Why does it have to be you (I can fix him) (Patreon)

[Verse 1]

I like when he gets moody

And his long lashes lay stable like a setting Sable sun.

The way he bows his head—he looks just like someone

Who doesn't need charity but maybe needs a break.

And what's the worst I could do but be another miss-

taking what I feel in my heart

From what my pussy screams is true?

[Pre-Chorus 1]

I trace the scripture of his “no’s”

And pray to all the might-have-beens...

A worshipper in a vacant church

Built on my own willing sins.

[Hook]

So damn your wanting love—

It's just enough to wreck me.

And damn my wanting blood—

For making a sanctuary out of “maybe.”

[Verse 2]

I like the way his silence sits

Not empty like a kiss,

But full like a held breath before a

Word is carved in it, and how-

He'll peel an orange, slow

And offer me a segment, though

He knows I'll take it as a sign

And spin a whole-ass valentine

From what's just being barely polite.

And what's the worst I could do but stay up half the night,

Connecting constellations from the freckles on his skin

To stories on the pages I can't find

Where I might find-

Where I fit in?

[Pre-Chorus 2]

I read the vows in his delays

And bless the bread of his disdain...

A holy fool with fevered hands

To re-dress disformal pain

[Hook]

So damn your wanting love—

It's just enough to wreck me.

And damn my wanting blood—

For making a sanctuary out of “maybe.”

[Verse 3]

I hate the way I memorize

The chipped paint on his kitchen door

And call it something metaphorical

For how he's bruised before, or will

And how I’ll catch a glimpse of rust

Around the edges of his trust

And think, “I have the perfect tools,”

Playing the gentle, patient fool

Who's just another architect

Of ruins I know I’ll respect

More than some easy, sunny peace.

And what's the worst I could do but lease

My common sense for one more chance

To smash the code behind the dance he could not would not should give me

No matter how I slave or be

[Bridge]

And in the quiet after, I finally see the art:

It's not the boy I’m loyal to, but the condition of my heart.

An endless excavation of a man who’s not that deep.

The promise I’m addicted to’s the one I get to keep.

[Outro]

So fuck your half-way love...

It was just enough to wreck me.

And fuck my wanting blood.

Fuck my “Sanctuary, Maybe.”

Oh goddamn, I loved a boy.

And goddamn, why was it you