hello… (low energy today) (Patreon)

good evening everyone! It is currently 11PM and i am not feeling the best. today was even hotter than yesterday and i spent most of my day laying on the floor, gripping at every last bit of coolness i could get. at least i had plenty of water n ate light refreshing food. i had no way of exercising really, since it was too hot to even walk from a room to another, so i feel quite down.

i’d like to speak of a subject dear to me now, something that twists my very being every time i am remembered of it. humanity, to be precise, my humanity. what do i mean by this? well, the flesh and the mind. we are human because we have complex thinking, morals and little bodies that take us from a place to another, functioning like meaty machines, powered by circuits of nerves and blood vessels.

i hate being human. i have hated this body ever since the day i can remember. i always saw it as something horrific and impure, not a gift from god but a curse from the devil. why would an all loving, all powerful god, force us into bodies that are ill fitting, too small to fit our souls and the want. the all powerful want to inherit the heavens.

i feel filthy. i may bathe myself in holy water and withered rose petals but it’s a cruel reminder that i will never, ever, be pure again. purity is something i never even touched, i was born miserable, covered in maggots and grime, blood and dirt. we come from the earth, we go back to the earth, we never reach holiness. at least the trees will use my bones to grow tall enough to reach god.

what do i do. why must i be so flawed. what do i do

i apologize entirely for this peculiar entry, i don’t feel like myself today. i feel like my being is somewhere far away from me and i am floating in another spot in the universe. i hunger for the release from my mortality one day.

questions of the day: do you believe in a higher being? do you think this being loves us? do you think we were made out of love or hate? do you fit into your body?

i am unwell, but i hope you are better than i am.

much love, soda.