God & Demon - XV (Patreon)

Now that Attack on Titan is over, I'd like to share something with you; I despised the ending in the manga, to me, it was more than a waste. 138 chapters of excellent quality, my favorite manga by far, wasted in a single final chapter. It pissed me off, and that is what motivated me to write this story, featuring a character that would push things even farther and fix what I did not like in AoT. I know it is not my most popular story, far from it, but it is one of my favorites. If you've never watched or read AoT, I strongly recommend it to you. I'm not a big fan of mangas, but that story got me by the guts and kept me fascinated for years.
I hope you guys will enjoy this story half as much ;)

"AAAAAAMOOOOS!!!"

The owner of the Female Titan immediately recorded the identity of her victim as well as the owner of the voice that had just screamed. She gritted her teeth at the cruel disillusionment that struck her mind. Indeed, the blonde titanshifter would have preferred to capture the nobleman rather than kill him. But given the perilous situation she had found herself in, it didn't matter to her anymore. Christa would make a good substitute once she gets a hold of Eren. Without asking any questions, she extricated herself from the nape of her Titan's nape before biting her thumb to transform herself a third time. Despite her growing fatigue, the novice that Eren was would be easy prey without the support of Amos.

(-)(-)(-)

Ymir couldn't believe her eyes when she saw Amos sacrifice himself for Mikasa by throwing himself at her. She stopped in her tracks and gazed flabbergasted at the scene.

"Why? Fuck, Amos… Why? Is that what you were afraid of? You knew…And you still did it…”

The tall, freckled girl felt her eyes water, her hands tightening on her handles to the point of turning white.

Historia's desperate cry brought her out of her trance and she continued on her way in order to protect her girlfriend.

(-)(-)(-)

Mikasa's eyes widened in horror when she saw the resigned face of her savior. She extricated herself from his protective grip before carrying him to a high branch in order to assess the severity of his injuries. What she saw took her breath away, the tall blond had two thick bloody scratch marks on his back. His lowered head and lack of movement did not indicate anything good about the stability of his state of health. Horrified, the half-blood grabbed him by the shoulders and began to shake him gently.

"Amos?" she called in a low voice as her eyes moistened. "Amos? I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... Wake up... Please…"

"Do not touch him!" Christa yelled furiously, landing on their branch before slapping the oriental with the back of her hand. "I forbid you from touching him!"

Mikasa stepped back in fear when she discovered the disgusted and enraged face of the smallest girl of the 104th brigade, who glared at her with a look full of hatred.

The blonde then turned to her brother and gently took him in her arms.

"Big brother?" she cried into his neck. "Don't die... Not like this... Not here... I love you so much... Don't leave me alone. Please."

Mikasa felt her heart tear, and her tears fell in large drops. It was her fault, she had rushed headlong without worrying about the consequences. She had let her worry for Eren blind her... Again... And because of that... Because of her... Amos had died protecting her. She…

"Stop," the noble's voice squeaked as he placed a hand on his sister's shoulder, "stop squeezing me... please... It hurts like hell."

Mikasa gasped in relief when she saw the tall blond raise his head with a grimace, the latter let out a grunt and straightened his back to assess the severity of his injuries under the amazed gazes of the two young girls.

" Damn... the spine and back muscles are intact... But I must have lost a bit of flesh... I knew I had gained some weight…"

Without warning, Historia began pounding her brother's chest frantically, making him flinch.

"You idiot!" she whined. "You fucking idiot! I thought... I thought you…"

“Hey, hey, hey,” the noble interrupted, grabbing her cheeks and placing his forehead against hers. "I promised you that I would never leave you alone, and you know that I always keep my promises."

Historia gasped loudly, before returning to bury herself in his neck. Unfortunately Amos had to bring her back to reality, even if he wouldn't have said no to a hug.

"Stay focused, the fight is not over yet."

The little blonde nodded, before wiping her tears with the back of her sleeve and helping her brother up by putting an arm over his shoulders. However his weight made the task difficult, fortunately it was at this moment that Ymir landed next to them to grab him by the other.

“Nice work,” the tall girl said ironically, glancing at her wounds. "I guess that was part of your brilliant plan?"

Amos rolled his eyes weakly before turning to his "sister-in-law"... and noticing the dried tears on the latter's freckles. He bit his tongue and lowered his head.

“I'm sorry... for worrying you both."

"Who told you I was worried?" Ymir replied, looking away.

Mikasa felt her stomach drop as she witnessed the scene, she swallowed hard as she realized that she had almost ruined an entire family.

The third transformation of the Female Titan, however, brought general attention back to the enemy, the oriental shook her head to refocus and wanted to throw herself into the fray again. But her recent mistake made her hesitate and she could only witness Eren's devastating punch in the enemy's face.

“Shit…” the noble groaned inwardly, recognizing the sparkle in the titanshifter ’s eyes. “If he loses control now he won't have a chance of winning this fight, and we'll have to rely entirely on Mikasa to get him back... We need reinforcements... otherwise we're done. "

(-)(-)(-)

Eren lost all his composure the moment he saw Amos being butchered. His haggard face stammered unintelligible words from the nape of his Titan. In his eyes, what had just happened was absolutely impossible. Amos Hannibal, formerly Amos Nox, the Advisor, the valedictorian of their class, his mentor in practically all areas, the one who was capable of anything in the eyes of the titanshifter , had just died. It was unrealistic, improbable, and yet...

The Female Titan's third transformation tore him away from his macabre thoughts, and refocused his attention on the one who had caused so many deaths among the scouts. Eren saw red, his focused gaze turned into an enraged green inferno, he didn't even wait for his opponent to finish materializing her titan to smash her face.

