Home
Creators
Search Recent Missing Random
Posts
Search DMs Popular Hash Lookup Tags Random
Importer
Import FAQ
Register Favorites Keys Review DMs Logout
Community
Telegram ThePornDude
Home Creators Posts Import Register Favorites Logout

Future Plans for PGS suggestion and feedback thread (Patreon)

Published:
2023-01-07 09:54:22
Imported:
2026-06

Content

Now that 'Book 1' is finished, and we're moving on to book 2, I've started thinking about the revision. Actually working on the revision is still a long way off, so for now I'm just brainstorming, and making general plans, but these are still important. If I plan on making any changes to the early story in the revision, that could greatly affect the events of Book 2, so I want to get as much of the revision planned right now as possible so that I don't end up being too contradictory of myself. If I don't nail down some of the changes early, I might end up needing to do a full rewrite of Book 2 later to match it to the new and improved Book 1

If you have any suggestions, or feedback on certain areas of the story I'd be happy to hear them, so put them in the comments. 

I will keep this pinned, so feel free to comment whenever you'd like

Plans so far

  • Get rid of Valentino. He was my first attempt at a permanent side character, but he sucked. If he exists in the new version, he will be drastically different, and the circumstances of his meeting with Lucy will be much less annoying and forced. Edit: The forced parts I was referring to are him sticking with Lucy. He was clingy, but I felt that it was maybe to an unrealistic point, and it made him seem like way more of a selfish asshole than I wanted him to be. Him being a clingy, selfish asshole could work, it would just need to be intentional, rather than an unintended consequence of me trying to force them to continue traveling together.
  • Start Lucy in the body of a vampire. Either a revived vampire, or the last living vampire who's been in stasis somehow for the past 900 years or however long it's been since they went extinct. This should also allow me to give her a better starting point so the timeskips don't need to be as long, if they still exist at all. I've thought about just giving her an OP body that's already an archmage, but I still want the elves, because her knowing them is very important for chs 30+. Edit: And the training arc is important for familiarizing herself with the world
  • By having her already have some strength and skill from the very start, I can shorten the time in the training arc, and possibly just remove the adventurers, since they serve very little purpose in the grand scheme of the story. I like the adventurers though, so I'm hesitant to do that. I may just have to find a way to make them remain relevant after Lucy outgrows them. Maybe I'll make Valentino one of the adventurers? He was originally supposed to be relevant to the latter parts of the story, but he sucked so I scrapped that idea. I could definitely bring it back. Edit: To clarify, this would make the training arc more solo, and learning about magic and combat, and the Dungeon dive would also be solo, with more of her internal monologue about her skills and battle tactics, instead of relying on others. Based on feedback, that probably doesn't need to happen though. They could be good foils for her growth.
  • If the adventurers stay, I will spend more time making each of their voices distinct.
  • Add a few chapters explaining her skills and the System in more detail. The only reason why chapters like that don't exist now is that, like with everything else, I was completely making up the System as I went, so I didn't know enough about it to have any detailed explanation chapters.
  • If Valentino is gone, the assassins are probably gone too, but if the assassins are still there, I will add an explanation about how [Deceive] sent them a false kill notification.
  • Obviously I'll add more foreshadowing and mentions of places and people that weren't introduced until later chapters. I didn't know those places or people existed during the earlier chapters, but now that I do, the revised chapters will definitely reference them
  • The above point includes the Virtues, who I will probably have Pride explain to Lucy in the first chapter so that their existence is known from the very start
  • Additionally, in the opening scene with Pride, I will explain in greater detail the win conditions of the game
  • More pride. Lucy will be more openly prideful from the start, and she will feel more like the actual incarnation of Pride, rather than just an intelligent isekai protagonist with a fancy title.
  • More alternate PoV scenes. I will have one serving as a prologue, and one for every time skip. That probably means only one additional one in the beginning for the first 1 month time skip, but that 1 month timeskip might not exist anymore, so maybe not. We'll see. There will definitely be an alternate PoV prologue and epilogue to every book though, however many there are
  • General fixes for prose and grammatical errors.

If you have any other suggestions, or disagree with any of the changes I plan on making, please put them in the comments. I would love to hear your feedback. Even if you're just pointing out certain aspects of the story that you like or dislike without also providing a potential solution, that would be greatly appreciated.

