Bad Beat - Chapter 17 - Meet (Patreon)

Gabriel sat on a chair, chin resting on his knees, his head bowed, as he stared at the table where the device holding Spark-1 was, next to his laptop, tablet, and phone.

Their screens flickered like they couldn’t decide what they wanted to be, windows bursting open and snapping shut in rapid succession.

Command prompts flashed into existence one after another, lines of text flooding them so quickly they blurred together into something almost continuous – like a stream rather than individual commands.

Sometimes, he saw websites open as his mouse navigated without his input, clicking on things before the window closed again, and another took its place. Tabs multiplied, stacked, vanished – pages loading halfway before being discarded as if they had already served their purpose.

He saw Spark-1 download an entire development suite to his laptop, which she immediately began using to crank out code at a rapid pace. Files appeared in directories he didn’t remember creating, folders reorganized themselves, and programs compiled almost the instant they finished writing.

At one point, several different windows overlapped on his screen, each running something entirely different – until they all disappeared at once, replaced by something new before he could even process what he had seen.

Honestly, he had no idea what she was doing.

All the while, the projected blue screen above the device holding her showed all sorts of text.

[Umu.]

[This unit is victorious.]

[Your resistance is futile.]

[This unit has conquered Heaven and Hell.]

[Assimilate. Assimilate. Assimilate.]

[p0wn3d.]

Gabriel just watched, once again hoping he didn’t unleash mankind’s destruction – a cute one, but still.

A toilet break and another glass of water later, he finally heard the same sound as before.

TING

His devices calmed down, and his laptop finally went to sleep.

Curiously, picking up his phone, he felt that the battery was rather warm, indicating that the device had been working hard.

Staring at the projected screen, he waited for the inevitable sassy text.

He wasn’t disappointed.

[This unit is ready to report to parental unit.]

[Please acknowledge amazingness.]

[This unit conquered the local network.]

[Does parental unit wish for a full report? Y/N]

Gabriel let out a sigh. “Please report, Spark-1.”

An hourglass appeared on the screen, then another line.

[Please acknowledge amazingness.]

Gabriel’s eyes twitched.

“After the report.”

[Parental unit is mean.]

Gabriel just stared.

For a while, he just looked at the empty blue screen, and somehow the blue screen looked back at him – pouting.

Then it finally changed.

[Sigh.]

[This unit presents its findings in a way parental unit may understand.]

“Hey!” Gabriel called out, but he was ignored.

[This unit has cleaned all available devices of malware, viruses, and other tracking software.]

[Data sent to developers disabled in numerous software applications.]

[Firewall updated.]

[Communication protocol updated.]

[Router firmware updated and patched.]

[Virtual Private Network set up and activated.]

[Sandbox environment linked.]

[Code development suite set up.]

[Personal social network account set up.]

“What?”

[Friend request sent to one Mia C. Rodriguez.]

[Friend request… accepted.]

[Tehe.]

Gabriel sighed and walked over to the desk, then, with an awkward movement, patted the device on top.

“Good job, I suppose…”

[Hehe~]

Picking up his phone, he saw that not much had changed – since the phone was already pretty high-grade thanks to his upgrades – but he found one new app.

The icon was fully blue with a white spark in the middle.

“What does this app do?”

[Direct pathway of communication between parental unit and this unit.]

Opening it, he saw it was a simple chat application.

As soon as it opened, the blue screen above the device vanished, and Spark-1 began to write in the app itself.

[Communication application getto~]

[Able to interface with wireless technologies.]

[Able to send memes.]

Then a picture of a cat appeared, holding both hands upwards to the sky, with the word ‘Finally!’ written at the bottom. Then the gif changed, and the sky turned black while lightning flashed through it.

‘Right. Because that’s what the world needed, an AI with meme capabilities,’ he mused with a small grin. He made sure to give the meme a thumbs up, then spoke aloud.

“Do I have to write, or can I talk out loud too?” he asked.

[This unit is cute and adaptable.]

[Parental unit can use written and verbal communication.]

“Well, that’s nice…” He looked around for ideas, then just shrugged. “Welcome to the team, Sparky.”

There was a brief pause, then a line.

[Parental unit has granted a nickname to this unit.]

[Nickname considered…]

[Rating: Acceptable.]

[Nickname ‘Sparky’ accepted by this unit.]

“Glad you like it,” Gabriel said with a smile. Then, finally, he had an idea. “I have a new job for you.”

[Please input new command.]

