A pretty big life update, and what that means in the immediate (Patreon)

Hi everyone,

This post is probably going to be long, but I'd really appreciate it if you could take a few minutes of your day to read it. I'm trying to be open and transparent about what's been happening the last few months of my life, and I hope it brings some understanding why things have been so crazy inconsistent the last 6 months to a year.

First off, my apologies for not getting an update in for the last couple of weeks, but there's a pretty significant reason for that which I think you'll understand as soon as I get there. If you follow me on Twitter you already know, but on the 4th I drove for 4 days and across 8 States and over 1,000 miles to get to my new home - this time for good. I was super fortunate to be able to spend the last 6 months with friends who so graciously allowed me to bunk in their spare room, and really, I was ready to get out and start the new chapter of my life.

For those of you who don't know, I left my partner of ten years in September and will be going through the legal battles of a divorce in the coming future. We've moved a lot since I started the channel - from the Seattle area, to Wyoming, to across the Atlantic to Iceland, and then, myself, going to Virginia before going back to Wyoming -  and with me only packing what I could take into five suitcases, there's going to be a lot of work to rebuild my life. (Those of you who have contributed beyond pledging are tremendously gracious and I thank you so much.) I'm looking forward to the freedom that will follow, but the fight is going to be exhausting and emotionally taxing, as those of you who have been through a divorce understand.

Regardless, I'm doing my best to stick to my goals this year and be consistent as I can be in posting, but with such dramatic changes and emotional shifts these kinds of things can cause, I hope you can understand why things have been... well, the way they have been. In the nights where I've been so grateful to have this following and the support all of you have given me, it's also made me incredibly self conscious about how much (or little) I post here on Patreon. I want to assure you, it's never been in my plans to be as inconsistent as it's been here, but with emotional turmoil and abuse at the helm, it was hard to get myself beyond the mental wall of giving so much to an audience where I couldn't give to myself. My burnout was harsh and real, and I was virtually ashamed to admit it here, but in the end that only caused confusion after I'd stated so clearly that I was ready to get back to work.

So, you're probably asking yourself, what's changed now?

For starters, I've got my own place now, and it's got a room I can use exclusively as an office. The neighborhood is very quiet, my neighbors are as loud as church mice, and with myself being the only tenant, I can choose to work however I want to. This is all great news for consistency, but also the freedom I've so badly desired in general. 

But now you might be asking yourself, is she emotionally and mentally ready to?

I'll admit, I'm still afraid of emotional burnout, but I DO know that when I was working on getting ahead and getting to the place I wanted to be, I felt rejuvenated in a way I haven't in a long time. I know there's going to be periods where I won't be mentally prepared in the way I want, but with the majority of the new pieces in place for my life, I'm hoping this is the beginning of the surge ahead into the rest of 2021 like I'd originally planned. My desk will be in soon. My booth is prepared. I'm inspired, somewhat rested, but ready to be healed by a quiet place and a schedule that's mine.

Does that mean there won't be cloudy days ahead? Of course not, but I'm still excited about the future of this channel, and the future of this Patreon, and I'm anxious to be emotionally ready to deliver. I feel like that time isn't too far away.

If you've gotten this far, thank you for taking the time to read. I know it was a bit of an emotional dump and didn't really answer if there would be a new post soon - I'm going to be working on this next week, I promise! - but your continued support and pledging have meant so, so much. I was able to afford the rental car because of you. I was able to pay ahead in rent because of you. And I'm able to restart my life in a better, healthier place because of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can't say it enough. I promise there are new and exciting things on the horizon.

-M