“You fucking bitch! " he roared internally. “You despicable bitch! How dare you?! "

The Female collapsed heavily on the ground, but she did not give the Rogue time to pin her to the ground, and gouged out one of his eyes with her clawed fingers.

Eren backed away, screaming in pain, and gradually felt his consciousness evaporate from his mind as his lamentations had invaded his brain and eclipsed his reason.

" It's my fault ! " he complained as his human eyes began to water. “I should have transformed while she was chasing us in the forest! Because of that… Because of me…”

His friend's words came back to him, and seemed to perform a dizzying dance around his head:

“Watching my children grow up in a safer world, seeing them become better than I could ever be, that’s my dream. "

“Because of me… Because of YOU… Amos’ dream… is BROKEN! "

The Rogue Titan attempted a new assault but was instantly pushed back by his opponent's heel strike.

“Bitch! Fucking whore! I'm going to tear you to shreds! Tear your head off! And EAT you! "

“Stop,” a voice in his head ordered firmly.

Eren froze in place when he recognized the owner of it, without warning, his subconscious dragged him away from the forest of giant trees. And he found himself in a completely ordinary forest, the forest where Amos had pulled him out of his spiral of hatred.

“To succeed, you must keep a cool head and a clear mind. Your rage and that of ours must go into your fists. Every blow you strike will be witnessed by the spirits and souls of our comrades. And that's why I want you to make me a promise, Eren. "

From the nape of his titan's neck, the native of Shinganshina felt his tears running down his cheeks. The Rogue Titan himself cried without the slightest restraint as his jaw finished reforming.

“If I ever die, whatever the circumstances, I would like you not to dwell on my fate. I want you tp continue to fight no matter what and I want you to give your attention and efforts to those who are still alive rather than to my corpse. This is the best service you can give me. "

Eren sniffed and gritted his teeth in sorrow.

“Amos…”

The Female Titan approached, and stiffened her ankle while her opponent remained haggard, arms dangling, and a look as empty as it was tearful.

The sound of crystallization alerted Mikasa who widened her eyes in terror.

"Eren!" she screamed in horror as the Female launched a devastating kick.

She jumped from her branch to rush at the enemy, but despite all her speed, she arrived too late to prevent the attack.

Inside the neck of his giant body, Jaeger took a deep breath, and repeated his friend's teachings like a mantra:

"Keep a cool head...  rage goes…"

In the blink of an eye the Rogue Titan crossed his arms to the right and took the attack hard, a deafening ringing echoed to the ears of the four spectators while the Female widened her eyes in horror.

"… In your fists."

Eren turned his head to discover that said fists were now covered in a layer of crystal similar to the one that covered his enemy's ankle.

All the spectators present raised their eyebrows in surprise, and opened their mouths in awe. Mikasa stopped in mid-air and moved away out of reach of the Female, while a large, disturbing smile appeared on Amos' lips.

"Smash her."

The Rogue's surprise only lasted an instant, his determination and his desire to kill took over again. He grabbed his opponent by the leg and sent her flying over his shoulder, where she glided before embedding herself in the trunk of a giant tree.

The Rogue was breathing heavily and his entire body was covered in sweat, nevertheless he found the strength to put himself on guard, and fixed his piercing gaze on the fruit of his new power.

“Thank you… Amos… I swear to you… I swear to you… That I will beat her… I swear to you! "

The Female Titan stood up awkwardly, and gave him a furious look, which he returned without blinking.

“Come on! "

The two giants approached each other, before resuming their confrontation by clashing their crystalline fists.

The resulting shock wave shook the earth and the branches, and their crystal skins cracked in various places, but they did not stop and continued their confrontation.

Mikasa clenched her teeth and fists at the scene, intervening now would be suicidal, she would be caught in the crossfire and would be a nuisance for her adoptive brother who would be forced to watch over her. She hated the feeling that was going through her more than anything in the world, for the first time in her life, she felt like she was utterly and truly useless.

It was becoming more and more obvious that the Female had a considerable advantage. Indeed, and despite the fact that she had gone through three transformations, she seemed to have a sufficient reserve of energy to perform flexible and precise movements. While the Rogue looked much more tired, and struggled to even keep his guard up. " Fuck! " Eren cursed, trying to ignore the pain in his muscles and head. “I can’t… I can’t lose… Not now…”

He received a violent uppercut in the side which shattered his ribs, he let out a grunt of pain before throwing himself headlong onto the Female and pinning her against the ground. Unfortunately, she punched him on the head, splitting his skull.

She didn't waste a single second and grabbed him by the hair and shoulder in order to tear the skin from the back of his neck with her teeth, before having her left eye torn apart by Mikasa. Although still upset, the oriental managed to transform her grief into hatred and launched a series of attacks, each more destructive than the last, thus forcing the Female to step back and stiffen her neck.

The half-blood went to perch on a branch in order to obtain a better angle for her next attack, her enemy finally stood up, her face smoky and her breathing heavy. She glared at Mikasa, which only angered the latter more.

Eren let out a grunt of exhaustion, tired but not defeated, he placed his huge hands on the ground and struggled to get up.

Fixing the enemy with a furious look, he raised his trembling arms to put himself on guard once more. Unfortunately, his crystal skin was crumbling from his knuckles, making him much less dangerous than before.

It was then that Commander Erwin and his scouts emerged from the woods, half on horseback, the other half fluttering in the trees. The three Hannibals let out a collective sigh when they saw them arrive.

“About damn time,” the tall blond growled while looking for Levi.

"Surround the Female Titan!" the leader of the scouts ordered, raising his sword. "Don't give her the slightest chance to escape!"

