Eric Linnaeus | Book 3 | Chapter 30 - Ask Him for Help, as if He Would Ever (Patreon)

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𝔸𝕤𝕜 ℍ𝕚𝕞 𝕗𝕠𝕣 ℍ𝕖𝕝𝕡, 𝕒𝕤 𝕚𝕗 ℍ𝕖 𝕎𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝔼𝕧𝕖𝕣ɴᴀᴛʜᴀɴɪᴇʟ ᴋʟᴇɪɴ: ᴍᴀʏ - ᴊᴜɴᴇ, 𝟸𝟶𝟶𝟶.

─── .✦········· ───

The gardens are quiet at night, and I often escape to them. The pathways are dimly illuminated, and fireflies twinkle in the trees. Dunkel has many gardens. The woodland garden is commonly used for training, while the formal garden is hardly used at all. The water gardens are beautiful, but the insects are too loud in the evenings, and the cottage garden is being re-designed.

But none of it would matter soon. This entire castle was likely to burn, and I couldn’t protect it. Not against the Vanir, I wasn’t strong enough. That thought made me ill. It was my job to protect everyone, yet I could hardly protect anything. Salt damaged my body, and I doubted I would ever regain the strength. Moreover, I couldn’t even recognize betrayal when it was standing not two feet in front of me.

Guards rushed past in search of me, and I stepped back into the shadows between the trees, dimming my aura completely to avoid them. So much fuss for nothing. I supposed my brother must have gone to the office, only to realize I wasn’t there, and subsequently panicked. But this kind of commotion was too much for me right now. I only wanted a moment’s peace to think.

Eventually, the guards moved away, and I sighed in relief. I was finally alone again. Not far from me was a large water fountain with an angel centerpiece. Water spouted from the trumpet she held, and it bubbled softly as it splashed into the reservoir below. I sat on the steps of that fountain with my head in my hands. How did it come to this? What did he hope to achieve? Moreover, how had I never noticed anything? Perhaps because I hadn’t wanted to…

My thoughts were interrupted by a soft footfall on cement, and I looked up to see my mother standing before me. She was in her nightgown and drew it tighter around herself as she came to sit beside me.

“Mother,” I mumbled, dejected. She was the last person I wanted to see.

“Sweetheart…”

“What are you doing here?”

“Your brother realized you weren’t in your office, he’s very concerned.”

“I want to be alone. Leave,” I demanded. I had no patience for her at the best of times, so I certainly did not have it now.

She hesitated, then, to my surprise, gently put an arm around my shoulders to hold me close. I moved to pull away automatically, but she laid my head in her lap and petted my hair with her gloved hands. “Don’t fight it; it’s okay…” she assured soothingly.

My mother and I have never been close. She had stood idly by while our father beat and tortured her children. Not once had she helped us when we needed it, so what did she think she was doing now? If I had any will left to fight I would have refused the gesture.

“It’s not okay; nothing is ‘okay’.”

“It will be.”

“No it won’t!” I snapped, before adding more quietly, “…I don’t know what to do…”

“…What do you want to do?”

What I wanted to do was release Eric, to pretend I knew no different than I did yesterday. “It doesn’t matter what I want…”

“Of course it does.”

“We’re all going to die, Mother. I’m supposed to protect everyone, that’s my job. But I can’t beat something I can’t kill.”

“That’s not your burden to carry alone. Others will help you, and we have time to find their weaknesses…”

“To torture Eric you mean?” I muttered bitterly.

She shook her head, “You could simply try asking for his help…”

“Have you gone mad? He would never help us.”

“You might be surprised…” she murmured.

“He lied, over and over, and he let Father go. He betrayed us… He betrayed me.”

The truth of it was I didn’t care about anything else, what he was, how often he lied to others. So long as he didn’t lie to me, I didn’t care. But releasing my father? Surely if he wanted to kill me, there were easier ways, and I couldn’t understand it.

