It Came From The Stars: Chapter 2 (Patreon)

The dominant species of the planet that I had found myself stranded on was... interesting. And stupid. Mostly stupid.

Though, given the smaller-than-average size of their skulls and the lack of any and all external data storage, it was somewhat expected that these sentients would fall behind most of the universe at large. That didn’t excuse the stench, though.

“Robot, turn the smell-destroyer up another level. This disgusting human is even more filthy than the rest of them. His stench is making me want to claw my olfactory organ out.” 

“I would like to see that,”  the robot replied from the other side of the lab. I turned my head to glare at it. One arm emerged from my PAK, extending towards the far wall where the ventilation controls were, while another emerged with a sparking instrument in its grasp. The SIR Unit slumped at the threat, then trudged towards the controls.

“Useless defective hunk of junk,”  I muttered as the fans began to hum louder, carrying the odor out of my laboratory.

It had been approximately one native solar cycle—or point oh-three superior Irken cycles—since my undesired arrival on this rock. Following proper Invader protocol, I ingratiated myself with the masses and created a suitable lodging from which I would be able to inform myself on my enemy, and then utterly destroy them. My temporary base was a standard pre-fabricated underground domicile MK 2, a far cry from what I had established on Meekrob. The available materials were sparse and subpar, so I had to settle for only three standard sized compartments, which was endlessly annoying. How was I supposed to get any actual work done with only three rooms?

“With a space this cramped, I would almost prefer my Shuvver,”  I muttered as I expertly manipulated my tools within the cramped space before me. My lenses narrowed as I met a strange resistance and I leaned in to examine more closely. “At least then I’d have the benefit of an adequate power source.” 

“Ugh… Mrgflrbl?” 

I nodded. “You make an excellent point. I suppose I’d have to relocate eventually due to the failing reactor. Still, if I had managed a solution that didn’t involve blowing my ship to oblivion, I’m sure I’d be in a much better position now.” 

“Egugg?” 

“Quite your whining, meatsack. I’ll put all of your bits back where they’re supposed to go.”  I glanced at a bit of brain that I had dropped on the floor. “Relatively close, at least. You don’t need that bit of your occipital lobe anyway.” 

The specimen laid out on my dissection table twitched and muttered another string of gibberish. I hummed, not even bothering to attempt to translate the random string of syllables which were only slightly more legible than what he had been screaming in my direction only a few hours ago. Apparently he had taken issue with the noise my fabricator had made. I had taken issue with his general appearance and odor and decided he would make an excellent first test subject.

As it turned out, I was right. This… human, was far more interesting than I had originally assumed. And not just for his uniquely grotesque appearance.

My tools brushed against a mass growing in the leftmost section of his frontal lobe and the man twitched again. This time, his fingers spread and the floor directly underneath him turned a dull purple shade, as if a holographic sheet had been laid over it.

I left my tools where they were, angling my head to look at the phenomenon and said, “Computer, prepare to log test Alpha Twelve.” 

There was a beep of acknowledgement from deeper in the lab and I turned to the robot lingering in the corner, narrowing my lenses at it. The SIR Unit let out a deep sigh before marching forward with exaggerated steps. As it reached the purple strip, it hesitated for a moment before placing its foot down.

Gravity suddenly changed direction for the machine anditwas sent head over heel, flying to the right so fast that it may as well have been ejected out of an airlock. It landed against the far wall, limbs splayed outward like it had been unfortunately caught in the base’s initial construction.

“This would be more fun if we gathered a sentient to take my place, master,”  it said against the paneling of the wall. Ignoring it, I extracted my tools from their position. The purple glow faded a moment later, just as I knew it would.

“Computer, end log.”  I placed my tools on the tray and turned away from my test subject, discarding my rubber gloves in an incinerator that rose out of the ground to meet me. “And no, bot. I don’t have the time or the patience to clean up the mess that these fleshy meatsacks would make all over my pristine walls.” 

