Draka Chapter 350: Interlude: Makanna (Patreon)

Lady Drakonum Makanna—Mak, to her family and friends—head of House Drakonum, proprietress of Her Grace’s Favor, and until recently her faithful servant, woke in the pitch black, cradled in her sergeant’s powerful arms. That was one of her favorite things, these days. Terdam was so big, and she so small, that she sometimes felt like she could disappear into him, to be held and protected and cherished forever. And normally, that thought would have been enough for her to sigh happily and go back to restful sleep. But not now. Not this morning. For all that she loved his warmth and the pressure of his arms around her, she had to leave.

Not him, specifically—absolutely not. She’d searched her feelings thoroughly the past week, and she was quite sure that if she hadn’t fallen in love already, then it was only a matter of time. She just wasn’t sure what being in love felt like. She knew love. She loved her family and her friends, and she basked in the comfort and safety of being loved back. For most of her life, that feeling was the only thing that made her responsibilities, and the things she’d had to do to fulfill them, bearable. That, and the wine, when things got particularly bad. But she didn’t know for sure what it was like to be in love.

Or maybe she did, and she just hadn’t realized it.

As she cast her darkvision spell and got out of the narrow bed, Terdam grumbled in his sleep. His adorably round face scrunched in a rare frown and the arm that had held her so close just moments ago reached after someone who wasn’t there anymore, and it made Mak’s heart stutter. The idea of leaving her sergeant like that, in the middle of the night and without a word, was almost physically painful. But she knew that he’d forgive her, and that soothed the hurt.

Perhaps that was part of being in love. What she knew for sure was that it was impossible to step away until she’d stroked his jaw the way he liked and kissed the creases away from his brow.

Yeah, she thought, smiling regretfully as she adjusted his blanket. That was probably part of it.

She dressed hurriedly and in silence, and left Terdam a note apologizing for leaving like this, telling him not to worry and that she’d be back, but she didn’t know when. Then she slipped out of the apartment. It was small and at the top of a five-story building where he had to carry his own water, but it was all he could afford on his sergeant’s salary since he wanted a view of the sea from his window. Then she slunk down to the street and made her way quickly from the lowest part of the high city to the Mercantile Quarter and Her Grace’s Favor.

She stole inside her own establishment like a thief; though, admittedly, a thief with a key. She moved quickly, eager to be away again. Normally she loved this place; it had been her favorite inn even before they bought it, and now it was a symbol of their new status and their new lives. For the last week, though, she hadn’t been able to stand the thought of staying there a moment longer than necessary. Every part of it reminded her of her, and thinking of her was simply too painful. So she gathered her things, just the basics of what she’d need, then vanished back into the night and the near-empty streets of Karakan. She didn’t know where she was going. She just knew that she needed to go, and so she followed her heart, trusting it to take her where she needed to be.

Her heart took her north. The gate might have been a problem, but the guards knew her. Well, they knew of her. Even before she became Lady Drakonum, the older of the city’s two Tekereteki woman adventurers had been well known by the guard, and her reputation had been impeccable. Now, between her new wealth and the fact that she backed Mak’s House, there were few who dared to deny her everything. So when the guards on the Forest Gate stopped her, it only took until they saw the color of her face before they apologized, wished her a pleasant night, and opened the gate enough for her to step outside the city wall.

Gods and Mercies, she hadn’t realized how the city had been suffocating her. Now, she could finally breathe again. Which was terribly odd, for her; escaping to the forest had always been Herald’s thing. Mak had always preferred to get lost in the alleys and side streets and forgotten places of the city, but now, here she was.

She decided not to question it. She barely understood herself these days. Not since she turned everything upside down.

It was unfair. Cruel, even. Mak had been at peace. For the first time since her mother died she’d been truly happy. For the first time since her father died, she’d felt truly safe. And, ironic though it may be, for the first time that she could remember, she’d felt truly free. In her submission to her she’d felt like she’d taken control of her own destiny. Everything had been simple, and right, and the future had looked so clear.

And then she had torn it all away. How unbelievably cruel, to do that to someone.

It would be so much easier if she could hate her. If she could think of her as the dragon rather than as Draka, her huge, terrible, powerful, sometimes inconsiderate, occasionally awkward, but always loving sister. But she couldn’t. When she invited Draka into their family she’d been a thrall, and she’d meant every word she’d said from the bottom of her soul. Now she thought back on that night, and the hours she’d spent with Herald, Tam, and Val leading up to it, and the words rang just as true as they had then. The only thing that was different was that now she was free, and she could put words to what Draka had done to her, and she hated it. But she didn’t hate her. She was angry, so unfathomably angry, and she was hurt, but she didn’t hate her. She couldn’t.

