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Sad Boyz Nightz #97 - "Challenging The Status Quo" (Patreon)

Published:
2025-01-26 05:48:12
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

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  • 411331199.mp4

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Content

Challenge yourself to improve is cool, plus cool NBA TikToks of players challenging gender norms & racial stereotypes!

Let us know what you think of the ep :)

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Comments

JAZMIN3

Getting this notification like 10 minutes after taking sleeping pills is devastating

Jae Beezy

Big shout-out to the Dynasty Warriors mention

Laura

Busted Year 3000 music video was the first vid I ever watched on youtube haha. I was obsessed with it and would sit watching mtv and other music channels just in case it came on. Being able to watch it whenever I wanted felt life-changing at the time

Rachel Forbes

Isnt Anastasia just describing executive dysfunction? I feel like that with pretty much everything thats good for me - its so damn hard to do

garbobarge

The problem I have in terms of achieving goals is that I’m really all or nothing. I physically cannot take incremental steps. I don’t know why but I just can’t. What happens is I’ll wake up one day and suddenly decide it’s time to do The Thing and then I’ll do it. The problem is it takes a lot of motivation/energy to do that so there is a lot of time spent wanting to achieve goals but being physically unable to make a change. Then suddenly I’ll put all of my energy into a goal and I’ll achieve it. I think underlying it is mainly my perfectionism plus I was raised with the idea that if something is worth doing, it’s worth doing well. But I also have an inability to have multiple goals running at the same time. I can only focus on one goal (eg going to the gym, going to bed early) at a time. I think it might be an adhd thing idk. I generally have extremely poor executive function so I think that’s why I can only have one thing taking up my focus at a time.

Joob

Just wanna validate as someone from the outside looking in: Jordan, you are way more intelligent than you give yourself credit

Joob

Since Covid a lot of my ambition has gone away. I feel like I don’t recognize myself sometimes. I also used to consider myself very hard working, ambitious and motivated. It’s tough

Gabrielle Piela

Literally a psychologist and I always struggle w the “compassion is something I can offer to others, but if I give it to myself, there will be no one to push me or hold me accountable.” I know how I’d handle it if someone sat across from me and said the things I say to myself, but I can’t let it go. All this to say, even mental health professionals have to keep working on stuff. Your willingness to be vulnerable for yourselves and others is inspiring!

Sav

I feel what jordan said about wanting to love something so heavily. I want a hyperfixation bc I feel happier when I have one, but nothing peaks my interest and I'm feeling like a shell of a person

Robin Hulbert

"and I'm having this problem with.." "toilet?" You're killing me Jordan dear god

Vaughn Wright

I feel the same exact way as Jordan does, like bar for bar. I aspire to do what you guys do so it’s freeing to know that he feels the same way I do. It’s hard being tired, uninspired, and unmoving

Mo Wizdumb

I for one think Jordan is smart AND has incredible rizz.

Hannah K

Daniel Clark of Degrassi fame?!

L'Escalade

I was thinking the same thing. Knowing that it's executive dysfunction has helped me a lot in the kinds of problems she was describing. Kind of the same way she was talking about setting realistic goals has helped her not be disappointed with herself. It's like the micro version of that. If you can't do yoga settle for a little stretch or breathing exercise.

Natalie (redundantmartyr)

The episode ending with Jordan being afraid of gay people is wild, but somehow also on-brand. Thanks, Boyz.

Isa PS

i'm posting this here to utilise the better reach but i did want to clarify that the 'exaggerated swagger of a black teen' line was said by a black man. (from the main ep) (still cringe, just not from a place of racism necessarily)

Jester

my therapist and i are calling 2025 my "year of failure", not because i think i'll be more successful in anything specifically, but to get less upset about failing. failure is what happens in life and it doesn't make you a morally or karmically worse person. it makes you authentic. better to fail at it than never try at all.

miles

i enjoyed the emdr therapy conversation!

Nichole

I'm happy for anyone who's able to find a type of therapy that works for them. But I'm gonna be real, as someone with DPDR (depersonalization-derealization disorder), that EMDR technique sounds like actual hell to me lmao.

Bex Machina

Shout out to EMDR. I had done years of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) before trying EMDR in 2019. It’s a nebulous thing to measure in concrete terms but the amount of progress I made in like a year of doing EMDR compared to years of CBT was nuts. I’ll try to explain what it was like, based on my own experience and how my therapist explained it to me. Our body has a psychological immune system the same way we have one for physical ailments. We can activate it using binaural stimulation like Anastasia was talking about with the beeps in your ears. In addition to lights, you can also do it by like tapping your knees left and right alternating but it has to be at a certain tempo or it doesn’t work. In a therapeutic setting and with minimal framing from the therapist, you basically go in and “open” a memory and sort through the stowaway emotions that get stuck and unprocessed when you have a traumatic incident. “Closing” memories, as they say, creates new neurological pathways. For instance I can now think about things that used to cause me significant emotional distress and I don’t feel any negative emotions at all when I remember them. It’s kind of crazy to type that out but it’s even crazier to have it happen because it sounds fake af. Like I went into it trying to keep an open mind but I was also like this sounds like magic how could this be real. But it was and it worked. The human neurological system is wild. I will say though that it can be intense. Not just in an emotional sense although as you can imagine it is an emotionally taxing process. This doesn’t happen to everyone but I had strong somatic responses when working on my toughest memories. Like I had hot flashes/chills, got nauseous (never threw up but my therapist said that she’s seen it happen), and got headaches and muscle spasms. That said, I would do it again in a heartbeat. It’s made a huge difference in my mental health.