The soldiers obeyed and took their place under the terrified gaze of the titanic blonde who now knew she was traped like a rat. Desperate, she tried to go for Eren’s neck yet again. But a scout appeared from the woods and pounced on her. She tried to push him away with the back of her hand, unfortunately for her, her entire left arm was shredded in half a second, and the last thing she saw before her eyes were destroyed one more time, was the enraged face of Captain Levi.

She staggered backwards under the repeated assaults of Humanity's strongest soldier and ended up collapsing against the trunk of a giant tree while her tormentor slashed her joints under the impressed gaze of Amos, Mikasa and of all the others.

Completely cornered and unable to get rid of her assailant, she parted her lips. Knowing what was coming, Levi rushed to her throat to cut her vocal cords, but his blades shattered on a layer of stiffened skin.

The Female uttered her cry of distress for the second and final time, thus gathering together all the titans who were in the area.

"Everyone go into omni-dimensional maneuver!" Erwin shouted to cover the tremors caused by the horde rushing towards them. "And be ready to capture anyone who emerges from the nape of the Female Titan!"

Alas... the Commander had forgotten an important detail in his equation: Eren.

Indeed, the Rogue Titan could barely stand on his feet, and when the horde reached the clearing, it swept over him too.

The latter tried in vain to repel the giant cannibals, without success, he was overwhelmed by the numbers and pinned against a tree while his attackers attacked his neck with their jaws, to the great horror of Mikasa.

"EREN!"

Upon seeing this, Smith had no choice but to modify his orders.

"Forget about the Female Titan! Get Eren Jaeger back whatever the cost!"

Amos reacted quickly, controlling his pain, he freed himself from the grip of Ymir and Historia, plunged his hands behind his back, grabbed the two grenades attached to his belt, unpinned them and threw them between the meshes of carnage, straight to the neck of the Rogue Titan. The blast of the explosions pushed the giant cannibals back and threw them onto the ground.

Others tried to take their places, but Levi followed by other scouts cut their napes before they approached.

"Mikasa!" the noble whose back pain threatened to make him pass out, yelled. "Go get Eren!"

The oriental's blood rushed to her head, she darted between the titans who were struggling to get up and slashed the Rogue's nape to pull out an unconscious Jaeger. Not wasting a single second, she cut the nerves that connected him to his giant body and attempted to take him safely to the heights. Unfortunately for her, one of the pushed titans had managed to stand up, and was now lunging at them with its jaws wide open.

Levi emerges from the cloud of steam that emanated from the titanic corpses to clear the teenagers from the passage. However, to do so he had to lean on the titan's teeth and twisted his ankle.

Controlling his pain, the captain of the scouts directed the two natives of Shiganshina towards the branch from which Amos had almost fallen while throwing his grenades. Fortunately for him, his little sister and his sister-in-law were quick to catch him by the arms.

"How is he?" the noble asked weakly.

Mikasa raised her head to see the pale and feverish face of her interlocutor, as well as his blood-stained back. She grimaced in sadness and looked away when she met Historia’s eyes.

“He’s fine,” she stammered, consumed by guilt.

Guilt that did not escape Levi, any more than Historia's anger or Amos' wounds.

"Hey, noblish," the captain called in a dull voice, "‘you think the bitch shouted her last?"

Said noblish let out a displeased growl, before glancing towards the corpse of the Female Titan which was finishing being devoured.

"No... I'm sure she got away."

The tall, freckled girl secretly shared his opinion.

Levi could only groan in frustration.

(-)(-)(-)

Defeated and dejected, the scouts loaded Amos and Eren into the same cart before going to gather their dead, which was not such a good idea from the noble's point of view given the tension between Historia and Mikasa.

The oriental girl had curled up on herself, keeping her gaze fixed on Eren and her face hidden behind her scarf, for her part, the little blonde was busy cleaning her brother's wounds with a cloth soaked in alcohol .

Ymir had been “kind” enough to gather and pick up Hannibal’s omni-dimensional material, fortunately there was nothing irreparable. The tall girl knelt beside Historia and stroked her hair to calm her while Amos lay on his stomach, brooding over his defeat and cursing his pain.

"Mikasa!"

Armin and Jean rushed towards their comrades, they were thus able to see with fear the bloody back of the noble, the unconsciousness of Eren, and the depressed and empty face of the oriental.

“You’re guys are right on time,” the tall blond grunted, standing up with difficulty.

“Don’t move,” Historia exclaimed, grabbing him by the shoulders to lay him back down.

But her brother was still too strong for her despite his condition, and he managed to sit up.

"The fuck happened?" Kirstein asked worriedly.

“Not now,” Hannibal growled, removing what was left of his jacket and shirt while wincing, “I need to get rid of these wounds as quickly as possible.

When he was finally shirtless, Mikasa caught sight of the hideous collection of scars on the noble's skin, her eyes widening in horror once again today. Everything imaginable was there, scars, traces of burns, canine bites and whips, as well as gunshot wounds. The rest was indescribable.

Jean and Armin had seen them before when they shared the common showers at the training camp, however they would probably never be comfortable with the sight of them.

Amos took a small cylindrical box from his pocket, and handed it to his sister who raised an eyebrow.

"What is this?"

"Goop."

Historia's eyes widened in horror.

"You cannot be serious!"

"I'm very serious," he replied, removing his belt, "Jean? Ymir? You have to hold me down to stop me from struggling while Christa spreads this stuff on my back. I'm warning you, it's going to be violent."

Kirstein swallowed, but nodded and reached out to grab his shoulders as Amos bit his belt before lying on his belly, exposing his bare, fleshy skin.

Ymir grabbed him by the ankles, gritting her teeth, Historia opened the metal pot, trembling slightly, and came to kneel next to her brother. She made sure those holding him were ready, before gathering some cream on her fingers and starting to apply it to Amos' back.