“I would be willing to take on the labor, master,”  the SIR Unit offered almost eagerly.

“You’d make more of a mess.”  I sneered. “Now silence; I have data to examine. Feed the specimen a nutrient bag. He’s lost fluid.” 

All over my clean floor, I bemoaned, giving the pool of questionable fluid a disgusted glance. I would have to seal and scorch this whole room or the germs would seem into the pores in the metal and begin to become fragrant. I shuddered at the very thought.

“Computer, pull up a spread of the recent tests and brain scans.” 

A purple hologram climbed the screen in front of me, casting me in its glow. An overlapping series of scans stared back at me, alongside an isometric datasheet filled with the calculations my artificial intelligence had recorded. I took it all in at a glance, and frowned. “This… must be inaccurate. Did my hasty retrieval of your memory bank cause some sort of discrepancy in your logic dealing?” 

“The data is accurate. It’s possible your own logic processors were damaged in the crash. I suggest immediate repairs on your PAK to—” 

“MY LOGIC PROCESSORS ARE FINE!”  I snarled, swiping a hand through the hologram which wavered but returned to normal a moment later. I pointed at it judiciously. “What isn’t fine are these readings! If you’re right and they are correct, then the imbecile behind me is somehow managing to tap into an extra-dimensional source of energy completely unconsciously! There must be some mistake on your end!” 

Even the Mekrob weren’t capable of something so ludicrous, and they were beings of pure energy! For this reeking creature splayed out on her table to be able to manage something like that when he clearly couldn’t even be bothered to wash his own nethers was just… absurd! Utterly absurd!

“Maybe this will shine some light on things, master,”  my computer said. My eye twitched at the blatant disrespect, but before I could enact my vengeance, a new screen appeared in front of me, taking my attention.

I narrowed my eyes, scrolling across the unfamiliar text. “What is it?” 

“I finally managed to complete integration with the local network. This planet is sporting a rudimentary intra-continental communications network colloquially referred to as “The Internet.”  It has records pertaining to your issues. At least the ones that have formed since you came to Earth” 

“Why is every piece of equipment I own belligerent?”  I wondered helplessly even as I beckoned the screen towards me with a wave of my hand. I expected to scan over a wealth of useless information, but after a moment, I brought the even screen closer, a frown growing on my face.

Behind me, my SIR Unit stomped toward the specimen with an IV clutched in his metal hand. It slammed it down next to the table and inserted the feeding tube into the man’s arm with far less care than was probably warranted, before plopping itself down in the mess that had been made during my research. I glanced at it in disgust but couldn’t be bothered to correct the behavior and quickly returned to my studies.

If there was one silver lining to this situation, it was that the world’s recent history had been meticulously chronicled. For a species that couldn't be bothered to agree on a single measurement system, they had certainly been thorough in documenting their own descent into madness.

I scrolled through records spanning back a mere four millennia, drinking in the rise of the dominant species that had somehow managed not to wipe themselves from the face of the world despite several near-misses in the past century alone. It was honestly somewhat impressive, like watching a glorious Irken pilot turn a spiraling descent into a controlled fall.

And then that man appeared and sent the trajectory of the world straight down, with no hope of correction. Scion, the “First Hero.”

From everything I read, the world's current state could be solely placed on his shoulders. His sudden appearance precluded all of the changes that shaped the current world. The very same day that he showed up, there was a shift in the scales of the world as every human suddenly developed the potential to break the very laws that shaped the universe around them.

There were several species all across space that had developed abilities much the same. The Meekrob were one such race, but even their origins, shrouded in mystery as they were, didn't span from a single event such as this. And they certainly didn't happen all across the populace at once, with the only form of rhyme or reason being a need for a literal psychotic break.

I read with growing disturbance as a situation on track to annihilate in only a few centuries managed to accelerate its own destruction down to mere decades. These humans were so aggressively self-destructive that they barely seemed to notice the abysmal state of their own planet.

