And You Thought There Is Never a Girl Online [Vol 3] [Prologue] (Patreon)

From the absolute disaster of confessing my love to a guy pretending to be a girl, to the moment my current wife, Ako, proposed to me—I used to be pretty dead set against the whole "in-game marriage" thing.

The main reason was obviously the massive embarrassment I put myself through, but it was also because I’d seen way too much drama go down with the people around me.

This is one of those stories.

Even though I was against getting hitched myself, if a friend told me they were getting married, I’d still show up to the ceremony and give them a proper "congrats."

Well, one time, just a few days after a friend got married with everyone cheering them on, I got a random DM.

◆Yuyun: "That person was just playing with my heart!"

That was the vibe of the whole chat.

◆Lucian: "I don't really get what's going on, and honestly, I don't want to hear this kind of talk from a guy."

I tried to brush him off. I was busy, after all.

◆Yuyun: "No, no, you gotta listen to me!"

◆Lucian: "Even if you say that..."

I was solo hunting at the time, but I remember giving up and heading back to town just for Yuyun's sake.

◆Lucian: "Alright, so give me the details. What happened?"

◆Yuyun: "It’s awful, man. It’s about Sarasara-chan, the person I married."

◆Lucian: "Yeah?"

I remembered her since I’d been invited to the wedding. His partner was a girl named Sarasara-chan, a mage character with long, silky blue hair.

Back then, my eyes were way too sharp when it came to judging female characters, so my only real thought at the time was: This person totally smells like a 'trap'.

◆Yuyun: "Sarasara... Sarasara, man..."

◆Lucian: "What about her?"

Yuyun burst into tears (via emote), wiped his eyes (via emote), and looked up at the sky (via emote) before speaking.

◆Yuyun: "She was married to another guy on an alt character!"

◆Lucian: "...Oh. I see."

◆Yuyun: "What kind of reaction is that, Lucian?!"

I mean, what did he want from me? Getting dumped with someone else's marital drama is just awkward. You can't blame me for giving a half-hearted "Oh, wow, crazy" response.

In LA, the marriage system isn't account-wide; it’s just between individual characters. It's not like you share item inventories or have some deep, permanent bond.

So, technically, Sarasara-chan wasn't breaking any rules. Honestly, I’ve almost never seen anyone who stays "married" across every single one of their characters.

But logic didn't matter to Yuyun right now.

◆Yuyun: "I got cheated on! Cheated on! I should be able to sue for alimony or something!"

◆Lucian: "You say 'cheating,' but she's still married to you on that character, right?"

◆Yuyun: "I'd rather she just divorced me!"

Yuyun howled, spamming anger emotes.

◆Yuyun: "The fact that she stayed married to me while marrying someone else on an alt means she was just using me for my body and my money!"

◆Lucian: "You mean for tanking and XP."

His choice of words was honestly pathetic.

But looking at the situation, I figured he was probably right—she was likely only in it for the perks.

If there was even a shred of what you could call "love" there, she probably wouldn't have gotten married on an alt.

◆Lucian: "Basically, Sarasara-chan just saw you as a convenient partner to have around when she needed someone to tank for her ranged DPS."

◆Yuyun: "Exactly. She didn't love me at all."

Meanwhile, this guy actually was in love with her.

◆Lucian: "I get it... Man, that’s rough."

◆Yuyun: "I just want to quit the game."

◆Lucian: "I totally feel you, but..."

I wondered which was worse: finding out she’s an alt-jumper or finding out she’s actually a dude. Getting your hopes up just to have them crushed like that is no joke.

◆Lucian: "People just have different takes on in-game marriage, you know?"

Some do it just to grind more efficiently, some do it because they're best friends, and some do it because they’re actually head-over-heels for the other person. When those expectations don't line up, you get a disaster like this.

◆Lucian: "So, what’s the plan? You getting a divorce?"

◆Yuyun: "...Yeah. It's over between me and Sarasara-chan."

◆Lucian: "But doesn't the game charge a massive fee if you force a divorce without both people agreeing?"