When the remedy came into contact with the raw flesh, the situation almost degenerated. Indeed, the “goop” triggered a terrifying chemical reaction, the wounds on which it was applied began to bubble, tearing from the injured man a cry of abominable pain muffled by the belt he was biting. Historia began to cry once more, but she continued her task despite the frantic trembling of her brother's body. Ymir and Armin's eyes widened until their retinas almost exploded while Jean fought with all his might to prevent Hannibal from freeing himself from his grip.

Seeing that he was about to let go, Mikasa controlled her horror to help him and used her strength to contain the nobleman's attempts to escape his painful treatment. Historia did her best to ignore her brother's cries and continued to apply the cream. It was only when she moved on to the second wound that Armin could see the prodigious results of the miracle cure. Indeed, the scratch mark had been replaced by a long and hideous white scar, so hideous that he had the sickening impression that his friend's skin had been crudely resoldered by a white-hot poker. But in all honesty, he was as repelled as he was fascinated.

The second wound turned out to be even more difficult than the first, because if Mikasa was helping Jean to hold the injured man's shoulders, no one was helping Ymir, who was forced to hold his legs alone. Amos threw his head back brutally, and uttered a long and terrifying cry of muffled suffering, barely a few centimeters away from the half-blood’s face who was stunned with horror. The nobleman's eyes had rolled back, his features had distorted in pain, his complexion as white as a sheet and the sweat dripping from his forehead made him an authentic ghost. Mikasa was so frightened that she almost let him go.

It was only once the last square millimeter had healed that Amos let his face fall against the cart, unconscious, his body covered in sweat, he was breathing like a wounded ox.

Ymir released him almost immediately to go comfort Historia, who seemed to have her heart on the edge of her lips. Jean and Mikasa needed Armin to signal that it was over to release their hands. And if Kirstein felt a deep sense of disgust at the failure of their mission and the miserable state in which they had found their comrade, the disgust that Ackerman felt was directed towards herself.

"Oi!"

The new recruits jumped when they heard Captain Levi's voice, no one had heard him approach.

"If he’s stable, go help your comrades pick up the bodies, we're still in enemy territory in case you missed it. Wait until you are back in Karanes before relaxing or there will be more corpses."

The former cadets of the 104th reluctantly nodded, and went off to carry out their duty. Once they were far enough away, Humanity's strongest soldier glanced briefly at Amos' back and scanned his collection of scars.

“Damn,” he said in his dull voice, removing his cape to cover him, “you’re fucking insane, Hannibal."

“Tell me something I don’t know,” a small, foggy voice jabbered.

Levi raised an eyebrow slightly in surprise when he saw the noble open his exhausted eyes.

"How are you still conscious?"

"Left hand."

The captain looked down and saw a small syringe no bigger than a grape.

He grabbed it before sniffing it, the smell that invaded his nostrils making his eyes widen in anger. He knew it well, this filth abounded in the underground city.

"Did you just get high on heroin?" he asked in a cold and dangerous voice.

“Almost, it’s methadone,” the tall, muddy blond corrected, “basically it’s heroin without the high.”

Levi didn't know if he should finish off the nobleman now or if he should wait until he was back on his feet to demolish him.

"Why did you dost yourself with this crap?"

“Because without this crap I would have died of a heart attack from the pain,” he growled in response.

The captain looked carefully at her semi-conscious face before tossing the syringe over his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” said the injured man.

"For what?"

"For screwing up the mission."

Levi's eyebrow rose again.

"How is that your fault? From my point of view, we all messed up."

Amos took a deep breath, before placing his hands on the wood to stand up with difficulty and sit down, grunting, his interlocutor did not move an eyelash.

"I had the perfect opportunity to end her, all I had to do was to sacrifice a comrade."

He took a moment to breathe, before continuing:

"I couldn't do it, and because of that I ended up in this sorry state, we lost other soldiers and she managed to escape."

It didn't take long for Levi to make the connection between the injury, Mikasa's guilt and Historia's hateful looks.

"I'm sorry," Amos repeated sincerely, "you sacrificed more than a hundred comrades to succeed in this mission. But when everything rested on me I couldn't bring myself to sacrifice a single one."

The captain of the scouts observed the noble for a few moments, before glancing in the direction of the oriental woman who still seemed upset.

Amos then let out a disturbing chuckle, he glanced at his comrades who were piling up the corpses, before looking at Eren.

“How pathetic,” he finally admitted, burying his face in his hand, “how could I have let my guard down so much?”

Levi rolled his eyes in annoyance while grumbling.

"You're right kid, you ARE pathetic.

It was Amos' turn to mop, but he shared the feeling.

“Stop moping around,” he continued, looking back at the young recruits, “don’t let yourself be consumed by regret. If this happens to you it will influence all your future decisions, to the point of letting someone else make them for you. And then, the only thing left for you to do is die."

Hannibal raised his head and looked at his captain with a questioning frown.

"We're all doomed, kid, whether we're noble or dirt. Each of our actions inexorably leads to another that will affect the rest of our lives."

He then met Amos's emerald gaze with his face as gloomy as usual.

"Tell me Hannibal, do you regret saving her life?"

Amos took a moment to answer, and glanced in the direction of Mikasa who returned it at the same time.

“No,” he finally admitted, “and that’s what terrifies me. "

"Good," Levi finished, patting him on the back which radiated a searing pain, "you're not the only one who screwed up today, rookie. Learn from this expedition and don't miss the big bitch next time, that's an order."

“Understood,” the noble squeaked, controlling his back pain.

