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The Curse of the Scale (One-Off) (Patreon)

Published:
2022-10-31 04:09:35
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

Here is a 6,000 word one-off as a little edgy Halloween story.  I think it could use some edits, so I'd love some feedback on how to improve this one.  The first three pages I wrote a while ago and posted to DA as a story idea, but the rest I wrote today.  Let me know how you like it!

It's certainly something different.

Happy Halloween!  Thanks again for all the support!

Comments

jstn

I think we'd see the aftermath of what Hayden does to Lisa. For a sequel: Maybe introducing more side characters/descriptions of the sorority. I think it'd be interesting to see Hayden fully accept herself and not care about her looks as it was my interpretation that if she wasn't feeling or acting out of vanity, the scales curse doesn't take effect. This could build into her corrupting the whole sorority or maybe into a plot where she becomes like Lisa but worse until she encounters a sorority sister who is unaffected by the scale. Just some random thoughts, curious to see what you think. Nice work!

Achernarus

This was a fun read with a unique premise. I enjoyed it quite a bit, but the ending fell a little short for me. I was expecting that once Harper came to terms with her body, she would simply cease using the scale entirely, no longer feeling it necessary; however, as her weight gain slowed and plateaued, the other sorority girls would continue to weigh themselves. With that in mind, I'd hoped there would be a time jump where the sorority, now known as the "fat sorority", would be filled with girls far, far heavier than Harper, with Leah outweighing everyone as the biggest girl on campus. At that point, perhaps they've all given up on ever losing the weight and so they decide to ditch the scale or return it or sell it, and only then would Harper remember the phrase inscribed upon it. She'd do so with a smile, finally understanding the meaning. I wanted more comeuppance in the end.

polarisdreamer
>>94655249

I think this is a better idea than the one I went with. Maybe I'll do a rewrite from this perspective sometime