◆Yuyun: "Why did the devs make such a trash system?! Bastards!"

◆Lucian: "Why don't you just ask her for a divorce straight up?"

◆Yuyun: "And admit that I was actually in love with her while she was just using the system for perks? I’d rather die! I’ll literally die!"

◆Lucian: "...Yeah, okay... I feel that..."

If I could turn back time to before I confessed to Nekohime-san, I’d do it in a heartbeat... if only I could.

◆Yuyun: "Anyway, I'm not okay with being the only one suffering here."

◆Lucian: "Wait... what?"

The conversation was taking a weird turn.

◆Yuyun: "So, to make sure you suffer right along with me, I went and interviewed Nekohime-san to ask why she didn't marry you."

◆Lucian: "Why the hell would you do that?! I don't want to hear any of this!"

◆Yuyun: "Reason number one!"

Is he seriously ignoring me?! He’s totally tuning me out!

◆Yuyun: "'I have no interest in getting married in a video game, nya.'"

◆Lucian: "Gugh... my heart..."

◆Yuyun: "Reason number two! 'It’s not like I was particularly close with Lucian anyway, nya.'"

◆Lucian: "Gyaaaaaah! Stop!"

◆Yuyun: "Reason number three! 'Actually, the idea of marrying a guy is just gross, nya'—and that's a wrap!"

◆Lucian: "Please... just make it stop..."

Why did my old wounds have to be ripped open too?

Sure, I proposed without thinking about her feelings or how she viewed in-game marriage, so I can't exactly laugh at this guy. But did I really deserve a beatdown like this?

No, wait. It's not his fault. He’s just a victim, too.

It’s all the "traps"' fault. It’s the fault of whoever decided you could get married in a video game in the first place!

◆Lucian: "I am never getting married again!"

◆Yuyun: "Hell yeah! Never again!"

We both pumped our fists in the air, swearing off the system.

...Except Yuyun went on to get divorced twice more and remarried three times.

I heard his current wife is actually a guy, too.

At his last wedding, I could only watch with a heavy heart as he shared a passionate kiss with her—or him? I don't even know anymore.

***

◆Lucian: "And that’s basically why I felt that way."

◆Ako: "I’m not divorcing you, okay?"

Ako, who had been listening in silence until now, cut me off with an intensity that was almost aggressive.

◆Lucian: "Yeah, I’m not planning on it either."

◆Ako: "Oh, thank goodness~"

She let out a huge sigh of relief. As usual, she had this habit of getting all worked up over things she didn't even need to worry about.

◆Lucian: "That wasn't really my point. What I wanted to ask was about your stance on marriage."

◆Ako: "Huh?"

Why does she look like I’m speaking a foreign language? This is important—how you actually view being married in-game.

◆Lucian: "It’d be bad if our views on marriage were totally different, right? We kind of jumped into this without really talking about the details."

To be honest, Ako basically steamrolled me into it, so we never actually had a deep conversation about what it meant.

◆Ako: "Wait, but... I love you, Lucian."

◆Lucian: "...I love you too, but that's not—"

◆Ako: "See?"

A question mark practically floated over Ako’s head, as if she was asking why I even brought it up.

I mean, she had a point. I’ve never once had to worry about whether Ako liked me or not in the game.

◆Lucian: "Okay, then let me ask you one thing."

◆Ako: "Sure!"

◆Lucian: "............"

◆Ako: "...?"

◆Lucian: "...I—I can't ask that!"

"I can't ask that!"

Both Lucian and I shouted at the same time. There was no way! There was no way I could ask something like that!

◆Ako: "Wha—?! Why are you suddenly snapping at me?!"

◆Lucian: "Shut up! I'm going to bed! Goodnight!"

◆Ako: "O-okay... Goodnight."

I said my goodbyes to a very confused Ako, closed the game client, and buried my face in my hands. I’ll definitely have to apologize to her tomorrow.

But seriously, there’s no way I could ask that with a straight face.

Ako, do you...

Do you love the real me?