One Shot Wednesdays -Sherlock's American Thanksgiving (Patreon)

I know this is SUUUUUPER late for being for Wednesday but as you'll see it's quite lengthy and a lot was going on with me the past 2 days so I didn't finish until literally 20 some minutes ago at quarter past midnight; it now being Friday the 29th haha

This was requested by @shakespearevillain on tumblr who said:   Sherlock and John have to go to a Thanksgiving dinner in America to get vital clues from a possible suspect's house. Sherlock keeps trying to find ways to go search the house, but people keep intercepting him. John tries to keep up the facade and revels in the fact that Sherlock has to pretend to be sociable for over three hours. They get kicked out. Sherlock reveals he's found what they need and stowed it in his coat. "I take the precaution of having a good coat and a good friend." 

 Honestly what I wrote is not where I expected to go with it. I had to write it in two different sessions due to the problem of getting distracted by my household but I’m just glad I got to write and so I decided not to try and rework things to make my original less… scandalous idea happen instead. My original thought was a simpler dinner with simpler people but then I suddenly in the middle started writing this dinner party to take place with people of a little more importance/wealth and well I just went with it and quickly wrote in a segue to tie in it being movie stars, politicians and so forth. I hope it’s not too outrageous and I’m sorry I didn’t go into detail about the actual Thanksgiving portion! Anywhoooo here’s my one-shot hope you enjoy!: 

“Yes, yes thank you,” John Watson could be heard saying as yet more praise tumbled forward from the mouths of the guests clustered around him and Sherlock Holmes as they attempted to navigate this dinner dripping with American tradition.

The two had been whisked off to The United States for a very important case involving some politician, an actor and somebody’s wife –John couldn’t even keep up with the changing amount of scandal this situation held. And yet, The Consulting Detective and his doctor had been pulled overseas into the turmoil so that Sherlock could attempt to iron out the situation for a very hefty fee. John had been about to refuse when he finally saw the amount and imagined what it would do for his private practice and little Rosie’s uni fund. Sherlock had negotiated John’s cut to an overly generous amount within the minute or two before and Dr. Watson could not say ‘no’ to this one even though it took him so far away.

They had come over the Thanksgiving holiday in America so that there was more opportunity to uncover secrets and scandal at an exclusive dinner party being hosted by the prime suspect at his home in Santa Barbara where he had been all too happy to have the famous British sensation Sherlock Holmes as a guest for his other friends to marvel at. The invitation was passed along through Sherlock’s “friendship” with the famous actor, Jack Riley, who had quote: “struck up an acquaintance with Mr. Holmes when I was working on the sequel to ‘Frantic Five’ in London a year ago. I thought it might be some fun to have him come over and meet everybody at that Thanksgiving thing you’re putting on.” This entire story was concocted of course but the egotistical, greedy man couldn’t resist the bait to have an infamous figure as a guest at his party and so he told Jack to extend the invitation for Sherlock to come to The States.

“So is it true—” a painted lipped woman began placing a long nailed hand on Sherlock’s arm as he attempted to duck out of the conversation. Her red talons closed in and to pull away would cause a scene –which he didn’t quite want yet. “Is it true that everyone in your country thought you were dead? I mean the news broke even here and honestly it was the most outrageous and yet incredible thing I’d ever heard—!”

John doubted that. This woman was very much involved in a lot of Sherlock’s quick research on the plane over which meant that her manicured hands had been in a lot more than the pumpkin pies being served here tonight.

“Yes, everyone,” Sherlock lied with an attempt at a smile. “It was a matter of national security.”

“Now see I don’t believe all that!” she laughed, “How is it that you are a matter of national security!?” she mused and a few of the other guests looked amused as well and eager for an answer.

“It is a long and complicated history one of which you would not enjoy to hear nor understand the nuances and complexities,” Sherlock responded before quickly turning on a more charming smile and adding, after John’s subtle jab to his ribs, “Just kidding! I was working with MI6 and the details have been classified and the records sealed.” Knowing his audience was compiled of several dull-witted individuals who enjoyed a good mind-numbing action flick Sherlock went on with a further explanation, “It’s very similar to the Bond movies, so I understand, but like that spy organization we need to sometimes remain quiet to protect government secrets and the lives of the public of course. If I were to reveal anything now any number of spies could be compromised. In fact I’m on a mission right now,” he stage whispered to the delight of three of his audience who grinned and the hands of the buxom woman clapped in excitement.

John thought this statement had taken things too far. Sherlock was playing off stereotypes of Americans –John was quite sure of it. He didn’t see this pretending ending well.