Comments

Anonymonous

Honestly, I don't think you should shorten the training arc. The number of chapters are fine, and so is the time the character spends training. She's in a whole new world. She doesn't know what the rules of the world are, who the players are, how her existing skills translate in the new world. Nothing. Pride should have the absolute self confidence that she'll climb to the top anyway, whatever her starting point is. Not being delusional about it is the capability to stay low, observe and learn before acting. And it would be great if you showed that a bit more. Giving her a higher starting point will take away all that growth and, honestly, that'd be a disservice to the story. IMHO, what you should do is to lean further into Lucy's personality. As it stands she's kinda generic in the earlier chapters. She's supposed to be the living embodiment of pride, except that she's not delusional and knows what she's capable of. I expect such a character to be perfectly aware that companions such as the adventurers are only temporary and she should be perfectly happy to leave them behind when she outgrows them. This is OK. She's not a hero. She's not going to drag every bit character to the top. The only real permanent companions should be those she cannot outgrow because they have capabilities that she does not and either has no interest in gaining or is unable to gain those capabilities. Besides, such characters exist to show the reader the contrast between her natural talent and normal people. Good power fantasy will show those moments. You can bring them back at a later time to show how much she's grown and the widening gap in power. Not every character needs to be continuously relevant. They can be doing their own thing off screen. Only truly capable characters should matter to her personality, such as the virtues, other demon kings and people with personal power such as Natalya. If you really want to have the adventurers in the story, there's only really one pathway. Turn them into Lucy's minions. Talking a bit more about her personality. She's a bit narcissistic. This is fine, because she has the capabilities to back them up and she isn't shy about showing off. However, this also means that she does not work well with most people as she doesn't care much about playing along with expected social rituals. You showed this well with both the Duke and Sylvia but you can lean into it earlier with more generic characters. I'm in two minds about Valentino. I don't feel the meeting has been forced. The only "chance" encounter is running into each other at the class change which isn't such an absurd coincidence. After that, he's only in the story because he's a clingy child and Lucy doesn't care enough to slap him away. He's just not permanent sidekick material. It was painful to read but not because of some horrible error by the author. Their personalities simply don't mesh well at all. He needs a full personality rewrite if he's to become a fixture of the story. Or you could turn him into a side character who appreciates Lucy's tough love and plays a part in the story in a future arc as a more grown up character. Having a permanent side character would be a good thing however, especially considering her personality flaws. A character which slowly tempers the more grating aspects of her personality would be great. That character just needs to be individually capable and have a strong peronality to earn Pride's respect. Anatoly is a great example of this. I loved the part where she goes and crushes Sylvia's feelings by speaking the blunt truth without sugarcoating or by treating her with baby gloves. And then Anatoly just goes and handles it, just like he would have done a million times when his wife was still alive. That whole scene was lovely. About the timeskips. You can do a multiyear timeskip over 3 or 4 chapters by giving short glimpses into where Lucy is interspersed with alternate POVs. Have you read a journey of black and red or the path of ascension (both on royal road)? Both those stories do timeskips really well. I don't really think you need whole exposition chapters for the system thing but that's a matter of taste. Some people like well defined systems with proper explanations and in-universe consistency. These are the read the wiki before playing the game types like me. Some people system exposition to occur in-universe in a gradual fashion. Some people don't care about consistency and just blue boxes because seeing numbers go up is satisfying. And then there're the heathens who don't like numbers and, unfortunately, make up the majority of people. Do whatever you feel comfortable with - just don't flip flop. Hope this isn't too much criticism. Been enjoying the story so far.

NCThomas

Thanks for the feedback. This is exactly what I wanted.

NCThomas

Apparently you need to hit shift+enter to get a new line in a comment. Whoops. What I was going to add to that first comment is: To clarify, I wasn't going to reduce the length of the training arc, just the length and number of timeskips. By giving her a better starting point, she wouldn't need a full five years to get to level 75, but she would still need to learn magic. So the training would still be there, it would just be paced better. She would be starting closer to level 50, with the stats to match, and instead of needing all that time to level her User level, most of that time would instead be spent learning magic, aura, and how to fight with them. As for Valentino, maybe I'm just more sensitive to him since he's my character, but it's nice to see that at least one person doesn't dislike him as much as I do. I'll definitely think more on what I can do with him, and how to make his earlier scenes less awkward. I'll also try to work on thinking about how I can bring him back in later chapters. I have Journey of Black and Red on my TBR list, so I'll check it out, and bump up its priority level. Thanks for the rec

Jason Bryant

The only critique I could give is surrounding the plethora of skills she gains that we don’t see her using. To be fair, she hasn’t had the chance to show off her prowess in combat. But I felt as we were going along that abilities were just appearing on her status without sufficient exposition. Also, since she’s an Archmage she’ll definitely have a butt load of skills, but I feel like as a reader I was wanting more than just. “I’m an Archmage, I gained so and so skills during training.” The Hex Shield was perfect, I felt that it wasn’t just a skill given freely and that made it more substantial for me. Also, there’s the issue of her having SO many skills that we rarely see some being used in combat, an example is her blood magic, it was leveling up but we never saw her do anything with it. Just rambling, love the story.

NCThomas
>>99124989

Thanks! Yeah I plan on having her actually use a lot of her new skills soon. Maybe not every single one, but enough of them to get a good idea of what all of them do. In the revision, I also plan to have a few more scenes like the one where she learns about [Hex Shield] with a few other skills to make the, feel more earned