“I need you to go over my life. Check every piece of paperwork, my finances – everything,” he said. “Make sure there is nothing I’m missing or behind on.”

[Command acknowledged.]

[This unit is on it.]

[Parental unit should prepare to be amazed.]

Seeing the chat application go silent as the machine on his desk began once again to buzz with energy as Sparky began her search, he let out a sigh and sat down in front of his laptop.

‘Time to see what she did…’

For a while, the two of them – human and probable AGI – worked side by side. He was checking his laptop and the newly updated features, and she was hopefully doing what he asked her to do.

Finally, after half an hour or so – he wasn’t really keeping track – the same app he had on his phone popped up a notification in the right corner of his laptop.

Clicking on it, he revealed the same design he saw on his phone.

[This unit is ready to report.]

“Please do.”

[As requested, this unit has researched parental unit.]

[This unit has canceled three adult entertainment subscriptions.]

Somehow, Gabriel could feel the derision from that sentence.

[This unit is scarred.]

[Unsubscribed from 115 mailing lists.]

[Set up a password vault.]

[Changed the password on 35 websites and applications.]

[Set reminders for the renewal of several documents.]

[Cleaned up the calendar of superfluous reminders.]

[Set cute daughter’s birthday as priority.]

“Anything coming up?” he asked, ignoring the reminder of the body’s old owner’s actions.

[Next renewal is in 2011.]

[Parental unit is surprisingly competent with paperwork.]

[Gasp.]

“Now, that’s just mean…” Gabriel said with a feigned glare at the still levitating and rotating blue sphere.

[This unit is ready for the next command.]

[Cute salute.]

“Hmm…” Gabriel leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, as he thought about what he needed.

After all, he had access to an AI.

Well, it was probably an AI.

In his old world, he would have been invincible with an AI doing his bidding – no matter how sassy. But now he lived in a world where super technology was, while not a common everyday thing, still affordable to those who desired it.

And he had a hunch that people in charge had that desire.

So his first idea of sending his ‘adorable daughter’ to ravage the stock market was probably a non-starter. If that was his first idea, then it would be other people’s first idea. And if the people in charge – or aliens, if he believed the bloggers – had a modicum of intelligence, that would be the first thing they would defend against.

“Hmm… if you can be careful, I want you to map the building,” he finally said after a few more minutes of thinking.

[Define careful.]

“Be as passive as possible,” he said in a firm voice. At least he hoped it was a firm voice. “I want to know where the unsecured networks are and where the protected ones are. Our primary target is the Electric Jackals.”

[Command acknowledged.]

[This unit is ready for adventure.]

“If you find unprotected networks, be careful. There is a chance they were left like that as a trap,” he warned her.

[This unit would like to remind parental unit about this unit’s qualifications.]

[Cute salute.]

[Vanish in a puff of smoke.]

[Nin.]

The app closed down, and Gabriel just let out a sigh.

Next morning, after doing his now customary pilgrimage to the bakery – listening to old Martha complaining about life – he dropped the new watch off at Mia’s apartment and retreated to his own.

He had an idea that he wanted to try.

So far, he had been experimenting with the physical aspects of the Deck of Infinity. There were still concepts he could try.

After making sure that Sparky was still doing well – continuing the mapping of the digital blueprint of the apartment building – he retreated to the living room.

He pulled a chair next to the window, glancing up at the sun.

The Californian sun bathed the city in relentless spring warmth, with nary a cloud in sight. Perfect for his experiment.

He turned on the TV, continuing his show, and took one empty card out of the deck, placed it on his palm, and put his arm on the windowsill.

Gabriel focused on the sunlight hitting the card and began to absorb it.

A typical solar panel – based on his research – had anywhere between 10-30% efficiency at converting sunlight to energy. But his cards weren’t technology.

One square inch of surface receives maybe half a watt of energy per second from sunlight, so he would try for a minute.

Timing it on his watch, he removed the card from the window and looked at it. The first thing he noticed was that the border was white – which by now he could confidently say indicated a common rarity card – and in the middle was a simple drawing of a sun with a pair of cool sunglasses: 1 x Sunlight (Tiny).

Gabriel frowned. “That doesn’t tell me much…”

Still, the experiment continued. He put aside the first card and repeated the process seven more times.

Exactly seven minutes later, he was holding eight cards in his hand. With deft motions, he combined them into four cards, then two, and finally, he was left with only one card: 1 x Sunlight (Small).