"Good," Levi continued, "Well, even though I’m saying that, I’m not even sure there will be a next time.

Immediately, predation lit up Amos’ eyes.

“Oh, believe me,” he said in an almost guttural voice, “there will be a next time. And even much sooner than she imagines."

The scout captain met his subordinate's gaze, and understood what he meant by that before he opened his mouth.

"Spit it out."

(-)(-)(-)

“It wasn’t your fault, you know?"

Mikasa raised her depressed face from the corpse she was carrying, and met Ymir's gaze.

"What do you mean?" she asked, a little surprised to hear Christa's girlfriend talking to her after what had happened.

“What happened to Amos,” the tall girl clarified, putting a body in a cart, “it wasn’t your fault. It was entirely his."

The oriental girl's eyes widened in surprise, Ymir continued:

"He should have let you die, if he had we would have captured the Female Titan and the mission would have succeeded. Humanity would then have taken an immense step forward."

She pointed to the bodies piled on the cart, before continuing:

"Sacrificing you was a very logical choice, you’d have just been another corpse to bring back, and at least no one would have died for nothing."

Mikasa clenched her fists in frustration and sadness, the memories of Hannibal's sacrifice sent tremors through her body, and her tears began to flow again.

"But hey," Ymir continued, shrugging her shoulders, "apparently Amos decided that your life was worth more than the success of the mission, only the goddesses know why."

The Oriental girl blinked, before raising her head:

"What?"

"You didn’t use him as a human shield as far as I know?" the tall girl replied, dismayed. He's the one who decided to throw himself at you. I don't know why he was stupid enough to do that, but the best service you can do him is not make him regret it. They say you're worth a hundred soldiers, well maybe it's time to prove it, don't you think?"

Mikasa glanced at the corpses with regret, before hiding her face behind her scarf.

"Thank you, Ymir."

The tall girl raised an annoyed eyebrow.

"Eh? What are you thanking me for? Just do your fucking job."

With these words, she left to join Historia, who was taking care of the wounded, leaving the oriental

with her thoughts. Her gaze landed on Amos who was chatting with Captain Levi, just as the latter was looking in her direction.

The noble's words suddenly came back to her and she turned her head.

“I’m…a fucking…moron…”

She pulled her scarf up over her nose and continued her work.

(-)(-)(-)

Eren woke up from his nightmare panting in terror, panicked, he tried to get up, but a powerful hand grabbed him by the shoulder and stopped him in his tracks.

"Calm down," ordered a voice he thought he would never hear again, "the fight is over."

Slowly, Jaeger raised his head to discover his interlocutor, his eyes filled with tears as he discovered the tired face of the tall blond.

"A-A-Amos…?"

"Yeah," the aforementioned replied, letting out a sad smile, "I haven't bitten the dust yet."

The shifter was about to respond when an alarming thought occurred to him.

"Where is Mikasa?"

The noble pointed at the oriental with his thumb, she was riding next to their cart, her face still hidden by her scarf. The Shinganshina native heaved a deep sigh of relief when he saw her.

"Eren," she called, "lie down, you need to rest."

"She's right," Amos added, gently forcing him to get back on his back, "you need to regain your strength. You’ll need it sooner than you think. "

Jaeger's gaze juggled between his friend and his adopted sister, before his eyes widened.

"And the Female Titan?"

The expressions of the two young scouts darkened.

"Gone, the noble replied, "rest now, we are not very far from Wall Rose."

Eren didn't seem to believe his ears.

"But... the mission?"

The oriental shook her head sadly.

"It failed."

Jaeger gasped once more and uncovered the cloak covering him.

"What...Mikasa...did you help me again?"

At this question, the hideous sound of crystal claws slashing Amos' flesh resonated in the young woman's head, she suddenly tensed before looking away, hiding her face once more.

Amos looked at her for a short moment before sighing and standing up, but he winced from his injuries and winced in pain. Mikasa gritted her teeth behind her scarf.

"Stay down," the noble said to the titanshifter before removing Levi's cape, "we're almost there."

He picked up his torn clothes to put them back on, Eren easily saw the bloody scratches on his friend's shirt and jacket.

"Amos... your back…"

"It's cured, extreme treatment," he said nonchalantly without providing further explanation, "but the pain will persist for a while."

Jaeger exchanged a brief glance with Mikasa and read the guilt in her eyes. Despite this, he could not contain the intense feeling of relief and recognition that invaded his body.

“Thank you,” he said sincerely, choking back tears, “thank you."

The nobleman remained unresponsive for a moment, then he gave a slight smile.

He then put on Levi's cape to hide his wounds and his torn clothes, before standing up to face the anger of the people with the dignity of a Hannibal.

(-)(-)(-)

When the Scouts passed through the gates of Karanes, it was greeted by a guard of “honor” from the population. From Amos' point of view, it was one of the most frustrating and humiliating experiences of his young life, although it was far from the worst. Like Erwin and Levi, the nobleman maintained a neutral face, standing in the chariot with Eren at his feet and Mikasa at her adopted brother's bedside. He discreetly looked around for any of his grandfather's agents while ignoring his back pains which were returning.

“Shit, the methadone’s effects are already starting to wear off,” he groaned inwardly.

"Hey, aren't there fewer of them than this morning?" a voice said from the crowd.

" Here we go… "

"Damn, there are definitely fewer of them."

"Lamentable… once again."

" Are they back already?"

"Hey, look at these pig faces."

" Fuck, we give them one hell of a triumphant departure, and they come back like beaten dogs."

“You're not totally wrong, but I still hope you all go get fucked in the ass by wild boars. "

“What the hell did they do?”

"What do you think? They went and wasted our taxes, as usual."

