December Prompt: Relapse (Patreon)

Masterlist

Notes: I'm really glad you all picked this one. Writing from Taylor's POV is always a pleasure (although this one was more pain than pleasure....), and this was a great series of events to show through her perspective. Here it is, the post-sex fight with Jordan, talk with Nicole, and working things out, from Taylor's POV.

Interference: Relapse

Still riding the high of climax, I adjusted myself between Jordan’s legs, smiling into our kiss because it was finally happening. She was finally ready. I’d meant it every time I told her I’d wait as long as it took, but she was so gorgeous and she finally trusted me enough to be here with me, and I wanted to make her feel as amazing as she’d made me. I wanted to show her with this kind of intimacy just how much she meant to me.

As eager as I was, I had just enough patience to kiss her a little more. I kissed her jaw, her neck, across her collarbones and around the top of her chest, while my hand worked up the inside of her thigh. Eventually, there was nowhere to go but my destination, and I slid my finger against her clit. She didn’t give much of a reaction, but that was okay. I’d find out what she liked.

I adjusted, circling my finger slowly while my mouth pressed occasionally against her cheek, and when that didn’t work, I tried strokes. I slowed down even more, and then sped up and kissed her lips to try and get her going again. I tried almost every variation of touch I could think of, but she didn’t make a sound. Instead, her eyes were open and glued to the ceiling, and even though she was wet against my finger, it was clear that she wasn’t enjoying this.

“Jordan,” I prompted, pulling away from her lips and trying not to blush at the fact that whatever I’d been doing wasn’t good enough. Trying not to feel completely inadequate and unwanted. “You okay?”

She hesitated for a long moment before saying, “Yeah.”

And for some reason, that stung. I removed my hand because she wasn’t okay. It was so obvious that she wasn’t okay, but she wasn’t comfortable enough to tell me that… She didn’t trust me enough to touch her, but she also didn’t trust me enough to stop me. And since when had she not felt okay? It’d seemed like she’d been into this before, when we were kissing and while she was touching me, but what if she hadn’t been? What if she’d been faking it because she thought it’s what I wanted?

“Well, don’t lie to me,” I murmured, and I got off her and sat up. “You’ve been staring at the ceiling for the last couple minutes.”

“Please don’t be mad,” she pleaded. She sat up too, pulling her knees to her naked chest.

The pain in my own chest multiplied. “I’m not mad, just…” Did I sound mad? I was embarrassed that I hadn’t been good enough at touching her to keep her wanting it. I was hurt that she didn’t trust me enough to tell me how she really felt. Fuck, it hurt, but I wasn’t mad. I couldn’t keep the pain off my face as I looked at her. “Disappointed.”

She blinked at me like that was the last thing she expected to hear. “I’m sorry I’m not ready,” she said, but behind the apology was thinly veiled defensiveness. “I tried, Taylor. I tried really fucking hard.”

But I didn’t want her to try so fucking hard. I didn’t want her to force herself and I wanted her to stop thinking I was getting tired of waiting, and it hurt even more that she did and the pain in my chest burned away to frustration. “Okay,” I breathed, and shifted to the edge of the bed, “now I’m mad.”

“What?” she asked in shock, eyes on me while I stood and slipped into my jeans. “Why?”

“No matter how hard I try, I can’t convince you to truly believe I’m okay with waiting.” I was so upset that I fumbled doing the button of my jeans. “I’m disappointed because you didn’t just stop me, not because you weren’t ready.” I was shaking, and did my best to hide it while I searched for my bra. I wasn’t reacting the way I should be and I knew it, but I was embarrassed and wounded and angry and I couldn’t help it, and that just made me feel worse. “You’d rather lie there and feel like I’m violating you than just tell me you aren’t ready.” What if I hadn’t stopped? What if I hadn’t noticed she wasn’t okay and hadn’t stopped, and it’d completely ruined all the trust we’d worked so hard at building? “It’s not fair of you to put me in that position. Not fair at all.” I finished the clasp of my bra despite my trembling fingers, and pulled on my shirt before asking, “Have I ever made you feel pressured?”