─── .✦········· ───

I can’t say how much time has passed since then. Each day seems alike to the last, and all the nothing I feel weighs heavy. As we waited for an attack, the season changed. Leaves fell from the trees in warm hues early this year, and winter would be upon us before we knew it. For all the research we have done, very little new information has come to light. Markos is insistent that we should torture Eric, but I can’t bring myself to give the order.

My mother and the others from Leúchtend left not long ago. Markos sent Claire and Calla with them, and Achaicus sent Molly. It was safer for them further from all this, Leúchtend is a bigger castle and well prepared for any siege. Perhaps it would have been wiser for us all to go and abandon Dunkel entirely.

But that was never an option. Fae have not lost territory to another species in some millennia, and our allies rely on us, on me, to keep this territory. Tougo and a few of the other ghouls are with us. They have agreed to help where they can, but I doubt it will be enough.

Dark, mountainous clouds brewed overhead, and an icy breeze ruffled my hair as I stood on the balcony glaring across the landscape. Looking past low-cut fields and the tall iron fence into the forest. I imagined they were out there, waiting just beyond the barrier, watching me as I watched them.

It was an unnatural storm approaching, one that had gathered for days and remained in place. Deep vibrations rumbled the earth and the scent of rain traveled on the breeze. It wouldn’t be long now until it was upon us, carried over by frigid winds from the true north and bringing our enemies with it.

When another came to stand beside me, I ignored it. “So…” Charles began. Witch’s energy radiated off him dimly and he approached with caution.

“What is it that you want?” I asked without looking over.

“That storm doesn’t look good.”

“Charles.”

He rubbed the back of his head anxiously, “Everything is in place like you ordered.”

“Good.”

“We’re all going to die, though, right?”

“Probably.”

“You’re really good at one-word answers, aren’t you?”

“Your questions are trivial. What is it that you came here for?”

Charles paused, “Look. I don’t like him either. He lied to my sister, and he nearly left me in the middle of nowhere. But he’s one of them. He probably knows how to fight them…”

“He could just as likely join them.”

“I didn’t get the impression that they were on good terms.”

“Even if that’s true, he wouldn’t help us.”

“Okay yeah, maybe not. But I don’t know, maybe he would. If we lose, they’ll take him, so he should be on our side, right?”

“𝐿𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒,” I commanded simply. I didn’t want to hear it, not from him, or my brother, nor anyone else.

Everyone had some kind of opinion about how I handled Eric. Markos was perhaps the most annoying about it; he insisted we should use the opportunity we had to study him. Tougo suggested in his wisdom that we simply release Eric, not exactly hand him over but rather allow him to lead the Vanir away as bait.

Meanwhile, my mother looked as though she were tiptoeing through a room of mousetraps, withholding something from me while insisting I speak to Eric. I’m not sure when the two of them became so annoyingly close. Similarly, my brother suggested I release Eric for my own benefit.

Apparently he believes I am incapable of separating my personal feelings from my work and is in favor of me throwing away all responsibility so long as whatever I decide to do makes me happy. This is why I have avoided seeing Eric. I can’t place how I feel or what I want.

Part of me is spiteful and uncaring. All the people I have a ‘responsibility’ to protect were no better than my mother. They all knew the man my father was, and none ever chose to help me. No one stopped him or sheltered us. They valued their own well-being above ours, so why should I consider any of them over what I want? Moreover, the rumors spread among the common people about me are irritating at best.

Still, there is another part of me that feels shame for allowing myself to give so much trust to Eric. For as much of a brat as he might be, he hadn’t done anything to hurt me. He behaved when it counted, and I felt calmer for his presence. I just couldn’t understand why he would release my father; it made no sense.

In an ironic way, I found myself wanting to ask Eric what to do about himself, he’d given good advice before, and admittedly he was who I most often felt I could turn to. He doesn’t look at me with pity the same way Achaicus does, but he always knows the best thing to do.

Taking a deep breath in, I made the decision with reluctance. Asking Eric for help seemed like a fool’s errand. I hadn’t seen him since the day I locked him away. His meals were delivered by servants under Markos’s supervision, and I rarely set foot in the same hall, let alone come anywhere near.

