Bad Beat - Chapter 30 - Skew (Patreon)

The next day, Gabriel woke up to a surprisingly pleasant jingle playing from Sparky’s device.

Groaning and smacking his lips, he pushed himself out from beneath the thin blanket covering him. Despite the weather already beginning to heat up, he still loved the feeling of being enclosed in one while he slept.

Thankfully, even without Sparky’s intervention, he wasn’t scheduled to work that Saturday. Since it was considered one of the easiest shifts, it usually went to whoever sucked up to the manager the hardest.

He refused to lower himself to that.

Instead, after showering and getting dressed, he went down to the local bakery, listened to the old lady behind the counter complain about the weather and rising prices, then returned to his apartment with a paper bag full of pastries to finish breakfast with whatever he still had left in his fridge.

“Is everything ready, Sparky?” he asked while tying his shoes.

He would be going grocery shopping as a cover for picking up the things he had ordered.

His phone buzzed. He glanced at it and read Sparky’s message.

[Delivery was made twenty minutes ago.]

[Hidden cameras found.]

[Infiltrated security systems.]

[This unit has taken over the security system.]

[Obfuscation protocol started.]

[Footage looped.]

[Observer neutralized.]

Gabriel chuckled. “Thanks, Sparky. Good job!”

[This unit is always ready for criminal activity.]

[This unit can sense the pride of the parental unit.]

[Hehe~]

He picked up his large canvas bag and left the apartment.

On the way out, while pretending to stare at his phone screen, he noticed several people watching him from the corner of his eye, all of them wearing some combination of white and blue.

Pretending not to notice their scrutiny, he stepped out of the building and looked up at the sky. The spring weather was already turning warm, dry wind blowing through the streets and carrying with it the first scents of blooming flowers.

He pocketed his phone and headed toward the nearest subway station.

Gabriel felt rather lucky.

In his old world, public transportation in the United States was so terrible, thanks to lobbying and decades of car-centered infrastructure policies, that it had practically become a joke to the rest of the world.

Granted, even in this world, Los Angeles was something of a special case, largely because the city had undergone a massive transformation thanks to one super’s annoyance, with entire districts reorganizing to accommodate the new public transport system.

Gabriel headed for the giant supermarket, surrounded by an enormous expanse of concrete parking spaces, after emerging from the busy subway station. Casually ducking into a nearby alley while trusting Sparky to keep his presence out of sight of any cameras, he found the door Sparky had told him about.

After pulling on a pair of gloves, he opened it and stepped into an abandoned shopfront that looked as though it hadn’t been used in decades, with every surface buried beneath thick layers of dust and unidentified animal refuse.

The only signs of recent disturbance were the trails left behind by the delivery crew while placing what he had ‘ordered’.

Walking past the four pallets of dubious health supplements of equally dubious quality and origin, he simply swiped his deck across them and stored everything away into four empty cards.

After making sure nothing had been missed, he left the building and quietly closed the door behind him.

All in all, the entire detour had taken less than a minute.

He walked back to the main street and continued toward the supermarket, joining the sparse, morning crowd.

Gabriel returned to the apartment a little after midday with a giant canvas bag stuffed full of groceries for the week, along with a few extra things for his experiments.

He had bought several stacks of those tiny yoghurt drink bottles that claimed to improve everything from intestinal flora to lifespan, planning to use them as a delivery mechanism for his future concoctions.

Most of the groceries had been somewhat awkward to absorb into his cards since the parking lot didn’t provide many hidden places to hide the process, but he had managed.

Granted, Sparky had needed to loop a security camera for a second or two, but Gabriel still counted that as a victory.

He had also picked up several packs of beer.

He didn’t drink himself, but Mia liked having one or two to unwind after work, and Gabriel had felt like doing something nice for her.

Drinking beer produced by the Deck of Infinity would probably be an experience.

Maybe even he would end up tempted.

Aside from that, he had bought several large bags of rice in preparation for some extremely tasty meals.

Walking into the cool apartment building and escaping the noon sun, Gabriel let out a relieved breath. It wasn’t the brutal Los Angeles summer heat yet, but even now the weather was already pushing the limits of pleasantness.

“Hey, Gabe!”

A male voice called out to him.

Turning in surprise, Gabriel spotted Carlos walking casually toward him from outside, a simple pack of Mexican beer dangling from one hand and swinging freely while the other was raised in greeting, a small smirk spread across his face.

“Oh, hey… Carlos?” Gabriel replied as he headed toward the elevator. Carlos quickly caught up and fell into step beside him.

“Yep. Good to see you.” Carlos glanced down at the canvas bag. “Out shopping?”

“After breakfast, my fridge was basically empty…” Gabriel answered just as the elevator doors slid open.

“Not big on weekday shopping?” Carlos asked while stepping inside. He casually pressed the button for the seventh floor for Gabriel before hitting the ninth for himself. “Especially when you work at a grocery store?”