Calea

Guys, thank you so much. I really needed to hear this episode. I’m usually so focused on self-improvement that I hardly take the time to see how much I’ve achieved. It’s super easy to get lost in constantly improving yourself, but everyone needs to realize how far they’ve come too. ☺️

NOT Joey Buckets

i think i’m the only person who got excited to hear the words "the brooklyn nets"

sadnehs

From the main episode: Just wanted to say, the people in Africa dancing to Daddy's Home, was probably a Fiver video. I remember when Fiver was new a lot of Youtubers would pay for fivers to make a video about how weird fiver was (which btw was really fucked up lol). And the whole dancing to a song, or holding up a sign, was a common upsell on those fiver pages.

Alexis W

philly mention let’s gooo (go birds)

Misho Minevski

I really appreciated the “doing enough” talk in this episode. I really feel that, and a really simple thing that has helped me so much lately is I started a journal. Every night before I sleep, I write down the things i did/made me happy. These have varied from landing an internship on a good day, to “i got out of bed” on a bad day, but even the small things like that remind me that I am doing enough. Its prob not for everyone, but i highly recommend people try.

Misho Minevski

you just unlocked a repressed memory of the edgy youtube era i cant believe that was a real thing.

Andzia Mikolaj

jordan, if you feel like you are constantly failing at your goals it just means you keep setting the bar way too high. it's a recipe for shame and guilt. i have the same problem and waht is helping me is just setting the bar as low as i can so i can reach a goal but also have a sense of accomplishment.

Kaufman

I feel like a broken record saying this but I truly TRULY appreciate what yall talk about with regards to mental health things. jordan talking about his struggles with just not feeling like he's "smart".... I'm going through the same thing. helps so much to hear it from someone else's mouth.

Lee U

SKY HIGH JESUS MEMORY UNLOCKED

Calea

Good strategy! I'll try it out. hopefully it works.

Dana Peterson

thank you for the Jared McCain discourse!! I came across his tiktoks and loved the vibe and whimsy, followed him on instagram and started seeing the negative and homophobic comments… I was having a lot of the same thoughts you guys brought up and thought it would be of interest for the pod :)

nyxie

It's definitely not for everyone or every condition, and to my knowledge, if you're someone with a dissociative disorder of any kind, the EMDR specialist needs to be trained and equipped to adjust the practice to work without being ultimately harmful.

blindarcher

dang I was so ready to hear about Jarvis's questing but we got interrupted

jazzcabbage

i thought it looked like fiverr... specifically pewdiepie's video(s?) about it

August Smith

I think I am late to the convo, but I just thought I'd offer a reframe that helped me shift my thinking toward older people: one of the main reasons older people seem to almost all be conservative/stubborn/awful/unpleasant is cause their leftist (a.k.a cool) peers die at a younger age due to all kinds of structural oppressions n tings. Like think about how many open-minded elders died before we could meet them. Like bruh...the violence of the HIV/AIDS response or mass incarceration or the political repression of the Panthers or they were simply too poor and couldn't afford healthcare. So the main older people we get to interact with are the ones who have always been conservative and unpleasant. And they tell us we will become more conservative like they did...but they only think that cause THEY chose their own self-preservation over community and care. But tbh it's hard to blame them too much cause like....it's the only way to survive? This is quite oversimplified, but it was a game changer for me cause I no longer had to consign myself to thinking I'll become a butthead one day :)

Lance Elliott

I am so attracted to this man painting his nails and balling

Sydney

Jordan’s remark ~22:00 reminds me of “and now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good” (John Steinbeck, East of Eden)

Herby Herbmoji

I have never watched basketball but I'm definitely rooting for Jared Mccain. He is now my son, and I love him.

Alex mendieta

yes!! Thank you for sharing your experience, I was looking for a comment about Anastasia's mention of EMDR! I hate how hokey it sounds whenever I try to explain it, some people think it's hypnosis or something-though I get how it might sound that way. I've been thinking about trying EMDR again (I did when I was too young and didn't understand what I was supposed to do/the person I went to probably wasn't trained in it) ever since reading "What My Bones Know" by Stephanie Foo. Really incredible insight on what EMDR can do for people with PTSD/CPTSD as well as just a really great book overall, I can't recommend it enough!

Bex Machina

Oh rad! Thanks for the rec.

Amanda M

8:40 my racist old grandpa said this to me and when he died I donated a significant chunk of his money to abortion funds and palestinian relief funds <3

Raina

Dissociating is definitely not helpful in EMDR. My therapist is good at noticing when I'm dissociating and will pause and help me ground before we continue. I'm sure if it is a chronic (not sure if that's the right word) that EMDR would do more harm than good. I hope you've found some other techniques that work for you!

Raina

The first video I remember watching on YouTube was an X-Men edit of Magneto x Mystique to Britney Spear's Toxic... I still think about that every time I hear the song lol

͙͘͡★ elijah !

how do you start the process of that? i do CBT at school but down the line when i can pay for stuff myself im totally interested in EMDR!!

͙͘͡★ elijah !

i’m not even 10 seconds in so i can’t wait to discover the context to this 😭

Bex Machina

In my case the therapist I was seeing for gender stuff was certified in EMDR and once we started getting into ptsd stuff she was like, I think you would benefit from this. If I was going in fresh from jump, I’d probably hit up psychology today’s website of therapists and filter by my insurance and EMDR to find someone.