Arcane Apocalypse ~ 187 (Patreon)

Before they left the Marshal and his inner circle-slash-advisors to their work, they asked about any nearby Rifts that needed clearing or destroying. They all shared silent looks at that before one of the military types spoke up.

“We have two near Vienna that tend to be unpopular with our ‘adventurers’; we don’t need them destroyed, but they allow entry to parties of up to ten members,” the older woman said matter-of-factly. “We could find a slot for you in one of the more popular Rifts, but it might take a few days, or at least hours.”

They actually had problems with too many people wanting to delve into Rifts? Mia’s eyebrows were doing their damnedest to fuse into her hairline, and she knew the others were likely the same. Right next to the Mana Well, Mia would have thought the Rifts would have been growing at such a pace that they could barely be slowed down, even by setting furious delving schedules. 

It was why Zeigler had happily ordered the more troublesome Rifts destroyed near Graz, so the fighters he had on hand could concentrate on the remaining Rifts and keep them from growing in Level too quickly. 

Not my city, not my problem. Mia thought with an internal huff. She would do her part as a resident of Graz, but she wouldn’t take the weight of the world on her shoulders. Vienna wasn’t her responsibility; if the Marshal thought he could handle a bunch of open Rifts, it wasn’t her place to gainsay him. He would probably know better than her anyway. 

Anyone who accused Mia of having a saviour-, hero- or martyr complex was delusional. She felt some responsibility to use her powers for the betterment of those around her, but that was it. She was already doing that. The Quest was part of it, and she focused on it instead of getting sidetracked. 

Mia had work to do. They had new party members to recruit, even if they would probably be temporary ones only for the length of the Fetch Quest. Not that Mia would be against one or two sticking around if they meshed well with the rest of the team. 

Most Rifts had entry limits between five and ten per instance, so their current five-person party wasn't exactly optimal. 

“So what exactly are these two Rifts we’ve been graciously given free access to?” Lina asked snidely as they walked toward the known dwelling of their first recruitment target. 

Mia thought back to the two files she’d skimmed. They weren’t allowed to take those files, but she had a pretty good memory now that her Memory stat was steadily climbing. It wasn’t anywhere near photographic or eidetic yet and wouldn’t be for a while, but she recalled many more details from just a quick skim than she would have before the System.   

“One of them is a tower,” Mia said. “You have to go up, clear it floor by floor and beat the boss at the top. Except, there are hundreds of steps between each floor, and they are apparently steep as hell. Oh, and gravity keeps slowly ramping up the farther up you go.”

No fucking wonder people loathed it. Mia had been ready to throw herself off that crystal tower just to spare herself the misery of making the trip back down that endless staircase.

Lina’s lips curled down in sympathetic disgust. The blonde obviously didn’t have it as bad as Mia; being an Aeromancer, she weighed less than a toddler, could step on thin air and by default had absolutely no fear of heights, but even she hated the idea of climbing a near-infinite number of stairs. 

“Any good loot?” Camie inquired, and Mia nodded reluctantly. 

“That’s why they kept it: the walls in each room are covered in mana crystals of all types that can be pried out with a knife,” Mia said. “The other Rift they gave us access to is … well, a zombie Rift.”

It was Nikki and Gabe's turn to grimace. The two shared a look, appearing surprised the other felt the same, then Nikki quickly turned away. 

“Well, I’ve been told getting through a zombie Rift is a sign of passage among rookie adventurers,” Gabe said with forced cheer. “Also, don’t worry, they can’t spread the ‘zombie plague’ with a bite, or anything like that … well, at least these ones won’t be able to.”

Mia stared at him for a long moment. Was that a joke? It didn’t sound like one. “You can’t just throw that out like that and not elaborate."

“Sure I can!” Gabe said, though his annoying grin faltered under the combined weight of his sister’s and mother’s glares. “But I will anyway! Rank 1 Rifts don’t make zombies like that. Rifts don’t make zombies like that in general, higher Ranked Rifts however can make necromancer monsters that can raise zombies enhanced or customised in some way and yes, one of those customisations common among them is the ‘zombie virus’ thing. The zombies you’ll meet in a Rank 1 Rift will only be the shambling, rotting kind with a nasty necrotic rot on their teeth and nails. Not unhealable, but necrotic damage does make healing harder, so I’d suggest not getting bitten.”

