Mother's Milk (Patreon)

'I tell the Tell so I don't go all fuzz in the brain pan, right? Shaft an' a party o' War Boys were fanging it on a hoon, squizing real beady for guzzolene when the party done come crossways an Agri ranch. See tip-top boss man, stead he got horns sprouting out side of head. Big damn schlanger! Shaft put one anti-seed in codger's dome, horns go split so codge done land in pool of his own crimson gory!

Soon, all these sheila's go hoofin it outta red poley. Bouncin' Boin-Boin-Boin. They squirtin' Mother's Milk all over the grit. Thunder hoofas! They got horns too. But two sheila's, they don't go to runnin. But they stayin' back, real cat. So Shaft, he puts some o' that white, sweet-crystal in his mit. Soon, they some hip-a-swayin' to smell it. They lap it up. Tongue longa!

Shaft bring 'em back here salvage. They set up right aces in the Citadel, all shiny-n-chrome, munchin' green-stuffs. Name a gives Moomalade an' Dayzee, just like them milkers of the days of wet seas.

They real good milkers. Full-life. Milk as pure as aqua-cola. Make lots of milk for the Immortan! Maybe one day, they tell a Tell of me when I find the rest of the herd that went on run-about. Then the Immortan will Witness Me and I'll be awaited!"

-The Journal of Ted Hook

Congratulations to D from Birmingham for coming up with this month's pinup! I had a LOT of fun coming up with this one. I went back and watched Fury Road and felt like the milking parlor in the Citadel could be a bit more scavenged, so I set them up on a city bus seat that the War Boys found out in the waste, those luggage racks make a great place to store milk bottles! Scrap-made cowbells and milking cups made from old glasses from pubs. And of course, The Immortan's sigil as cow ear tags. I tried to match up the color patterns for the different states and territories, but did use some artistic license when it came to make them more varied.

I hope you all enjoy this piece as much I had fun creating it!

Oh, and here is a translation of Ted Hook's journal entry:

'I'm saying this, so I don't forget it. Shaft and some War Boys were out speeding through the wastes looking for gas when they came across a big farm. They were surprised to see that the farmer was a big bull-man with a huge c**k. They shot him.

Frightened, all the women he had in has barn ran out. They had horns too! But two of them didn't run. But they were holding back and acting scared. So Shaft put some sugar in his hand and the two women came up and tasted it.

Shaft brought them back to the Citadel and cleaned them up and fed them some vegetables. He named them Moomalade and Dayzee, just like the cows before the world ended.

They are really good milkers and aren't contaminated by radiation. Maybe when I (Ted Hook) go out and find the rest of the herd that ran off, Immortan Joe will see the value in me and he'll make me a seat in Valhalla.'