Well, she could. She was able to. That was one of the things that had changed. Mak just couldn’t find it in herself to hate someone who’d hurt her the way Draka had, when the reason for that hurt was that Draka genuinely wanted to know if it would make Mak’s life better.

So far it hadn’t, but Draka couldn’t have known that.

In some ways, she was worse off than she’d been before she betrayed Draka. Sure, she had wealth now, and standing, but neither of those helped when she lay awake at night, worrying about political plots, legal mischief, poisoned wine, or daggers in the night. They did nothing for the feeling of not being enough, or the fear of failing her family—her House, now, which was so much larger than her family had been if you counted those under its protection. She’d never had so many people to worry about before, and most nights, it ate her alive.

Terdam helped. He helped a lot, both by soothing her with kind, gentle words and by holding her in his muscular arms, and by making her forget entirely, leaving her gasping and blissfully exhausted. But by morning the fear and anxiety would be back. They always came back.

She couldn’t even take refuge in drink, like she’d used to. That was one thing that hadn’t changed when Draka freed her. And she might have cursed Draka for denying her the pleasures of a good drink, but she couldn’t. A weakness for wine and a cellar full of the stuff was a quick way to an early grave, and no matter how miserable Mak got, she couldn’t regret anything that curbed her most self-destructive habits. Mercies only knew that she herself wasn’t strong enough to do the same.

For a time, Mak travelled north, staying off the road itself but following it. Shortly after sunrise she reached a familiar road, one that called to her. Ah, she thought. Is that where I’m going? She didn’t know, but when late morning found her on that same small road, climbing into the mountains, there could be no doubt where she was headed. So much for not thinking about Draka.

Shortly after noon she arrived at the mining camp where it had all begun. There was the deeply rutted trail that led to the mine entrance, and into the tunnels where she’d first met Draka. She smiled, despite herself—the first time Mak had seen her, she’d whacked her in the snout with the haft of her spear. There was the foreman’s house where she and Herald and Val had stayed; where she’d gotten her first real, sober look at Draka, and healed her injuries.

Mercies, she’d been scared of Draka then. So had Val. Herald hadn’t, of course, and Mak still didn’t know if Draka had been unconsciously worming her way into their youngest sister’s soul, even then. It had taken months for that fear to abate to the point that Mak started thinking of Draka as more of an ally, or even a friend, than a threat, and then—

“Ay, what’cher doing here? This is a working mine!” a brusque voice called, and Mak pulled herself out of her thoughts to see a woman approaching her. The woman looked rough and no-nonsense, but was dressed in clothes that, while practical, looked whole and clean. Probably some kind of foreman, she guessed.

“Just happened to be in the area,” Mak called back, raising her hand in greeting. “Me and mine cleared this place out some months ago. Got rid of a gremlin infestation? Thought I’d see how things were going.”

“Issat right?” the woman replied, close enough now not to shout. “Heard about that. Scuttlebut had it was some ‘teki adventurers did it. That you, then?”

“I’m one of them,” Mak confirmed. She didn’t let the slur bother her. It had been a while now since she heard it, but you didn’t live for over two decades in Karakan as one of only three permanent residents of Tekereteki origin without getting inured to petty insults. In the city, most people knew not to use it to their faces, but in the country it was anyone’s guess what would come out of people’s mouths.

It certainly helped that she didn’t feel the slightest bit intimidated. Despite the woman’s choice of words, Mak’s intuition to her that her intentions were good. And even if they hadn’t been, there was nothing this woman or anyone else in the camp could do to stop Mak from leaving. Which, she’d decided, she would. Her heart told her that she’d seen what she came to see, and even if that hadn’t been the case, the next few sentences out of the woman’s mouth would have made her mind up.

“Well. Guess I ought to thank you, then,” the woman said. She stopped just a few feet away, arms crossed. “All’s well here. Good ore, and plenty of it. Word o’ warning, though. Some of the boys and girls guard this place, they might see a face like yours and put an arrow in it before they ask any questions. Thinking they were helping the city, you know? Wouldn’t hear them coming, either. You’ll want to be careful. Maybe get yourself gone before one of them sees you.”

