Chapter 21: Drown Him? Why Would I Drown Him? I’ll Just Pretend To Drown Him. (Patreon)

Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates on Christmas Eve!

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It didn’t take long for someone to come looking for the missing gnolls. Mash had wondered if anyone in the gnoll camp would spot them floating past, but apparently not. It also didn’t take long for them to give up. By the way the search party talked about them, they weren’t exactly friends or family, and the assumption seemed to be that they’d deserted and that there was no point in searching for them.

As Izzy and Squirrel kept an eye on the four gnolls from the bushes, making sure that they didn’t get anywhere close to the tree, Mash pondered what she’d heard. The fact that they said things like “run off” and “deserted” was telling. It suggested that the gnolls may not be united entirely by their own free will, which was an excellent sign for the goblins.

We can use this, she told Izzy, after giving her a poke with Poltergeist to get her attention.

“How?” Izzy whispered, not at all bothered by Squirrel crouching right next to her. The other goblins were getting used to their Shaman speaking to the air.

As long as we get rid of the bodies, nobody should suspect that we’re here. At least not for a while. And if the gnolls aren’t a tight-knit group, if they don’t trust each other, we may be able to get them to fight each other. Dunno how, but maybe.

Izzy hummed thoughtfully. “Maybe steal stuff from one tent, put it in another? Stuff like that. If we can get in there.”

Yeah! Yeah, stuff like that!

When they were all gathered again, Izzy relayed the idea to the others, with orders for everyone to think of ways to “mess with the fuzzbutts to trick them into hating each other.” Gods only knew if that would do any good, but the malicious little bastards could be cunning when they put their minds to it.

They didn’t have the opportunity for another ambush that day, nor the next or the one after that. Gnolls passed through the area now and then, but the groups were few, and always bigger than were worth the risk. They kept an eye on the gnoll camp, and most of the groups that left went away from them, downstream.

West from here, and then it turns south around the camp, Akashic Knowledge told Mash. West. The direction the sun set in. That was something new that had popped into her head recently, maybe thanks to her new Level in Advisor Sprit, and she was happy for it. Having words for directions like that was convenient. One day she was going to get her people to use them.

Then, one day, Izzy and Mash were having their daily meeting with White when the naiad said, “So, you know the camp full of gnolls? There are a bunch of goblins there, too! And gnomes, and even humans!”

“We know, yeah,” Izzy said. This wasn’t even the first time White had brought up the very same thing.

“Right. So, the gnolls make them go down to the river to fetch water and fish and such, and I’m going to get one of them.”

Mash blinked her ghostly eyes wondering if she’d heard that right. Surely White knew that those goblins were her and Izzy’s family? Izzy, though, didn’t miss a beat. “Is it a goblin or one of the others? Please don’t drown them if they’re a goblin. We’re trying to rescue those.”

“Oh, no! I mean, yes, he’s a goblin, but I’m not going to drown him, silly. What an idea!” White burbled with laughter. “No, no, I’m just going to pretend to drown him, so the gnolls don’t care too much about going after him. Drown him! Hah!”

“But you said you’re going to ‘get him,’” Izzy pointed out.

“I will! Get him out! Not ‘get him!’” White kept laughing as she mimed drowning some poor bastard. “No, I like him! He can see me, and talk to me and everything! I found that out when I tried to snatch him off the bank to drown him.”

“Oh.” Izzy paused for a moment, and Mash could feel the uncertainty churning in her. “Who is he, though? Old Rankle said he could see spirits, but he was the only one in the tribe.”

Listen, Izzy. She's utterly mad, but this isn't a terrible idea. Even if he’s from another tribe, if White can get him out alive and we can get him before the gnolls do, we’ll be in a better spot to rescue the others!

And having someone else around who could see her, that she could maybe even talk to, would be nice, too, but she didn't say that part.

“His name is Twig or Branch or something, I’m not sure. He doesn't talk so good. Anyway, I'm gonna grab him next time he goes down to the water. We’ve got a whole plan worked out!”

“And the plan is, you grab him and pretend to drown him?”

“And then I push him to the bank downstream, yeah! Would be great if you were there to keep the gnolls from killing him.”

“And if we’re not?”

“Eh.” White gave a “you win some, you lose some” kind of shrug.

Izzy didn’t groan out loud, but the sentiment was there, loud and clear to Mash through their bond. “When?” she asked.

“Next time I see him. He goes to the water a couple of times every day.”

“And you can't wait until after midday, or something?”

“Knowing myself? No.”

“Right.” Izzy blew a long, slow raspberry. “We should probably get going. It’s a long walk around the camp.”

“Great! I’ll dump him a ways downstream from the camp, past the bridge somewhere! And then you can bring him here every day so we can talk without the gnolls interrupting or the Shaman there trying to throw lightning at me!”

“Yeah. I’ll do that. See you downstream.”

“See you!”

Izzy turned to leave, then spun on her heel. “Wait, what?”

“See you there!” White said, no less cheerfully than the first time.

