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Email me your thoughts about beauty culture? (Patreon)

Published:
2018-08-15 03:09:48
Edited:
2018-08-15 03:23:47
Imported:
2018-08

Content

Hellooo, Ologites. 

I’m writing an ep about appearance standards/body image/beauty culture (KALOLOGY, a real word) & really want to include your thoughts in it, from all genders, nonbinary, cis, LGBTQ+.  

I would looove even a quick note about how appearance standards affect you, how occupied you are with them, how you feel about a partner's experience with beauty culture, maybe you've transitioned and noticed different struggles, etc. How much time and money do you spend on beauty? Is it too much? Do you get made up when you're alone? Do you wish it was more acceptable to wear no makeup? Or for cis men to wear more makeup? 

Give me the the good, the bad, whatever: helloalieward@gmail.com. 

And tell me if you'd like me to shout you out by your name OR if you'd prefer to keep your comments anonymous. 

I think this is gunna be an innnnnteresting one for all of us. 

All ears,

Ward

Comments

TANZA / Many Hands Creative

I have a question and a comment: Question: W H Y don't straight men moisturize? When did moisturization start? When did it become perceived as feminine? What can we do about this epidemic? Comment: As a recently out and recently transitioning, trans man, I've been conflicted about the old beauty habits when I presented as a femme woman. While on principle I support men wearing makeup, if I do wear makeup or reveal any of my "girly" habits, people misgender me more often. I'm still really into makeup and skincare and all that -- and sometimes I still put on my whole face -- but it's been difficult dealing with the constraints of traditional masculinity. <3 tay

Codi Schmitt

Hi Alie! My comment is that I don't really understand the big deal with shaving legs. Like I understand if you enjoy the feeling, but there is such a stigma against girls that don't shave. While I keep my armpits and woman bits clean and upkept I haven't shaved my legs in over 5 years. Also I've noticed that the people that have the biggest problem with you not following beauty standards are more often other women. Most dudes either don't care that I don't shave or think it's cool while women blow up about how gross and unnatural it is. Also I've never been one for using makeup and haven't in about 2yrs, I mostly use it for cosplay. Although that's more because of laziness

Katie Cobb

It's like 3am where I am and I'm laying in bed thinking about my hair, my makeup, and what I'm going to wear to this interview tomorrow. As a young woman it seems our society has deemed it necessary to force this idea of being just a human Swiss Army knife-- looking professional, approachable, mature but not old, attractive but not sexy, on trend but not trendy. I mean, can I wear my cute floral top I just got that looks really nice on me, or do I need to stick to basic solid palette? How much do men consider how they look and what they wear for these situations?

Kimberly Hudson

He-ey. I'm a 43 yr old lady (no brag) who's been on a mild year-long skin care bender. I have sheet masks, clay masks, toners, serums, stuff with snail goo and vitamin c and maybe gold? It makes me feel better about aging since I can't stop that from happening and Botox creeps me out. I'm not a fan of women doing big medical stuff to their faces for the sake of youth, but I've gone from being angry about it to feeling like, it's not for me, but do what makes you happy. I'm a fan of self esteem and I think everyone is easier to exist with when they like themselves. I once would have judging own beauty habits as shallow, but now I see it as part of taking care of me (along with yoga, water, healthy eating) and that's what we all deserve. As far as my partner goes, he tells my kid I'm a ghost when I wear my sheet mask, gently mocks my ointments and goo, but bought me a kick-ass multilevel caddy for all my stuff and some really nice serums on Amazon Prime Day. But he's awesome in general. Thanks!

Matthew

What's the better look for guys with male patterned baldness? Do chicks really prefer guys with shaved heads? Should I care?

Stephanie Carcieri

And to add to that, Tay, if they do moisturize, why do so many feel the need to use a moisturizer specifically labeled as "for men"?? How is moisturizer not gender neutral?

Julio Arguello

I used to work in a coffee shop, a very public job where looks and cleanliness were an unspoken necessity. I didn't "dress up", but everyone who works at a bar or coffee shop knows what I mean; you gotta look your best. Now I work long nights at a machine shop and go to school too. I've turned into some weird, smelly golem creature. And it's been killing my self confidence. I look paler, I don't hang out with friends. Don't really do much of anything. Partially because I'm always so tired, but also because I think I look like the cryptkeepers son. And it makes me wonder if this is the norm, and I just got so used to being a fake dressed up no I just looked in the mirror and I look like hell.