“Right,” Mak said, still very deliberately not letting it get to her, and ignoring the part of her that noted how easy it would be to whip out the butt of her spear and break the woman’s knee. A face like yours? She’d almost died getting this mine operational again, and that’s what she got? But again she focused on her intuitive sense of the other woman’s intentions, and all she felt was that she didn’t want to see Mak get hurt. Something she presumably couldn’t guarantee as long as Mak was anywhere near the mine. She was so well-meaning that Mak suspected she didn’t even realize how offensive she was being. “Well, it’s like I said. I was just in the area and thought I’d check in. I’ve no reason to stick around. Thanks for the warning.”

“No worries,” the woman said. Then her voice softened just a bit, and she said, “Honest, though. If you’re really one of the adventurers wiped those gremlins out, then you have my thanks. Some good people died here. No one coulda saved them, but least you avenged them, yeah?”

“Yeah.” They had, at that. With Draka’s help. “Good day, then.”

“And a good one to you,” the woman said. She stayed where she was, watching Mak leave.

A year ago, Mak’s march into the mountains would have left her with aching feet and shoulders and wanting nothing more than to set up camp for the night. That was how it had gone when she went there with Herald and Val. But not now. Now she could march all day if she wanted to. Possibly all night as well if she had to, though she’d yet to put that to the test. That was another thing that hadn’t changed compared to two weeks ago. Draka may have freed her, but the Advancement Mak had taken, the one that she’d thought would have bound them together perfectly and irreversibly, still mostly worked. Mak may not be able to feel her draconic sister’s direction or emotions anymore, but the strength, the stealth, and everything else, they were still there. Her fingernails could still scratch steel as easily as stone or wood. She couldn’t guess what would happen if Draka picked up a new Advancement—as she likely would once she got her share of the auction money—but everything she’d already had, she’d kept. A mercy, and not a small one, even if it constantly reminded her of Draka.

The foreman, or whatever she’d been, may have meant well, but the way she managed to be effortlessly and unconsciously offensive soured Mak on the idea of other people. On her way back down from the mountains she left the road entirely, simply cutting through the forest with no destination in mind, then stopping to set up a simple camp near a stream when she didn’t feel like walking anymore. She’d foraged as she went, eating what she could; now she took the time to wash and cook what needed it, along with some dried meat. Then she lay back, watching the stars slowly come out in the little spaces between the trees.

She slumbered for a moment; she woke to the full dark of night, and climbed a tree before going back to sleep. There were very few things this far that could truly hurt her, but staying on the ground was just begging for some predator to try its luck.

The next day she crossed the great forest road, continuing to the coast. She still had no idea where she was going, and it seemed like as good a destination as any. As she stood there, on a cliff high above the crashing waves, watching the distant speck of a ship slowly sailing south for Karaka, she called it good enough. It was only midday, but she wasn’t going anywhere, and she had nothing she needed to do.

Well, that wasn’t true. She was shirking all kinds of responsibilities. They just seemed impossibly far away at the moment, so she ignored them and the little knot of screaming guilt deep inside her.

On the third day she set off north along the coast, stopping when she reached the point where a river emptied into the sea some fifty feet above the waterline. The waterfall wasn’t particularly tall, but it was majestic all the same, with the way the water turned to mist in the wind; it was a shame that she couldn’t enjoy it. She knew this place all too well. This was where they’d taken Draka after Mak betrayed her, to load her on a boat so they could sneak her into the city. They’d followed the river from the lake…

Ah, she thought. Of course. How foolish of me to think I might have been going anywhere else.

As she walked upstream her steps got heavier and heavier. She knew her destination now. She’d gone by the most ridiculously roundabout path possible, but as she stood before the lone tree by the lake, she could see her own reasoning. The mine was where everything started; this was where everything changed. It was also where she’d made her promise to Draka, which she’d been so determined not to forget. It seemed she’d needed to remind herself.

Love

Loyalty

Family

Always

Mak looked at the words she’d carved with her own hand. Literally; she’d used no knife. Her nails were hard enough. She’d been a thrall then, and she’d meant every word she’d carved from the bottom of her soul. Now she read those words again as a free woman, and they rang just as true as they had then.

It would have been easier if she could hate Draka. But she couldn’t. She was angry at her, yes. She felt betrayed and abandoned, yes, but she couldn’t hate her. Anything Draka had done, she forgave her for it, because in spite of everything she loved her enormous, terrifying sister. She suspected that she always would.

For the first time since she felt Draka tear herself out of her soul, Mak felt truly at peace. With all her anxieties and fears feeling very far away and insignificant, she settled down among the wandering roots of the old tree, and just watched the lake for a while. It wasn’t long before she fell asleep.