“Maybe we should check out some of those Rifts I noticed on our way here,” Mia said after a moment, having fully digested the implications of Gabe’s words. Fighting through a horde of shambling, rotting zombies sounded seriously unpleasant. “One of them ought to be less miserable to delve than those two.”

Stinky zombies or leg-workout hell were not stellar options by any metric. She’d take delving a random Rift blind over either of them any day.

They reached their first target a few minutes later, and the unenviable task of knocking, talking and being the face of the group fell on Mia. Moments like these made her regret having taken the leadership role. At least she got to ask some questions about Kobolds first so she knew what she was dealing with. 

“Kobolds are roughly the size of goblins; they are usually very communal, living in tribes in their underground cavern systems,” Gabe said. “What you should know is that they have some Racial Traits that make them one of the species with the greatest aptitude for crafting, up there with Dwarves and Gnomes. I’m not sure whether it's an ingrained instinct or a cultural thing, but I also know they treat the area around their homes with traps of all kinds, with some kind of religious fervour. It’s a test to them; if someone falls into their traps, they become fair game no matter what because they ‘failed the test’. They don’t see it as murder, or their fault, but as yours for falling for a trap. They are also cannibalistic.”

“Wonderful,” Mia muttered, suddenly feeling much less enthusiastic about adding the kobold to her list of possible recruits. “Cannibalistic? Really?”

“Yeah.” Gabe shrugged. “Get used to it; the more non-human a sapient species gets, the less human-like their behaviour tends to be in general. Cannibalism is one of the … less objectionable traits you could find in someone.”

“If cannibalism is one of the ‘less objectionable’ ones, what would be on the far end of the scale?” Lina asked curiously. 

“Hmmmm. Oh! This is a fun one, Fae, Halvyr and Elves descending from the Winter Court.” Gabe said, his tone quickly curdling as he spoke. “In general, Fae tend to be feared, but the Winter Court are the ones who most earned that for the rest of their kind. They too are cannibalistic and the most like fey creatures from myths and folk tales. Think body-snatchers, changelings, curses, stealing names, et cetera. The Summer Court is the most warlike of the Fae Courts, from what little I know of them, but the Winter Court is the one that produces actual monsters who eat babies and kick kittens for fun.”

Well … okay then. Good to know. Mia had been surprised by how mild her racial instincts were compared to what she’d known of fey creatures, but it seemed she’d just lucked out majorly in who exactly she descended from. She wasn’t sure how long her sanity would have lasted if she’d had to constantly deal with intrusive thoughts wondering just what her friends would taste like or urging her to snack on an infant. Being filled with murderous rage when seeing monsters, demons and people who callously harmed nature wasn’t so bad after all.

“How is the Astral Court viewed?” Helene asked, and Mia instantly felt dumb for not asking that question herself. 

“Strangely,” Gabe said. “I think there is a standing alliance between the Eternal Empire and the Astral Court. An alliance of equals. Or at least just a non-aggression pact and trade deals? I’m not sure. The important bit is that unlike other Fae Courts, the Astral Court allows for immigration into their domain. The City of Prisms, as it is called, is said to lie within the Astral Sea, filling an ever-growing region of stable space within that chaotic dimension. It’s one of the largest cities in the Realms, right up there with ones like the Imperial Capital.”

Was it strange that Mia felt some pride in that? Her ancestors were not actually racist-slash-isolationist shut-ins and had a pretty good thing going on. 

“Stop,” Camie said sharply. The redhead could sound strangely authoritative, though the silly girl was always unduly embarrassed about it afterwards. “Traps. I think.”

Mia blinked owlishly, glancing over at the small shack at the end of the abandoned street where their would-be recruit supposedly lived, then over to where Camie’s finger was pointing. Squinting, Mia could just barely make out a … was that a string? A tripwire? 

Stupid. Of course the traps would have no mana to them, or be hidden. There would be no point to them if anyone with a type of mana sense could just pinpoint every trap from a hundred meters away.