“Oh then that makes us involved!” one man in his mid-forties exclaimed with satisfaction. John couldn’t recall his name only that he was an executive producer of some sort.

“Only if I tell you anything. Don’t worry the mission has only anything to do with protecting Queen and Crown and there are no secret Russian megalomaniacs hiding amongst you intent on world destruction. I am only here on goodwill of your host, Mr. Winthrop by extension of the invitation of our mutual friend Mr. Jack Riley,” Sherlock concluded. “I was most happy to share in such a...glorious American tradition,” he added.

‘You’re laying it on too thick Sherlock’ John thought to himself as he tried to grin politely in apparent agreement with Sherlock’s statements.

But this crowd was eating it up. Sherlock’s deductions and assumptions about their tastes were correct.

Before anything further could be said, they were all called from the cocktail hour to attend dinner.

John was not looking forward to this. So far, Sherlock had managed to ‘play nice’ but he could see that the detective was working really hard to be charming. John was afraid that this charade would not carry through once they were all stuck at a long, fancy dinner table with these people. As they filed into the other room, John had a word with his partner in a low voice,

“If you do that little party trick of yours we won’t get what we came for—” he reminded him.

“I know,” Sherlock hissed softly, “No deductions or showing off. John please stop treating me like one of your patients or... or like I need to be babysat. I know why we’re here.”

“I didn’t think a reminder would hurt,” John muttered in return.

After everyone was seated down at the table, the catering staff began to serve the plated meal composed of turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes with candied walnuts atop and steamed carrots accompanied by green beans. The wine was poured and the dinner portion of the party began.

To John’s surprise he began to enjoy watching Sherlock’s attempts at being social and somewhat ‘normal’ in this seemingly mundane situation of Thanksgiving dinner. He noted that Sherlock appeared to be trying to copy many of John’s movements and conversation nuances in hopes that the group would be charmed. It appeared to be working but every so often John saw the tell-tale signs from Sherlock that the detective was growing impatient and bored by these people.

They were not as interesting as they perceived they were to themselves –even John could tell that—but Sherlock seemed so attuned to it that he appeared to be ready to burst with the repressed commentary he was keeping to himself.

John did his best to save things when he thought Sherlock was about to break and by the time the slices of pumpkin, cherry and apple pies were served and consumed, they had managed not to seriously offend or upset anyone at the table.

Following this, their host Mr. Winthrop announced a few party games to be played in the next room. Sherlock attempted to decline joining in but a large hand went around his back and clasped his shoulder as their host responded, “Oh nonsense Mr. Holmes! It’s all in good fun!”

Dr. Watson watched Sherlock grit his teeth before spreading his lips into his best attempt at a genuine smile. “Well if you insist—”

Over the next hour, John witnessed Sherlock’s attempts to steal away to comb the house for what Sherlock had described as ‘irrefutable proof of guilt’. Only, his efforts came in vain. Not even Sherlock’s attempts to “use the toilet” were not met with something to counter the detective being able to slip away. “I need to go too; all this wine!” Max Taylor chuckled as he walked in the direction of the large, grand guest toilets that looked as though they belonged as refuge for a ballroom in the grandest hotels not in someone’s own home.

John therefore attempted to try and create opportunities for Sherlock to escape but those weren’t very good, to begin with, and thus failed in the several minutes following Sherlock’s return from the bathrooms.

“Too many staff,” the detective muttered to John even though his companion had not asked what was now stopping Sherlock.

The wine was flowing freely now through the guests’ cups and veins and finally one guest had the courage to ask, “That coat and hat you wear in all those papers is that like some sort of publicity thing or do you honestly think you look good in that thing!?”

“Oh it may seem silly,” Sherlock responded with a sweet and carefree smile, “but it is memorable is it not? What better way than to be memorable? You can’t just be good at what you do? Isn’t that right Ms. Shaefer?”

The woman who had been actively known for years in America for her outlandish outfits and outspoken views on national television regarding politics and entertainment merely laughed.

“Oh so true!” Roy Hargrove laughed in a booming baritone.

“Ah Mr. Holmes you know exactly what I do already!” she agreed grinning.

“Ah quite so! I believe we are two of the most sensible people in this room,” Sherlock praised earning chuckles from the guests, “I don’t suppose you’d like a picture with the coat and hat would you?”

The woman took the bait and soon Sherlock’s coat was brought and once Mrs. Shaefer was in it applause erupted as phones then came out to take pictures.