Every major population center on the planet was either already in ruins or well on its way there. Entire regions had been abandoned or quarantined due to the literal walking disasters that had appeared shortly after the fuse had been lit.

Where did these things come from? I wondered as I read about the sheer amount of destruction these things were capable of. If the Irken Empire were able to produce beings such as this, there would be no need for Invaders! Just a glance at how fruitlessly these humans tried to defend their homes against these things was proof enough that the species was doomed.

I closed the display after a mere ten minutes of reading. “We need to get off this planet.” 

“Master?” My SIR Unit asked, and I whirled on him, my antenna twitching with agitation.

“This whole species in insane! This planet is doomed to become cosmic space dust and they are so preoccupied with fighting one another that they are completely ignorant to the fact that they're fueling the flames of their own pyre! There's no point in invading a planet that is doomed to cease its own existence in a few solar revolutions.” I shook my head, “We need to contact the Massive and request extraction. Hopefully the Tallest will have mercy on me for my failure.” 

I turned, swiping the brain scans off of the screen. “Computer! What are our coordinates!?” 

There was a pause. “Coordinates unknown.” 

“...Excuse me?” 

“Cross-referencing local stellar bodies against the known astronomic database yields no matches. The configuration of the local system does not correspond to any catalogued region of known space. Furthermore, background radiation signatures are inconsistent with standard universal metrics.” 

My antenna twitched as the human on the table behind me groaned. I said slowly, “How could that possibly be the case?” 

“According to the flight log, your vessel encountered an anomalous spatial phenomenon moments before your astronomical sensors went offline. The most probable explanation is that the anomaly functioned as a bridging point between dimensional planes, sending you outside of boundaries of the known universe and into the outer planes of existence.”  The machine paused. “But that's just a theory. You're the one with the superior Irken genetics. You don't have to listen to me.” 

“I will strip you down for parts.”  I swore, before whirling around once more. “You!” 

My SIR Unit straightened, hiding its hand behind its back. The piece of brain that had fallen on the floor was missing. “Yes, master?” 

“Your sensors worked fine during our entire flight, correct? Did you know we'd been thrown through a dimensional breach?” 

The SIR Unit was quiet for a moment, and that alone was telling.

“I had suspicions,”  it finally said.

“I... You—”  I sputtered, trying and failing to control my rampant emotions. “Why didn't you SAY ANYTHING!?” 

“You were busy.” 

I stared at the robot. The robot stared back. Something wet hit the floor, and I slowly turned to find that the human had been drooling this entire time, and it had finally eclipsed the table's edge. As I watched, a pool of off-colored drool slowly began to form within the already growing puddle of disgusting liquids.

I twitched.

“By the Tallest, I am going to burn all of reality to its basest elements and then rebuild it from the ground up in such a way that existence itself will be torture to you, robot,”  I swore.

“I look forward to it, master.” 

Elsewhere, a blonde Tinker was absolutely inconsolable. Face buried in her grease-streaked arms, she curled up in her garage, letting out keening wails and the occasional hiccup as her breath failed her. She was the utter picture of misery, and if anyone had the capacity to care, they would have thought her a sorry sight.

“Skiddy! Where are youuuu!?”  she wailed into the air with snot-soaked lips. The half-assembled vehicles around her failed to answer her with anything but her own distorted echo, and so she buried her head in her hands and began to sob anew.

Suddenly, a knock sounded on the aluminum shutter of her workshop. The woman raised her head, anger and despair warring for control on her face. “I told ya to leave me alone! Let a woman grieve in peace!” 

“S-Squealer! We found ‘im!” 

All at once, the despair disappeared from the woman’s face and she jumped to her feet, practically sprinting to the sliding door and hurling it open. Daylight leaked through, alongside a wave of fresh air that was the polar opposite to the must of her workshop. She was blinded by the sun for a moment, but through the haze, she saw what she was looking for and her heart was even brighter.

“SKIDDY!” She hugged her man tightly, wanting to hold him close and never let him go. "I'm so glad you're alive!"

“Mrgle?”