Terry’s chocolate orange (Patreon)

Juniper doesn’t sleep with me as much as she used to, so it’s always a treat when I bring her in to join me on the bed. I had looked forward to cuddling her all day and when I finally brought her in she was perfectly content falling asleep on my chest.

While we all sat in bed watching tv, I decided to have a some of my Christmas candy; a terry’s chocolate orange. If you’re not familiar it’s a fist sized ball of chocolate that breaks up into slim orange slices. It sat next to me on the night stand while I slowly ate a few slices. A while passes and Juniper walks up to the side of the bed. I assumed she wanted to be pet, but before I could lean over to pet her she jumped up and stole the entire orange! I managed to grab her by the scruff the second she grabbed the orange. I untangled myself from the covers as best I could without letting go of her and eventually managed to get on my knees next to the bed while still holding on for dear life as she’s yelling at the top of her lungs in excitement, so ready to eat her prize.

I was in a bind. I couldn’t let her go because she was going to run under the bed and eat the chocolate, but I also couldn’t take it from her mouth without getting seriously bitten. I couldn’t pick her up and move her either because of the chance of her dropping it while picking her up also leading to me getting bitten. During this stalemate she’s peeing out of excitement. It’s so much it’s running over to my knees soaking my sweatpants. I decided to finally let her go and try to get the chocolate while she drops it to eat a piece.

She immediately ran under the bed once she was free. I wasn’t able to see exactly how much chocolate she still had, but I did see several pieces scattered on the floor. I was relieved. I was so worried she had enough chocolate under the bed to make her sick, but as I picked up five slices and counted the slices I had already eaten I thought it might not be so bad. I quickly reasoned with myself that it was also milk chocolate which is much less toxic so higher amounts have to be eaten to cause any serious issues. After picking up the slices I quickly go to grab a long piece of trim in the corner of the room to try to sweep her or the chocolate out from under the bed. She took this as a threat and attacked the trim, but wouldn’t leave her precious treat and snatched it back after any progress I made. I tried one last time from a different angle and as I bent down to slide the trim under the bed my leg went straight into a pile of poo Juniper had left for me in all the commotion.

Now that I’m covered in all of her bodily excrement, she finally comes out from under the bed calm as a cucumber. I’m still mentally on edge worrying about how much chocolate she actually ate, but I walk to the bathroom to clean up thinking it’s over. As I walk out I notice she’s back in front of the nightstand and right in front of her are seven more slices spread out across the floor. She hasn’t noticed them yet so I RUSH to grab them. Given that she’s right in front of them I can’t grab them without her noticing and fighting me for them so I grab one quickly and break off the tiniest piece and throw it back under the bed so she will run after it and I can get the others away from her. The plan worked! I had all the slices secured and took everything I found out of the room immediately to throw it away.

It’s 1am and my room was covered in poop, pee, and hair. During this entire ordeal Moose hasn’t moved a muscle. He’s still centered on the bed. He didn’t even lift his head up in curiosity. It was just another normal night to him. Chewy on the other hand gets very upset when the foxes are on edge and luckily I was able to throw him out quickly when I grabbed the trim to avoid him getting involved in the scuffle. When I let him back in the room he looked around with wide eyes like he was walking into a war zone.

After all of that I counted the slices I managed to pick up and I figured out that at most she had five slices. I even looked up the weight of each slice online to calculate how many grams of chocolate she likely ate to give myself some reassurance and after that I felt much better. It would have taken around the entire orange to actually poison her and the amount she ate would likely just lead to an upset stomach. Which it did and I was woken up this morning by the sweet smell of fox diarrhea right next to the bed.

So that was my night, how was yours? 😂