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Here is my full length unedited reaction for Steven Universe: Future episode 18!Streamer: Hulu

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Novantinuum

No, you are right for getting aggravated at Steven, it's frustrating watching him consistently refuse people's open invitations to talk it out XD This is a SUPER painful episode for me and many others to watch. It's like secondhand... not embarrassment, per say? But like... maybe a "secondhand uneasiness." I don't rewatch this episode very often because the sheer level of cognitive dissonance between his behavior and his attempted facade just hits in a very uncomfortable "callout to self" way. I feel like MANY people can relate to this general situation in a very intense manner, lol. "This place seems like it's running pretty okay without you, buddy." Oh if isn't that statement you made basically the perfect sum-up of one of Steven's whole issues. A compulsive people helper without anyone to help, without any juicy problem to distract him with, without a purpose to anchor him. Yep. One of the small details I think is pretty funny is that Pink Pearl keeps the plant held in front of her face, so you can't see if her crack is healed or not after the events of the ep Volleyball. Ahahah yes, I ADORE how much you enjoy music within your reactions. Basically any time you start watching something I'm aware of and have seen- and it's something that I know has some banger tunes in it- I think "ohohoh, he's sure gonna have a great time with that music." I am happy that this is hitting for you in the manner it is. I agree, I find the choice to explore the psyche of a main character after the "hero's journey" is over very interesting. A storytelling risk for sure, but interesting.

Diego Reckholder

I relate so badly to this series... I am usually told I'm a sweet and patient person. But I also became my own monster, I also refused help from everyone, and I also hurt everyone around me at one moment in my life...

hammiuwu

I remember being on the verge of a breakdown for this whole episode as I watched it air live. I had never felt so seen, especially given what I was going through at the time (and being Steven's age, to boot). "You all think I'm so mature but thats not true. You think I'm some angel but I'm not that kid anymore!" Accompanied by Greg's unyielding reassurances, it felt far too accurate to my real life. When I was at Steven's point, I didn't want love and reassurance. I wanted my parents to get mad at me. I wanted them to yell at me, reprimand me, NOTICE ME. I had gone so far downhill so fast, and to them it was all business as usual. Them not seeing how low I was made it feel like they didn't see me at all. How could they not see how broken I was becoming? How much I hated myself? Now that I've moved past that point and begun discovering empathy for that younger version of me, I also feel a lot more understanding towards how the Gems, Greg and Connie acted here. I didn't need to be punished, I needed to have someone acknowledge my pain. I needed someone to hear me out and not assign some moral judgement, good or bad, to my actions. I needed them to provide tangible ways forward for me, because I was so, so lost. I needed them to hear me say how badly I wanted to die and realize that I needed help beyond some kind words. I broke down in tears at Steven's final line in this episode. I literally repeated "I'm a monster" to myself CONSTANTLY for the year leading up to this episode. All I wanted was for my family to give me what Steven got: a chance to TRULY air out every bad thing I had thought AND done. A chance to make myself heard, and make my demons seen. A chance to feel like a human, rather than some monster that had corrupted the sweet, kind child my parents thought they had. To be truly loved is to have every part of you seen and acknowledged. No excuses, no glorification, just another human- a human who is still worth love and a second chance, flaws and all.