When I arrived, the guards stood aside, and I paused with my hand resting on the door handle. I wasn’t sure I could do this after all, and I delayed a moment more before disarming the spells and going in.

The room was bland and tidy, devoid of any decor. The bed was made, and a fresh set of plain clothes were folded on the end of it, while Eric was sitting on the floor. He turned away when I entered, and I greeted him tensely, “Eric.”

“…Nathaniel,” he returned the greeting without emotion.

He looked miserable, curled away from the world, his hair shading his face. If my father had done something cruel or hurt me, he was always pleased and eager to ensure I was upset. I had assumed Eric would be the same, happy or perhaps even smug to have fooled me for so long.

Instead, he looked defeated. Not proud of his achievements nor excited to see my pain. Rather, he was small, and sorry… I wasn’t sure he’d even moved since I had left him there and that was perplexing.

I walked the length of the room and back again. Nothing had been damaged or destroyed, as I would have expected. Eric hadn’t made any attempt whatsoever to escape, and I spent some time considering that. He didn’t behave like someone capable of high treason…

“-What do you want!?” Eric shouted abruptly, catching me by surprise and jarring me from my speculations.

He had curled tighter while I was distracted, and I realized that I wasn’t sure how long I had been thinking.

“Whatever you’re going to do, just get it over with! Don’t make me wait like this…” he murmured, and I exhaled softly. I didn’t know where to begin.

“I only want to talk.”

He paused, thinking, “I won’t tell you anything about your father; if that’s what you want to talk about, you can forget it…”

“Not about my father,” I agreed as I sat carefully on the bed above him. There wasn’t much time, but I didn’t know how to ask. Surely he would only say no?

Another long silence settled between us as neither he nor I knew how to continue, before he eventually whispered, “Was it Charles..?”

It took me a minute to understand; my thoughts were so far from what he was asking. “No, although he wasn’t nearly half as shocked as we were to learn the truth. It would seem he never assumed you to be human as I did.”

“Humans can always tell I’m not one of them…”

“The girls never knew.”

“They were raised by monsters; they didn’t know what another human was supposed to be.”

“I suppose that’s true…”

“…How did you find out?”

“Your family paid us a visit. They look very alike to you and the girl among them wore the same necklace, so when they claimed relation, it was hard to deny. They wanted us to hand you over to them.”

“Why haven’t you yet? Denying them what they want is a bad idea…”

“I’ve noticed,” I assured, “Is that why you did this? Your family sent you to us to spy?”

“No…”

“Then why?”

“What else was I supposed to do? If you thought I was anything other than human, you would have killed me.”

“I wouldn’t have hurt you.”

“How could I know that?” he hissed, annoyed, “You were just as cold then as you are now, and it’s not like you’ve ever given me any reassurances. All it ever was with you was ‘do as I say or else’. You’ve never said anything to make me believe I could tell you, and the moment you found out, you put me in here.”

“You’re not here because of what you are. You’re here because of what you’ve done,” I corrected him calmly, “Letting my father go is inexcusable; plotting against me to bring your family down on us is treason.”

“I didn’t plot anything with my family. You think they’d be pleased to see me?”

“No? They demanded that we return you to them. That’s what you want, isn’t it? To be reunited.”

“No, my family probably want to kill me,” he mumbled.

“Why?”

Eric wavered, resting his head back to watch the ceiling, “For the same reason they tried to kill me the first time: because I’m nothing to them, I’m weak…”

I could have laughed; if he was weak, I wouldn’t have had to use so much heavy magic to ensure he remained imprisoned. Still, if Eric wasn’t what they considered strong, then what exactly was his family capable of?

“You’re not as strong as your family?” I asked reluctantly. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know how doomed we were.

“Why did you think I traded my life to you for power?”

“Because I thought you were human.”

