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441-444 (Patreon)

Published:
2026-08-25 15:03:53
Imported:
2026-08
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Altoid

The bunny is cute, and I wish to love him forever, but his words sting true

Cypressed

Far, far, far too relatable. This is exactly how I felt for most of my life. I'm lucky enough to be someone the medication I've been on since last year (Atomoxetine if anyone is even curious) actually works on. (Well ... That and bupropion) The thing is... Even though you are saying this literally right in front of me, I feel like I've become little more than a voyeuristic nuisance x.x I'm used to thinking nobody wants to hear from me even if they're *actually, actively friends of mine* and that's literally only changed in the past 12 months. For someone i only know through their creative work, someone being flocked and flooded with attention, I still can't help but worry that sticking my neck out will get my head bitten off x.x;;; ... Hell, i feel self conscious even writing a comment about it. There's a solid chunk of my internal predictive modeling and pattern recognition that actually expects that if there's any sort of acknowledgement from you at all it'll be a rebuke or a rejection. The rest is arguing between 'you're a creep, you shouldn't post this' and 'i guess you're just trying to be kind and empathetic' but even both of those agree 'nobody wants to read that and also anyone who does will be disgusted; it'd be better if you deleted everything and kept your mouth shut'. If this even does get posted... It'll be from burning a not insignificant quantity of willpower >.< I worry, too, that even if I were to establish some sort of connection or bond or something, my presence wouldn't actually be a boon but a burden--just one more item on the massive overflowing endless to do list of someone who already feels overwhelmed. It would be SELFISH of me to expect anyone else's time or attention. Especially the time and attention of someone i actually admire ;~; ... So i know I'm assuming a lot when I say this--i have a long history of engaging in the terrible habit of overthinking (it's all to help me work out how to approach and what to say and also work up the courage to even open my mouth)--but if you actually are feeling isolated and wishing someone would talk to you, I'm sorry I don't have the courage to dare even try; i'm *dying* to, but I'm afraid of alienating you... and you feel, to me, as though you are in a position out of my reach, that I would be yet another weight dragging you down when more than anything else I want to lift you up. Not because of ambition for where you might go, but because i see where you've been and what you've accomplished creatively and no matter how the future unfolds you deserve to feel better and safer and more secure and *absolutely LOVED*! Not because you ARE making pretty art but because the art you ALREADY HAVE created bared your soul enough to convince me you're the kind of person i relate to the most. You don't have to prove anything. You just intrinsically *are* someone who deserves to be loved and appreciated and supported. And the idea that you might not feel as though you are ... simply ... seems unjust to me. If you actually do have enough people who are dear to you already... I hope they will reach out to you more and show you the affection a stranger like me has no right to deliver u.u