Somehow, Living Life in Another World is Wrong, as I Expected Ch. 12.5 (Patreon)

Everybody lies, as that one doctor overseas would say. And, as luck would have it, he would be proven right time and time again. A small lie could still be as impactful as a big one. The decisions of each and every person on the planet are made because of what they know, and what they don’t know.

A single, misinformed decision could lead to catastrophe.

At the same time, it could also lead to a better outcome. We build our entire societies on a foundation of polite fictions. "Good morning!" you say to the neighbor you secretly despise. "I'm doing fine." you tell a friend when you feel like you are slowly drowning in your own thoughts. These are not always malicious deceptions. Sometimes, we have to lie for the sake of everyone else. We lie to avoid conflict, to protect fragile egos, and, most pathetically, we lie to ourselves just to make it out of bed in the morning. 

I am certainly no exception to this rule.

Bartering, perhaps, is life’s oldest form of lying. I lie about the price of my product, and you lie saying that you don’t need it. We both know the other is wrong, and yet we understand the reasons for doing so. You and I would work together until we end up with a price that is closer to the truth than before. Both of us walk away with what we want.

Human relationships are essentially that exact same marketplace. We trade forced smiles, minor favors, and careful omissions, constantly negotiating the emotional price of companionship. We calculate the risks, hide our absolute worst traits behind a thin veneer of social acceptability, and pray the other person buys the discounted version of our personality. It is a messy, subjective, and highly inefficient system driven entirely by human fear and desire.

But a lie, fundamentally, requires a motive.

It is precisely because I’ve lied so many times in my life that I knew that Echidna wasn’t lying. Because she was a smart individual that had no reason to lie about what she knew.

As I established earlier, when a fundamentally smart human being is denied, they inevitably harbor a deep, simmering resentment. They obsessively warp the narrative in their heads until every action is a deliberate slight against them, paving the way for some convoluted, calculated revenge. If Echidna were human, she might have lied to me out of pure spite for my blunt rejection of her deal. But she wasn't a person. 

She was a Witch.

To a creature like her, facts weren't bargaining chips to be haggled over in some pathetic emotional marketplace. She had neither need nor want for such a deception. Deception would imply she cared enough about my feelings to soften the blow. Instead, she was enthusiastically handing me the finalized, itemized receipt for my own existential doom, thrilled simply by the mathematics of my suffering. 

And that complete, chilling lack of human empathy was the most honest thing I had ever seen.

…

“You never intended for me to accept your deal, did you?” I accused the Witch. Had Karsten been here, she would have no doubt slapped me in horror, before preparing for said Witch’s retaliation.

I didn’t need to defend myself. If Echidna wanted to do harm, she already had my mindscape in the palm of her hand. Defending myself would just be a futile effort. She knew it, I knew it, and neither of us are going to pretend otherwise.

In fact, I’d go as far as saying that Echidna wants me to talk back to her. A Witch that knows too much would have gone stir crazy without anyone to share their findings with, to have a proper, intellectual conversation that wasn’t just themselves.

Sort of like those conspiracy theorists you’d find online, people who think they know have an obsessive need to talk about it.

It would be even worse when, you know, you were dead and your soul was trapped in some Alice in Wonderland tea party all by your lonesome.

“You’re much too greedy for your own autonomy for that to have ever happened.” Echidna chuckled, “I’m honestly glad that you were the one that inherited my Witch Factor, all things considered. Subaru would have made for a fine subject, but you would have -  how do you say it in your world? - stuck to your guns. No, confirming your current status was enough for me.”

“If that’s all, then you have nothing else keeping me here.” I glared at her, “You might as well just let me out.”

“I wouldn’t have had a choice either way, you know?” Echidna chuckled. It was devoid of any emotion I could discern, “Time may have been slowed here, but it still flows. In just a few short moments, the half-elf will be reaching the final chamber of my Tomb, and you would be forcibly ejected out of here. Unless you want to spend a bit more time with little old me?”

“No thanks.”

“Pity.” She didn’t seem disappointed at my answer, “Oh well. I’ll be watching you, Hikigaya-kun. Do your best, will you?”

“Wha-”

…

…

…

…

I EXPECT A LOT OF GOOD THINGS 

FROM YOU, HIKIGAYA-KUN~

…

…

…

…

The transition from a Witch’s tea party to the freezing floor of a stone tomb is about as pleasant as going from a warm bed straight into a cold shower on a Monday morning. In other words, I hated it.

“-gaya-san?! Hikigaya-san, are you alright?!” The muted sounds of the world came crashing back into me with wild abandon. Or, maybe it was just Emilia’s frantic yelling in my ear. Either way, I had to groan as I pulled myself up from the floor.

“Shit, I’m up, I’m up.” I could feel a stinging pain on my forehead. I grimaced as gingerly touched it. Goddammit, when Echidna pulled me into that place, I must’ve fell over face first. Fucking bitch.

“What are you doing here?!” 

“Taking a nap.” I grunted, using the damp, moss-covered stone of the temple entrance to push myself up, “The ground here is surprisingly terrible for my back. Zero out of ten, would not recommend.”