Eren was seething with anger while lying in his cart, while Mikasa seemed extremely uncomfortable and worried about the titanshifter .

"Hey, isn’t he the Prime Minister’s grandson?"

"Yes, there was his face in the newspapers, they made a fuss about it."

"Tss, it was nothing more than stupid noble propaganda. Look at him, he doesn't have a scratch. He probably stayed well hidden while the others went to get eaten. And he comes back like a proud dog."

“I bet he had to change his pants before he came back."

This time, Eren almost exploded with rage. Despite his aching muscles and his cruel lack of energy, he leaned on his elbows and stood up with difficulty.

"Eren," Mikasa said in a sad voice, "calm down."

Blinded and deafened by his anger, Jaeger ignored her to glare at the crowd and yell at them that they were nothing more than oxen in a pen, while Amos had bled so that they could get even fatter. But the nobleman stopped him in his tracks by kneeling down to press a hand on his shoulder.

"Stop," he ordered in a low voice, "it's no use, you'll do a lot more harm than good."

The Shiganshina native couldn't seem to believe his ears, he stared at his friend in disbelief.

“They have no right,” Jaeger stammered angrily, “no right to judge you…"

"Have you ever seen a wolf care about the opinions of sheep? No? So don't worry about their opinion."

Eren gritted his teeth in frustration to the point of almost bursting under the pressure, he turned his dark gaze towards the people, before freezing in place. Amos followed his gaze.

Two very young children stood on barrels behind the crowd, a boy with stars in his eyes, and a little girl in wonder. Mikasa noticed them too, she didn't know how she should react.

"So cool!" the boy said loudly enough for the young scouts to hear him. "The Survey Corps are so awesome!"

Amos raised his eyebrows in surprise, what was “cool” or “awesome” about their condition?

"They keep fighting no matter what!" the kid continued, turning towards the little girl.

Stunned, Eren lost all his composure, he only displayed a disoriented and dejected expression. Amos stared at the boy with sad curiosity.

“Have I ever been this naive? " he asked himself before his memory refreshed itself.

(Flashback)

Eight-year-old Amos Hannibal was performing a series of perfectly calculated blows on a mannequin in the training room at Caraxes Castle. His face was firm and concentrated, and his neck covered with a bandage. However, after more than half a day of repeating the same movements over and over again, his hands began to take more damage than his wooden victim.

"Amos," called a soft voice, while soft hands were taking him by the shoulders, "that's enough, you're going to end up really hurting yourself if you continue."

The little blond boy swallowed sadly before relaxing his guard. His joints were in excruciating pain, but this pain was proof to him that he was moving in the right direction.

"Amos," a woman around thirty with oriental features sighed, taking his hands to bandage them, "why do you practice so much? You don't have to be so strong, you know?"

Young Hannibal lowered his head slightly, before placing his injured hand on that of the oriental woman.

"Yes, I need it…"

Nanami Nakamura met the sad and determined look of her little boy, she frowned slightly in question.

"Amos…?"

"I have to become as strong as possible!" young Hannibal exclaimed, his eyes filled with tears. I must become the best! So that no one dares to attack you again! So that no one can ever separate us again!"

Nanami felt her eyes moisten, a sad smile appeared on her face.

No longer able to hold it, the eight-year-old boy threw himself into his mother's arms and cried hot tears into her neck.

"I'm so sorry, Kaa-san!" he gasped between his sobs. "I promise you… I promise you I’ll get there! I promise you !"

The thirty-year-old didn't answer, she just hugged her son as tightly as possible while her own tears fell. His tremors made his silver pendant in the shape of a tiger with emerald eyes, jingle.

(-)(-)(-)

Unconsciously, Amos tightened the same pendant around his neck to the point of almost cutting his palm.

“The one promise I can never keep. "

The sudden moistening of his eyes brought the young man back to reality, he wiped them while pretending to pinch his nose in frustration, and resumed his neutral face. Levi's words came back to him:

“Don’t let yourself be consumed by regret. If this happens to you it will influence all your future decisions, to the point of letting someone else make them for you. And there, the only thing left for you to do is die. "

He let out a quiet sigh.

“It’s difficult, it’s really difficult not to have regrets. Even if they don't do much good. "

"Commander Erwin!" shouted one of the citizens. "Answer us! What did this expedition bring you in return for all its sacrifices?!"

"You have no regrets in front of all these dead soldiers?!"

Erwin didn't even bat an eyelash, he continued on his way, ignoring the cries and complaints of the populace.

Amos observed him from afar with new respect.

“He knows very well that he is doing a stupid job, even though he is far from being stupid himself. He has never really won a battle, he has been an eternal loser since his promotion five years ago... and yet he continues to move forward, despite the defeats and the hard blows, despite the contempt and the hatred of others, despite the obstacles put in his way by the government. I wonder what his poison is that continues to crawl with such determination into the pit of shit he has thrown himself into. This is only my first defeat against the Titans, and my morale is already in the ass of a cow. I guess I still have a lot of tricks to learn and obstacles to overcome to rise to his level. Or maybe I haven't found my poison yet. "

A strangled sound of sobbing tore him from his thoughts, he lowered his head, frowning.

Eren was crying. The native of Shinganshina hid his face with his forearm and expiated his sadness, his disappointment, his guilt as well as the bitter taste of defeat through his tears. Mikasa held his hand tightly, her black hair obscuring her jet-black eyes.

For a moment, Hannibal thought it would be better to leave him, but his own memory continued to play tricks on him, and his mother's voice rang through his head once more.

“Amos, you are by far the strongest person I know. But if you keep all this strength buried deep inside you, you will end up all alone, blinded by power and the illusion that you are better than others…"

The nobleman placed one knee on the bottom of the cart and called to his friend:

"Hey, Eren?"

