I'm pausing my Patreon </3 (Patreon)

I'm sorry for being inactive all month without much of an explanation. Things haven't been going very well for me physically or emotionally and it's been hard to confront the reality of it all and to just be honest with you guys. I'm feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, and you deserve so much better.

Last you heard I put an offer in on a house, I'd gotten back into YT,  just hit 1000 patrons, we were going to celebrate, and things were looking good. I think that's part of the reason why I didn't want to admit that I'm struggling. I didn't expect to fall down this hole when things were going so well. I didn't expect the home buying process to be all-consuming. I didn't think I'd run into as many setbacks as I have. I don't know anymore if I'll be able to move in come the closing date. It'll either be a whole lot of work that was well worth it, or a very expensive life lesson... but in the meantime it's very stressful and I haven't been handling it all that well.

I've gotten sick a lot and started having panic attacks again, which I haven't had since high school and that makes me feel like I'm not ready for this. It's such a big step and I think it may be drawing deeper feelings to the surface and I'm not sure how to handle it. I decided to create an account on Better Help to find some.. help. I'll let you know how that goes.

As you can see I've still been recording and editing my videos; it makes me feel good and calms me down. Publishing them is a different story though because it involves engaging with people and when I'm anxious or sad that's the last thing I feel like doing. But that's not fair to you guys at all and I'm so sorry that I'm binge posting now instead of being engaging throughout the month. Trust me, it's not you.. it's me. I started making all of these posts at six and it's almost midnight now... if that gives you an idea of how much I overthink things :P and now I'm rambling so lets get to the point.

I feel really bad for my lack of activity on all accounts this month so I'll be mass posting 15 unpublished YouTube videos that I've been stockpiling since November. This way we can start fresh when I'm ready to make more videos in the new place! *fingers crossed*

I've also decided to pause the Patreon billing cycle for June and give myself a little extra time to catch up and plan for the next stage. If you are a current Patron you will not be charged on June 1st. You'll still have access to everything I've posted and anything I post afterwards, as long as you stay pledged. I won't promise that I'll have a lot for June but I'll do my best! Just to reiterate, if you are a current Patron you will NOT be charged on June 1st and the billing cycle will resume on July 1st, while new patrons will still be charged upfront. 

I love you all so much and I am so glad that I can create things for you. I love what I'm doing and that isn't the issue at all so don't be afraid that I'll never come back. This opportunity is a dream come true for me and I plan to continue for as long as I can! I'm just going through a bit of a rough patch and need a break. I wish I was stronger but I'm going to do everything I can to take care of myself and come back better than ever! 

much love, and thank you for reading all of this

-Aftyn

TLDR- I'm going through a tough time and am very busy so I've decided to take a break from Patreon for one month. If you are a current Patron you will NOT be charged on June 1st and the billing cycle will resume on July 1st. New patrons will still be charged upfront. I'll also be mass posting 15 unlisted YouTube videos to hold you over in the meantime. I'm sorry that it's come to this, but thank you for your patience and thank you for understanding!