“Yes!” she blurted.

My eyebrows furrowed with the intense pang that put in my heart, but I held back the building moisture behind my eyes as my jaw clenched with another emotion. “That’s bullshit and you know it,” I spat. I threw a glance around the room to make sure I had everything. “If anyone’s making you feel pressured, it’s yourself.”

I turned and reached for the door handle, but before I could turn it, she said, “Wait, please don’t leave.”

I was riding a dangerous edge. I’d been here before, been so hurt that I couldn’t make it go away, and I knew what would happen. I’d worked for years at not letting it happen. But that pain had already shifted to anger, and if I didn’t get some space and regain control of my emotions, I’d only make this worse. I took a deep breath, letting it out in a heavy sigh as I pushed away as much of the anger as I could, that way Jordan would know I wasn’t leaving because of her. It was because of me.

“I have to,” I said, and even though I faced her again, I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. “Before I say something I’ll regret.” But the calming of my anger finally allowed all the hurt to surface. My eyes flooded with tears, and I looked up to blink them away, but ended up catching Jordan’s gaze instead. “I’m sorry,” I told her, “just… give me some time to get over it.”

I left and closed the door behind me, but the drive back to the hockey rink only gave me time to feel worse. I shouldn’t have gotten mad at her. She was uncomfortable – sex made her uncomfortable – and instead of getting mad I should’ve reassured her. I should’ve told her again that it was okay if she wasn’t ready, and maybe next time, or the time after that. When it happened, it happened. Maybe I would have reacted that way if she’d just told me instead of lying…

As I pulled into the parking lot outside the rink, I sighed, grabbed the steering wheel, and dropped my forehead against it. Everything was messed up. Everything went wrong and I wanted to fix it. I regretted reacting the way I had and I regretted leaving instead of staying to work it out, but it had to be for the best. I was emotional, and so was Jordan, and no matter how badly I already wanted to work it out, it couldn’t happen tonight. We both needed time, and I needed to get myself back to an emotional place where I could be the support she needed instead of making things worse.

~~~ July 22 ~~~

Sleep took away most of the negative things I was feeling. By morning, I was mostly just embarrassed by the lingering insecurity that it was my lack of sexual prowess that had made Jordan not ready, instead of her simply not being ready. I knew it was dumb and inaccurate, but I felt it anyway. There was also some lingering hurt about her lack of trust in me, and that was why I didn’t go and see her. That hurt meant I wasn’t one hundred percent ready to talk about it, and there was a possibility that she didn’t want to talk yet either. Today wasn’t the day.

~~~ July 23 ~~~

Saturday’s games finished in the late afternoon, and I was in the pro shop closing out the day’s sales while Mitch shut down the rinks and ushered out the lingering players. The entire day I’d felt ready enough to finally see Jordan and talk about what happened, and all that remained was the idle discomfort that would only get better by working things out with her. It was my plan to go to her house as soon as the rink was locked up.

I’d just finished counting out when I caught movement out the corner of my eye, letting me know someone had walked in. I glanced up thinking it was Mitch, but met a somewhat familiar pair of brown eyes instead. Nicole? What was Jordan’s ex doing here? Honestly, she was the last person I wanted to see right now… or ever… and she had to know we were closed. Still, she strode right up to the counter where I was standing.

“If it isn’t the legend herself,” she said with a smile that was a little too friendly. “We haven’t officially met.” She held out her hand. “I’m Nicole.” I glanced from her face to her hand, more than a little suspicious of her motives, but giving her the benefit of the doubt, I reached out and shook with her. “That’s right,” she seemed to recall, “you don’t talk much.”