Jaeger pulled his arm away from his tearful face to see his friend's left hand.

“…That is why, when you meet someone weaker than you, do not turn your back on him, extend your hand to him. Share your strength with him…”

The native of Shinganshina widened his eyes, before questioning his comrade with a look.

"Get up," the latter said in a voice as soft as firm, "it's far from over. Dry your tears, accept defeat and get back up. Today we lost, but we are not defeated. We are bent, but we are not broken. We will overcome this disastrous day and move forward, we will continue to move forward no matter the difficulties. I know I will, but I won't accomplish anything alone. I need your help, I need everyone's help, so get up, accept it, and move on."

For a few seconds, Eren stared at his friend's face in amazement, before laying his eyes on the latter's hand. Suddenly, the features of his face hardened, his green eyes clouded with tears regained their spark, he raised his own left hand and grabbed that of Amos.

“…Help him rise…”

Helping Eren back on his feet turned out to be more complicated than expected, as they were both exhausted and Hannibal's back pain didn't make the task easy. However, they succeeded under Mikasa's worried and guilty gaze.

“…Until this person becomes your equal…”

Amos put Jaeger's right arm around his neck, and helped him stand with dignity, even in such a crushing defeat.

“…and shares his own strength with others…”

Although out of breath, Eren extended his left hand towards Mikasa. The oriental was extremely touched by this gesture but she hesitated before meeting Amos' gaze, she almost gasped in relief when the tall blond gave her a reassuring smile and an encouraging nod. Slightly reinvigorated, she put Eren's left arm around her own neck and stood by his side.

They remained standing throughout, enduring the insults and cries of the people, until they reached the Base behind Wall Rose. It was only after he had gone through the flood of insults, after the methadone had stopped working, after the cart had stopped, that Hannibal finally passed out in the arms of Eren and Mikasa while that they called him by his name.

“…And maybe one day, you will be the one who will need to be supported…”

With a grateful smile on his lips, and a tear rolling down his cheek, Amos formulated a thought before finally falling into unconsciousness.

“Aishiteimasu, Kaa-san. "

(-)(-)(-)

That evening, Mikasa couldn't sleep.

After making sure Eren was fed and put to bed, -without protesting-, she tried to do the same. But despite the fatigue caused by the multiple violent emotions she had felt today, even though she tossed and turned in her bed for almost two hours, she was unable to sleep a wink. Amos' sacrifice played over and over in her head, so much so that her chronic migraine had come back to haunt her. She gritted her teeth as she placed a hand on her head, and finally decided to go to the bathroom to wash her face with water and clear her mind.

But no matter how many times she rinsed her face, she couldn't ease her headache.

It got worse, so much so that she had to hold on to the edges of the sink to keep from passing out.

“Are you going to drown yourself in self-pity or are you going to fight? "

" Fight ! "

The oriental shook her head, a tear ran down her cheek.

“Every time I fight, I only make things worse,” she thought, defeated, “no matter how strong I am, I always run into the wall… and…”

A searing pain pierced her brain, she flinched, grimacing at her suffering. Three memories came to the surface: the time Amos had reprimanded her in the infirmary after her debacle against the human flesh traffickers, his headbutt to save her from her suicide attempt in Trost, and finally his sacrifice against the Female Titan.

“Every time… he has to correct my mistakes… Every time…”

She pulled her scarf up over her nose and closed her eyelids to let go of her excess tears.

The memory of Amos helping Eren back to his feet was the last to appear in her mind, and although her best friend invited her to join them, she couldn’t get rid of the bitter taste in her mouth.

“They are so strong… how… how can I stand by them?"

Exhausted, the young girl left the bathroom, but she was still not ready to go to bed. So, she decided to go see if Amos was okay, if only to relieve the weight of guilt that weighed on her heart.

Unfortunately for her, when she reached the noble's room, she found Historia sitting next to her.

The little blonde must have been crying for a long time given her red eyes, she casted a murderous glance at the oriental woman who flinched slightly.

"What do you want?" she asked in a cold voice.

" I… I just wanted to see how Amos was…"

“You know very well how he is,” she replied sharply, “you were there."

The half-blood took the blow, before lowering her head.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered before turning on her heel.

"Wait."

Historia gritted her teeth, before letting out a long, deep sigh while burying her head in her hands.

"Wait, Mikasa... I... I'm sorry... I know it wasn't your fault…"

The oriental woman stopped in her step and turned her head towards the little blonde. -

"I am a bastard of the Hannibal family," the latter suddenly revealed to the great surprise of her interlocutor, "as such my simple existence is a stain on the honor of our House."

She raised her head to stare at the wall with a distant gaze, Mikasa easily detected the sadness that possessed her.

"Most noble bastards are drowned at birth," she said to the great horror of the oriental woman, "others are simply entrusted to orphanages or adopted by families of commoners. My case is more particular, I grew up on a small farm on the lands of House Hannibal in the west of Sina. I had no one except a fat housekeeper who prepared my meals for me while cursing my existence for forcing her to watch over me. I spent my days working on the farm, enduring insults and slaps from this dirty cow. I didn't know how to read or write, I only knew two things: my first name, and that I had no right to exist."

Mikasa was sickened by what she heard, each time she learned more about the world of the nobility, she discovered how it was the most inhumane environment there was, even worse than that of slavery. If only for the way parents treated their own children.

"I had no family or friends, the local children threw stones at me, calling me a bastard and a ‘dirty nobleman’s spawn’ as soon as I set foot outside. This was my daily life until I was eight. And then…"

The little blonde fixed her sapphire gaze on her unconscious brother, her tears began to flow again.