Gabriel let out a frustrated sigh. “You’d think so… But we don’t actually get an employee discount.” He gave Carlos a meaningful look. “Our manager does, though.”

Carlos’s eyes widened before he shook his head sympathetically. “Damn. Sorry, bro…”

“Eh, you get used to it…” Gabriel waved it off. “Besides, the supermarket has a better selection anyway.”

Carlos nodded just as the elevator dinged and the doors opened again. “That it does, Gabe. That it does.” He smiled at Gabriel. “Anyway, have a good weekend, bro.”

Gabriel nodded back. “You too, Carlos. Enjoy the beer.”

Carlos glanced down at the pack in his hand before grinning. “Want to join us? We’re planning to watch the game.”

Gabriel shook his head. “Sorry, I don’t drink.”

Carlos didn’t seem bothered. “Pity.”

“Maybe we could do a grill once the weather gets a little warmer…” Gabriel offered while stepping out of the elevator.

Carlos’s face immediately lit up. “Now you’re talking, bro!”

Gabriel waved as he walked away, leaving the gang member behind while the elevator doors slid shut.

Letting out a quiet sigh, he reached into his pocket for his keys.

‘They’re still watching me…’ he complained inwardly as he unlocked the door.

The first thing Gabriel did was put away the groceries he wasn’t planning to use for his experiments. After that, he opened the small freezer compartment beneath the fridge and took out an entire tray of ice cubes.

Sixteen cubes in total.

One by one, he absorbed them into his cards before repeatedly fusing them together until he was left holding a single white-bordered card named 1 x Perfect Ice Cube.

Next came the beer.

He took the same brand he had seen Mia drinking and started fusing the cans together one after another. Ten minutes later, he was left holding a single can of liquid gold. The card had a green border and carried the name 1 x Infinity Beer (Light, 6%).

Then he fused it together with the Perfect Ice Cube card.

The border remained green, though the artwork on the face changed slightly. Instead of a plain can, the image now showed a single chilled beer glistening with beads of condensation, looking absurdly refreshing.

The name explained everything: 1 x Perfectly Cooled Infinity Beer (Light, 6%).

Grinning faintly, Gabriel set the card aside and turned toward the rest of the supplies.

He started with the rice, fusing the bags together into larger quantities of Low-Quality Spiritual Rice for future meals before moving on to the yoghurt drinks. Each bottle barely held a hundred milliliters.

After spending a few minutes stripping away the unnecessary cardboard packaging plastered with pictures of overly cheerful smiling women, he fused the bottles together until only a single white-bordered card remained: 1 x Eternal Probiotics (100 ml).

The name sounded ridiculously grandiose, but the ingredients were basically identical to the originals. They had simply been perfected. No side effects. No waste products. Just pure probiotics designed to help the body function efficiently.

As an added bonus, the label claimed it tasted like the universe.

Gabriel snorted quietly and placed it back into the card.

He would save it for later.

Then, with motions that had already become familiar, he summoned the pallets he had acquired earlier and began the long process of unpacking everything.

Nearly two hours later, with the afternoon sunlight shining through the window, Gabriel found himself sweaty and slightly winded, surrounded by mountains of empty boxes and discarded packaging while countless supplements sat neatly sorted around him.

Not really knowing what to expect, he retrieved a card containing exactly 100 milliliters of Low-Quality Spiritual Water and decided to use it as the foundation for his experiment.

He started with recovery medication before moving on to everything else: joint and bone supplements, immune boosters packed into oversized plastic bottles by the hundreds, probiotic pills, powders promising everything from eternal youth to bones tough enough to survive punches from gorillas, various oils, energy enhancers, protein powders, creatine, and finally enough multivitamins and mineral blends to make an entire gym full of bodybuilders weep with envy.

Card after card rose into the air, absorbed the item in front of it, then instantly merged with another while Gabriel had already moved on to the next box, bottle, packet, or blister sheet of dubious medicine.

The names changed constantly.

Dubious.

Fake.

Placebo.

Poisoned.

Most eventually evolved into labels such as Perfect, Improved, Advanced, or Elevated. It was a lot.

There was a staggering amount of it.

Eventually, Gabriel stopped paying attention entirely.

His body moved on pure autopilot.

Raise a hand.

Absorb item.

Merge.

Raise a hand.

Absorb item.

Merge.

Again.

Again.

Again.

The repetition slowly dragged his mind into a strange, zen-like trance where time ceased to matter.

He had no idea how long it lasted before he was suddenly jolted back to reality when he tried absorbing another item, and the card informed him there was nothing left to absorb.

Blinking in confusion, Gabriel took several seconds to properly reorient himself.

Looking around the apartment, he found nothing remaining except piles of empty cardboard boxes and torn packaging. Everything else had vanished into his fusion spree.

“Huh…” he mumbled.

He glanced toward the window and saw that the last rays of sunlight were desperately clinging to the rapidly darkening sky, telling him he had spent a lot of time on this project.

