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764. Tales from the Pit: In It (Feat. Brandon and Lisa) (Patreon)

Published:
2024-09-06 13:00:13
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

Michael brings on Brandon and Lisa, parents of two children (aged 1 and 3). Michael investigates the daily life and worries of the initial parenting phase. This episode continues the ongoing conversation about Michael and jenn’s leap into parenthood, including a huge announcement at the beginning of the pod!

Buy Michael’s book: https://www.patreon.com/smallbeans/shop

Features:

Michael Swaim: https://twitter.com/SWAIM_CORP

Check our store to buy Small Beans merch! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-small-beans-store?ref_id=22691

Files

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Comments

Antipaganda

Great conversation, great series. I bet you'll go for grade school age kids next, that's the next big change, and that way you can spend a bit of time on the very real teen angst that's probably pretty hard to see in your own kids after getting over it yourself. Congrats to you and Jen! Hopefully your kids won't be sanctioned by the ICC!

TheWildou

Father of a four year old and great admirer of all smallbeans podcasts particularly this one. I recall when researching for the birth of our daughter that if a father puts in the time with a newborn, the brain signals signifying attachment and love to the baby can come to match that of a pregnant mother’s. Fast forward to when I was able to get paternal leave for a month. My wife had a particularly tough pregnancy and birth, on top of which she could not breast feed. It was tough for her of course but fortunately for me I was able to kind of experience that bonding moment of feeding my daughter. Best experience of my life. Also, enjoy your sleep while you got it and congratulations to the both of you. If you have read this far thanks!

Rachael Perry

Oh my, there is no “and chill.” 😆 I worked from home the first two years as a parent, and I felt so fortunate that my hours could be flexible. The first few months are “eat, sleep, poop, repeat,” and it is an exhausting schedule. If the parent pumps or chest feeds, then you’re adding even more attention to the schedule. Bottles mean constant cleaning and sanitizing. Poops are sporadic and explosive, and depending on the baby’s tolerance for dairy immediately as a person, they could either be gassy or constipated, which adds to more attention. Then you get used to that schedule, and it’s time for participatory tummy time and wake windows. Then naps start to drop. A reliable schedule is a thing of the past. Day care IS basically a paycheck. If you’re fortunate enough to have a family member or trusted friend care for your child, it does relieve some of the pressure, but it also makes you more aware of how exhausted you are. My oldest is three-and-a-half years old, and we just started preschool, and because we didn’t do day care, we’re dealing with separation and social anxiety. We did weekly story time at the library and countless playground outings, and a friend from story time recommended (and vouched for) a local preschool hosted by a church. We aren’t religious and worry about indoctrination, but having a friend who is likeminded tell us how it is from their perspective eased our minds a bit. And it saved us A TON of money. I am working outside of the home again and am on job #3 (meaning I’m working three jobs at once on top of being the primary parent). It’s a whole new level of exhausting. My one-year-old was weening before my external job began, but now he’s feeding more than ever because he is also going through separation anxiety (which means I’m constantly hungry and my body is in literal chaos). My partner is full time IT at a hospital, with extra overtime every 6 months or so, and we are still struggling to keep up with the bills. We bought a house last year, so my full-time-turned-part-time remote job (not my fault or my choice) wasn’t cutting it anymore. Having children is a whole new level of joy and happiness, but it’s also a whole bunch of new stress and exhaustion. It’s hard to prepare for, but it’s good that you’re doing the work to try. My brother is expecting his first and thinks his life won’t change when the baby is here, and he’s going to be so surprised. He’s the WFH partner in that relationship, so he’ll have to adjust A LOT to make appropriate time for the baby, that I don’t think he fully understands. He also clued me in to the fact that a lot of the “daddy books” still only say, “your job is to support the mother,” and not much else, which is frustrating to hear, but even more frustrating to know that it still needs to be said to men/non-pregnant partners. It’s not as simple as that. I have mental health issues, and the wild hormones that are constantly in a state of flux from conception to a minimum of three years postpartum means my moods are also in that constant flux, and it’s infuriating not to be in control of myself or my triggers around my kids. We talk a lot about emotions in this house.

SmallBeans
>>149333966

You should have posted this at the beginning of the trilogy, now the results of the twitter poll are in and it’s too late! The Beans demand a baby Swaim to keep up with Tom.

Rachael Perry
>>149333966

I’ve posted a few in the past. Good luck with the new adventure! It feels overwhelming and scary at times, but it’s definitely worth it. Swaim will be a great parent, as will Tom. That fact that you care enough to do this trilogy says a lot about the caring parent you will be. Worry is frustrating, but it means you care.

Rachael Perry
>>149333966

But then you get to live stream farewell punk shows from the comfort of your home across the country while you rock your kids to sleep, while they listen to songs about drugs being great, and that’s also great.