Warlock Silver (Patreon)

Fat sacks of silver and jars full of flower

Girls who text "u up?" at a reasonable hour

Pipes carved from driftwood and cheap wizard weed

These are a few of the things that I need

Warm little taverns and badly tuned fiddles

Half-finished grimoires with unsolved little riddles

Spells cast by accident, somehow succeeding

These are the things that keep me from leaving

When the king calls

When the realm falls

When the dead arise

I simply remember my favorite things

And tell them to “handle it, guys”

Couches and cauldrons and women with standards

Low enough maybe to tolerate wizards

Breakfast at midnight and midnight at three

These are a few of the things meant for me

Questionable potions and excellent rumors

Waking at sunset in a marvelous stupor

Hexing a landlord for raising the lease

These are the things that bring me my peace

When the church knocks

When the guild knocks

When they want my help

I simply remember my favorite things

And become unavailable

Dark eldritch power and absolutely wasting it

Ancient forbidden lore and immediately misplacing it

Prophecies, destinies, wars yet to come

I'd rather be smoking and stroking my thumb

The lich seeks battle

The dragon seeks gold

The heroes seek glory

Or so I've been told

Me, I've got a hammock

A pipe and a view

The end of the world

Can wait 'til I'm through

So if doom comes

If hell comes

If the stars align

Just leave a message after the tone

I'm busy and doing just fine