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Chapters-In-Progress: Sunder 5.5 (Patreon)

Published:
2018-03-08 14:00:02
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

This chapter is way late and it's taking me way too long to finish, so I figured I'd share it with all of you as an apology and let you see where, exactly, I'm having trouble.

Sunder 5.5 

Comments

Dr. Mercurious

I think the problem is that there is NO way on God's Green Earth that, if this was Coil, he'd chance killing a Ward to get to Taylor. Whether or not you believe that the Unwritten Rules are a thing, every hero and villain would be hunting for whomever this jackass is. Bluntly, I think you need to deep-six this entire set-up and start from scratch. I approve of the Vista vs. Taylor plotline because I've never seen it but blowing her identity like this is Not Kosher -- I can't see Gallant agreeing to it; maybe Clockblocker, but not Gallant. Maybe, just maybe, she'd seek Glory Girl's help on this?

James_D_Fawkes

Unless he can spin it against both Piggot and Taylor. "Piggot let it happen, Apocrypha killed a Ward." But you are right that this needs some reworking. Not the whole scenario, but how it played out and who, exactly, was involved.

Velzon

I have been reading it while you've been writing it and I have to agree Vista outing Taylor like this feels off it does not feel like it would be something she would do without more evidence against her. I mean Vista is an experienced ward who if I recall right has been with them longer than anyone else she should know what not to do in this case. Then again she is also the youngest and maynot be in the right mind. In the end you probally have a greater understanding on the material and what you are planning so think of this as my two cents.

Dr. Mercurious

My advice is this: have it be a team-up between Glory Girl and Vista. They violently confront Taylor, Vista gets injured because Vick does her 'charge in fists blazing', Taylor fixes her and then hotly tells her side of the story. She stomps off in a huff, with Amy following after giving a Reason You Suck speech to Vicki. Later, Missy and Vicki bond over ice cream sundaes.

James_D_Fawkes

It would be fair game. By Vista's understanding, Taylor killed a Ward with her powers over a vendetta they had in their civilian IDs, therefore she has no reason to afford Taylor any courtesy in that regard.

verified-patron

I think you might want to show that Vista (or, at least, Gallant and Clockblocker) ensured they wouldn't be outing Apocrypha in the confrontation. Perhaps Gallant convincing Vista to do so? (It wouldn't be that hard for her, and she could maybe see it as a concession for enlisting his and Clock's help.)

Jaroslaw Jarmul

There is also the possibility that hitting Vista was an accident. The space around them was warped. How it would affect the bullet flight path no one can really know. Vista wasn't working with a warp focused on bullets missing her. Also I doubt that Coil would hire snipers that miss centre of body shots for a stationary target. Remember that Taylor was hit moments after the spatial warping failed while she was moving.

Koopa786

There is no way Armsmaster and Director Piggot will allow Vista to unmask Taylor like that. Taylor would be pissed. This will destroy the small amount of good will built up between them.

Dr. Mercurious

Good point. Wonder why Coil's getting so twitchy...if it IS Coil.

Erick reyes

Idk I'm willing to overlook quit a bit in this chapter due to the fact they it really feels like its ramping up the action and getting into a interesting arc with a bit more action. I think highlighting the fact that this is an abandons part of town or somthing,and toning vista down slightly would help sod quite a bit. Maybe have her kinda dance around Taylor's identity. make it seem like a police stop on a pair of questionable characters kinda like how police officers with an agenda will try to get people to resist an arrest for a minor thing so they can beat them up in the process. She could kinda make it obvious that she knows Taylor's id but isn't putting it out there in such a over the top manner but still trying to give her shit in a major way, and then have the others step in.

Dale

I'm kinda with the others about this. LOVE the confrontation idea, but the scenario is a bit 'off' to me. Missy's not stupid; hot headed, determined to bring Taylor to justice, I can buy (her need to prove herself AND her conflict drive in perfect sync), but I seriously cannot see it playing this way, as using Gallant and Clockblocker this way further destroys the Wards ability to work together. None of the adults they answer to would see this as a Good Thing.

Gerand Rague

Taylor's point is super valid with regards to the unwritten rules. It seems almost unthinkable that Gallant would allow Vista to confront her in civilian garb like that on th he street.

Darrel Washington

His power can't map her, so anything she is involved in even when only nearby, can cause ripples his power can't account for.

Aria Raney

I think they made her take it somewhere without witnesses, which might be why they were dragged so far off course. Still though, it is a little odd.