Julio Arguello

Professional dressed up for work me, I do think of these things. Like; am I projecting what I think I am in order to look professional? Am I wearing a shirt that's got color but isn't loud? Mainly, do I look like I'm trying too hard? But hanging out with friends at a bar or something I'm lucky if I get that unibrow trimmed but don't tell anyone

Matthew

Best. Reply. Ever!

Kennedy

The podcast Unladylike recently did an excellent episode related to this topic, called "How to Dress for Success". What really struck me was the issues that plus-sized women, or even just women with a big butt/boobs have dressing "professionally". If you google how to dress professionally, all you see is slim women with straight hair. What are you supposed to do if you’re curvy, or have curly hair, or heaven forbid don’t want to dress feminine? Dressing professionally can be really hard when you have big boobs because any type of low-cut shirt emphasizes your chest and makes you look “too sexy”. This is something that I have struggled with in the past as well (although now it's not as big of an issue because I'm a grad student working in a lab, shout out to lab coats for eliminating the need to dress up for work). There are also some professional workplaces that REQUIRE women to wear makeup!! This seems so absurd to me because dressing nicely and putting on makeup require effort, and it seems like only women are expected to go this extra mile to “look nice” or “dress professionally”, while men (of any size) can throw on a button down and some dress shoes and look professional. This is so frustrating to me because I want to be taken seriously without having to conform to these seemingly arbitrary rules on how to dress “professionally” as a woman. And don’t even get me started on high heels.

Katelyn Donald

I second Kennedy's point about curly hair. My sister is a lawyer with very curly hair who has been told multiple times to make her hair look more professional. And, I should mention, her hair is beautiful and she does a great job of keeping it pulled back off her face and things like that. The issue is only because it is curly.

Rooh’s Studio

Hey if you're tired and pale, maybe check your iron levels! Just sounds really similar to what happened to me and I have iron deficiency and it helped to know.

Katelyn Donald

I'd be interested in learning about how beauty standards have changed throughout history. I learned once that pink used to be considered a manly color - so, why and when did it change? Also, as a super-fair-skinned woman, why is everyone so obsessed with tanned skin and when did that change from previous standards around pale skin?

Kennedy

It took me a LONG time to be happy with my curly hair. I used to straighten it every day for years when I was younger. Not only was it damaging to my hair, but I hate to think of all the time I wasted that I could have spent elsewhere. Same goes for professional women, that 30-45 mins it takes to straighten your hair to make it look "more professional" could be spent preparing for the day, studying, sleeping, etc.

Annika Harrison

As far as I know this was because of the French Revolution! Before, pink was the little red, and red was the color of royalty, but the revolution made royal stuff being less popular - but it can also be that this is a bit of an urban myth :) And the pale skin- thing probably changed around the same time, because only nobility could stay indoors and be pale-skinned before, but then being tan began to be more popular. Maybe, I don't know for sure, only guessing :)

Celeste Ward Altus

This. The Pink Tax. Women's products can be the same as men's but cost so much more because women are accustomed to paying more.

Dani Cav

I’m literally wearing a blue face mask now and it’s designed to “even out skin tone”. LOL I think beauty culture has both negative and positive qualities. Positive in that being made up and hair done does make me feel more confident and more in control. Negative in that I feel less so when I’m not and the near constant pressure to fit a certain standard can be overwhelming. I do often think about how I look in relation to other women and often compare myself, usually finding myself inadequate. I’m currently single and have been for a long time so that may factor into my feelings of inadequacy sometimes. I do wish the beauty industry would be more diverse in the display of products with regards to race, age, gender, body shape and size, hair styles, etc. I do see some changes happening but would love to see more in the future.

Todd McLaren

What are the most common causes of death? Where do they typically die? Do they typically pass alone Or surround?

Julie K. Rose

After many years of straightening my hair, I finally let it be its curly self about 15 years ago and I'm so glad I did it, it's such a relief to just be myself. Then, about 5 years ago, I stopped coloring it. I'm fully salt and pepper now and it's funny how I get comments and shit from other women for not covering my gray, like it's personally offensive to them that I'm not participating. So yeah: curly and gray and at least that's one part of me I don't give an eff what anyone thinks anymore.

Vanessa

I just listened to the minisode (while doing the dishes wearing my favorite tee aka MY OLOGIES TEE) and almost started crying when I heard Alie read the excerpt from my email (it was actually almost the entire email). Felt so so good to also hear everyone thoughts on the subject. Really appreciate you doing this Alie!