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Aberdeen isn't ready. It will never be ready. (Patreon)

Published:
2025-09-04 08:53:28
Edited:
2025-09-04 08:56:40
Imported:
2025-09
Tags:

Content

Hi. It's me. I deleted the post because it's not good enough. I don't even want to work on it anymore. I listened to it and there is way too much that's not good enough. Things I would need to change by completely starting over and I just don't want to.I am not persistent. I don't enjoy my work when it feels like work, and trying to get something right that doesn't want to be isn't fun for me.I'm abandoning the song. Potentially for a year or more. Probably forever. It served as a place to test things that did work well in Tzippi, Stick Season, and Tin Bird. Those turned out great, and wouldn't have if I didn't make Aberdeen first, but like...I can't.I have one recording of the song that really got the mood right, but I didn't record it under ideal conditions and now it's really biting me in the ass. I simply can't do it again. It was lightning in a bottle and I can't repeat it. I can't access those emotions anymore. They are gone forever and I need everyone to accept that. It's hardly the first beautiful song that failed hard on a technical level, and never got published.I'm sad that it was this one but I don't want to make anything worse than what I just did.Its all white noise I hate itLa La La it's asssing garbagesing trashsong this song sounds like assI hate this fucking song why can't I get it right why why WHY CAN'T I GET IT RIGHT why am I not good at this yet why can't I do it again what is wrong with meI'm going to bed. this song demands someone of much greater skill than I to make it work. or at least greater will. in either case, I am a talentless quitter. try to hide your disappointment when I wake up.

Comments

Shrooom

I'm sorry to hear it, but you need to put out things you're happy with. So I get it

Shrooom

Then you shouldn't put it out. Clear and simpls

Charli Morgan

so many songs get abandoned because I listen to them too much. I hate the sound of my own voice. I hate how lazy I am. how I rarely have time to set things up. I am not good at this. I will NEVER be good at this.

Shrooom

You and I both know that's not true. You wouldn't be in the position you are now if you weren't good at it. There are tons of people who love your music. Who's days are made better by your music. You have changed people's lives

Charli Morgan

but Nik loved this one and now I hate it. like imagine how I would feel if it were the other way around. I'd be heartbroken. there is no way I can feel good about this song.

Charli Morgan

sorry. idk why I'm even talking about this. like nobody is going to change my mind. I don't need to be comforted. I want scream and this is my mountain. that's all it is. I'm screaming so someone knows it hurts for the sake of it.

Shrooom

In the end it is your content. You're responsible for what goes put out. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It is entirely dependent on your thoughts. I loved it too. But if you are not happy about it don't release it.

Charli Morgan

I wish other people could hear all the things I do. I don't know why I keep getting that tone and at this point, I don't even care. sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not.

Charli Morgan

and like nobody else hears it. nobody. am I actually insane? what's wrong with me. why can nobody hear these sounds but me?

Shrooom

No you are not insane. This is the nature of being human. We all experience reality differently. I can never explain what I see when I look into the night sky, but I know no one else will see it. And I think that's wonderful, that we all get to experience our wonderful world slightly differently

Shrooom

Could it perhaps be a form a tinnitus? With the military and loud music, it's possible you've damaged your ears

Charli Morgan

no, it's a real sound. I have isolated it before, and it's between about 2khz, but it's the harmonics that make it completely unbearable to me. I'm not making it up. I have seen it and it comes and goes.

Shrooom

Hmmm, then I'm not sure I know. I don't know much about sound engineering. I'm sorry that it is so impactful in your life. I could only imagine how bad it must be

Tildorath

leave this one to future charli, whose going to absolutely fucking nail it. But for current charli: rest, relax, a head towards something new

A

It sounds trite to repeat when you’re currently going through it, but it’s like you’ve said about trusting the process and killing your darlings. It output some great stuff that I’ve been listening to on repeat ever since you dropped the surprise Tzippi EP, but for sure it’s disappointing that this one didn’t make it (at least not yet). You’ll make more awesome things instead, and maybe it comes back later, maybe it doesn’t. If it was easy to kill them they wouldn’t be your darlings.

AsaSpades{🍪🖤🐈}

She will! Right now focus on the next project your passionate about. You have amazing talent don't forget that! Right now this can sit on the back burner as long as it needs too and if/when future Charli is able to make it work the way she's wants to, we'll be here excitedly waiting to hear it 💚.

KaiserPodge

That's okay, Charli. It really is. It happens to any Maker. You hit a spot where if you shave down anymore wood, it's ruined. Or the metal is bent in a way that it's becoming brittle. Or just the whole damn stool won't stop fucking wobbling and if you work at it anymore, it's going to two inches tall by the time you're done... Stupid stool. That is important is the experience of doing. Slamming the hammer on your thumb and all. Put it in a box and don't let yourself even look at it for months. There are more songs out there. You could say... it's the Plight of the Artist ;)

Charli Morgan

Nikki said the same thing but your stool metaphor is really good 🥹