Slowly lowering his gaze, he looked at the final card still resting in his trembling hand.

Carefully, he flipped it over to inspect the result of his work.

The image displayed on the card depicted a small ceramic bowl resting on a cushion, holding four pea-sized pills that radiated a faint, mysterious glow.

More importantly, the border was orange.

According to everything Gabriel had seen so far, that meant he had accidentally created something genuinely rare.

The name was rather promising: 4 x Pill of Everlasting Life.

His hand still trembling, whether from exhaustion or anticipation, he couldn’t tell, Gabriel carefully summoned the pills into his palm, instantly filling the room with a scent that made his entire body relax as he breathed deeply, trying to identify it.

One moment it smelled like a fresh forest deep in the mountains, the next like a spring morning after a cold rain, only to shift again into the strangely pleasant scent of exertion after perfect exercise. The fragrance continuously changed, cycling through countless scents without remaining on any single one long enough for him to properly grasp it.

Carefully, Gabriel returned three of the pills to the card before taking the Eternal Probiotics from the fridge and absorbing both the remaining pill and the small bottle together.

He technically could have swallowed the pill directly, but he had hated swallowing pills ever since childhood, so into the bottle it went.

The border remained orange, though the name changed slightly to 1 x Bottle of Everlasting Life (100 ml).

Grinning nervously, Gabriel carried the bottle into his bedroom before throwing himself onto the bed, the mysterious drink still clutched tightly in his hand.

“Sparky, if I fall unconscious and don’t wake up within an hour or so, call Mia,” he said while looking toward the device sitting on his desk.

The familiar screen immediately lit up.

[Is the parental unit performing some manner of dangerous self-experimentation?]

“Yep,” Gabriel admitted with a small smile.

[This unit is going to record.]

[This unit is hoping the parental unit pees himself.]

[Permission to invite Mia and Idiot into the betting pool?]

Gabriel shot the screen an offended look before shaking his head. “Please leave them out of this.” Then a smirk slowly spread across his face. “But put me down for vomiting…”

[Ooooh…]

[Designation “Stick-In-The-Mud” temporarily removed from parental unit.]

[Bet placed.]

[Good luck.]

[This unit eagerly awaits the results.]

Gabriel chuckled, made sure the path toward the bathroom was clear, placed a bowl beside the bed just in case, then sat back down and stared silently at the bottle resting in his hand while taking a long, steady breath.

“Well… here goes nothing,” he muttered.

Then he raised the bottle slightly toward Sparky.

“Cheers.”

And downed the entire thing in one go.

It tasted like nothing and everything.

For a brief instant, Gabriel felt the cool liquid slide down his throat, and then stars exploded behind his eyes.

It wasn’t pain exactly, but it erased everything else.

From a distant, detached awareness, he felt his body arch against the bed. Every muscle in him tightened, then loosened, then tightened again in uneven waves, as if his entire body was being rewritten in real time.

His bones creaked and crackled.

His nervous system felt like it had been set ablaze.

And yet, every time true pain should have surfaced, a soft wave of cooling relief followed immediately after, washing it away before it could fully form. It made the experience bearable in the most frustrating way possible, as if his body was being carefully dismantled and rebuilt while he was forced to stay conscious and watch.

He couldn’t move.

It felt like hanging from a pull-up bar at the exact point of failure, when every muscle screams to let go, but some stubborn thread of strength refuses to break.

Gabriel had no idea how long it lasted.

Time lost meaning almost immediately, dissolving into fragmented sensations and half-formed thoughts as his body continued to shift and settle around the change.

At some point, he was groaning without realizing it.

At another, he was biting down on nothing, his jaw locked tight as waves of transformation rolled through him.

Then, just as suddenly as it had started, it stopped.

One moment, he was submerged in a haze of internal chaos, and the next, he was gasping for air, lungs dragging in deep breaths as if he had been underwater. His fingers clenched into the blanket beneath him, knuckles tense, while his entire body felt like it had been through days of continuous, punishing exercise.

It was as if a skilled massage therapist had gone through every muscle in his body with relentless precision, breaking everything down to the last knot and rebuilding it again and again until nothing remained untouched.

He lay there drenched in sweat.

It didn’t resemble the black, tar-like descriptions from stories he had read, but it was still unpleasant, heavy, and sour, like being trapped in a humid room for hours without relief or rest.

Even the mattress beneath him was soaked, squelching softly whenever he shifted.

“Argblbarbel…” he groaned, the syllables refusing to form properly as his mouth failed to cooperate.

**

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A/N: First I was going to leave the whole transformation to the next chapter, but then I was like, no that's a bad cliffhanger. Also, if anyone is worried, while "Eternal Life" sounds grandiose and powerful its not going to be that powerful. Anything else would be spoiler, but yeah, no instant OP in a pill for our poor MC.Second, I want that beer. I also don't drink alcohol, but when I wrote down about the "Perfectly Cooled Beer" I got the urge to drink one. Would be awesome! :)