TBoB - Book 8 - Chapter 17 - Conflict Management (Patreon)

[Where have I been?] Mudflap growled. [I’ve been cleaning up after wet under the ears Samurai, that’s where I’ve been.] He sighed. [While I appreciate having so many people come and help us clean up around here, I just wish I didn’t need to spend ninety percent of my day babysitting some of them.]

[You’re having to watch over them? I would have expected that most samurai would be able to manage themselves,] I replied. 

[Well… Most of them do,] he admitted. [It’s just the sappers wanting to ensure that they don’t hurt anyone, or cause any collateral damage while collapsing tunnels, and one or two youngsters who are overly concerned about stepping on my toes; Those are the real annoying ones, reporting every single action they take even though I’ve told them they don’t need to.]

[Sounds like you’ve had it rough,] I said, trying to stifle a laugh. [Are these ‘wet-behind-the-ears’ samurai why you’ve been incommunicado for the last couple hours?]

[Pretty much. It seems that one of the sappers wanted to collapse one of the tunnels, before the scrubbing crew had cleared it and there was a little bit of a pissing match. I spent the last three hours trying to mediate between the two sides,] he grumbled. [Those two are some of the most stubborn, unreasonable jack-asses I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.]

[And you sat there for three hours forcing them to talk until they came to a proper agreement,] I said. [What’s that say about you?]

[I’m aware that I may be one of the most stubborn and ornery samurai that you’ll ever see, at least on the west coast,] he replied, [but that doesn’t mean that I like spending my time dealing with this shit.]

[I don’t think anyone likes to deal with that shit. From my experience most samurai tend to avoid looking for permission to do something, and just do it. If someone gets in our way, we force our way through,] I said. [It typically works right up to the point where we run up against another samurai.]

[I’m aware,] Mud growled. [Why else would I have spent the last three hours trying to get those two assholes to stop arguing and cooperate?]

[Why was it such a big deal anyways?] I asked. [I mean, I assume the sapper could have just moved on to another tunnel.]

[He would have, but apparently it was the last branch that Detcord had agreed to take responsibility for, and after collapsing it, he was going to head home. The problem was the sweeper, Townsend, didn’t have any plans to clear that tunnel for another two days,] Mud explained. [She said that if he left the tunnel he was working on, and cleared the new tunnel, she’d probably have to clear his current tunnel from scratch again.]

[Did anyone mention to her that by sitting around and arguing for three hours he probably made his own argument moot?] I asked. 

[Detcord did, after about two and a half hours,] Mud muttered. [Despite my best efforts to try and keep the discussion moving, the pair had already spent well over an hour just arguing over who should have been responsible for coordinating the schedule. If things had continued much longer, I might have strangled the pair of them.]

[So, is everything finally settled?] 

[I fucking hope so,] Mud growled. [Because if I have to go back to mediate again, I’m going to lose my fucking shit.]

[Yeah, well, I don’t blame you,] I said. [The reason I called earlier was just to check in, make sure everything was okay. You said you’d meet up with Wild, Oggy and I, so when you didn’t show up, and you didn’t answer anyone’s calls, I was a little concerned.]

[Yeah, sorry, I turned off my notifications when I went to meet with Detcord and Townsend. I figured I should give them my full attention so I could get everything squared away as quickly as possible,] Mud said. [Little did I know that I’d be spending half my day standing there while those two had a dick-measuring contest.]

[You okay?] I asked.

[Fine, now that I know that Townsend is pretty much going to be the only outside samurai that I’ll have to deal with for awhile,] Mud replied.

[What about the the samurai who are assembling that space elevator?] I asked.

He scoffed. [Wild’s taking care of that shit. I sat in on the first discussion, didn’t understand about half of what was being discussed, and promptly decided to leave everything with her. Like, I understand the general idea of what they want to do, and I agree that having something so world changing close to the town would probably be good for the people, but the science? It’s way beyond what I’m comfortable with.] 

[Maybe you should talk to someone about the science, just in case…] I suggested.

[Don’t worry about it kid; Like I said, Wild’s on it. She wouldn’t allow them to do anything that threatened the people around here,] Mud said. [She’s spent days in the mesh, doing research.]

[That’s good… I don’t think I’d know where to even start,] I muttered. 

[Really? Because I’m pretty sure that you’d assign the work to one of your bears and then wash your hands of the whole thing,] Mud chuckled. 

I glanced over at Dusty, who was busy fussing with one of the Mauler’s side turrets and thought for a second. [I won’t deny that,] I finally replied. [My technical knowledge is less than ideal, and when you’re dealing with a project of that magnitude you should have someone that understands the topic at hand. Most of my bots are smarter than I am; It’s better to have them handle something like that than it is for me to screw things up.]

[Exactly! Leave the science to the experts,] Mud exclaimed. [Anyway kid… was the only reason you called to check-in on me? I was surprised when I checked my messages and found that you’d called me three times.] 

[You did disappear off the face of the earth,] I replied. [I could have asked Nyx to track you down, and probably would have if I didn’t hear back from you in another couple hours, but I figured if you hadn’t gone and gotten yourself into trouble, you’d want some privacy.]

[Honestly, I probably would have been better off if you’d swooped in and dragged me away from those two; I wouldn’t have had to suffer through their bickering,] Mud snorted. [I do appreciate your discretion though. I know more than a few people who would have hunted me down the instant I ghosted their call. I met quite a few of them over the last few weeks,] he grumbled.

[I’d ask if you’d still like to meet up today, but considering everything you’ve told me about your meeting, I’d guess your peopled out for today,” I said.

[You got that right kid. I plan to go back to my place, pour myself a beer, put my feet up and ignore the outside world until tomorrow,] Mud replied. [I don’t normally mind socializing, but after spending all that time listening to those two bicker my current stance is: Fuck people. Let someone else deal with them.]

[Fair enough,] I chuckled. [I’ll be sticking around for a couple days anyways, so we can catch up later. Just make sure you let Wild know that you’re still alive, otherwise I expect she’ll come looking for you.]

[That girls’ too passive to do something like that,] Mud grumbled. 

[She may not be the most aggressive person, but she still worries,] I told him. [It doesn’t hurt to give her a call and let her know what happened. It’ll only take a couple minutes.]

[I know that’s the right thing to do, but I know if I do call her she’ll spend the entire call fussing over me. I’m getting exhausted just thinking about it,” he sighed.

[Better fussing than completely ignoring. There are a lot of samurai out there who only care about themselves. You’re lucky to have found yourself in the same town as someone that cares,] I said.

[Yeah, yeah, I know,] Mud grumbled. [I’ll call her.] He sighed. [Anyway, I’m almost completely out of fucks so I’m going to hang up now. Don’t want to completely run out before I finally call Wild.]

[Fair enough,] I chuckled. [Have a good night, we’ll talk again in a day or two when you’ve recovered.]

[Yeah, talk to you later kid,] Mud replied before hanging up. 

“Well, at least I know he’s alive,” I muttered to myself. “Not that I was really that concerned…”

I turned back towards the Mauler only to find that Dusty’s butt hanging half way out of one of the access hatches, legs flailing in the air.

“Uhhhh… Dusty?” I started.

“Oh boss, you done with your call?” the bears voice echoed out of the tank. “Would you mind giving me a hand? I seem to be stuck.”

“Of course you are,” I sighed. “Give me a minute, I’ll help you out.”