My Dungeon's Keeper (MDK) - Chapter 3 - Let loose the chickens of war! (Patreon)

I couldn’t tell if the creatures ‘Ar arrrr arrroooooooo’ was a crow of victory, or a battle cry, all I knew is it was a raspy an decidedly un-chicken like sound. Gripping my bat tightly in my hand, I shifted position, rising to my knees. Since it was still in the closet door, maybe I could still drive the creature back just far enough to slam the door and lock it back down in our new basement area until the police, animal control, or whoever I could convince I wasn’t crazy came and took care of this thing for me.

Honestly, considering all the strange shit I’d seen in the last few minutes, I’d settle for a paranormal investigator, cryptozoologist, or even a conspiracy theorist. Things were crazy enough that maybe I needed a crackpot to make sense of it.

As I placed my hand on the floor to push myself to my feet, the creature finished it’s warbling cry and it’s head snapped downwards to glare in my direction. 

“I’ve never met a chicking with so much attitude,” I growled at it.

The creature cocked it’s head to the side, as if considering what I just said, then launched itself across the floor, using it’s wings to accelerate far faster than I would have thought possible from such an ungainly looking thing. 

Stumbling back in panic I raised my arms to block the chicken-thing, or at least prevent it from delivering a blow to my face.

However, to my surprise, the blow didn’t come.

Instead, there was the sound of claws scrambling across the floor and Frizzy screaming in panic. Cautiously, I cracked an eye and lowed my arms just enough to glance in her direction, just in time to see her dart behind the china cabinet behind her. Less then a second later, the chicken-thing smashed into the wall right next to the cabinet before trying to shove itself into the same gap, bawking and snapping after the cat. 

I watched in horror as the cabinet wobbled, then started to teeter as the creature finally shoved itself through the gap. Throwing myself across the floor I slammed into the cabinet just as it began to topple; For a moment I was afraid that I wasn’t going to prevent the weight of all my grandmother’s china from collapsing, crushing me and shattering my precious mementos all across the floor. Thankfully, once the rampaging fowl managed to shimmy its way out from behind it, I was just barely able to shove it upright again.

As I made sure it was stable, something shattered behind me. I turned, to find Frizzy sprinting across the back of the livingroom couch while the creature flailed clumsily, caught up in the table legs of the end table behind her, the reading lamp smashed on the floor beside it. 

“Come on! You can’t be serious!” I shouted, sprinting into the livingroom just as the chicken finally toppled the table, freeing itself so it could continue presuiting my cat.

In a panic Frizzy threw herself across the gap between the couch and the nearest bookcase, just barely managing to grip the top of it and drag herself up before the creature came flying off the back of the couch after her. Unlike the cat, the chicken didn’t even attempt to climb, it just threw itself at the heavy shelf in a frenzy. 

It was surprisingly effective at shaking the shelf, despite it’s diminutive size. By throwing itself repeatedly into the lower shelves the chicken managed to get the heavy piece of furniture rocking, and before I could even cross the room it came tumbling down, scattering books everywhere. 

Frizzy must have realized how perilous her position was, because just as the bookcase began to fall she leapt from the top, skittered down the side of the nearby armchair, and shot between my legs in an effort to escape.

Without a moment of hesitation, the chicken turned to pursue, following the cat’s exact path, directly towards me. 

Despite taking out my bat to protect myself, I didn’t actually want to injure the creature. As far as I was concerned it was just a wild creature who had accidentally found its way inside. If I had time, I would have grabbed a sheet or something, opened the front door, and either tried to herd it, or capture it to release it elsewhere. 

However, considering the thing was hurdling directly towards my ankles, that didn’t seem to be an option right now. Given my limited number of options I decided to rest the top of my bat on the floor and brace it with my left foot. My abdomen still throbbed from where it had headbutted me earlier, and I didn’t want to risk the hard headed foul hitting me again. I really hoped that having a solid obstacle in it’s path would dissuade the animal to go around.

After all the clumsy carnage it had caused so far, I should have known better than to get my hopes up; The chicken ran head first into the aluminum bat, creating a resonating clang to echo through the room. 

It stumbled back a couple steps, shaking its head, before finally regaining its feet, staring up at me and glaring daggers. 

“Hey, before you get any funny ideas, you ran into… ACK!”

It coiled up, as much as a rotund bird could anyways, and launched itself directly at my face. I just barely got my arms in the way before the creature crashed into me. It latched onto my arm with its feet, while scratching wildly at whatever part of me it could reach with the talons at the end of its stubby wings. 

I’d been attacked by animals plenty of times before, but this thing’s claws were something else. They effortly sliced through my arms, leaving long bloody gashes, and it didn’t look like it had any intention of stopping.

“Get off me you crazy bird!” I screamed as I swung my arm around violently in an effort to dislodge it. To my dismay that just seemed to cause the creature to clamp down harder, and scratch faster. “I said GET OFF!” I growled, as I choked up on the bat and started swatting at the creature. Even though I was all for animal concervation, I realized that if I didn’t do something soon this thing was going to cause serious, maybe permanent damage. I needed it gone.

Unfortunately, between it’s constantly flailing wings, and the location that it hand clamped onto my forearm, I was having an extremely hard time getting a good hit in on it, and even when I did get a decent blow in, the thing just seemed to shake it off. 

“I’m going to die getting mauled to death by a chicken,” I muttered woozily. “Can’t say I ever saw this one coming.”

Just as I began considering staggering over to the wall so I could slam my arm into it, or collapsing and trying to smother it with my bodyweight, the creature just stopped attacking, going perfectly still before cranking it’s head to look at something across the room. 

In the sudden quiet I realized that I could hear something rattling, rolling open before a hissing, screeching calico blur launched itself across the room, slamming into the chicken and ripping it off my arm.

Hissing in pain I watched as Kooky and the bird tumble across the floor, locked together in a frantic melee. Surprisingly enough, it seemed like Kooky seemed to have the upper hand, but the bird was still ripping into her just as it had me.

“Spooky, back!” I hissed, finally fed up with the foul tempered fowl, and as the cat hopped back, I stepped forward and brought my bat down like a golf club and caught the creature square in the middle. I didn’t think I’d hit it that hard, but the bird sailed across the room before smashing through the front window.

Dropping my bad I scrambled after it, expecting the thing to be half dead, or at least stunned, however when I reached the window I was only able to catch the barest glimpse of it as it sprinted off down the street.

I stared blankly out the window for several seconds before finally turning back and looking at the disaster area which had been our living room. Kooky sat square in the middle of it, giving me a smug look. “Mow!”

“Yes, yes, I admit, I never should have locked you in the kitchen,” I muttered. “I’ll praise you later. First I need to clean my wounds, seal that room off, block the window so Frizzy doesn’t get out, clean up this mess, call the city to report a wild animal on the loose, and finally figure out what to tell Nicole.” 

Kooky huffed, and sauntered away, leaving me alone to survey the carnage. “No one is ever going to believe this,” I muttered.