I’d been talking more, but I really wasn’t interested in talking to her. So I finished writing down the totals I’d counted out in my head, hoping she’d tell me what she wanted or leave, but she was still standing there when I was done. I reached over the counter, tapping the plaque mounted on the glass that listed our store hours to let her know we were closed.

She looked from me to the plaque and back again before letting out a disappointed sigh. “I get it,” she said, casting her gaze down, “it doesn’t matter what I say or how nice I am, you already hate me because I’m the evil ex.”

That was clearly supposed to make me feel guilty, and it kind of did… At least until I thought about what I knew of her. She’d cheated on Jordan – that’s why they broke up. She was pushy with Jordan even though she knew we were dating. And she played for a team that was dirty on the rink. I knew enough about her not to have much respect for her.

When I still didn’t say anything, she gave a half-smile. “It’s okay, I can live with it.” She shrugged. “I’m here for you anyway, this isn’t about me.” Despite my lack of respect, that piqued my interest just a little, and she must’ve seen it on my face. “How are things going with Jordan?” And my interest was gone. Our relationship was none of her business. “I know, it’s none of my business,” she said as if reading my thoughts, “I just thought you might like talking to someone who knows what she’s like.” I folded my arms across my chest to communicate that this wasn’t something I’d be talking to her about, and she gave another brief smile. “Are things going okay… you know… in the bedroom?” How in the hell would she know to ask about that? And why? It was creepy, and aggravatingly accurate, but I kept my reaction off my face. “Unless things are going great…” She studied me for a long few seconds. “I thought so,” she sighed with an unprecedented amount of sympathy, “she hasn’t let you reciprocate yet, huh?”

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t keep my shoulders from dropping, and my arms fell from my chest. How did she know that?

“It’s not your fault,” Nicole said, “she never let me do it either.” She folded her arms across the surface of the counter and leaned forward. “She actually never lets anyone do it, not even her one-night stands.” And she let out a humorless huff of laughter and said, “I guess she just hasn’t met the one yet, you know?”

When she glanced up to meet my gaze, I looked away. Even if she could see how much that hurt me, I couldn’t look her in the eyes.

“You’re probably being really patient and stuff,” she added, her voice full of sympathy that would’ve felt completely genuine if I didn’t know in my heart that she wasn’t here to benefit me. “I was patient for a whole year, but it never helped.” She straightened up, and was quiet for a handful of seconds while I refused to look at her. “Honestly, Taylor, you might never get there with her. I wish I’d known things wouldn’t work out before investing a whole year… How much time are you willing to sacrifice?” That made me meet her gaze, and her lips pursed with another sad smile. “You might be better off, and avoid more hurt in the long run if you just give up.”

It was finally clear why she’d truly come. There was no doubt in my mind that it was so she could drive a deeper wedge between Jordan and me. She wanted us to break up, and that made me furious. But I wasn’t just furious about her interference – I was worried. I was scared. Exactly how much truth had she just told? Jordan never told me about not letting anyone touch her. She’d implied that things weren’t great with Nicole, but I’d assumed it’d happened at least sometimes. Only, it didn’t happen with Nicole, and it didn’t happen with her hook-ups, and it wasn’t happening with me. So, what did that make me? Was I not the one for her? Was I just another ex?

I was terrified that what Nicole was telling me was true, and that fear only made me angrier. Because I felt vulnerable. I felt hurt and exposed and worthless and vulnerable in front of someone who’d deliberately come here to cause me pain. That I was certain of. Nicole hadn’t come here for my own good. She’d come here to torture me, and fuck, she’d been so goddamn good at it. I’d never felt more insecure. And I hadn’t been this fucking pissed in a long time. I was half a breath away from telling her off when Mitch walked in.

“Um,” he stopped in the doorway, glancing from my face to the back of Nicole’s head, “rink’s closing.”

“Oh,” Nicole said, like that was news, “I’ll head out, then.” But before leaving, she reached across the counter to pat me on the shoulder like we were good friends, and the only thing that kept me from lashing out physically was that I was so damn tense. She turned and practically strutted past Mitch.