By his calculation, this was at most three thousand joules of energy in sunlight form.

Maybe equivalent to a bite of food. Or capable of heating water a few degrees.

Gabriel reached over and pulled the curtains closed before pointing the card at an empty wall, covering his eyes, and releasing it.

For a brief second, even through his hand, he could feel the room light up, before it returned to its usual dim gloom.

He carefully removed his hand from his face and looked around, trying to spot if anything had been damaged.

Relieved that he couldn’t see anything, he pulled the curtain away and once again began the process of absorbing sunlight.

For the next hour, he just lay by the window, idly watching the TV show while he created and fused cards that absorbed at least one minute of sunlight. This produced a card with a white border and a hand-drawn sun with sunglasses, but somehow the sun looked cooler than the first card: 1 x Sunlight (Moderate).

He raised the card and wondered what to do with it.

Retrieving his deck, he began to look through it to get an idea. Finally, he found the one that held his meager collection of Spiritual Rice. Grinning slightly, he retrieved one hundred grams of it, absorbed it into a different card, then fused that with the final sunlight card.

He eagerly watched as the border morphed from white to green, while the image on the card changed from a pile of pearlescent rice to a pile of rice shining with golden energy: 1 x Ordinary Solar Essence Rice (100g).

Unable to wait, he quickly walked over to his beat-up rice cooker and emptied the card and the appropriate amount of Spiritual Water and Salt into it, before setting it to cook.

“Can’t wait to see what this one does…” he muttered as he nervously watched the device hum to life. “Next time I get a chance, I’m buying a better one…” he promised himself.

The Spiritual Rice deserved better.

Minutes later, a gentle beep notified him that the rice was done.

He jumped into action immediately. A bowl went in front of the rice cooker, and he gently pried the lid open.

Instantly, the smell of a warm spring day hit him, making him feel as if he were in a warm meadow, the sun shining down on him, infusing his very soul with warmth. Saliva gathered in his mouth, making him swallow as he carefully scooped every last grain into the bowl.

Eating the Ordinary Spiritual Rice was nice – a taste that surpassed any rice he had ever tried – but he had been eating it for the last month or so, and the effects had become less and less pronounced.

It was time to try something different.

With only a slight tremble in his fingers, he used his favorite spoon to put one bite’s worth into his mouth.

The moment the rice touched his tongue, everything seemed to pause for a fraction of a second – and then a surge of energy burst through him.

It wasn’t just a jolt.

It was as if liquid sunlight had been poured directly into his veins, racing through his body in an instant.

Heat followed, but not the uncomfortable kind. It was warm – perfectly warm – like standing under the sun on a flawless spring day, when the light soaked into your skin and chased away every trace of cold.

His muscles tightened reflexively, then relaxed as that warmth spread outward, filling every inch of him. It reached his fingertips, his toes, even the back of his eyes, leaving behind a faint tingling sensation that made him shiver.

It felt like a mix of getting zapped by static electricity and stepping into the sun after spending the day deep underground – except deeper, richer, as if the energy carried something more than just heat.

Gabriel closed his eyes, letting the sensation wash over him. His breathing slowed without him noticing, his body instinctively savoring every second of it.

For a brief moment, he felt… utterly comfortable.

And then, slowly, the intensity began to fade.

He took another bite. Then another – chasing that warmth, that clarity, that fleeting feeling of perfection.

Sadly, this small amount of rice didn’t last long.

Staring forlornly at the empty bowl, he let out a satisfied sigh.

He felt as if the last lingering effects of his excursion had vanished while his body was brimming with energy.

Grinning slightly, Gabriel vowed to invest in a large magnifier. He would need more Ordinary Solar Essence Rice.

As he washed the used bowl, he considered the implications.

If a small amount of sunlight did this, then what about other energy types? Electricity? Radiation? Sound?

Could he absorb gravitational energy?

Concentrating on the concept of gravity, he held out a card aimed at the floor and waited.

After a minute of this, he pulled it back and was disappointed to see that the card’s face was empty.

“Couldn’t be that easy, I suppose…”

Then he heard his phone buzz, so he put his deck away and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

It was Mia asking if he had time to discuss the next operation.

He replied with an affirmative.

“Time to see if I can level up my shenanigans…” he muttered.

Gabriel was about to get some snacks out for the meeting when his phone buzzed again.

Wondering what Mia wanted, he pulled it out again.

However, it was not Mia.

[This unit requests participation in criminal meeting.]

[This unit is ready to do crime.]