“No, about the Shaman!”

“Oh, yes! They have one. At least I think he’s a Shaman. He tried to throw lightning at me a couple of times, but I just duck under the water when he points his staff at me. The idiot!” she laughed.

“Right. Shaman with lightning. Okay, that’s good to know. Thanks.”

“Sure! Now go! What if the twiggy goblin is at the water already? I might snatch him before you’re ready!”

“You could just—” Izzy started, her voice rising, and that was Mash’s cue to step in.

Izzy, don’t annoy the helpful spirit who also might start drowning our scrum anytime they come down to the river. Let it go.

Izzy took a deep breath, let it out through her nose, and said, “See you there.”

  *

The bedraggled creature that Izzy and Crack dragged out of the water a ways downstream from the bridge was indeed a goblin guy, and a Witch. A Level 5 Witch at that, which would have made Mash terribly jealous a week or two ago. Now, though, she only appreciated what he could bring to the scrum.

That, and everything else she could see about him.

We’ve got to get this guy to join the scrum! she insisted, as the guy coughed and sputtered. He’d barely managed to thank them and was now sitting on a rock, long black hair hanging down over his face, holding up one elegant hand in a universal gesture for “give me a moment.”

Izzy, standing right next to him, just nodded slightly, probably not wanting to scare him off just yet. Which was ridiculous! The guy was supposed to be able to see spirits, which Akashic Knowledge told Mash was indeed a thing some Witches could do.

“You going to be okay?” Izzy asked. The coughing had gone on for a while, and the others were looking nervous. “Need some healing?”

“The cough—” the Witch coughed, “— the cough will be fine. But they broke my ankle and made it heal wrong. Can you do something about that?”

“Uh… maybe?”

That was all the warning the poor guy had before Izzy pointed her staff at him and threw a whole bunch of mana into Healing Roots. The Witch yelped, too slow to react before thick roots and tendrils shot from the soil and wrapped around his legs. They continued upward until he was wrapped toes to neck, and he got a faraway look as the roots did whatever it was that made all the pain just go away. Mash had seen the same look on Izzy's face before. It looked frightfully pleasant.

This time it didn't last too long. There were some worrisome snapping, cracking, and popping sounds from the Witch’s twisted ankle as it straightened out, but his eyes cleared up again before the scrum caused any real trouble.

“Oh, nice!” Izzy exclaimed, staring at nothing. “It didn't use all the mana I gave it. Only about a sixth of my maximum! Because he wasn't dying, maybe?”

Yeah, probably. But, uh, Izzy? You should talk to him. I think he’s onto us already.

The guy was looking at them. At them, not just at Izzy. His eyes, still half lidded from the euphoria the Roots had given him, flicked from the Shaman to where Mash was floating above her shoulder.

“Wooo, that was… thanks,” he said. He was rolling his healed ankle this way and that, and when he spoke, his voice was relaxed and a little gritty. “That feels really great. So, are you haunted or did you bind a spirit to yourself on purpose? How do you even do that?”

Izzy shrugged. “Dunno exactly. About how, I mean. Not important right now, anyway. We’re pals. So, anyway, welcome to the scrum! I’m the Boss, so you can call me Boss. The others are Howl, Buttercup, Twitch, Crack, and Squirrel.” She pointed to each of the goblins in turn. “You already know White. That’s what I call the naiad. And Caj’s around here, somewhere. He’s a fairy and only knows a few words of Goblin, all of them curses or insults.”

“Stick,” the Witch said, jabbing his thumb at himself. “And I never said I wanted to join.”

Mash briefly panicked. She really wanted this guy in the scrum. Because of how useful he’d be. That was it, she told herself. But before she could tell Izzy to promise him anything he wanted, her Skills kicked in and stopped her. There was a much better way of doing this.

Okay. Tell him he's free to fend for himself. That’ll establish your authority. Then tell him what we can offer. He can probably already guess, and he doesn't look stupid. He knows he’s better off with us.

“Sure, sure,” Izzy said. “It’s a big forest. Lots of gnolls in it, but you’re free to go. Or… we’ve got a comfy camp, and food, and we're going to rescue everyone. You can get in on that if you want.”

“I can hear you, spirit. You don’t need to speak through your companion,” the Witch said, his eyes right on Mash. He gave her a little wave, and she felt a ghostly flutter in her non-existent stomach before his eyes moved back to Izzy. “What kinda food?”

“Fruits, herbs, mushrooms, all kinds of roots, rabbits, squirrels, clams from the river… we’re eating good! Didn’t take any deer yet but we’ve been talking about it.”

“And you’re going to rescue everyone?”

“All the goblins. The others? Humans, no way. Those gnome things? Eh, maybe? I’d need to talk to them I guess.”

“You know, the humans aren’t so bad for bigjobs once you—”

It was at that point that Caj came zipping from upstream, shouting, “Get your arses moving! Gnolls are coming, and they are pissed!”

Beneath Mash Izzy grinned, and Mash invisibly grinned with her. Just as planned.