He could tell something was wrong, I knew it, and it seemed a struggle for him to tear his eyes off me long enough to make sure Nicole left the building. I timed every step she took in my head even though I couldn’t see her. Every strutted, smug fucking step. The moment I calculated that she was gone, all the pain and fury in me burst in a way it hadn’t in years. I snarled, wheeling around to smash my fist into a goalie leg pad mounted on the wall. I had to get all the overwhelming emotion out of me, and this was the only way I could think of. I hit the pad again with my other fist, and then again, and again. It was the only thing I could do to keep the tears flooding my eyes from spilling over. To keep from feeling more vulnerable and stupid than I already did.

I only got in a few punches before Mitch grabbed me from behind. “Hey,” he said, his voice low and soft. “Hey, hey, hey.” He grabbed my wrists and wrapped his arms around me, keeping me from hitting the pad again by pinning them to my chest. “You don’t do this,” he said, “not anymore.” His sturdy grip turned into a hug as I collapsed back against him. “Take a breath.” He was right, and even though I was still burning with fury, I inhaled deeply. I took several forced breaths before I finally calmed down enough not to want to punch something. “What did she say to you?” Mitch asked, loosening his hold on me.

I sniffled, unsuccessfully blinking away the tears still pooled in my eyes, and shook my head.

“Was it about your fight with Jordan?” he asked.

This time, I nodded, but the reminder of it frustrated me all over again. I pulled out of Mitch’s arms with something of a growl, only to set my hands against the counter, leaning over it to keep breathing and keep myself under control. I didn’t know how to feel anymore. I was angry and hurt and frustrated and just… confused. God, I was so confused.

“Is this Jordan’s fault?” Mitch asked.

This was the furthest thing from Jordan’s fault, and I didn’t like the accusation in his tone. “No.”

“Because I warned her-”

“It’s not her fault,” I told him, barely managing not to glare. “Stay out of it.”

“Look,” he said, trying not to sound confrontational, “I appreciate that Jordan’s getting you out of your shell, but she can’t be good for you if you just relapsed… That pad took a-”

“Mitch,” I interrupted, keeping my voice as calm as I could even though he was making it difficult. But I didn’t want to be angry. I didn’t want to hit things and I didn’t want to give him a reason to worry. “Please,” I begged, “don’t.”

If one more person suggested I break up with Jordan, I’d lose it. I wouldn’t break up with her. I didn’t want to because I loved her. I’d been in love with her for so long now, and breaking up with her over this, over sex, it would hurt her in a way I couldn’t imagine. Just thinking about it caused the tears to finally spill over. I sniffled and wiped at my cheeks.

Mitch’s hand landed on my back. “It kills me to see you like this, kid.”

“I’m fine,” I muttered, wiping the back of my hand beneath my eyes. “I’ll handle it.”

He didn’t say anything for almost a minute while he studied me, letting me compose myself a little more. Then he sighed and asked, “Why don’t you sleep at my place tonight?” When I nodded, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys, separating his car keys from the ones for the rink. “Go wait for me in the car,” he said, handing them to me. “I’ll lock up.”