"And then I met Amos, and everything changed. He taught me everything, to fight, to read and write, to play chess, to defend myself against those who attacked me, to live for myself regardless of the opinions of others... I owe him everything... Absolutely everything... He became my brother... He gave me a mother... He gave me his love and taught me to love... I am the person I am today only because of him."

Mikasa's eyes widened, and she felt a deep sense of warmth envelop her heart. She understood her only too well... Eren was just as beneficial for her. He had taught him to live again, to fight, he had given him a family and a home, had wrapped this scarf around his neck. Somehow, the oriental was happy to have found someone who could understand her as well as Historia.

“Then he disappeared,” said the latter in a curt tone, much to the surprise of the half-blood." One day he was there laughing and training with me, and the next day he disappeared for an entire year. I didn't know where he was or even if he was still alive. For months I wondered if it was my fault... If I had done something to displease him... If ultimately the fact that I was a bastard had ended up disgusting him. My new housekeeper didn't know where he was either, and even she seemed worried. I never stopped training or studying, I even redoubled my efforts while he was away. I wanted... I wanted him to be proud of me from the moment he came back... But every night... I went to bed crying... wondering if my brother was still alive... or even if he always loved me."

Mikasa felt her heart tear when hearing this story, she was unable to imagine her reaction if such a thing were to happen to her.

A small, sad smile appeared on Historia's face, she continued:

"He came back a year later... And I was so relieved and happy to see him again that it took me a while to notice how much he had changed. He was colder, his warmth and his embraces seemed less sincere, as did his smiles or his laughter. And then... Maria fell... Mom... left us... Amos never really got over it... He spent the next two years being sad and melancholy, but he was also much more violent and pragmatic than I had never seen him… And he started teaching me survival… Probably to make sure I wouldn't leave him either."

She paused to calm her flood of tears and catch her breath, then she continued.

"It was… It was only when we joined the 104th that I really found my big brother back. It took a little while... But his warmth, his smile, his laughter, his jokes and his way of helping others... Everything was... everything had become true again. It was as if he had finally found the way out of the labyrinth in which he had gotten lost. I was so happy to see him like that... And I was so grateful to you all... that I naively believed that things could only get better from now on... But... when he threw himself at you... I... I have…"

Unable to hold it any longer, the little blonde burst into tears under Mikasa's troubled gaze, and threw herself around her brother's neck as if she was afraid that he would disappear.

"I was so scared!" she admitted in a voice choked with grief. "I was so afraid of losing him again! I was so afraid that he would die before my eyes without ever being able to thank him for being there for me! Or tell him how much I loved him and that I was so happy that he was my brother!"

Historia clung to Amos with all her strength, her body shaking uncontrollably every time she gasped. She sobbed, again and again, while Mikasa felt her guilt tearing at her insides and her heart, and a new waterfall of tears flowed down her cheeks.

The two girls stood there, crying and regretting until Historia regained some semblance of self-control. Slowly, she sat up to wipe her eyes.

"I'm sorry... Mikasa, she repeated under her breath, I shouldn't have blamed you…"

“It doesn’t matter,” Mikasa assured, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I understand very well... If our roles had been reversed... my reaction would have been much worse…"

Historia allowed herself a little sad chuckle.

“You should go to bed, Christa,” Mikasa said in a neutral voice, “Amos wouldn’t want to see you waste your energy keeping watch while he sleeps."

The little blonde sighed, before nodding gently. She looked at her brother one last time, before saying goodnight and heading back to the room she shared with Ymir. Now thinking only of her girlfriend's arms in which she longed to take refuge.

Mikasa stood in front of the noble's bed for a moment, before finally deciding to release the breath she was holding, and sat down in the chair that Christa had occupied.

She hesitated for a few moments, took a deep breath to give herself courage, and finally spoke:

"Amos…? I... I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was," she said, her tone heavy in regret, "everyone... Everyone tried to reassure me. To tell me that it wasn't my fault, to tell myself that it was your decision and that I had to make sure not to make you regret it. But I... I... I can't help but think that... that you shouldn't have done that. Not just for Christa and Ymir… Or the others… I… I…"

The oriental woman let out her frustration and anger towards herself by exhaling through her teeth, and continued:

“I don’t think I would have done the same thing for you if… if our roles had been reversed."

She gritted her teeth, closed her fists and lowered her head. She had thought that admitting her faults would have taken a weight off her shoulders, but the opposite was happening: the weight of her shame now threatened to crush her.

"I'm so ungrateful," she added absently, "I owe you so much... You saved Eren, Armin and me several times. You helped Eren grow, you sharpened Armin's intelligence while helping him gain self-confidence. You helped everyone. Even me, especially me... Every time I run into the wall, you are there to stop me. I... I would have lost everything without you... I wouldn't even know who my parents really were, or why I'm so strong... Amos…"

" Shut up. "

"I am happy to have met you."

“Be silent. "

“And I’ll find a way to return the favor.”

“Someone fucking shut her up! "

"Thank you."

With these words, the oriental got up and headed towards the exit.

"Mikasa?"

She froze on the spot and widened her eyes upon hearing this voice, she slowly turned on her heel to discover the sad look of the nobleman. He stared into her jet pupils.

“You have nothing to reproach yourself for,” he informed her soberly, “because I don’t want you to do this for me."

The oriental woman didn't seem to believe her ears, this was not the answer she was expecting.

"What do you mean?"

“I can’t be clearer,” he replied, closing his eyelids, “I don't want you to do that for me."

Mikasa wanted to insist, but she suspected he would turn a deaf ear. So she chose to return to the room she shared with Sasha. Her guilt had eased, but her curiosity had now been piqued.