Thanks for Letting Me Share | Ep 1: The Hoppers Rant (Pilot) (Patreon)

Hey boys,

When Chris Dunne and I started doing Life in the World to Come I was pretty opposed to becoming a podcaster but wanted to be a part of my friend's project so I went along with it and ended up having fun. At this point, I push for doing episodes more than he does. No drama or anything, he's just focused on his writing and lives far away and people like doing different things different amounts at different times. Years of podcasting later, we've stopped doing it with any regularity, and I've come to realize how much I loved having been a podcaster. I've debated starting my own podcast on and off for a while. Part of me stays certain that if left to speak my mind about any given topic the online fans will finally understand what I mean when I say "I'm not the guy the online fandom expects me to be" and come to my home to murder me with sticks and hot oil. And I haven't wanted to podcast without a specific subject or premise that reels me in from oversharing or getting political. I've since changed my mind.

This is the first, experimental episode of a possible eventually-regular possibly-Patreon-exclusive possibly-public podcast I am possibly calling "Thanks for Letting Me Share." I know, could I be any more millennial with my podcast name? I know, could I be any more millennial with my sitcom references? (I am very millennial, I think a lot of my output makes a lot less sense and a lot more money when I'm mistaken for having a younger perspective - I am closer to 40 than 25, boys) But that's the current working title, and I chose it for actual reasons that most of you boys will probably understand if you have similar life experiences to me. That's right, I call my audience "boys." This is a right wing manosphere podcast like uhhhh The Ezra Klein Show. Yeah I said it. Ezra Klein is a right wing podcast grifter, boys. (I am aware most of my fans are statistically women and that most of you think Ezra Klein is a liberal)

I don't know what shape the podcast will take in the future, where it will go, how often I'll post episodes, or if it'll be a similar scripted style to this one. I don't know if I'll make even one more episode. I don't know if I'll always want to write something and perform it or if I just want to riff and babble. I also don't know if it'll always be solo or if I'll have guests on or whatever. I would enjoy interviewing other artists, but I'd also enjoy just ranting and raving. What I don't want is for there to be an expectation that if I regularly post speech that that means people should expect and then demand I address every idea the internet gets about what my responsibilities should be with the platform. Why do you think I never used Twitter? But I've grown a lot more comfortable ignoring things where I've concluded through my own private deliberation it isn't worthwhile or ethically responsible to do so, and it's not 2020 anymore. And if people don't like what I have to say, (or not say) at least I no longer have to shoulder the burden of meeting the expectations of someone I cannot meet the expectations of authentically.

For this I guess pilot episode, I talk about Pixar's new movie "Hoppers" and how it made me feel. It did not make me feel good. I am shocked no one is talking about this. But I am not shocked that I am the only person yelling. I am often the only person yelling. Like when my wife and I went to Takumi Tei and I spent the most money I've ever spent on a meal and also ate the most repugnant food I've ever imagined. I'm a big sushi snob and wanted to treat my wonderful wife to a special meal on our sort-of-honeymoon and they slushed hot Ikura and overcooked Wagyu around in a wooden bucket of teriyaki and sushi rice like it was Fake Millionaire Japanese Chipotle - it was the Asian equivalent of ketchup-caviar-foie gras lasagna with gold leaf. Or uhhh Skyline Chili. I yelled a lot after that.

Maybe I'll talk about that in an episode. Maybe I'll talk about my many fascinating health concerns and my relationship with the Lord which I wish was more of a joke because it's very funny. Maybe I'll talk about how I've had things I've said on stage get huge laughs when they weren't jokes and it broke my heart to feel so misunderstood. Or when I've gotten crickets for what I am certain to this day was my smartest joke ever. Or all of my insecurities as a public person. Or maybe I'll use it to announce big music or comedy related things or personal things like what Eleanor is up to. Hi Eleanor!

My brother said I should post what ended up being the script to this publicly because the time I yelled about Netflix's Wednesday still makes the rounds online apparently but I don't think my sense of humor translates to text all that well because people responded with a lot of "wow, this guy really needs to calm down" instead of "wow, this guy's schtick is really annoying." I also don't like getting attention from the general internet like that, it's uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing and I don't like people on the internet they're weird and cruel and half of them are robots. I also wanted to do this audio because it's more fun. I also wasn't ready to commit to having a podcast at all, let alone a public one, which is why I'm doing it this way.

Despite what I say in this episode, I am leaving the comments on for this post. Not because I need a debate about Hoppers, I am right about everything I say and if you disagree it's because you are a big dumb idiot who needs to shut up forever. I'm leaving the comments on because I'd like to know if you'd like more of this, what topics you might be interested to hear me cover or whatever (eugh, not that one, gross), if you enjoy the scripted dramatic shit, if you'd like to hear me just babble, if you'd like to hear interviews, whatever. Normalize creators having comments off as a baseline and the expectation for them to be in control of their level of contact from fans. I'll be turning the comments back off in a bit. Y'all are great, I love hearing from you as individuals, but I think everyone needs to be able to feel comfortable making a crowd go away. Think of it as me leaving the venue at the end of the night, I'd love to sign all of your Labubus (I was originally going to write something other than Labubus but I don't know if that's a funny rockstar joke anymore so I went with Labubus because I think the reason the original joke is probably gross now is because young people are increasingly infantilized and boys increasingly distrusted in our society so I assume you all probably have Labubus and are repulsed at the idea of me being willing to do the other thing this whole parenthetical sucks I'm uncomfortable now see why I'm afraid to podcast sorry sorry sorry) but I'm tired and there's too many of you, thank you all have a good night, I'm going home to my wife and Eleanor.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this weird dramatic rant that is, like my comedy, weirdly serious while also being entirely unserious but not sufficiently funny to consider me a legitimate comic either way.

TL;DR: Circumcision should be illegal, straight people can now use the F slur if it's at Tony Hinchcliffe, I'm not working on a new album right now.

Have a happy passover and easter, drop a comment down below if you wanna hear more, and what you'd like to hear more of. If you don't, you telling me so will not change my course of action so as a great man once said "Keep your stupid comments in your pocket!" and "Look, Johnny's my best friend, and I'm very busy right now."

Goodnight boys,Wood

EDIT: Thanks for the feedback everyone, I'd love to sign all of your Labubus but I'm tired and there's too many of you, thank you all have a good night, I'm going home to my wife and Eleanor.