I trudged out to his car and dropped down in the passenger seat to wait for him. It took long enough that I shed a few more tears before he wandered out the front door, but the moment I saw him coming, I wiped the moisture away again. The last thing I needed was to make him more worried than he already was.

~~~ July 24 ~~~

The next morning, I mostly felt numb. I’d hardly slept because I couldn’t stop thinking about what Nicole said, and everything had hurt all night until I couldn’t take it anymore and just shut down. Mitch had stopped trying to help me feel better or get any details out of me, and left me alone at the front desk of the rink even though he hovered protectively nearby. At least numb was better than angry.

I wasn’t working at the front desk long before Jordan paced through the doors, striding right over and cutting in front of a player who'd been standing in line. “Were you here last night?” she asked.

“No…” I answered. There were dark circles under her eyes like she’d slept as little as I had, and the panicked look on her face cut through some of my numbness and made me worried. “I slept at Mitch’s. Why?”

She glanced in his direction. “Mitch called me last night,” she answered. “He told me not to come in to work anymore.”

“God, Mitch,” I grabbed my hat with one hand, glaring at him. His motives might have been one hundred percent purer, but he was rivaling Nicole for my frustration at people nosing in our business. I seriously wanted to smack him. “I told you to stay out of it.”

Before he could defend himself, Jordan said, “Are we-” She hesitated, eventually finishing, “Are we breaking up?”

“What?” I asked in shock, a jab of pain hitting me in the chest. Why would she say that? Why would she think that’s what I wanted?

“Guys,” Mitch said, gesturing at the people around us, “not out here.”

Jordan followed me without instruction into the office behind the front desk, and I closed the door behind us before turning to face her. “Why would you ask me that?”

“Mitch told me that if I ever hurt you,” she said, “I’d never step foot on a rink again.” Her voice was strained with emotion, and her eyes filled with tears. “Why would he call me and say that if-”

She didn’t finish, but she didn’t need to. “Mitch is an asshole sometimes.” I leaned back against the door, taking in the bags under her eyes and how frightened she looked. It looked so much like she was as hurt as I was, but at the back of my mind I was still afraid of what Nicole had told me. What if I wasn’t the one? What if I was about to get my heart broken and the lingering numbness was the only thing protecting me? “Did you sleep last night?”

“No!” she nearly yelled. “How could I? I thought you wanted to break up with me, and you weren’t even here last night when I came by!”

I hadn’t been here because Nicole had hurt me. And because, when it came down to it, Jordan hurt me too. “I’m so sorry he scared you like that,” I told her.

She just stared at me, and I knew she wanted more, but I didn’t know how to give it. Not when I was trying to keep myself from falling apart with fear.

“Taylor,” she whispered after a few moments, and the trembling of her voice was enough to almost break my heart anyway. “What’s going on?”

I shoved my hands deep into my pockets. I had to tell her, didn’t I? I had to tell her everything Nicole said. Had to risk watching on Jordan’s face the moment she finally realized that I wasn’t the one for her. When she finally decided that I wasn’t really what she wanted. “I was going to come see you yesterday,” I said, “but right before I left,” I sighed, unable to hold her gaze while I finished, “Nicole came by.”

There was a fraction of a pause before Jordan blurted, “Whatever she said happened between us was a blatant lie.”

My eyebrows furrowed because that was such a strange thing to say. The kind of strange thing that made my stomach sink, because what did Jordan not want me to think happened between them? And when? “What?”

It didn’t help that her gaze locked onto the floor, a guilty kind of glance that almost made me sick. “She came over to my house, the day after,” she said, her voice barely louder than a whisper. My fist clenched, preparing to hear the worst. “She kissed me.”

That caused such a burst of anger in my chest that I turned and slammed my clenched fist against the wall. They kissed. They fucking kissed and then Nicole came here with that smug fucking speech about how I should just give up. My eyes flooded with fresh tears because that hurt so bad, but I held them back and forced myself to take in a deep breath. I was angry, but this wasn’t going to happen. I wasn’t going to react physically. Not with Jordan. Not ever for any reason.

