What to do now...(this is an actual serious update post) (Patreon)

Hey it's Shaybs! (lol it's weird to use that here but how could I not?)

I hope you've enjoyed the Ninku video, I wanted to post more formally about the channel/what's going on with me. Turns out I have a fair deal to say but I've been too self-conscious or wishy-washy to say, and I think it resulted in me having a pretty crappy day yesterday with all the thoughts swarming. Best to get them out in the open I think, hope you'll indulge me.

MAIN CHANNEL VIDEOS

I mentioned last fall that I wanted to shake up my approach and make shorter, more regular content on the main channel. That obviously didn't happen haha so why?

It's an excuse, but around when I put out "Disney's Mortal Sin" I had the third idea loaded up, but had a family trip to Colorado, and when I got back I completely lost motivation. While on the trip, somehow I recognized within myself that I had experienced severe burn out from 2020's Some Collab AMVs project, that affected me in ways I didn't realize until long after. I put SO much ridiculous attention and effort into those videos, but they were obviously very esoteric, NOT something YouTube would touch with a ten foot pole. I expected that somewhat, but I didn't anticipate how crushing it would feel when one of those AMVs didn't get any comments for over 24 hours. That sounds spoiled of me to say tbh, which is why I've withheld from saying it till now. I'm lucky that's the first time that's ever happened to me, some people get it ALL THE TIME, but compared to how much insane work I was putting into them it dealt me considerable psychic damage that I think I'm still feeling. It shattered my  confidence, I think. Upon reflection, maybe that was why the Lupin video was such torture for me to make? Maybe that's why I gave my You Should Buy Anime video to an editor and even then made it pretty minimal in the editing? Maybe I didn't want to put that much effort into making videos EVER again, so that dissonance between effort and results (which, even worse, was COMPLETELY my fault, inflicted by me and only me!) doesn't happen again. I wanted to run away and make shorter lower effort stuff instead.

But of course that stuff doesn't actually satisfy, it's not why I make stuff. From here people might already know, but if you aren't super active in the discord/my twitter, I finished Naruto at the end of last year, and really enjoyed it, to the point I just wanted to talk all about it, not like a review but the things that interested me. At first I was expecting it to be maybe 30 minutes max, but the script soon ballooned and is still not done haha However, it's been so much fun to write and it's something I'd be really excited to make. And I still need to practice a lot more with photoshop and after effects so maybe I'll make it like I used to, and not just a clip show. And sheesh, it's NARUTO, it's bound to do SOME numbers! Plus, a lot of people seem to actually be EXCITED and LOOKING FORWARD to it. So I want to make it a return to form, a way to get over myself :P

It's gonna take me a while, QUITE a while. So even though I'm still gonna be fairly active with Digest and my streams (which I'll bring up later), I've set the Patreon back to "per creation," I get why I had a good number of people have unpatroned, I wasn't putting much out besides the same old same old. The main channel videos are the fresh thing, what people get excited for, (I assume) largely why they patroned in the first place. I want to deliver on that. Having said that, there's a bit of a conundrum. Again I've mentioned on Discord before, but I have two videos recorded in the pipeline that I said would come BEFORE Naruto. They're the two follow up videos to my Slam Dunk video in November. Truth be told, I am NOT too confident in them, I suspect they'd be kinda MID videos. And you know how I feel about MID >:(

BUT instead of tossing them, I'd like to give them one more shot. For the first time (that I can remember?) I'm gonna post those two scripts, and I'd to ask you whether you'd want me to make them. Whether at all, BEFORE the Naruto video, sometime later? Do I abbreviate and make one video? Are they actually MID or have I just cooled off on them? I'd really appreciate your help, thanks!

ANITUBE DIGEST

I'm still not TOTALLY sure what I'm doing this summer, either way I'd actually like to try and not take a super hiatus, especially since I'm starting to feel like I might want to retire after this "season" of Digest (I'm weird, I started Digest late August 2019 and each year has been a "season", I've said if I want to stop Digest it'd be after a whole year).

You may've been able to tell, maybe it's just me, I think I've been getting lazy and less enthused with Digest. I still enjoy and appreciate talking about these videos, but I'm afraid the novelty's worn off, and it's not gaining much more traction. It sucks a lot out of my day, I'm worried it's become more obligation than hobby, which means it's time to cut it off if it's not making me happy. I'd hate to cut it out immediately tho, I think it'd be left on a sour note if I did that. But yeah I don't think the enthusiasm is there like it used to, from me or from the audience. I still think it's valuable and important, I could consider changing it to be monthly or just take an extended break? Shake up the formula? Let me know what you think, I'd really appreciate it, it's hard to be with my own thoughts with this sort of thing.

STREAMS

Yeah, did you know I stream almost every week Friday or Saturday? About 14 people do xD

I've always been curious about streams that are more than just hanging out or playing a game. Creating anime content with streams that aren't just a podcast or watch-a-longs, it's still a wild frontier. For me, I realized there's some long form projects that would be more interesting if I streamed them as I did them. The first was a practice run, didn't go super well but I learned a lot and practiced (sorry that didn't turn into anything). But for the past few months I've been reading The Anime Encyclopedia, comparing different editions and documenting various oddities and trends to get a full understanding of this historic tome.

I really like streaming, but the kinds of stream I've been doing require taking a good chunk of my day doing the reading, so that I can present my findings on stream. It's more work and effort for not exactly EXCITING results. Don't get me wrong, it's fun, it's just more work. I bite off way more than I can chew. I'm known to burn  both ends of the candle. I'd hate to have that burn out, ESPECIALLY since it's an actual project with an ending in sight. But I feel like a weirdo when people are like "oh you're still doing that?" Like, this isn't really what people want huh? Yeah it's what *I* want, and that's what's most important ultimately if I'm doing all this for me, right?

No, it's not about me anymore. I'm doing this for others as much I want to do it for myself. Just like how I realized I get much more fulfillment in watching anime with other people, sharing it with them instead of just watching it by myself. So I even feel conflicted about the streams too. Maybe I should drop it so I can concentrate on the big Naruto video instead? But is that wise? lol I have no idea!

TL;DR, I set the Patreon back to "per creation" instead of "per month."

I attached two scripts on this post, should I make them into videos or go straight to working on a BIG Naruto video?

I'm considering ending Digest this end of August.

Not sure if I want to continue streaming, maybe just take a break?

Sorry this was originally gonna be "hey should I make these vids?" then I was like no, fuck it, tell them everything lmao Hope the inevitable radio silence this post gets doesn't get to me too bad haha

Yo pce ✌️