Eric fidgeted, readjusting himself as he spoke more quietly. “You could never understand. You’re ‘Nathaniel’ Klein, heir and now the ruler of ‘Light’ and ‘Dark’. You were born with power, and you’ll only grow stronger. You and your brother are probably going to be the strongest Fae to live for several millennia… you don’t know what it’s like to be nothing. My mother and father were great, and they expected me to be great. Instead, they got a crippled child with no particular talent.”

I’ll admit I was taken by surprise. Eric had never spoken so openly with me, and I remained quiet as he continued, “It’s difficult for me to revenant, and it’s a bad joke that I live at all. Tell me, have you ever heard of a crippled child among the Fae or any other monster?”

“…Rarely,” I agreed.

It’s unusual that a fae child should be born impaired in any way and, in the handful of times throughout our history where such has occurred, the children did not live. They either died naturally, were abandoned as infants or were killed by their peers.

“Rare because weakness isn’t tolerated,” Eric voiced my thoughts, “Vanir are no different. My parents left me to die because I was weak, and only the strong have a place among them. If my family wants me, it’s not because they miss me and ‘want me back’, it’s because they’re dogs looking for a chew toy to tear apart.”

“Eric, I..” I didn’t know what to say. Every lesson he had taught me, he’d failed to learn himself.

“What? Don’t tell me you’re surprised,” he muttered cynically.

There was nothing I could say, and it was hard not to be surprised. How was I to guess anything like this about him if he never said? And it was too late now to tell him I cared.

With my silence, he continued more quietly, “…You’re going to kill me, aren’t you..?”

“No,” I assured softly. I wasn’t sure yet what I believed, but I knew there had to be more he wasn’t telling me, “I didn’t know you could die permanently.”

Eric looked over to me and the hair fell from his face. His eye was just as sapphire blue as it always was, and the expressionless glare he gave made my heart skip. I had forgotten how angelic he was.

“You didn’t believe them when they said they’re gods, did you?” he asked flatly.

“I was beginning to, after the third time one of them came back,” I admitted, and he almost smiled.

“They’re not, they’re just annoying.”

I hesitated, “…If I asked for your help, would you help me..?”

“Are you asking for my help..?”

“…Yes… Your family is on their way here. They’re going to attack the castle, and everyone will die… I don’t know how to fight them…”

Eric tensed at their mention, and I waited for him to respond, but as he said nothing, I continued, “Please… I don’t know what else to do.”

“…I want to help you.”

“So tell me how to fight them..?”

“When you said you weren’t going to kill me, it was only because you don’t know how… If I tell you what I know, what’s stopping you from killing me this instant?”

“…Nothing,” I told him honestly. I’ll admit I hadn’t considered he might be reluctant to tell me anything because he would also be telling me his own weaknesses. “But I have no intention to hurt you, and you’ll have to trust that I won’t.”

“Promise you won’t.”

“You know very well I can’t make you promises like that. You’re a traitor, and I’ve already been generous. You don’t deserve to live at all,” I reminded him calmly, “Unless there’s something you’d like to confess.”

Eric hesitated, before looking away, “…No,” he mumbled, and I watched him for a long moment.

For whatever he might have been thinking, I couldn’t tell, and his expression betrayed none of his thoughts. “Fine then,” I murmured.

He was stubborn to the point of detriment, even to himself, and I would probably never know the truth. I regretted asking for his help at all. It was a stupid idea. He had no reason to help me, and I understood he wasn’t going to. But as I stood, he moved, reaching out a hand to take hold of my clothes just as he had done a thousand times before.

“Wait…” he said softly, “I’ll tell you everything I know.”

Even as a child, he had never liked it when I walked away from him. He would follow after me or call me back, and I hesitated. “…I’m not going to change my mind about making the promise.”

“I know, but if I don’t help, you’ll die…”

“Well… go on then,” I mumbled uncomfortably. I couldn’t see any reason he should care.

“…I was young when I was separated, so I can’t say exactly what will work. But I know it’s possible. They’re not invincible, they can’t revenant under all circumstances, and they can’t just keep revenanting. It’s a risk every time, and eventually, it’s too hard to come back.”

“Too hard to come back?”