My vision swam as I looked up at the half-elf. Emilia’s silver hair framed a face twisted in genuine concern, her amethyst eyes wide as she hovered over me.

“Hikigaya-san, this is no time for jokes!” She protested, reaching out to help steady my swaying form, “I just finished the final chamber of the Tomb, and then I came out to find you collapsed face-first on the ground...”

“I tripped.” I lied smoothly.

Everybody lies, after all, and right now, a polite fiction was exactly what was needed to keep the peace.

"I-If you say so..." She clearly didn't believe me. To be fair, neither would I, but we had more important things to be dealing with, "Anyway, please answer my question seriously! What are you doing here?"

"I thought Natsuki would have told you already." I furrowed my brow, "He damn well pulled us out of the mansion to deal with this shit."

"Deal with what?" Emilia tilted her head in confusion, before continuing, "Oh! Yes, the villagers are going to need some help getting their stuff back home now that the barrier is down." The half-elf nodded to herself, assured of her 'deduction'.

I could feel a headache coming on, "Did, did Natsuki tell you anything? Anything at all?"

"...Not that I know of?" Emilia’s voice was entirely too innocent, her amethyst eyes blinking at me in the dim gloom of the stone corridor.

I let out a breath that immediately turned into a puff of white vapor in the rapidly dropping temperature. I wanted to scream. I wanted to find Natsuki by the collar and shake him until his teeth rattled. But mostly, I just felt a profound, exhausting wave of irritation.

Of course he didn’t tell her.

It was the classic, textbook move of every self-proclaimed savior. You keep the princess locked in her ivory tower of ignorance, shielding her from the ugly, blood-spattered reality of the world so she can keep her hands clean and her conscience unburdened. You shoulder all the lies, all the pain, and all the dirty work yourself, wearing your martyrdom like a badge of honor. It’s a beautifully romantic, utterly sickening display of self-aggrandizing codependency.

"That idiot." I muttered, rubbing my temple where a dull, throbbing ache was starting to bloom, "He really is a special kind of masochist."

"H-Hikigaya-san? What do you mean?" Emilia took a step closer, her silver hair swaying, "What did Subaru do? Is everyone okay?"

...Then again, for someone like Emilia, maybe Natsuki omitting the Great Rabbit was the best option possible. 

Her innocence was something that had irked me for a while now. Nobody who grew up in this world would ever be as much of a ‘nice girl’ like her. It’s what annoyed me back when I stayed in the margrave’s mansion. Still, it was a fleeting annoyance when faced with another Great Mabeast.

Shit, if this trend continues, Natsuki may be calling us up again to kill the Black Serpent. What a goddamn joke, that three of the most dangerous creatures on the (flat) planet for over four hundred years would meet their end due to the actions of a single shut-in like Natsuki.

Unfortunately, that ignorance has to end some day. Looks like it’ll have to be today.

“No, they’re not.” I bluntly said as I mentally checked my gate. Better now than it was before. Whatever Echidna did, she also refilled my reserves. Or maybe it was just because of the nap. Either way, I wasn’t thanking her, “Your boy toy dragged us here to help kill the Great Rabbit. No idea why he didn’t say anything to you.”

“The Great Rabbit?!” The half-elf brought her hands to her mouth as she gasped, “That dummy…! He said that he was going to fix a few things while I completed the Trials…”

For some reason, she was a lot less concerned about the possibility of a Great Mabeast at her front door. I stared at her, waiting for the inevitable freak-out. The trembling knees, the hyperventilation, the sudden existential dread of realizing we were all currently standing on the menu of a legendary calamity. Instead, her amethyst eyes held nothing but a fond exasperation.

It was the look of someone who had just realized their hopelessly clumsy partner had tripped over the coffee table again rather than failing to inform her of an infinite tide of omnivorous rabbits.

"‘Fix a few things.’" I echoed, letting the sheer absurdity of the phrase roll around on my tongue, "Right. Just some light pest control. Maybe rehinging a door, unclogging a drain, banishing a four-hundred-year-old nightmare to the shadow realm. You know, basic handyman stuff."

Emilia puffed her cheeks out, a surprisingly childish gesture that completely ruined the gravitas of the situation, "He always does this! He takes everything onto his own shoulders and leaves me behind so I don't have to worry. It's...it's really frustrating, you know!"

"I'm well aware of his martyr complex." I sighed, shoving my hands into my pockets to conserve whatever body heat I had left, "But I'm more concerned about your lack of a survival instinct right now. You do realize what the Great Rabbit is, right? It's not exactly a single, oversized bunny we can just hit with a rolled-up newspaper."

"I know what it is." She said, her expression finally sobering up. A fierce, quiet resolve settled over her features, a stark contrast to the fragile, doll-like girl I had interacted with back at the mansion. Clearly, whatever 'Trials' she just went through inside Echidna's tomb had actually done some good, "But if it’s Subaru, then he has a plan to win. And I need to go help him."

As if on cue, I could hear a commotion outside.

“Ah, let’s go, Hikigaya-san! Subaru’s in for it this time!”

She rushed out of the stone corridor, out into the practical blizzard outside.

…Really, what a damn protagonist, to inspire such naive belief in him despite his flaws. Then again, I’m in the same boat as her, aren’t I?

…