“What is it?” Lina asked, her insatiable curiosity obvious as the blond girl peered at the tripwire, then squinted toward each side of the road, trying to find whatever contraption it was connected to. “Beyond being a tripwire, I mean.”

“No clue,” Camie said with a small shrug, apparently feeling like her job was done now that she’d drawn attention to the trap.

“I didn’t actually think he would lay traps inside the city,” Mia grumbled under her breath. “How is that allowed?”

“Maybe they are non-lethal, or they had a problem with burglars and raiders here as well?” Helene suggested. 

“I guess that’s plausible,” Mia muttered, then started applying her Wards of Protection to everyone. She’d be damned if any of them got injured by some primitive traps. 

“I could just trigger them myself?” Anna suggested, ducking her head shyly when Mia gave her an incredulous look. “I mean, I can probably take it.”

“‘Probably’,” Mia repeated, shaking her head in mild bafflement. That girl had issues, volumes even. “No. I can summon a bunch of Familiars if we need meat shields and expendable bodies. You are neither.”

Anna looked strangely upset about something Mia’d said but didn't say anything about it, and Mia didn’t feel like it was the time to press the girl. They were still not quite friends, just a bit above coworkers. Fighting together against monsters that tried to kill you forged bonds stronger than the ambivalent workplace bonds between fellow office drones, that’s for sure, but it wasn’t quite enough for a friendship to form all on its own.

“I think I heard something about destroying their traps being offensive to Kobolds,” Nikki said, frowning as she stared at a bush by the road. “They still see it as destruction of their property even though said property was trying to kill you. Plus I guess the pseudo-religious connotations make it worse.”

“So blowing up this trap would be the equivalent of vandalising this guy’s personal religious shrine?” Mia asked, then huffed. She considered turning back, but since they’d already come this far, she at the very least wanted to talk with this kobold. Sunk cost fallacy combined with a bit of innate curiosity urged her on, and Mia gave in easily.

After everything she’d heard, she was a bit curious how much of what she’d just learned of kobolds was in their nature, and how much was just their culture. This guy, who’d been human just months ago, would be a perfect way to tell the difference, since he had none of the ‘nurture’ and all the ‘nature’ of a kobold.

After evading three more traps over only fifty out of the remaining two hundred meters to their destination, Mia decided to stop being polite. 

‘Sparkle, go ahead and knock.’ She said, ‘If he isn’t coming out, then go look for him.’

If the kobold wanted them to play Minesweeper to earn the right to meet him, Mia might just summon a dozen familiars to trigger every trap imaginable, just to be petty. It would probably ruin any odds of recruiting the kobold, but that was a consequence she could deal with. 

Should we have sent a message or something? Nobody warned us about the traps. Did they just assume it wasn’t worth mentioning since Gabe’s here babysitting us? 

Maybe her pettiness ought to be aimed elsewhere, not at the kobold. 

Before Mia could think any further, she saw the house door slam open with surprising force, and a small figure scamper out in a hurry. It looked around in apparent confusion for a moment, not seeing who had knocked on his door, then its slitted, reptilian eyes landed on Mia’s group. 

“Stop!” He shouted in a squeaky, strangely resonant voice. It somehow sounded both deep and high-pitched. “STOP!”

So much near-tangible panic dripped from that word that it baffled Mia, but she did, in fact, stop. Not that she’d been moving in the first place, though the kobold apparently failed to notice that. 

“We are stopping,” Mia said, then shared a glance with the others before turning back to watch the small figure scamper over to them, sprinting as fast as his short legs allowed, ducking and weaving between supposed traps Mia couldn’t see. 

As the small form came closer and the concealing cowl fell away, Mia finally saw what the kobold actually looked like. He couldn’t have been taller than a six-year-old, and had a similar physique, though his entire body was covered in glimmering scales in shades of brilliant blue. His head reminded her of a monitor lizard mixed with maybe a … pangolin? Yeah, a pangolin. The large, thick scales on the top of his head and down his back looked distinctly like a pangolin’s, though the scales on the front of his body looked notably smaller and softer, almost like a snake’s. 

