her in the ankle with his looted axe.

She went down with a howl, quickly silenced as Twitch and Buttercup leapt into the gully after her and joined Crack in finishing the job.

With Howl and Izzy freed up, the male didn't last long. And against five goblins with their blood running hot, now all armed with iron weapons, neither did the two males with the injured feet who’d stopped farther back on the trail to decide if they should try to help, or flee, or chase the pretty unicorns that were leaping all around them.

Mash was pleased. So were the squiggles.

[Feat accomplished. Pursuers defeated: Gnoll Hunters. Experience awarded.]

This morning the goblins had very little. Some spears and knives and an axe made of flint. Some improvised caltrops and pieces for traps. Not much else. Now they had all the iron spears and knives and axes they could carry, and nets and bolas and bags and pouches and…

And it was time to find the gnolls’ camp, to see if the rest of their tribe was there.

“So, you’re sure you want to find the fuzzbutts?” Caj asked as they moved out after stripping the gnolls.

“Yep,” Izzy replied, popping the P. “More than ever. Big bastards, but not so tough once you get ‘em surrounded.”

“Right, yeah. Only there’s bound to be lots of them if there’s a camp.”

Izzy nodded. “We’ll get the ones who go out in little groups. Whittle ‘em away.”

“Until they figure out what’s happening, and all go out at once to find you.”

“Even better! Then we’ll sneak into the camp and free our kin!”

Izzy sounded confident. She felt confident, too, through Soul Bond. Mash, though, she wasn’t so sure. She had the feeling that Izzy was riding high on a string of small victories, and that she was at risk of leading them all to disaster.

Listen, Izzy. Caj, annoying little bug that he is, he’s right to be cautious. We need to find the camp, yes, but then we need a plan.

“Yeah, yeah, fine,” Izzy muttered.

“Head ghost talking to ya?” Caj asked.

“Sure is.” She paused for a couple of steps, then said, “Agrees with you, I guess.”

“Does that mean I’m right or wrong?”

“Right,” she sighed heavily. “She’s usually pretty smart.”

Thank you.

“Welcome,” Izzy grumbled.

“So what do we do?”

“We find them, see what’s what. Find a place to camp ourselves, I guess. Then we, whatsit, strategize. Make a proper plan before we do anything else. Maybe try to get some more experience? I’ve got Class Skills coming my way for both my Classes if I level them.”

“Craziest damn stuff. Wouldn’t believe you about the Levels, but you keep surviving, so there must be something about you. Does it have to do with the head ghost? Might be worth having one of them if I could just get Levels like you.”

“Eh…” Izzy drew the sound out, like she really had to think about it. Mash sighed immaterially and flicked her ear, making Izzy laugh indignantly. “Hey! I was going to say that it would be worth it without the Levels, but now I’m not so sure!” 

You get a body out of it either way. Mash grumbled to herself, but she didn’t actually say it. Izzy’s mood was looking up again after the little dip there, and Mash didn’t want to spoil it. Instead she focused on her Skills, trying to get a feel for what the bodysnatcher needed to hear right now, and she said, Don’t promise him anything. We don’t know if we could mess up the ritual the right way again. Oh, but he might get an evolution out of this anyway!

“Hey, good point! Thanks! Caj, you’re what, Level 3?”

Caj’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, but he chose to err on the side of trust. “I am, yeah. Level 3 Trickster. What of it?”

“Well, you know, you may not get Levels one by one, but if you do a bunch of impressive things and learn a bunch of stuff you might evolve, right?”

Caj didn’t say anything, but his eyes went wide.

“Like, you’ve been finding gnolls for us, and warning us, and you’ve even helped us fight. Not very trickstery, perhaps, but that’s all more impressive than pulling pranks on some lost human kid, isn’t it?”

“Uh-huh,” the fairy said distractedly, turning around so he was flying backwards facing Izzy. “You wanna find the gnolls, yeah?”

“Yep.”

“Rescue a bunch of poor, innocent, captured tribesfolk.”

“That’s the plan. Or the goal, at least.”

“Sounds hard. Challenging. You’d need to brave and clever to pull something like that off. Heroic.”

“Probably.”

“Right. Right, right, right…”

For a long moment there was only the fluttering sound of Caj’s wings, and the scrum whispering among themselves, trying to guess what the Boss and the Fairy were talking about. None of them spoke any Fairy.

“I’m thinking,” Caj said slowly, “that I might stick around once we find that camp. Just a bit.”

“If you want,” Izzy said, and grinned.