For want of a nail... (Patreon)

Today was a fascinating exercise in admin. It made me think of that, “for want of a nail, the shoe was lost/ for want of a shoe, the horse was lost...” poem and also the lady who swallowed a spider. I’ll try to describe the most boring thing in the least boring way.

“An epic quest. A simple task. A wizard’s request. The file space was inside you all along.”

I decided I wanted to write a long form script. But so far I’ve only ever written in word documents like an absolute pleb. A very nice person sent me some script writing software, which I went to download.

• I needed a higher level of operating system on my laptop to allow me to install it. Cool cool.*
• Then I went to download the new operating system but had no room on the hard drive for the new operating system. Cool.**
• So I plugged in an extra hard drive which I’d bought for just such an eventuality to put my large video files (weird flex) on that. (So prepared! Extra cool!) ***
• But I need to format the external hard drive. (Cooool) ****
• But I need to choose whether to format it to my current operating system (so I can get the files off the laptop) OR the new operating system, so I can access the files post-Operating-System-Update, but not both (???) (not cool)*****
• So I decide to upload my large video files to Dropbox instead, and THEN upgrade the OS and THEN format the external hard drive for Next Time (there will definitely be a Next Time) this happens. And THEN download the script writing software. (Cool) ******
• Dropbox says it will take two days to upload the files from my computer. (....) (.....) ********
• It has begun. *******

* this is like when you find out you are the long lost king, but first you have to find your crown.

** you find out the only person who knows where your crown is, is a wizard. But nobody knows where the wizard is.

*** but you find out that the innkeeper you’ve known all your life actually used to be a hero and has been watching over you, and knows where the wizard lives!

**** he tells you that you need a spell to wake the wizard,

***** but if you wake the wizard, he’ll only speak in riddles.

****** but it’s okay, because the wizard’s attendant knows what book it’s in.

******* but it will take her a while to translate it, so I guess she’s coming along on the quest, too and she’s soooo sassy!

******** you set off on your quest, walk all day, look at the map, and realise it’s going to take you six months to walk there.

********* the quest begins.

Today, I planned to do some script writing. But a lady ate a spider and a horse lost its shoe and I need to get the horse to the shoe shop but I need to get the spider out of the lady first because the spider has my credit card.

Xx

A

P.S. I do understand that if I were more on top of my IT, this wouldn’t have happened, so this is me definitely reaping what I’ve sowed. I hope this doesn’t come across as a pointless whinge, because I have found it pretty funny throughout the day. It’s just like an epic quest but so much more boring, you know? Like, I’d love this if it were some sort of narrative about gems and dragons and solving wizard riddles.

P.P.S. Do share this around if you like it. The more people come and play around here the more we build a beautiful little paradise of nice thoughtful people. Sharing with someone who might like my work is still the best way to help. Follow me over on twitter and instagram, too, at @aliterative or @aliterative. Performers and writers these days often get booked on the strength of their fanbase and follower numbers.

Xx

A