But despite his strange and eye-catching appearance, it was his eyes that drew Mia’s gaze the most. A pair of orange orbs with slitted black pupils, both burning like tiny balls of fire. Eyes like that wouldn’t have been out of place on an actual dragon.

“Hi! Hello! How are you doing? No one tripped on one of my traps, right? No injuries? Everyone alright?” He asked hastily, looking between them quickly while wringing his small, clawed hands. “Yes? Good. That’s … good.”

He slumped with relief, the body language slightly exaggerated, perhaps because his facial expressions were so alien that no ex-human would understand them? 

Well, this is already awkward. I guess I can’t possibly make it any worse, at least. Silver linings.

“So I suppose you would be … Julian?” Mia asked. He did not look like a Julian, but considering that name was forever tainted in her mind by a certain lemur, her opinion was probably more than a bit unfair. 

Also, she somehow did indeed manage to make the atmosphere even more awkward. That was quite an accomplishment. 

Yay. Go, me! Mia thought, doing a tiny mental fist-bump with zero enthusiasm. Anything to distract her from the judging gazes of her friends digging into her back. Not that she could see them, what with not having eyes on the back of her head, but Mia was judging herself, so probably they were as well. Her friends were just too polite to make it obvious. 

“Yes-yes, that would be me!” The kobold said enthusiastically. “You came to see me? Ah! Sorry about the traps; I found I couldn’t fall asleep without surrounding my home with them. It’s nothing lethal, don’t worry, just sedatives, maybe some pain, loud noises and all that. Bare minimum really. Makes me feel safe, you understand?”

“I do,” Mia said, finding it to be the truth, surprisingly enough. In all honesty, it would probably help her sleep better at night if her place of rest was surrounded on all sides by traps of all kinds. Her Alarm Ward was nice, but it couldn’t actually slow anyone down; it just made sure no surprise attacks could slay them in their sleep. “So … Uh, we were wondering if you’d be interested in joining our party for some Rift delves, then potentially for a longer Quest we will be doing afterwards.”

“Me?” Julian asked, bafflement apparent even on his alien features. His eyes were expressive, and with how much his hands gestured as he spoke, Mia wouldn’t have been surprised if he'd been a mime before the world went to hell.

“Yeah,” Mia said, putting on what she thought was a neat business smile. It probably looked wooden and alien on her face. “We asked the Marshal for suggestions, and your name was on the list. Someone who could prepare the battlefield to our advantage before combat with traps would be a good addition to our team.”

The truth of that statement depended on how quickly Julian could set his traps, but Mia wasn’t all that worried. The five of them had been doing Rifts that allowed for up to 7 or 8 entrants with little trouble for these last few days. Even if Julian ended up being deadweight, they could carry him through the Rift without a problem. They’d dump him afterwards, but there was no harm in giving him a shot. 

“They recommended me?” Julian sounded somewhat astonished, then … huffed? Probably? He made a weird kobold noise, like a hacking cough, that Mia decided to interpret as a huff. “Well, that’s … nice of them. Huh. My Class is rather specialised, you know? I do best in setting up my place and surrounding it with traps. I’m not meant for delving into Rifts.”

“Oh,” Mia said, feeling a bit disappointed. “So that’s a no?”

“No!” Julian exclaimed, eyes flying wide open in panic. “Just a, err, a disclaimer! Yes, that! If you'll have me, I’d happily join. I need to loot; reagents and materials don’t grow on trees … most of them anyway. Besides, this new body of mine goes through the amount of food that used to last me a week before in a single day. I’m eating myself into debt already, so yes, if you need a trapper, lockpicker, sapper, demolitionist, grenadier or amateur tinkerer, then I’m your man-, err, kobold?”

“Well, I’d be happy to have you for a delve or two and see how it goes,” Mia said with a smile, trying to soothe the readily apparent nerves of the fidgeting kobold. “We can make a decision on whether you’ll be sticking around on a more permanent basis after that, if that’s fine with you? We find out whether you fit the team or not, and only then make a decision. You can back out whenever, too. After a delve, even. You’ll get an even cut of the loot.”