John was surprised by the turn of events and didn’t realize Sherlock had put the infamous hat into one of the large pockets of his iconic coat.

Once the blonde had had her turn, the rest of the inebriated guests wanted theirs and Sherlock happily obliged them.

John wondered what had changed his friend’s mood into trying to entertain instead of sticking to the plan of finding evidence.

When it was Mr. Winthrop’s turn and the man had put on the coat, Sherlock intervened, “Ah your own jacket—” he spoke, “let’s take it off it’s not really flattering you with the stark red against the dark of my coat.”

Winthrop looked at the image that had just been taken on young Irena Kessler’s phone and nodded. “You’re quite right!”

He handed the suit jacket off to Sherlock who he then wanted in the picture so Sherlock was forced to hand the jacket off to Jack Riley to hold for the moment.

Once a sufficient amount of pictures were taken and laughs had regarding the poses everyone wanted to try while wearing the hat, they decided it was time for Sherlock himself to put the hat and jacket on for pictures. Mr. Winthrop handed Sherlock his things and Jack returned Winthrop’s blazer to him. John saw the distaste on Sherlock’s face as he agreed to pose for pictures with everyone wearing the detested garment.

“Gosh I remember reading about you in the papers years ago –granted they were tabloids but still. They had a picture of you in this and I remember being so fascinated on why anyone would wear such a thing!” the woman called Irena chuckled. Sherlock’s responding smile was tight.“Is it true that you can look at anything or anyone and tell its history and its secrets?”

Sherlock looked her over and the rest of the group quieted down in anticipation of the answer. John begged Sherlock silently to lie; not to reveal himself.

Sherlock Holmes of course did the opposite. “Deduction is a lot more complicated than merely looking at something and telling any secrets or history. It is about piecing together obvious bits of knowledge that one would uncover if you had the patience and the sense to observe instead of just see things.”

“Give us an example!” Dan Tazo, the campaign marketing executive, exclaimed.

“Well take Janet Munn for example,” Sherlock began, “says she’s never had surgeries but her hairline keeps moving forward to cover up the scars from her various procedures. Obvious.”

The group laughed. Ms. Munn was not present but was a well known name amongst them being a celebrity.

“Do one of us!” Dan begged.

“Oh no that’s quite unnecessary,” John tried to interject but Sherlock wouldn’t be swayed,

“You Mr. Tazo are left-handed, hate being interrupted and have two girlfriends currently on the go,” Sherlock responded so casually as though commenting on the weather.

The group gazed between Sherlock and his subject with shock and interest in trying to know if Sherlock was indeed right.

Tazo laughed though it had a hint of nervousness. “I certainly do not have two girlfriends!” he mused. “That’s ridiculous to say!”

“Oh yes it is sorry one is a boyfriend,” Sherlock corrected himself.

The panic in Tazo’s eyes was apparent but they were interrupted by Irena before anyone could realize anything,

“Oh and I suppose next you’re going to say that Roy and I are having a passionate love affair!” she teased.

“No I believe things ended just over a month ago between you but one way or another you’ll have to tell him about your pregnancy: why not now here over Thanksgiving when family should be celebrated? Perhaps he’ll have something to be thankful for—”

The group looked shocked and scandalized.

“Sherlock—” John began softly when he could see that his friend had clearly hit the nail on the head.

“Th-that can’t be true!” Roy chuckled nervously.

Irena looked as though she were probably blushing fiercely underneath the layers of makeup she was wearing.

“Yes isn’t that why his first marriage was dissolved in part because of the former Mrs. Hargrove accusing her now ex-husband of not being able to have children? But that’s a lie of course since Miss Kessler here is clearly what is it called? Knocked up?”

“Sherlock, enough!” John warned, feeling panic overcoming him as the mood of the room shifted. Irena had been with Mr. Winthrop for two years now and it was well known that she was going to be the senator’s happy wife at his side when his campaign was through and he was in office.

“Now Mr. Holmes—” the senator interrupted anxiously, “that’s...that’s incredibly rude and outlandish. Irena isn’t pregnant and if she were well it wouldn’t be with Roy or any other man! She has a husband right here!”

“Oh did you forget to tell her about the fact that you cannot have children? It appears you have forgotten yourself about your little trip to the doctor’s office several years ago.”

Irena was the one who looked surprised now.

Winthrop’s face flickered through several emotions of horror, anger, embarrassment and shock at Sherlock’s words. Finally, he settled on his own, “Mr. Holmes you... you ought to leave right now. How dare you—”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand? I thought I was a guest.”