“Come on, Jordan, why’d you even let her in?” I bumped my forehead against the wall, struggling for composure. Grasping at anything I could to make this better. Jordan didn’t say ‘they’d kissed,’ she said Nicole had kissed her. It was something, but it didn’t help as much as I wanted it to because Nicole was constantly around. She was always finding Jordan, and what about the times I didn’t see? What did Jordan do then? Did she make it easy for Nicole to kiss her? I was still mad as I turned to face her again.

“I was closing the door in her face…” she said. “She let herself in.”

That was all she said, like it was explanation enough. But it wasn’t, and it was obvious she knew I wasn’t satisfied and I was too upset to not voice my doubts. “There’s a reason she keeps coming around feeling like she can get what she wants.”

I don’t know how I expected Jordan to react to that, but I wasn’t expecting her to get as angry as she did. “Seriously? You think I encourage her?” I’d offended her in a way I never had, and I regretted it instantly. “What,” she asked, “because I like the attention? Because I love what you’re accusing me of right now?” And I hadn’t meant to accuse her of what I had. Deep down, I knew she didn’t like Nicole’s attention. I knew she’d never cheat on me because that’s not who she was, but my head and heart were such a mess that I wasn’t thinking clearly. “Because it brings up such great fucking childhood memories every time she tried to force herself on me?”

Nicole did what?

“Because that’s exactly what she did, Taylor,” Jordan finished, “and it scared the shit out of me.”

“She did?” I asked. The fact that Nicole forced that kiss on Jordan made me even more furious than the kiss did in the first place. Fuck, a huge part of me wished I’d punched Nicole in the face last night. “I swear to god, I’m going to kick her ass.”

“Do you really think I like her coming around all the time?” Jordan asked. All the offense that had made her angry was completely gone, and I could finally tell how much my accusation really hurt her.

“No,” I told her honestly. And I felt shame for even implying it, and I still felt angry and hurt and it all just made me even more confused. I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes, trying to sort through everything. Trying to feel one thing at a time because I didn’t know how to work through this when I couldn’t control what I was feeling. “I’m sorry. It’s just…” I couldn’t sort through anything, and I rubbed the back of my neck and groaned my frustration. “I’m so confused. I don’t know what to think, Jordan.”

“Think about what?” she asked. “What did Nicole say to you?”

“Things,” I answered. Thinking this was it, that this was the moment she’d have to decide, it caused moisture to flood my eyes all over again. “Things about you.”

“Taylor, please,” she begged, “this is killing me. Just say it.”

I took a deep breath, gathering the strength to hold myself together and just get it out. “She told me that the entire time you guys were together, you never let her touch you, and the same thing for when you slept around. I know we don’t talk much about all that stuff, but you never told me that. After the other night, you’d think it would make me feel better, knowing it wasn’t just me, that it wasn’t because of something I was doing wrong.” A tear slid down my cheek, and I brushed it away. “But it didn’t make it better. That night I was already embarrassed, I didn’t feel like I was good enough, but what she said made it worse. Made me feel like I’m nothing special, just another hook up for you.”

Jordan’s face fell when I said that, but I had to finish before I couldn’t confess anymore. “She told me that I’d never get there with you,” I said, “that I should just give up.” My voice cracked, and I wiped the back of my hand over my cheek to clear away another tear. “And I wanted so badly for her to be full of shit. For her to be lying.” I met Jordan’s gaze, begging her to put me out of my misery. “Jordan, I want her to have been lying to me.”

She whispered almost reluctantly, “She wasn’t lying about her or the other girls.” My bottom lip quivered with how much that hurt, and my gaze fell because I couldn’t look at her. “But she was wrong about one thing. She hasn’t the slightest clue how crazy I am about you. I don’t think you have a clue either.” That gave me pause, and the pain in Jordan’s voice that seemed to rival mine caused me to swallow down the moisture in my throat. “Do you even get that I let you do what I’ve never let anyone? Even if we didn’t finish what we started, I wasn’t terrified of letting you do it, I wanted you to, when just thinking about anyone else doing it scares me.”

