I have no idea how to title this (Patreon)

I mentioned this on facebook a few days ago and this morning, but I wanted to take a moment to say it here too in case there are those of you who aren't fb buddies, and because I don't plan on making a video about this (because that would be a mess).

A little over a week ago, my dad passed away. It was unexpected. Since then I have been trying to put on a good face in our shared spheres, but in real life, I have been having a hard time reconciling a lot of different feelings, and struggling just navigating days in general. Sometimes I am fine, and sometimes I am not. My relationship with my dad was very complicated. I keep fluctuating between being angry, and being sad/feeling a lot of guilt, or feeling both if that's even possible. When I do sleep, I keep having nightmares about other people in my family dying, or really weird nightmares (Ex. I was Kevin Smith. I stole a rowboat out of someone's garage trying to flee from the police in the middle of the night, took it out into the ocean and tried to row over huge terrifying waves that I couldn't see in the dark). Sorry if that's TMI. I don't know what I am supposed to share and what I am supposed to keep to myself. Most times I don't want to talk about it at all.  I feel like some people want me to feel better by now, so I am trying to be the most normal me I can muster. Sometimes I am definitely not as efficient as I could be with certain tasks and my concentration feels strained. I feel like I am falling even more behind, which is not helping tbh, haha. But I am trying. 

 I don't understand death. I am not sure if anyone will understand what I mean. I can't wrap my head around it. I am not telling you this to share my grief. I wasn't planning on telling you this at all. But I have been thinking about life and death, and the astronomical odds it takes for us to even exist as we are, and even though I don't grasp death, I do know that we are lucky to be here. I am grateful I get to even type this to you. I hope you all have joy in your lives. I hope the people in your lives appreciate you, and that you can do the same for others. We only get to be here for such a small amount of time. I truly hope you can find what makes you happy, create, play, be proud of yourselves, overcome, love freely, be moved and inspired, and be kind to each other. I wish nothing but good things for you.