That was a point they had discussed as a team before. The Rift gave personalised rewards at the end, but ‘loot’ could also be gathered from the Rift itself, from felled monsters and the environment of the Rift’s inner pocket dimension. Mia and the rest of the team agreed there was no point in dividing the harvested loot based on contributions or something similar; that would only breed competition, rivalry, resentment and worse. They did not need that drama in their lives. Everyone getting an even cut was easy, simple and straightforward. 

“Yes-yes, I’m in! When are we going? I’m running low on mana crystals and food as is, so uhm, hope it’s soon?” Julian asked, practically bouncing on his clawed, digitigrade feet. 

“We still have other possible recruits to visit and scout,” Mia said with a shrug. “Not sure how many will even accept the test delves, but I guess we should have the initial interviews with each done in a day or two, so after that? Let’s go with three days from now, just to be safe. If that’s fine with you?”

“Yes, absolutely!” Julian nodded quickly. “I’m gonna prepare. You know what Rift it’s going to be? I can make some appropriate toys if I know what we’ll be hunting.”

“Honestly? No clue,” Mia said. “We were given free access to ‘The Spire’ and the zombie Rift, but we’ve been thinking about checking out one of the undiscovered Rifts out in the wilds instead. It might go either way.”

“Hmmm, zombies burn well; I could work with that,” Julian muttered. “The Spire? Hmmm. Annoying. Very annoying. Okay. I’ll prepare. Anything else?”

Mia gave everyone an inquisitive look, but they just shook their heads or shrugged. Fine then.

“Nope,” Mia said. “That’ll be all- … and he is gone.”

Mia muttered the last part under her breath, sighing as she watched the kobold sprint back to his house. It was a miracle how he never even stumbled or stepped on his oversized cloak. 

“Well! That’s one down, only nine more to go!” Mia said with exaggerated cheer as she turned around. Ten people to interview. She only needed five to fill out the party for the Shade’s Fetch Quest; why exactly did she decide to interview ten people again? Oh yeah, Past-Mia thought it was a stellar idea to have ten possible recruits and pick the five best ones. Besides, she couldn't be certain everyone she talked to would be willing to join her party for the Quest. Most people probably wouldn't be so gung-ho about going on a possibly lethal trip around the continent.

After an awkward pause, Mia deflated, her shoulders slumping as a miserable groan escaped her throat, her earlier faux-enthusiasm nowhere to be found. “Why am I the leader of this party again? This is so annoying.”

Mia hated meeting and getting to know new people. It tended to be awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved. Some people made it easy, like Lina and Carmilla, but most were like Julian. Her social batteries were going to cry if she had to go through that again nine more times, but she had no choice but to do it. Well, she could pawn it off to someone, but she didn’t truly want to. A part of her liked being in control, calling the shots and being the one her friends turned to for guidance. Being ‘in control’ made her feel safer. 

Besides, as much as she disliked it, every awkward social interaction she willingly walked into felt like a tiny victory of its own. Each one put more distance between the Mia of now and the Mia of a few months ago. 

“You’re doing well, sis,” Gabe said, giving her slumped shoulder a brotherly pat. Helene just gave her a proud smile, which was straight up unfair, though not nearly as unfair as the affectionate look Camie was giving her. 

Urgh. So unfair. Mia huffed, then strode off. She had nine more people to attempt to awkwardly recruit. It was going to be draining but possibly rewarding. 

Why did the idea feel more daunting than leading her team into actual combat, where their lives might depend on her ability to make quick snap decisions? It made no sense. But at least all those points she’d sunk into Will were putting in good work, making it so she didn’t even really think about giving up or weaselling her way out of her duties.

It wouldn’t stop her from whining and bitching about it, though. Maybe if she looked miserable enough throughout the day, Camie would reward her. Hmmm. The vampire wasn’t the type to act like that, but if Mia asked for a reward for her ‘hard work and immense suffering’, she doubted the adorable redhead could say no.

Think of the cuddles. A massage. Maybe … 

Safe to say, Mia spent most of the day where she wasn’t actively engaging in the other would-be recruits daydreaming about her ‘reward’, only to pass out in bed the moment they were back in their guest rooms.