Captains Log 09.01.26 (Patreon)

Oh August, what a brutal month you were for the old noggin.

I'm so bummed I didn't have anything new to show you guys. After my last comic I felt so excited to keep pushing forward with the momentum I had going, but that excitement quickly switched to anxiety as it dawned on me that I had no idea what I wanted to do.

I figured it would be alright after a crunch to give myself something simpler, and maybe if that was the case I could focus on an illustration instead of a comic to carry me over as I wrote something for September. Of course, the animation freelance I accepted would take a couple weeks, but even if that only left me with the last week of August to figure things out, that would still be plenty of time...

Fast forward to the last week of August, and I'm sweating on my apartment's floor with a broken AC unit during a heatwave just hating the drawing I wanted to finish, and feeling as lost as ever with the direction I wanted to take my other projects.

I'll spare you more whining, but I'll say this crashout taught me how I really need to work on not making situations worse. I'll get panicked about not knowing what to do, and I'll beat myself up for making "bad" choices after I act on that panic. It's tiring, and becoming vicious with myself under stress makes getting back on the wagon that much harder.

Art for me is like exercise. Stopping for long enough causes you to lock up and lose your edge. Instead of facing the discomfort of "getting back in shape" I usually begin intellectualizing why I shouldn't try something new, be vulnerable, or create in the first place. I’m starting small with this because it’ll help me get over myself, I just have to focus on not handing the reigns to the voice in the back of my head telling me otherwise.