So i've been kinda burnt out. Lemme explain the feeling: (Patreon)

its kinda hard to explain how i've been feeling cause its kind of a hazy jumble, but basicaly im struggling to prioritize and also understand what i want and need out of my art, while also feeling pretty damn stagnant with what i've been making. I worked really hard on personal projects during october and the reception was... really dissapointing.It doesnt feel like ive been doing much of anything art wise, and it doesnt help that as usualy, my art gets very poor reception. i know that its bad to define yourself by how much attention your art gets, but if you bake a huge cake and only a couple people taste it, much less say its good, its kind of hard to even concider the cake's qualities yourself!it feels a bit depressing to have no emotional attachment to the art you're creating, but then again, no one else does so why should i, y'know? I've kind of preffered doing commissions because of it, because i don't need to be emotionaly invested in them, simply do my job as well as i always do. It's impersonal, on the best wayI definitely apreciate whenever a fan speaks up about how i have inspired them, because thats when i feel seen, and thats when i feel alive. It's so hard for me to feel that level of positivity normaly, Though maybe thats just depression weighting in!

i don't know. i see myself drawing everyday, and lately it's felt a bit more like a chore than a hobby. Like, i'll draw smth i put effort in with characters i care about, it'll get poor reception, then i'll just start the process over again on the next day, and the art i just did will be completely forgotten! I definitely will take the vacation i'll have in december with my gf as time to think more about this, because it feels very strange.Maybe i'm getting a de ja vu, but i might have expressed these exact feelings before?its odd. I'm not sure if i want to have smth like 100k, but that level of adoration seems wonderfull for one's self esteem. To be adored unconditionaly sounds pretty damn nice.Monetarily speaking, i'd say i'm fine, not perfect, but definitely earning enough to live; i'm sometimes concerned, by my output of comms and other revenues keeps me in the green and perfectly content! though i'm definitely not earnign enough for non-essentials, such as buying cute clothes exponentialy, affording albums and comics i want, and some more gender affirming stuff! So does this mean i should be trying harder? is there something i can actually do? Do i even need to? These questions are messin me upOh well. i'm still drawing on the same output as i usualy do! This won't really affect that aspect, it's more about me being introspective about what i should even be doing. Either way, apologies for the overwhelming negative feelings, brain bad. Next time it will be another poll -v-