“I’m rescinding your invitation. Get out of my house right now.” The man’s tone was quite final over the hum of shocked voices of his guests.

“But I haven’t gone over everyone here yet,” Sherlock argued and Winthrop’s security were already entering the room to handle the situation.

“Get out or I’ll have you removed. Doctor Watson I think it’s best if you go with him. You’re clearly in on this; how else would he know about our medical histories here? When I figure out how you accessed our records without our permission I’ll be suing for damages.”

John was so shocked he merely cooperated and it wasn’t long before the two were out of the party and being escorted towards the street where security intended a taxi to show up and take them away; one they had called whilst escorting the duo out of the house.

“I seriously don’t understand—” Sherlock was saying as he was being herded from the room where the guests were abuzz with this shocking new set of scandals unfolding before their eyes, “I thought this was the point of Thanksgiving dinner: airing the family’s dirty laundry and reopening old wounds and secrets and so forth...”

John wanted to punch the detective but was too busy trying not to be physically handled himself by the security to do anything in reaction to Sherlock.

When they were about to get in the cab with the security watching from the gate, John had his few heated words with Sherlock, “What the bloody hell was that?! Sherlock...”

“John I assure you they would have had to have this conversation eventually. The young woman would begin to show although probably closer to Valentine’s Day than at the next party at Christmas or even New Year’s...”

John shook his head incredulously. “You couldn’t do it could you? You couldn’t just lie and pretend not to be able to give them what they wanted!? You just had to show off and get us kicked out of there! What about getting the evidence Sherlock? Hmm?! Or did you just give up because I’m telling you now there’s no way in hell we’ll ever be able to get back in there now.”

“I have everything we’ll need, John,” Sherlock responded calmly, “and more.” He got into the taxi without another word.

John followed speechlessly and wasn’t sure if he should take the bait and ask Sherlock what he meant or wait for Sherlock to show off himself.

Both waited until they were back at their hotel to speak to one another. “What is it you’ve got then?” John asked flatly. “What evidence?”

“Hair samples, skin samples... I don’t suppose you noticed but Mr. Winthrop has very dry skin. My coat is covered in it from scratching his dry scalp after removing my hat.”

“What?” John’s curiosity was piqued as Sherlock carefully removed the item from his own curly locks and placed it into a sealable evidence bag. Then Sherlock went to the mirror and began pulling fibres off of his coat with tweezers and setting them into another smaller bag.

“Not only do we have DNA evidence of Mr. Winthrop’s but several of his other guests as well,” Sherlock explained as he sealed the bag of fibres, hairs and presumably dust and skin cells that he’d collected before he began to remove his coat and place it into a dry cleaning bag on a hanger.

John wasn’t sure what to say. He had expected Sherlock’s evidence to be less forensic in nature.

“Furthermore, what I was actually looking for turned out to be closer than expected.” Sherlock pulled something else from his coat pocket and gently waved it for John’s benefit. It looked like a day timer of some sort.

“How... What is that and how did you get it?” John wondered with a frown.

“List of clients of Mr.Winthrop’s. Or should I say those paying him off and those he is paying off in return for favors... It’s coded, of course, but not impossible to decipher,” Sherlock concluded. “When I took the red jacket from him I discovered the book was in the pocket but I could not action it. A quick whisper to Mr. Riley assisted me with that. He held onto the book and slipped it into my coat pocket discreetly before handing the red jacket back to Winthrop. If he had been caught a mere indication that he must have accidentally placed it himself into my coat pocket whilst trying it on for the cameras would have likely sufficed as he knows of its importance to him and the lengths he would go to to make sure it stayed in his possession. In fact I am surprised he did not do such a thing himself in the first place.”

John processed this information. “So then why did you cause that scene?” he asked still a bit angry for being thrown out of the party like that.

“John please think: Winthrop likely would have discovered the item missing within the next quarter hour following the swap. Now, his attention and the attention of all of his guests will be on this cheating scandal. By the time he realizes he is missing something of importance we will have all that we need to move forward and be so close to closing the case that it will not matter.”

John nodded slowly at the logic.

“Yet again I...I don’t know how but you’ve managed to find a way to do the right thing even when what you did opposed what I thought we should have done to solve our case.”

“Yes well... as always I always take the precaution of having a good coat and a good friend,” Sherlock responded making John smile a little. He didn’t realize that in this instance Sherlock’s statement of ‘friend’ referred to Mr. Jack Riley. But Sherlock did not clarify the statement and John was none the wiser.