And I hadn’t thought of that. I hadn’t considered that she thought of what happened as progress rather than a mistake. That maybe she didn’t regret it even if it’d made her uncomfortable, and the grain of hope it gave me was enough that I finally met her agonized gaze.

“And Nicole was lying about you never getting there,” she added. “You will, I promise. Just please don’t give up on me. I-” She struggled to hold back a sob as her eyes filled with tears, and she hesitated for a long minute trying not to break down before finally saying, “I need you. Please, Taylor, please don’t give up.”

For the first time, I realized that she’d been as terrified of me breaking up with her as I’d been of her breaking up with me, and that broke my heart. I shouldn’t have been scared. I never should have been scared because I knew how Jordan felt about me. I knew that I never would’ve gotten through all her walls, gotten to where we were if she didn’t care so much about me, and I didn’t want her to ever think I’d give up on her. I loved her too goddamn much to give up that easily.

“Jordan,” I breathed, holding out my arms. She hurried to me, burying her face against my shoulder while I hugged her. “I’m not going to give up on you. I just needed time to sort through it.” I was finally in the right emotional place to be the support that she needed, and she needed it. It was clear that the last few days had been just as hard on her as they were on me, and I rubbed her back as comfortingly as I could. “It just scared me,” I admitted. “A lot.”

“Don’t be,” she pleaded. “Don’t ever be scared.” She pulled back just enough to look at me, and it was such a relief to see how much of the pain was already gone from her eyes. To see how much she… god, I dared to call it love. To see how much she loved me too. “I’m yours, all of me.”

I pushed up the bill of my hat and set my forehead against hers. “Promise me something,” I said, because I never wanted this to happen again. “Promise you’ll be honest with me, even when it hurts.” She nodded, but I begged, “Say it.”

“I promise,” she said. She kissed me for the first time in days, and all the tension and uncertainty of this situation melted away as I held her tighter. “I’m still mad at Mitch…”

I laughed and shrugged. I couldn’t blame her for being mad at him – it seemed like more than half of her panic was all his fault. But then a flash of a certain kiss went through my mind, and my lips pursed briefly. “I’m still going to beat Nicole’s ass.”

“What happened to sending Talia after her?” Jordan asked.

“She would be so lucky,” I said. I leaned back against the wall, setting my hands on Jordan’s waist and pulling her against me. “Now it’s personal.” We were quiet for a few moments after that. Jordan still looked exhausted, but her deep blue eyes were so much brighter than they had been when she’d first arrived. I caressed her cheek with the backs of my fingers, wanting to give all the reassurance I could. “You know I’m okay with waiting, right?”

She nodded, the hint of a blush reaching her cheeks. “I know. None of this was ever your fault.” Some of it was probably my fault, but I was grateful that she wasn’t upset with me. I cupped her face, and she sighed and leaned into my palm. “If I had it my way, it would’ve happened a long time ago. It’s really frustrating for me, and that’s where the pressure’s coming from.”

I nodded, having mostly known that even if I should’ve said it in a nicer way than I did the other night. “Are we okay?”

“As long as you’re not still mad at me…” she said, putting on the best pair of puppy-eyes I’d ever seen. “About the kiss?”

Another bite of anger hit me at that reminder, but it wasn’t Jordan’s fault. Not a bone in my body wanted to blame her for it. “You swear you didn’t kiss back, or like it even a little?”

“I swear,” she said, her voice as sincere as it’d ever been, and I believed her wholeheartedly. Then she teased, “I hated it. There might’ve almost been vomit.”

“Vomit, huh?” I asked, trying to hold back a laugh at the idea of Jordan hurling mid-kiss and teaching Nicole a real lesson. I also gave a mock glare, with a playful tone of threat as I said, “Then I guess I can let you off the hook. If it was that horrible for you.” Jordan nodded eagerly, and I couldn’t help kissing her properly to reassure us both that I was the only one allowed to do that. When I pulled away, I took her hand, ready to do something that wasn’t stressful and taxing on our emotions. “Come on,” I said, leading her out the door. “Keep me company today.” Mitch was still standing at the front desk when we left the office, which was… convenient. As I led Jordan past him, I gave him a solid thump on the back of the head. “Jackass.”