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The Asylum - Part 2 [Poll] (Patreon)

Published:
2021-05-16 19:38:14
Edited:
2023-09-11 21:03:03
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Poll

The Asylum - Part 2 [Poll]

  • It was really enjoyable and understandable for me. I would like to see this level and quantity of texts in upcoming stories as well! 124
  • It was really enjoyable and understandable for me, but I would like to read less texts on stories. 30
  • This story's text was too difficult to me, but more quantity is ok. 3
  • This story's text was too difficult to me and I would like to read less texts on stories. (aka something like at previous stories) 2
  • 2021-05-16
  • 159 votes
{'title': 'The Asylum - Part 2 [Poll]', 'choices': [{'text': 'It was really enjoyable and understandable for me. I would like to see this level and quantity of texts in upcoming stories as well!', 'votes': 124}, {'text': 'It was really enjoyable and understandable for me, but I would like to read less texts on stories.', 'votes': 30}, {'text': "This story's text was too difficult to me, but more quantity is ok.", 'votes': 3}, {'text': "This story's text was too difficult to me and I would like to read less texts on stories. (aka something like at previous stories)", 'votes': 2}], 'closes_at': None, 'created_at': datetime.datetime(2021, 5, 16, 19, 38, 14, tzinfo=datetime.timezone.utc), 'description': None, 'allow_multiple': False, 'total_votes': 159}

Content

As you may have noticed, the story text in the second part of Asylum is more detailed than usual. What is your opinion on this?

Comments

stefan fobbe

My english is school english , but most of the text is understandable

Samus

Your story telling skills get better every post

Jim

The story is great, really helps create some build up.

Irving Washington

I think the participation of Ghostface is great! The second part of The Asylum is one of your best yet and the storytelling certainly contributes to that. The beautiful pictures are that much stronger when we also know the character’s internal thoughts and emotions or invisible details (for example, the heavy air and the oppressing silence in the asylum). Nonetheless, I think the writing can sometimes be a bit overwrought and detract from the pictures. For example, on frame 87, after Evelyn hears a scream for help and is afraid for the first time, the narration states: “Still, she did not shake nor did her eyes show this intimate emotion tied to self preservation. Evelyn’s military-like bearing was a credit to her instructors in the academy and the Hostage Rescue Taskforce officers that gave her steel nerves.” This seems overly long to me; the pace of the action is supposed to be picking up, and too many words interfere with that, both at that point and later on during the fight. Something shorter but just as interesting could have been possible here, for example: “Still, she did not shake nor did her eyes show fright, for she had acquired steel nerves in the Hostage Rescue Taskforce.” The writer does this perfectly, in my opinion, on frame 101, when a short, succinct sentence tells us all we need to know before letting us go on: “The question was slurred by a shattered jaw.” There should be more of those shorter descriptions. Of course, everyone has his or her own style, and that’s fine; I am not suggesting that Ghostface start writing like Hemingway! Still, I think toning it down just a little could create a better balance between the gorgeous pictures, the exciting pace of the action and a writing that gives it all greater depth.