“I don’t know. Like I said, I’m not good at it. I get lost… The one I stole the necklace from told me once that to come back, you have to find the way out yourself, and let death burn out of you. My father had a technique for coming back quicker; he said you had to focus, see yourself dead before you were or something.”

“What does it feel like when you revenant?”

Eric paused, thinking, “Successfully? It feels hot, painfully so.”

“It’s just a power surge,” I mused curiously, “A reflex response when your body is in danger.”

I would have to pay closer attention the next time I killed one to see exactly where the surge came from. If it was a singular point, perhaps targeting that point would kill them permanently. But that was unlikely. If their biology is anything like ours, the energy doesn’t originate from only one spot.

“Have you ever seen any of your own kind die and not return?”

“Yes, when I was revenanted for the first time, it was with all of my other cousins; only two of us came back.”

“Why?”

“We were too young; it was too hard…”

“Why would you revenant if you were too young?”

“Because my father wished it to happen, he wanted us all ready to fight.”

For a moment, I thought to question him further. I wanted to hear more about him, but we didn’t have the time for it. “Is there a way to stop adults from revenanting? Or at least, slow them down?” I asked instead.

“The manner of death makes a difference. If drowned, we need to be removed from the water, otherwise, we’ll just drown again and again upon returning. If killed by a weapon that’s lodged in, it needs to be pulled out, or you’ll die again right away. Believe me, it’s difficult to remove weapons when you’re only alive for long enough to know you’re about to die again.

We only heal if we revenant, and we can only revenant if we die. That’s why they usually enter battles after already having revenanted. So, if you can outlast the power surge, the best way to stop them revenanting, is to prevent them from dying. Once the surge runs out, all they’ll have is basic combat, they don’t train like you do, and they’re not disciplined. I think you would win that way.”

I considered. It’s difficult to fight in earnest and not kill an opponent, but we would have to find a way. “Very well. What would you recommend we do with them once we have won.”

Eric watched me warily, “You’re far too confident.”

“It has nothing to do with confidence; losing isn’t an option.”

“Fine, if you win… I would recommend cutting them into pieces and burying the pieces separately. Once body tissue dries or begins to rot it won’t heal,” he murmured.

“…Is that what happened to your leg?”

“Yeah…”

Another long moment of silence passed between us as I considered. It seemed for all I thought I had known about him; I was wrong. Or perhaps I was letting my emotions cloud my judgment. He was helping, despite having no reassurance that I wouldn’t harm him, and I couldn’t help but wonder why a man guilty of all that he was accused of would behave this way.

“Why did you do all of this..?” I asked gently.

“…I didn’t mean to do half of it… I was just scared… and the longer I left it, the more I didn’t know how to tell you…”

I sighed deeply; this was painful. “Can you just tell me where my father is so I can let you go? I don’t like imprisoning you any more than you like being here. I’m sure you have some absurd reason for letting him go, but you need to tell me.”

“You agreed not to ask me about your father.”

“Eric, look at you. This is ridiculous, you help everyone else, but you’re just throwing yourself away. Please help yourself, just once… Tell me what happened so I can fix it.”

He averted his gaze, and I struggled to contain the rage that boiled within me, “Fine. We’ll talk about this more when I return.”

“Wait, Nathaniel, you’re going to fight my family right now?”

“I’m sure they’re very nearly here, so yes. I need to update the others on how to fight them and prepare the soldiers.”

“Let me fight with you,” he requested quickly. “If you don’t trust that I won’t turn on you, command that I fight only for your benefit. Even knowing how to fight them, you’ll still need everyone you can, and I can fight. It’s the only thing I’m good at.”

It wasn’t a hard choice to make, “Do I need to command you?”

“…No.”

“If you make me regret this, I swear I’ll let Markos figure out a way to kill you, even if it takes years.”

“I’m yours; I’ll protect any Fae and this castle.”

I delayed once more. My council would likely hate me for this decision. “You will not leave my sight. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

I took a hold of his arm pulling him up and dragging him with me from the room. There wasn’t much time left.

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